OptimisticChiq Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I'd like a guy's perspective on this. Okay, so I've done the whole "improve yourself" thing after a breakup. LC worked for a while, then NC. Now, I sincerely want to talk to my ex again and take a shot at us. (we really clicked - and to click with a guy that way is rare for me, it wasn't all emotions, had fun talking to each other and debating, and we were supportive of each other so I believe it's worth saving). I'm not really sure as to what to say or where to start, though, as I believe some guys don't get women's emotions. Also does "physical re-attraction" work? Does it help? I'm guessing it does. Just to give a brief background of our situation and the guy: Situation: We broke off because his money and family problems at that time were just too much and depressing for him (I was aware of these problems, I was a witness to their development) and the decision was triggered by a fight that we had. The fight was pretty much resolved prior to the breakup, he also offered apologies for his faults. Yet his problems remain. We were supposed to talk but he has more or less shut me out. I still have his contact details though. I agreed to the breakup (see my post on "ex-back books".. that's the reason why), but now I've seen that it was a stupid idea because we could actually fix things - saying "let's fix this" would have actually worked! This happened exactly a month ago, we went LC until April 3. The guy: He's emotionally open, sensitive. He's very much a family guy - he has kids, we're both Asian and tight-tight knit family ties rule our social circles. I'm still finding the right "time" so just let me know what your thoughts are. Thank you! Edited April 17, 2012 by OptimisticChiq
callmegee Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 ...I believe some guys don't get women's emotions. Also does "physical re-attraction" work? Girls' perspective here: 1) ALL guys don't understand emotions. Few are in touch with their own emotions even. 2) Why are you trying so hard to get his attention again? I say, stay in the No Contact Zone, let him come back to you when he's ready. Don't be the one to make the first move. He hasn't made a move to get back with you coz most likely he's not even thinking about it.... or yet. If it's meant to be, you two will be together again someday. If not, now you're more gorgeous and there's plenty more worthy men out there who have yet to meet you. Keep your head up girl!
Author OptimisticChiq Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) Girls' perspective here: 1) ALL guys don't understand emotions. Few are in touch with their own emotions even. 2) Why are you trying so hard to get his attention again? I say, stay in the No Contact Zone, let him come back to you when he's ready. Don't be the one to make the first move. He hasn't made a move to get back with you coz most likely he's not even thinking about it.... or yet. If it's meant to be, you two will be together again someday. If not, now you're more gorgeous and there's plenty more worthy men out there who have yet to meet you. Keep your head up girl! Thank you! Happiness really comes from within. After much reflection, I think NC is best. I've also realized that I have to also work on myself some more. About why I want to get his attention again? There's something about this guy.. I know his imperfections and still I appreciate and respect him despite everything - It really helped that we were friends for years and then we had a long getting to know/dating stage and he was very in touch with his emotions because it helped me understand more where he was coming from. And oh, listening to relationship and male psychology surely helped. Yes of course there was hurt and pain on my part (and his), but the good memories trumped the bad ones. There's a part of me thinking, maybe I don't need him anymore as I learned a lot already from him. And another part (which I honestly admit to feeling *now*) of me is wishing that he does get over all these problems and when he has made himself in what he believes would be "the best version of himself" - we meet again and we'd be so much better people and give things a try. No one is responsible for our growth but us. Edited April 20, 2012 by OptimisticChiq 1
callmegee Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Well said gurl! You just keep working on yourself. Don't bother betting a dime on whether he notices or what he feels or think or whatever.... just keep going, keep moving. Live life to the fullest. Everyday is a precious gift from God. Relationships/Marriages that work out well are where 2 whole people unite in union to be 1 together. Not 2 halves making a whole. (Christian Biblical viewpoint here). All the best and do update us once in a while okies?
Author OptimisticChiq Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Well said gurl! You just keep working on yourself. Don't bother betting a dime on whether he notices or what he feels or think or whatever.... just keep going, keep moving. Live life to the fullest. Everyday is a precious gift from God. Relationships/Marriages that work out well are where 2 whole people unite in union to be 1 together. Not 2 halves making a whole. (Christian Biblical viewpoint here). All the best and do update us once in a while okies? I'm Christian (Roman Catholic) so that's such a nice inspiring thing for me to read. Will look for the verse (lest people think we're going too religious here!). I'll let you guys know what happens. 1
coltsfan1 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 As a male and I guess the only one to respond to you.... Here is what I think 1) ALL guys don't understand emotions. Few are in touch with their own emotions even. half true to me. I DO NOT understand a lot of what women feel/think. Anymore than men make sense to women, we are wired different. 2) Why are you trying so hard to get his attention again? I say, stay in the No Contact Zone, let him come back to you when he's ready. DO NOT try to get his attention. He thought you where sexy before he will again. It turns my stomach to see my ex emotionally, but I still think she is physically attractive (ie I would still have sexy with her if she wasn't who she is) You should also be happy that it will be much more easy for an attractive female to meet/speak with people of the opposite sex. Since it is the males responsibility to approach the female. But I will say this, NOTHING and NO AMOUNT of work/self improvement you do for/on yourself will fix HIS issues. If he has money and family issues he has to address those things himself. You can help on the financial end, but his family will always be his family. And I will agree with being evenly yoke, my ex and I were not and how our relationship ended was a shining example of it. 2
callmegee Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I'm Christian (Roman Catholic) so that's such a nice inspiring thing for me to read. Will look for the verse (lest people think we're going too religious here!). I'll let you guys know what happens. It's a bit of material from Christian relationship counselling stuff + some logic. Not exactly a verse straight out from the Bible.
Author OptimisticChiq Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 (edited) You should also be happy that it will be much more easy for an attractive female to meet/speak with people of the opposite sex. Since it is the males responsibility to approach the female. I do have difficulty now with meeting/speaking to people of the opposite sex, not because of how I look, or who I am but because I am a bit concerned about how dating and relationships are nowadays - things seem so fast. I've done the whole blind date/set-up thing and it rendered me tired. Clicking with a guy is important, but how he's willing to go far for me is more important. After going too fast with the first guy I got involved with, I employed standards: I now have a moderately long getting-to-know period, and am now the type who wants to know the guy a bit thoroughly before entering into anything with him, the type that works to get to know me (that's where I know if he fits my standards, his imperfections), my friends, family and finally, who visits me at home. Conservative and culturally-embedded, yes, but I'm hoping many guys (from where I come from) are still open to that Edited April 21, 2012 by OptimisticChiq typo errors, additional insights
Author OptimisticChiq Posted June 12, 2012 Author Posted June 12, 2012 Hi all, An update: the afternoon after I logged out here the last time, I saw him. I've seen him twice since. This is my last post here. Since I've seen him, I've forgiven him completely, there is no more hurt in my heart. Also, I still love him and he still makes me happy. Only God and the universe knows what will happen and I am just thankful for what is happening now. Thank you LS community for letting me pour my thoughts out and for your kind words. You are all loved.
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