Tough situation

[kofcydonia]

Hey all. I've posted here before but I can't remember my login name.

 

Anyway, some background on the issue at hand: met the girl in question 5 years ago. We started dating almost immediately (she was 18, I was 21 at the time), but only for a couple months. I was really into her. However, she suddenly just stopped talking to me/meeting up with me. She was actually a bit rude about it too. I got over it, but we still talked to each other every once in awhile. She moved away for college, but there were a few instances where we'd hook up if we saw each other. I promised myself I wouldn't fall into that trap again, so I left the meetups as simple hookups.

 

Then came last summer. She had recently had a nasty breakup with her bf and happened to be in town visiting her family. We talked for awhile then decided to hang out one weekend. What surprised me the most was how genuinely apologetic she was about her behavior toward me in the past. She continually apologized to me to the point I had to tell her to stop, that I was over it. The weekend was a really good time; I took her flying (I'm a pilot), we got dinner...then had sex. For the first time with her, and it was really good. My insecurities got the best of me in the following weeks and I said some things to her that really angered her so we stopped talking.

 

Fast forward to a couple months ago. By accident we started talking (long story). I learned she had moved closer (she was at college across the country, now she's a couple hours away) and has been there for several months. We started planning out weekends to see each other. The time with her has been awesome. We talked more in depth about our past together, with me saying in not so few words: "Given our history I hope you can understand my guard is up a bit." She understands completely. We have a great time together, the sex is really good, and I want to continue seeing her. She has told me a couple very personal things that only 2 or 3 people know about.

 

We last saw each other the first weekend of April. It ended with a really long hug, her saying she doesn't want to leave, and us discussing that it may be a couple weekends before we see each other again. We both had family stuff on Easter weekend, then this past weekend she had some major roommate drama to deal with (involving a divorce and a psycho person moving out...). About a week ago I realized that I really really like this girl. And it scares the **** out of me. So much so that I think my mind started inventing scenarios that she's going to up and leave on me for another guy. I got to the point where I acted kind of mean to her on the phone (I apologized to her for my behavior) one night, then actually scheduled a couple dates with other women in some sort of screwed up defense mechanism. I even had a date last night. It was afterwards that I put all of this together. Granted her texts aren't as emotion filled as they were at the start, but I get a good morning/good night/multiple other texts every day. Plus we talk several times a week on the phone. I imagine we're past the honeymoon phase or whatever. We have not had the "talk".

 

She called me on Saturday and we chatted for about an hour. All seemed ok; she'll be in my city this coming weekend and she asked to be my date for a mutual friend's surprise dinner (lots of people we both know will be there). I think it's only fair to her that I mention that I had a date with a different woman and realized all this. We're going to talk on the phone tonight but I'm not going to bring it up then.

 

If any of you have insight on this, I'm all ears.

[Pierre]

Grass is greener on the other side syndrome. She left you to explore other alternatives and then realized you were way better and hence the profuse apology.

 

If you ever get together with her or lets say you marry her she will look at the green grass on the other side once again. I advice you go NC with her and move on.

[kofcydonia]

That theory did cross my mind too...