Babysistah Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Hello everyone...... I have browsed this board for the last several weeks but this is my first time posting. I am just curious to know are there any OW/OM out there who are strictly in the relationship with the MM/MW just for sex? Not love or hopes that this person will eventually leave their spouse to be with you. Is there anyone out there that enjoys the time you have with your MM/MW (conversation, sex, laughs, etc) but when you are away from them you don't think about them until its time for you to see them again? I'm just wondering because the majority of the posts on here are all about being in love and wanting the other person to leave their spouse or having to deal with a lot of heartache when you decide its time to walk away from the MM/MW. From my experience (when my ex husband cheated) he said that he told the woman up front that he was married and had no intention of leaving his family. There were no dates such as dinner or movies, there were no long mushy phone calls and definitely no I love yous (or at least this is what he told me)...it was just sex..... and obviously she was okay with this. Lets just assume that he was telling the truth, that means that there are women (and I'm sure men too) who are willing to complacently take their place as second without any hopes or desires of ever being # 1..... So if you are this OW/OM who do not want a commitment from the MM/MW do you feel that what you are doing is less wrong or less harmful opposed to a person who does want the MM/MW to leave their spouse? For those of you who are in love....did you start out thinking that you didn't want a commitment and you could handle the affair without falling for the MM/MW and then later realized that you are in love? Obviously these questions are for people who go into the affair knowing that the person is married. I'm just curious about this
CurlyIam Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I'm not the OW, never been, and the only cheating I ever did was kissing other boys - usually the relationship would end in the shortest of times. So I'm not the target of your question. Still... What I feel is that cheating is rarely about the sex. One does not simply feel desire for someone else without evaluating the possible damages... sorry, girl!
Author Babysistah Posted June 18, 2004 Author Posted June 18, 2004 CurlyIam..... so do you think that it is not possible to be in it only for sex? or at least for a person to think that they are in it only for sex.....not wanting anything from the married person except to hook up every now and then?
CurlyIam Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I don't know from the OW point of view. I cannot possibly imagine what would drive one woman to even kiss a MM, none the less have an affair. I am trying not to be judgemental, I have no idea, I am trully sorry. But I imagine that it usually start (the affair) as something casual. Like maybe casual sex. Me response was reffering to the MM starting an affair. Maybe I think too much things through and men are not the complicated beings I imagine them to be. MAybe it does indeed start like that... But I don't think they don't realise that they are kiddin' themselves! I think that in life everything is ballanced. One can't just take without giving... I'm sure you'll have people who have been through this that will be able to give you a better answer. I am unable to. Have never lived or provoked it (btw, I hope you are well after your ex)
Pyrannaste Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I was wondering...if someone is in only for sex, why choose a married man when there are tons of nice single men around? (who will not want to marry you)
Author Babysistah Posted June 18, 2004 Author Posted June 18, 2004 CurlyIam..... About my ex, I'm getting there (getting over him that is). We were actually separated for a year before I filed for divorce. After living in limbo for several months I decided it was time to end it, we have only been divorced for 3 months. The separation and divorce had little to do with his cheating. I had my suspicions but I never had enough proof (not enough that would make me leave him). We separated because we had so many other problems, we had the intentions of working things out and it just never happened.....we never seemed to have the same priorities or be on the same page. During the separation is when he confessed that he indeed did cheat. I asked a few questions such as "did he use protection" but he offered all the other information such as "I never took her out, it was strictly sex"....I think in his mind it made him feel better to think that he did not get emotionally attached to her Pyrannaste.... I don't know why choose a married man. Maybe when someone is hurting from a bad relationship of their own they just take comfort in the first person that offers it to them. Or maybe they feel less pressure from a married man....because he will not want a commitment from them....I don't know.
HokeyReligions Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 The ex-wife of a friend of ours once told me that she used to ONLY "date" married men. It was just for the sex and she didn't care one iota about anyone else. She did not have to put up with anything or be responsible for anyone else's feelings. She got what she wanted, when she wanted it. The MM were okay with this--they got an outside booty call with no strings attached. I'm not sure why she married our friend -- they were not married for very long and she took him to the cleaners when she left him.
yes Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 If I were you, I wouldn't believe anything your husband tells you about his affair. He prolly told the OW that he was only staying with you for the kids or smth like that. Just my guess. -yes
fanou22 Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 I am having an affair with a MM. And for me it is strictly for sex.
Mr Spock Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 I am unsure if I can even have sex with no strings attatched-I thought I was able to keep emotion separate from carnal pleasure but it seems that I cannot. So, I never truly believe women who say "just sex" because I can't identify with it.....I always believe on some level they're fooling themselves, like I was.
fanou22 Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock I am unsure if I can even have sex with no strings attatched-I thought I was able to keep emotion separate from carnal pleasure but it seems that I cannot. So, I never truly believe women who say "just sex" because I can't identify with it.....I always believe on some level they're fooling themselves, like I was. If you cannot that does not mean others can't. You do not have to identify with everything posted here.
Mr Spock Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 Of course not. But I'm just saying that's why I never can truly believe on the woman's part that it's just sex, even when they say it. For you it may truly be just sex but that still doesn't mean I'd fully believe you.
fanou22 Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 I am not trying to fool myself into believing that it is only sex. It is for me anyway. Should you decide to believe me or not, it is up to you. I am not saying that I don't fell anything for my MM. I do but it is only lust.
almostthere Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 I have slept with a MM once. a few years ago. the only MM i have ever slept with...as far as i know anyway...people lie about that all the time. I recently got another offer from the same man...but turned it down. it was purely for sex. alcohol probably gave me the balls to do it. ive known him for over 10 years and i know all his shortcomings and strengths. and although he is a great person...i know that he would not be the one for me...given the oppertunity presented itself. however, i was always deeply attracted to him...but never led on to it out of respect for his wife. he obviosuly felt the same but never said anything. one night it just happened. ive thought about it since he has asked again...and as tempting as the offer is...i cant do it again. I see him alot because of my freindship with his wife...but ive calmed down any flirty ways ive might have had in the past. so an answer to your question would be yes...it was for sex. and i think most people do start to have a sexual relationship with other people when they arent happy. nothing to do with weaknesses. and i have a bad outlook on cheating that id probably get ripped apart if i started it here so i probably shouldnt...but i will anyway. in most cases...not all cases...i believe that if you dont take care of your own...someone else will. its just human nature to want what you want. and if you can get it youre probably going to. and i think its more for the women...most of my friends are guys...and they say that the sex isnt steamy enough. just because youre married now to this man doesnt mean that the steamy soap opera tearing clothes off sex has to stop. theres is a huge difference between making love and having sex. as much as you like intimacy...is as much as your husband likes sex. and the other way around. i cant say just women like to make slow passionate love all the time guys do too...but come on...we all know how exciting it is just to have sex. i believe if you want to have a happy faithful marriage...then have a great sex life with your spouse. make sure they are satisfied and forget wearing comfy clothes to bed and around the house all the time. wear something sexy or short shorts or something to make him want you for the moment he sees you. you guys probably got together intially because you were attracted to each other physically dont assume just because he married you he belongs to you alone. because there are plenty women out there that want him too. especially all the hot ones. thats what got me into doing that a few years ago. looks alone. curiousity too. he thinks baout that night all the time. do you want your husband or wife thinking about one night 2 years ago with someone else while your lying next to him? like i said if you dont take care of your own...someone else will. im sorry if i upset anyone...but lets be honest here....who hasnt been attracted to someone else while youve been married. i always hated catching the guy im with looking but friendly competition is were great sex in a marriage starts. keep them happy and you have nothing to worry about. kinda got side tracked from the question but something more to think about. will i ever be the "OW" again...no. i dont break up families.
Midnight Magic Posted June 24, 2004 Posted June 24, 2004 I guess in my college years I used a MM for sex because I could not and did not want to give a man the committment at the time, but yet I wanted the intimacy and the sex. I needed to release the tension from a full course load at University. The MM he would come over and be gone in an hour, and that was that. No comittment, no hurt feelings no strings attached. And for him it too was what he wanted. Apparently his wife was too overworked and busy with the three kids and was too tired for sex, so twice or three times per week he would come over and see me. I guess it should have bothered me, but really it never did. It should have though, because he had three small children. I guess I was just thinking of my own needs at the time. Once and a while he will come into my office as he is a delivery driver, and once he has even asked me if I wanted him to visit me, and I tell him that he has been replaced by my boyfriend, and that is where it ends. GAWD, the memories
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