sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I'm nervously awaiting a first date. Is it safe to assume I'll be analysed to some extent?
anne1707 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Analysts are also human beings who also want to take time off work
Author sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Analysts are also human beings who also want to take time off work That's what I'd like to think. But I'm struggling to believe that.
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I have, and there was no analysis at all. If anything, we talked mostly about her and her feelings, not mine. Mostly we just cut up and flirted. Try that, steer away from serious, weighty relationship type topics and you should be fine. Most everyone likes to unwind and have fun on a date, and it's the way to build attraction to boot. Good luck.
Author sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I have, and there was no analysis at all. If anything, we talked mostly about her and her feelings, not mine. Mostly we just cut up and flirted. Try that, steer away from serious, weighty relationship type topics and you should be fine. Most everyone likes to unwind and have fun on a date, and it's the way to build attraction to boot. Good luck. Thanks for the advice. You're right. Guess I'm just over thinking it a little. As long as she doesnt say anything like"and how did that make you feel" then I'm good.
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yes, you will be analyzed. Comes with the territory. When people spend years compiling knowledge of every single maladaptive trait, body language, defense mechanisms, and are highly sensitized to verbal and non-verbal cues, they can spot these things easily in others if they come across it. On the other hand, they would probably make a better partner or spouse, since they have studied things like communication techniques, positive change, negotiation strategies, healthy living, and conflict management. So it's a two edged sword--you will end up with someone who is more emotionally healthy, but they will probably hold you to a higher standard as well.
Author sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 youll find out. shell either be tied to her job or shell let her hair down and be the hot girl you want. I hope you're right about letting her hair down. I'm pretty nervous, I doubt I would be if she didnt evaluate people for a living.
Author sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Yes, you will be analyzed. Comes with the territory. When people spend years compiling knowledge of every single maladaptive trait, body language, defense mechanisms, and are highly sensitized to verbal and non-verbal cues, they can spot these things easily in others if they come across it. On the other hand, they would probably make a better partner or spouse, since they have studied things like communication techniques, positive change, negotiation strategies, healthy living, and conflict management. So it's a two edged sword--you will end up with someone who is more emotionally healthy, but they will probably hold you to a higher standard as well. Bingo! Its my body language that I was wondering about the most. Now I'm likely to fidget.
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 you don't know that. if she isn't tied to her job she may analyse him less than a girl normally analyses her date. I wouldn't count on that. When people learn this stuff and spend hours every day analyzing others and helping others to overcome their issues, they are more likely to be keenly aware of this stuff when it presents itself. They are sensitized, so to speak, and it's not that easy to turn it off, nor would they want to turn it off.
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 If you fidget, make it a compulsive sort of thing, maybe your arm flailing around and schmacking youself on the head from time to time. Tell her sex makes it go away. If she thinks that's funny and laughs, take the credit and move forward. If she doesn't like it and makes a weird face, tell her some idiot on the internet told you to do it and you gullibly believed them.
NXS Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 As long as she doesnt say anything like"and how did that make you feel" then I'm good. Your response should be to whip out your big gun and say "analyze that!" ....hehehe Just kidding, I agree with the other posters here it could basically go two ways. Either she wants to switch off from work and have a fun entertaining evening to get away from the job or she's one of these depressively serious therapists who see everything as an "issue". If it's the latter then I'd advise run, don't walk. I've met quite a few of them over the years and they're the least mentally healthy people around.
Radu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I'm nervously awaiting a first date. Is it safe to assume I'll be analysed to some extent? The ppl working in the mental health field are some of the messed up ppl you will ever meet. Have fun but keep your guard up.
zengirl Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I think you're just as likely to get analyzed by non-therapists (armchair therapists probably analyze on dates; real ones, probably not so much). I guess I'll technically be a therapist soon (I'll be a certified youth & family counselor) and I mean. . . it's not like what you learn ever goes "away" per se, but analysis isn't something you just do when you talk to people. It's a specific means of communication. One that's very incompatible with a 1st date, frankly, so if you start to feel like you're being analyzed (in the therapy sense). . . I'd say: Run. 1
gaius Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Unless she's the worst therapist in the world you will get analyzed to some extent. If she's actually interested in you that is. Don't sweat it though, it's no big deal.
Author sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 The ppl working in the mental health field are some of the messed up ppl you will ever meet. Have fun but keep your guard up. That's what my brother said. He even offered to make "the call" fifteen minutes into the date for me in case I needed an out.
Radu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I don't think you will need it. These ppl know how to manipulate very well so i've avoided them like the plague on dates (interested in LTR only). I also happen to have some friends who went into the mental health field and once i got them drunk enough they did admit it was mostly curiosity about themselves, they didn't feel 'right' for some reasons and decided they wanted to understand if they were normal or not. Funny enough, through a relative i know of a woman with BPD who did psychology and even though she's a complete nutjob (recorded videos of her going nuts that are inadmissable in court here ... she was literally banging her head against the wall untill the husband gave into her demands), she managed to make her therapist (female) be on her side very fast in MC. Not all of them are like that mind you, it's just that the probability is somewhat higher.
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Bingo! Its my body language that I was wondering about the most. Now I'm likely to fidget. lol. Well, good luck with that. I think if you show an interest in what she does and what she says, and appear to be a happy, confident guy that has interests and goals, you should be fine.
Radu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Treat it like a 'fun' date. Your sole goal there is to have fun and chat.
Author sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I think you're just as likely to get analyzed by non-therapists I hope you're right. I'd say everyone is guilty of some analyzing at one point or another. The only difference is she's likely very good at it.
zengirl Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I also think that the term "analyzing" is just. . .vague now. Everyone analyzes people in various situations and that's just critical thinking and exercising your cognitive abilities. That is very different from performing psychological analysis or analyzing in a therapeutic setting, which requires some degree of training and is not just a skill but also a method.
johan Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 If she's anything like the therapist in The Departed, absolutely. She could analyze me to her heart's content. I'm impervious to that kind of thing anyway.
Author sid3 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I also think that the term "analyzing" is just. . .vague now. Everyone analyzes people in various situations and that's just critical thinking and exercising your cognitive abilities. That is very different from performing psychological analysis or analyzing in a therapeutic setting, which requires some degree of training and is not just a skill but also a method. That's a very good point. I'm not worried that she's going to be assigning clinical terms and making me want to cry. I'm falsely assuming she'll just be more critical in her thinking, thus the body language nervousness. Typically I wouldn't give it a second thought.
Radu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 If she rejects you, she is doing you a favour by removing herself from the pool of women that you deserve. See how easy it is ?
zengirl Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 That's a very good point. I'm not worried that she's going to be assigning clinical terms and making me want to cry. I'm falsely assuming she'll just be more critical in her thinking, thus the body language nervousness. Typically I wouldn't give it a second thought. Oh, in this case, I'd say anyone who is very intelligent about people will be doing that to some degree -- perhaps subconsciously -- but that it's nothing to really "worry" about. Smart people have good critical thinking skills. If someone is consciously analyzing on a date, they're not doing it right (dating I mean), though. I'd hope any therapist did have good critical thinking skills, but I've found out firsthand that's not the case sometimes, sadly. Whether she'll be consciously analyzing (in the critical thinking sense) your body language. . . IME with professionals in counseling. . . I'm going with 'I doubt it'.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yes, you will be analyzed. Comes with the territory. When people spend years compiling knowledge of every single maladaptive trait, body language, defense mechanisms, and are highly sensitized to verbal and non-verbal cues, they can spot these things easily in others if they come across it. On the other hand, they would probably make a better partner or spouse, since they have studied things like communication techniques, positive change, negotiation strategies, healthy living, and conflict management. So it's a two edged sword--you will end up with someone who is more emotionally healthy, but they will probably hold you to a higher standard as well. Don't worry about the above post, sid. You will be analyzed. But it will not be 100%. In some cases, it won't be 1%. The problem therapists and psychologists have a difficult time realizing is that psychology is subjective and far from objective. They are unable to see this. Because they got a degree, they will believe their way is right first and foremost. I wouldn't date anyone in psychology. Nor would I date a lawyer. I'd rather date a former prostitute or pornstar than either a lawyer or therapist.
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