silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Why are girls so blind to a good guy? Why do they go after *********s who dont respect them? A friend of mine can be so aweful to his gf. He'l promise her things and not keep it. He'l promise to spend the weekend with her and then cancel to get drunk with us (his friends) hes been with her 4 years she wants to live with him and he wants to live with his friends. And whats strange is the worse he treats her the more she loves him. Another friend of mine has been with his gf for 2 years. He txts and meets other girls and kicks off when she asks to spend more time with him. Why does she love him so much? Then theres me...i was with my gf for 10 months. I was her first real relationship and altho she never admitted it i think i was the first guy she slept with too. I idolised her. Did everything and anything she wanted. Loved seeing her and and would take any opportunity i got. I did make some mistakes as i stopped being myself. Id hold back from voicing my opinions incase she didnt like them. And id always be the one to say sorry in an argument even if she was in the rong. This was a huge flaw of mine not hers but what pisses me off is that i spent 10 months putting her first and always being available for her and she just absorbed it all acted like she wasnt interested (which she wasnt) go in moods with me. Not tell me why and get really angry when i confronted her about it. often refuse seeing me incase she made other plans. i think she was only with me because she wanted a real boyfriend and sex. We spent the final 6 weeks of our relationship on and off. Not really getting along untill she ended it with me before going to meet another guy that same night. Why are girls like that? Why do they step over nice guys to get to the dickheads? I know in my relationship i did too much for her. sacrificing my own happiness so she would be happy. But she never was. Im struggling to get over her and am in no contact with her and have been for nearly 2 weeks and i dnt intend to break it. Though i know what i did rong in the relationship i just know if i find someone else ill be the same. Its how i feel when im in love with someone and i dont know how to act more like my friends. Frustrated!!!!!!!!! Edited April 17, 2012 by silicis n volvo
robkris8079 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Nice guys don't challenge the women. They don't keep a women's interest level high. They are basically just there. The women is going to know what they are going to say "sure babe, whatever you want to do". They know what you are going to do "oh of course I'll come with you to such and such". Nice guys lack an identity of their own and morph themselves into just the shadow of the person they are putting up on that pedestal. Eventually the girls gets bored, tired of the routine, and plain old sick of the nice guy because well he really isn't bringing anything to the table except his passive nice guy, i'll move heaven and earth for you no matter what attitude. Not saying a nice guy is a bad thing but it doesn't work at all with any younger female or I should say not fully matured female. It may work with someone older, wanting to settle down and make babies. I don't know really but I've been the nice guy and so far it failed every time. I truly am a nice guy. I now believe you can be a nice guy but you don't have to be a sucker. Keep goals and ambitions of your own. Don't be afraid to disagree and don't give in if it's something you truly believe. Compromise is fine but be sure the women knows how you feel. Don't be there for her 100% of the time. Not to say if she does need you you should avoid her. More saying if you have your own things to do and interests don't put them off just to be with your women. Better yet convince yourself you would actually rather be doing these other things then with her. It will make the times when you are with your women even better. You are going to be fine. I know this because well we are almost coming from the same place and I know I will be fine. Learn from this experience. Don't ever forget it. Use this knowledge to make yourself better.
Senateguy Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Because anxiety creates attraction....and attraction in itself is not a choice. And what the behavior of these guys is causing is anexiety and as a result these girls have enormous attraction for the men they date and thus their actions are more rewarding to these men then to nice guys. Nice guys don't create attraction, they create stability and predictability, which kill the excitement or anxiety. Men are put in a very large pickle with respect to women. Men have an overt desire to provide, to comfort, to take care of the woman they admire and want to wife up. But the problem lies in the fact that these behaviors kill attraction and attraction at it's core is what drives a woman's actions. People think women want money. People think women this and that.... But at the end of the day, women respond to one thing and one thing only....Attraction. Most people won't admit it or try to rationalize it....but that's really what has them hooked. Think about when your girl doesn't call you back right away? Think about the jealousy of another man hitting on your gf? Think about the fear of loss you have? What that really is.....it is anxiety and fear of loss. ANd that is why women love jerks and bad boys. Because they are unpredictable and create tremendous amounts of fear of loss and anxiety. That's how people sell products too. They tell you that someone else wants to buy that car.... Or that house isn't going to be on the market much longer...you must buy buy buy. It's all creating mild and low levels of anxiety. It's basic human nature. These behaviors use to be a bit more muted in women back in the day because women very much needed a man to provide. They needed him financially to get by in life. But since the onset of women int eh work place and women being able to financially provide for themselves.....these provider attributes have lost even MORE of their value... Now women chase the anxiety of the unobtainable even more. This is where the whole stupid eat, pray, love bulll**** comes from. It's the whole "Mr. Big" phenomenon from Sex in the City. She doesnt' really want MR. Big....she just wants to cure the anxiety and the since that he is so unobtainable. If MR. Big spent 2 years providing and rolling over for Carrie she'd eventually lose attraction for him and go find someone else she can't obtain. Edited April 17, 2012 by Senateguy
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 We are not wired that way. We are attracted to who we are attracted to, then find out who they are in a relationship. Conversely, we could ask why are men wired that way? Why are they sweet and lure us in and THEN turn into the bad guy?But...we can't generalize this way. It depends on the individual person's tastes. I had a male friend who was sweet and kind and he wanted a relationship with me. But...I didn't feel that way towards him; I couldn't force that. It's just how I felt. I prefer a nice guy over a "dickhead";) But, there has to be a chemistry between us. I don't know of any lady who says "Hey, look! A dickhead jerk who won't call me, and who flirts with other ladies!!! I want that!!!";) A lot of these jerks use techniques to get the ladies, we fall for it and eventually get hurt. These guys don't have long lasting fulfilling relationships, but the nice guys do. There is a lid for every pot. Keep being yourself and you will get someone worthy of you. (as an aside...I don't know many people who are still with their firsts after years and years....)
rAFC Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Almost a decade ago there was this guy who went by the name Pook who posted on a message board called sosuave.net . He was a very good writer and wrote many long, insightful posts about dating and relationships. One of his posts was called The Secret of the Jerk, it is a classic and does a very good job of explaining why women are attracted to "jerks". I recommend that you check it out! I have included a link below for your convenience: The Secret of the Jerk
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Why are girls so blind to a good guy? Why do they go after *********s who dont respect them? A friend of mine can be so aweful to his gf. He'l promise her things and not keep it. He'l promise to spend the weekend with her and then cancel to get drunk with us (his friends) hes been with her 4 years she wants to live with him and he wants to live with his friends. And whats strange is the worse he treats her the more she loves him. Another friend of mine has been with his gf for 2 years. He txts and meets other girls and kicks off when she asks to spend more time with him. Why does she love him so much? Then theres me...i was with my gf for 10 months. I was her first real relationship and altho she never admitted it i think i was the first guy she slept with too. I idolised her. Did everything and anything she wanted. Loved seeing her and and would take any opportunity i got. I did make some mistakes as i stopped being myself. Id hold back from voicing my opinions incase she didnt like them. And id always be the one to say sorry in an argument even if she was in the rong. This was a huge flaw of mine not hers but what pisses me off is that i spent 10 months putting her first and always being available for her and she just absorbed it all acted like she wasnt interested (which she wasnt) go in moods with me. Not tell me why and get really angry when i confronted her about it. often refuse seeing me incase she made other plans. i think she was only with me because she wanted a real boyfriend and sex. We spent the final 6 weeks of our relationship on and off. Not really getting along untill she ended it with me before going to meet another guy that same night. Why are girls like that? Why do they step over nice guys to get to the dickheads? I know in my relationship i did too much for her. sacrificing my own happiness so she would be happy. But she never was. Im struggling to get over her and am in no contact with her and have been for nearly 2 weeks and i dnt intend to break it. Though i know what i did rong in the relationship i just know if i find someone else ill be the same. Its how i feel when im in love with someone and i dont know how to act more like my friends. Frustrated!!!!!!!!! Women don't respect a man who is a push over. It shows he has no respect for himself. Women are not attracted to that--it comes off as desperation. They want a man who acts like a man--confident, self assured, with his own sense of self, his own opinions, desires, goals, etc. You seem to think you are being a good guy by always allowing her to call the shots, win the arguments, make the decisions, etc. That is not what women want. They want a man who has a strong sense of self, who is willing to assert himself. It shows high self esteem and self respect. 2
robkris8079 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I prefer a nice guy over a "dickhead";) But, there has to be a chemistry between us. I don't know of any lady who says "Hey, look! A dickhead jerk who won't call me, and who flirts with other ladies!!! I want that!!!";) A lot of these jerks use techniques to get the ladies, we fall for it and eventually get hurt. These guys don't have long lasting fulfilling relationships, but the nice guys do. I have had long lasting fulfilling relationships but they all end the same way. Girl leaves. Sorry but if you don't keep attraction up it will end the same every time. I don't have to be a dickhead or jerk, just don't have to be an over the top nice guy. Sucks because I like being the nice guy but this is something I need to work on.
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 We are not wired that way. We are attracted to who we are attracted to, then find out who they are in a relationship. Conversely, we could ask why are men wired that way? Why are they sweet and lure us in and THEN turn into the bad guy?But...we can't generalize this way. It depends on the individual person's tastes. I had a male friend who was sweet and kind and he wanted a relationship with me. But...I didn't feel that way towards him; I couldn't force that. It's just how I felt. I prefer a nice guy over a "dickhead";) But, there has to be a chemistry between us. I don't know of any lady who says "Hey, look! A dickhead jerk who won't call me, and who flirts with other ladies!!! I want that!!!";) A lot of these jerks use techniques to get the ladies, we fall for it and eventually get hurt. These guys don't have long lasting fulfilling relationships, but the nice guys do. There is a lid for every pot. Keep being yourself and you will get someone worthy of you. (as an aside...I don't know many people who are still with their firsts after years and years....) im sorry..but as hard as it is for you to admit it...you and the rest of the female species are and forever will be attracted to dickheads...you'l keep getting treated badly and blaming it on all men in general when really its because you fail to see the nice guy stood right beside you treating you well and looking after you. you have him anytime you want and because of that you dont want him....you want the guy who doesnt respect you because hes a challenge. doesnt matter weather i was her first or 50th...i was with her for close to a year and i never changed my attitude towards her once...infact i liked her more after 10 months than i did at the start and always let her know. she ran a mile to another guy,,,probably one who doesnt pay her as much attention...she was the one who lured me in thinking she was different....not the other way round...and she proved to be the same as the rest
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I have had long lasting fulfilling relationships but they all end the same way. Girl leaves. Sorry but if you don't keep attraction up it will end the same every time. I don't have to be a dickhead or jerk, just don't have to be an over the top nice guy. Sucks because I like being the nice guy but this is something I need to work on. the shame is that a guy who just wants a nice girl and to treat her well has to purposely and consciously make an effort to act out of character and not be himself in order to attract her. he has to not act the way he really wants to because she doesnt want a nice guy. thats a shame and because im not very good at it...sucks for me
perfectlyflawed459 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I can ask the same question about guys...why do guys GENERALLY (not always) choose the whores and bitchy girls? I have seen that happen so many times as well. Why do you have to use reverse psychology when wanting to snag a guy? How come if you admit your feelings and treat the guy really nicely, you come off as desperate and needy? Makes absolutely no sense...but I guess people don't make sense most of the time anyway
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 im sorry..but as hard as it is for you to admit it...you and the rest of the female species are and forever will be attracted to dickheads... I'm sorry too, because this just sounds like sour grapes. And you are wrong. The women are telling you and you don't even want to believe it, so you are destined to keep failing and believing what you want.
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I'm sorry too, because this just sounds like sour grapes. And you are wrong. The women are telling you and you don't even want to believe it, so you are destined to keep failing and believing what you want. because they said it doesnt make it true...because the truth makes a woman look bad. she will tell you its wrong and that sure she loves nice guys...they'l all tell you that. nature tells you something different...and as u see it everywhere u look....i believe nature
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I can ask the same question about guys...why do guys GENERALLY (not always) choose the whores and bitchy girls? I have seen that happen so many times as well. Why do you have to use reverse psychology when wanting to snag a guy? How come if you admit your feelings and treat the guy really nicely, you come off as desperate and needy? Makes absolutely no sense...but I guess people don't make sense most of the time anyway your right people dont make sense. instead of being attracted to a girl because she is "bitchy" a guy is attracted to her because of the way she looks. its her physical appearance that bring a male to a female. a girl on the other hand is different. ive seen SOOOOOO many girls get with below average looking guys because of how they act. they act like jerks and the girl loves it. im below average looking too i just dont know how to change my behaviour to suit women
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 because they said it doesnt make it true...because the truth makes a woman look bad. she will tell you its wrong and that sure she loves nice guys...they'l all tell you that. nature tells you something different...and as u see it everywhere u look....i believe nature And personal experience tells me that this is not a fair or accurate statement about all women. Not any more than it is accurate to say that all men are jerks. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 im sorry..but as hard as it is for you to admit it...you and the rest of the female species are and forever will be attracted to dickheads...you'l keep getting treated badly and blaming it on all men in general when really its because you fail to see the nice guy stood right beside you treating you well and looking after you. you have him anytime you want and because of that you dont want him....you want the guy who doesnt respect you because hes a challenge. doesnt matter weather i was her first or 50th...i was with her for close to a year and i never changed my attitude towards her once...infact i liked her more after 10 months than i did at the start and always let her know. she ran a mile to another guy,,,probably one who doesnt pay her as much attention...she was the one who lured me in thinking she was different....not the other way round...and she proved to be the same as the rest It is precisely attitudes like yours in this post that make women walk.Women don't run to another guy because he's a jerk...We run FROM a guy who is a jerk.
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 And personal experience tells me that this is not a fair or accurate statement about all women. Not any more than it is accurate to say that all men are jerks. experience AND observation tells me it is accurate. are you still with this girl from your experience? if your going on experience you suggesting youve got girls because your a nice guy...assuming your no longer with those girls proves your niceness wasnt enough to keep them around. 1
Chi townD Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 A girl once told me that girls "Date the bad boys but marry the good guys" Like that's supposed to make us good guys feel better about the situation. BIG problem is that when us good guys get these girls...MAN! They've been used and abused and carrying sooo much baggage it's insane! 1
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 It is precisely attitudes like yours in this post that make women walk.Women don't run to another guy because he's a jerk...We run FROM a guy who is a jerk. it is jerkish thoughts and speaking my mind that i held back from doing with my ex...id agree with whatever she said and if i had an opinion i thought she wouldnt like...id not voice it. along with everything else i did to keep her happy it didnt work. she didnt run because I was a jerk...she ran because i was a pushover, a doormat and overly nice to her. i guess you could just say plain boring. hard to hear it i know...but its wired in you to be that way and convincing yourself im wrong doesnt make it so 1
esteem-jam Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 @silicis n volvo - great that you realise your mistakes in your relationship, so next time you can work better without repeating them? I could also ask why guys think that being nice to girl will win her? And I can answer that right away as: nice is good, nice is pleasant, foot massage is pleasant, chocolate is sweet. But if you overdose it... you cant eat sweets all day all week though months... agree? Once in a while you want a fat steak and rough bread and cereal. Being nice wont keep her. 1
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 hard to hear it i know...but its wired in you to be that way and convincing yourself im wrong doesnt make it so Enough, you are either a troll, very young or a moron. Just give up on women since you have it all figured out and have discovered a secret that has been buried since the beginning of time: they all hate you. Go find a sheep or something. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 it is jerkish thoughts and speaking my mind that i held back from doing with my ex...id agree with whatever she said and if i had an opinion i thought she wouldnt like...id not voice it. along with everything else i did to keep her happy it didnt work. she didnt run because I was a jerk...she ran because i was a pushover, a doormat and overly nice to her. i guess you could just say plain boring. hard to hear it i know...but its wired in you to be that way and convincing yourself im wrong doesnt make it so You ARE behaving like a jerk, though. Women are wired to sense behavior that they no longer want to be around. You have a chip on your shoulder.
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Enough, you are either a troll, very young or a moron. Just give up on women since you have it all figured out and have discovered a secret that has been buried since the beginning of time: they all hate you. Go find a sheep or something. and your naive.
SuperGeek Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I was the nice guy for 3-4 years. She left and got engaged to another guy after 2 months of being away from me. She found this person on some dating site out of random. The guy was a good talker and told her everything she wanted to hear in the beginning. After 8 months the guy split and she was left with piles of debt (after I just spent years getting her out of debt) and with an engagement/wedding ring to sell. I guess she got bored and didn't want the nice guy who actually cared about her (me). I would have been willing to take a bullet for her any day of the week, but did that matter? Nope! She then tried to come back A YEAR later and I almost believed her BS story. After two weeks playing her game and taking the bait, an argument erupted out of the need for more trust on my site. More trust on my side? WTF? After the pain I went through getting over her... I am the one that needs to have more trust? My ex is the woman that LEFT ME high and dry for some random dirtbag on a dating site. I haven't heard from her in over a year and I'm glad. She can go and find another stooge to hustle and pile up more debt for all I care. She isn't my problem anymore. I will never again be the nice guy. In fact all I do now is hang with friends, workout, and pay for escorts. Very simple and I bet you it's cheaper and safer than a divorce in the long run. Honestly at my age, I don't know if I'll ever recover and be able to trust again. [ I've worked my ass off for the little wealth I've been able to accumulate -- I'll be damned if some woman is going to steal it all from me just because she's had a change of heart. The divorce laws are completely horrible for the men in the US and I think even worse in the UK/Australia. It will take one hell of a woman to ever get me to go there again and I'm fine with it. ] Women are impossible to understand these days and as soon as you think you have found a good one, they will leave your ass and get with some low life piece of **** and act like you didn't mean a damn thing to them. I always feel like I'm some guy they are dating until the next best thing comes along. Screw that noise. No thanks. I'm done. Hot escorts and lots of travelling are all that I have time for at this point. Who's the nice guy now? BITCH ? (directed at my ex) The few escorts that I've gotten to know well have treated me better than my ex-girlfriends ever have. What does that say? SuperGeek P.S. - Women have 50 guys on tap ready to date them at any given point in the day. That is why women walk away from perfectly good relationships and screw over nice guys. They can walk away and they KNOW they will get another dude immediately in the near future and they are willing to take the gamble on it being 'better'. Relationships are a woman's turf and so they play it by their rules. Yeah it sucks. Screw the whole process. Yeah I'm bitter... you would be too if you were me. So all you haters, go ahead and flame me... I don't give a damn. Edited April 17, 2012 by SuperGeek Spelling. 3
Author silicis n volvo Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Wow i feel for u. And i relate to ur story even though i wasnt with my ex as long. I wont be doing the escort thing but ill be damned if ill get close to a girl any time soon. A girl needs to deserve me from now on ill be chasing no one.
Reddice Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I guess both parties are right. It's not so much the jerk that women are attracted to as it is to the confidence of the jerk. Women are attracted to the fact that the jerk can with life them, but also without them. This attitude draws them to him. Most women don't know why and don't care, they are just attracted to him and don't care why. Subconsciously, they are attracted to this "Alpha male" behaviour. A good guy with loads of confidence can achieve a lot with any woman. However, good guys rarely get this chance as you have to be good with women in the first place to get this same amount of confidence. So you see, for good guys it's a double edged sword: - Good woman will be attracted to bad guys - Good guy will not get the women they desire - Good guy changes behaviour to attract a woman - Woman finally falls for good guy - After a while, his true personality (the good guy) rises again as he was just playing a role - Woman leaves because she is no longer attracted Yep... it sucks to be a a good guy. Had to experience it first hand as well.
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