Cheesey Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 1.5 years ago I was introduced to a girl at a house warming party I was having. We hit it off instantly and that night and everyday since then I could not stop thinking about her. I then I lost a bunch of weight and we met again a few months later and the next thing I know we both just want to marry each other. I had friends who were jealous because they liked her and another friend who wanted to ruin the relationship for other reasons. They threw tantrums and the one had some sort of breakdown because I had always "beat him at everything", so I got rid of that negativity in my life and ended my friendship with them and everyone else associated with them. A few months later my girlfriend then had to move cities for work and she became very lonely and seemed to be struggling a bit so I moved up there with her. So we lived together for a year. Her sister and I used to be good friends and she also seemed to have a problem when we got together and said I was not right for her and so the parents also had a problem with me. This became a problem because it was always awkward between her family and I because of this which then lead to a few problems in our relationship. Now 1.5 years since we got together we have broken up. I screwed up, I know. I didn't cheat, lie or anything worth breaking up over in my opinion but I did handle a situation quite badly. I had a stupid moment and now I'm paying for it. She says she feels betrayed and has lost some trust (despite having never lied to her once) and can't be in a relationship with me right now. We had to cut contact for 2 weeks before she felt she could talk to me again and then we arranged to meet. Over the phone she said she would hate for us to ever get to that point where we wouldn't even speak and when I joked that she was going to dump me she asked me to that it back. The next day we meet and she tells me we can't be a couple right now. She can't have me as a boyfriend anymore until both of us sort our lives out. She says she has a problem that neither of us have friends (she lost contact with hers after college and I dropped mine as I said above) and all we do is spend time together and never go out and socialize. Somehow I was to blame for this even though every time I asked her if she wanted to go do something she said she would rather just go back to my place and snuggle up and watch a movie. I can understand being mad at me for the badly handled situation but this rubbish about having no friends is not my fault. I asked why I couldn't be with her, by her side, as she goes through this rough time trying to find a new friendship circle. She said because she feels she has lost trust in me etc - from the badly handled situation. She suggested a separation until she felt ready to be in a relationship again one and then maybe we could see how our lives are then. She didn't want to lose me as a friend because I am her best friend and she stills wants me in her life as her best friend but feels she just can't be affectionate towards me anymore. I said that if I wasn't in her life as her partner then I can't be in it at all. I then took her hand, kissed it, told her she made me so happy and that I love her very much but this is goodbye, because I can't be her friend while she goes off and meets some other guy. She said "you don't have to do this" but I didn't see any other option. I could tell that it was killing her inside as her eyes became blood red and couldn't speak. It has been 4 days now and I haven't tried contacting her nor has she tried contacting me. I know she is in a lot of pain right now as during the 2 weeks she needed to think about thinks before we broke up, she felt breathless and like just waking up in the morning was impossible. Now that I've cut myself from her life completely I am sure she it having a rough time. I too am often feeling breathless but I haven't actually let go yet. Her picture is still my screensaver and I still never take off the wrist chain she gave me a year ago. I'm just hoping that in a week or two she will have forgiven me and contact me. I don't know if I did the right thing by ending things between us completely or if I should have just stuck around as her "friend" until she felt ready to be in a romantic relationship again. I feel so lost and confused. I am trying to be patient with the hopes that she gives into her feelings for me. She said she had to cut out all emotions and go into autopilot mode during all of this. I don't think she can suppress her feelings much longer. Any thoughts? Did I do the right thing? Any chance she will come back?
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I said that if I wasn't in her life as her partner then I can't be in it at all. I then took her hand, kissed it, told her she made me so happy and that I love her very much but this is goodbye, because I can't be her friend while she goes off and meets some other guy. She said "you don't have to do this" but I didn't see any other option. I could tell that it was killing her inside as her eyes became blood red and couldn't speak. It has been 4 days now and I haven't tried contacting her nor has she tried contacting me. THAT'S exactlly why you did the right thing by ending it completely with her. Look, I know you're hurting and it sucks. But, you need to go NC to heal and move on. If you need to improve your social status, then work on it. There are clubs all over the place for you to meet new people. Go to school. Sometimes, bonds you make in school can last a lifetime.
Author Cheesey Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Also, I KNOW I was the one who effed up. I get that! I felt the 2 weeks apart was an appropriate punishment even though she texted me during that time to say that she wasn't doing it to punish me but rather she just needed to her space to think. I learnt my lesson and was ready to grow from it, move on with our relationship and become closer because of it as we have always done in the past. There have been times when I was the one to be hurt but we have a day or two of separation and then make up and have amazing sex! After every fight we would feel closer to each other and the sex would get better and better and better. Gosh... I miss the sex already. Anyway, now I feel like she is might be feeling sad because of her current lack of friends and her job situation and then I come along and make a stupid mistake and now all things combined somehow lead to me being the root of all sadness. But I KNOW she doesn't actually want to be apart. I've said my apologies already so I don't think I should be calling her now or anything. I'm just looking for advice on whether I should just be patient and give her space and hopefully she will cool down soon and decide she is ready to be back in a relationship, or if I should wait a bit and then contact her? It is so painful to be away from her! Today I saw I had a message on my phone. I was SO excited, thinking it was her! But it was just a very late bank statement...
Author Cheesey Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 THAT'S exactlly why you did the right thing by ending it completely with her. Look, I know you're hurting and it sucks. But, you need to go NC to heal and move on. If you need to improve your social status, then work on it. There are clubs all over the place for you to meet new people. Go to school. Sometimes, bonds you make in school can last a lifetime. Yes I suppose so. Thanks for the reply Chi. Its just that I feel like there is still a chance and I don't really want to give up hope just yet as I was the one who screwed up to begin with so I'm hoping its just a matter of time to forgive me, ya know? Its really a f'ing mind blow to think that we are no longer a couple. Everyone thought we would be married by now. Even her mother told me she would not be surprised if when we came both to our home town at the end of the year and had secretly married.
loveshots Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 A space for the both of you would really help to make things fine. Break up, is of course really hard to handle specially when you are truly hooked with the relationship you both have. Seriously, everything sucked when you are under the "break-up" stage. But use this stage to improve your self. You don't have to expect that both of you would be together again, because you might just end up, being hurt and disappointed. But instead, relax everything happened for a reason. If the two of you are really meant for each other, then both of you would have a "happily ever after" at the right moment, at the right time. So don't expect, don't assume, and just go with the flow. Keep your self busy, then in time you'll see, everything would turn out just fine.
flitzanu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 "i need space" = "i want to sleep with someone other than you" 1
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Okay, so...you screwed up! and for her, what ever the screw up was, it was a deal-breaker for her. You can only ask for forgiveness so many times. And if they're not willing to bend. Not too much you can do about it.
Author Cheesey Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 It hasn't even been a full week yet! It feels like time has stopped and I'm waiting around in Limbo for something to happen. These last 5 days have really felt longer than the last year. I haven't been able to do anything productive other than go to gym which is the only time I feel good. Then I get back home and just feel like fading away. On that note, it not even being a week yet, makes me think that maybe she will have calmed down a bit and possibly give me a call over the weekend. False hope perhaps, but I know her well enough to know that it is a strong possibility. I know that in the past when I've been angry at her, I have gotten lost in that emotion and in that moment I felt like not being with her anymore. Maybe that is what is happening or maybe I'm just holding onto something that isn't there. I also can't help but think that maybe I am supposed to do something about it. Write her a letter, show up at her doorstep, form some sort of movie moment lol! My mind is just full of **** right now. Probably because the whole thing was so out of the blue for me or maybe because I was the one who actually ended it. Did she want that? For me to end it so she wouldn't have to? When I said my goodbyes her eyes were full of tears and she could not speak. She didn't say anything she just sat there and stared into space and watched my hands from the corner of her eye. So part of me is also angry because I didn't even get a peep out of her. That also makes me think that maybe its because she didn't want to end it. She is known for not being able to word things right. She often makes something sound like its the end of the world but its actually just her processing the information and blurting it out at the same time. You know what I mean? I try relive the conversation in my mind and figure out what the hell actually happened. I know my posts are long and I don't actually expect anyone to have the solution for me. I'm just venting. I don't really have anyone to talk to this with so simply posting here takes some weight off of my shoulders. Maybe I need to find a good psychologist and vent there
flitzanu Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 long posts are fine if they're written well i honestly skim most things anyway, because the details change, but story is the same. vent away though. but i'm always going to be harsh and tell you to quit hoping. it will kill you slowly inside, as i've been the same way.
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