How long did it take you to feel good about moving on?

[Meg717]

I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet.

 

I was out with a friend talking about my break up and going out and meeting new guys and I told her I have been feeling great! She asked if it worried me that maybe my feelings weren't real for my ex because we had been broken up for a little over a month and we were together for a little over 5 years and I was moving on. I know everyone moves on in different ways and at different paces because she felt like if her and her husband broke up she wouldn't be able to get out of bed for weeks. I personally know my feelings were real, I love him still and miss him but I'm happy with the positive changes happening in MY life.

 

I was just wondering how long after the BU did you guys started feeling better about it?

 

For me, it was the weekend after his birthday, a little over 3 weeks after he moved out, when I woke up I actually wanted to eat and do things. I didn't feel like I had to fake happiness around my family and I could talk about how I was feeling without having a melt down.

[smudge21]

For me it's been different every time. The most recent easily took nearly a year. Crazy I know, but I can't really explain why. That's just the way it was. Other times, it's been a lot shorter. I suppose it's just different every time. You can't force yourself to heal, it just happens when it happens.

 

I don't like it when people expect you to heal and I hate seeing people on here feeling bad because their "friends" have said they should be over their ex's in whatever amount of time. Healing has no time limit.

[Reddice]

Well, within 3 weeks after the break-up I had friends telling me that I was being a pussy for all that grieving. I should just go out and bang some chicks! It has now been almost 3 months and I have not been able, nor willing, to bang anything yet. I guess it depends for a large part on your own mindset (are you a really positive person generally?) and for another part on how it actually ended. Some people can close the chapter faster, because they might have been expecting a break up all along.

[Meg717]

Well, within 3 weeks after the break-up I had friends telling me that I was being a pussy for all that grieving. I should just go out and bang some chicks! It has now been almost 3 months and I have not been able, nor willing, to bang anything yet. I guess it depends for a large part on your own mindset (are you a really positive person generally?) and for another part on how it actually ended. Some people can close the chapter faster, because they might have been expecting a break up all along.

 

 

I personally feel that friends give you advice "if it was them" however, no one knows how they will actually grieve until they are in the situation.

 

I don't think I am generally positive person, that was actually one of the issues my ex had with me, that I was negative. I think one of the reasons I was able to get to the point I am at now is because I don't like to cry or seem "weak" in front of people. Not because I'm afraid of being judged or anything, more so bc I don't like people feeling bad for me or "bringing down the mood", so maybe I pushed through it faster so that wouldn't be an issue for me. I think another reason is that even though I love my ex and we were amazing together and most of the time he treated me amazingly, there were instances of infidelity causing a lot of trust issues and it gets exhausting to constantly be worrying; so now I am happy that I have a chance to work on myself and not continue to be in the cycle him and I were in.

 

I'm not trying to make this about me though. I'm just trying to get a perspective on how long it took or what you did that helped you with the moving on process...I feel like this could help people in a fresh BU.. even though everyone is different..

[budley12]

im at 5 months since BU from a 3yr relationship (first love)... still sucks and still have no motivation