EmergenC Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 4 - 5 Months on from my breakup of a 3.5 year very loving relationship. No abuse or crap. Just steadily a few arguments last year as her behavior started to change and edge more towards being reckless and crazy partying. I wanted nothing to do with it at first, but eventually tried to reach some compromise. I'd go out with her and stay out all night till 6 - 7am some times. Then she would still blow me off and want to stay at her new "good times" friends house. Often on these nights out, i'd just be blown off while she hopped around dancing and partying her way round the room. She was with another guy a week or so after we broke up, again I don't know the details, I just know I was totally blind-sided by the breakup & the guy was someone we had met a month earlier. Dumped via text and the only time I got to see her to pick up her things I was offered little to no reason. I was given a "maybe we can try in a few years". And off she skipped to party town with a new circle of friends she met earlier last year. I heard on the grapevine she spent the last weekend at the ER with alcohol poisoning. I haven't heard a peep out of her since new years when she dropped me some text about nothing. Call it GIGS/coming of age/growing up - call it what you like... but for a "syndrome" that seems to get a lot of stick on these boards... i'd say phase 1 is well under way.
nofool4u Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I'd say you dodged a bullet. She is a party hound and that isn't someone who is trustworthy. You'd do well to stay away from anyone that likes to go clubbing all the time. 1
olivec Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 4 - 5 Months on from my breakup of a 3.5 year very loving relationship. No abuse or crap. Just steadily a few arguments last year as her behavior started to change and edge more towards being reckless and crazy partying. I wanted nothing to do with it at first, but eventually tried to reach some compromise. I'd go out with her and stay out all night till 6 - 7am some times. Then she would still blow me off and want to stay at her new "good times" friends house. Often on these nights out, i'd just be blown off while she hopped around dancing and partying her way round the room. She was with another guy a week or so after we broke up, again I don't know the details, I just know I was totally blind-sided by the breakup & the guy was someone we had met a month earlier. Dumped via text and the only time I got to see her to pick up her things I was offered little to no reason. I was given a "maybe we can try in a few years". And off she skipped to party town with a new circle of friends she met earlier last year. I heard on the grapevine she spent the last weekend at the ER with alcohol poisoning. I haven't heard a peep out of her since new years when she dropped me some text about nothing. Call it GIGS/coming of age/growing up - call it what you like... but for a "syndrome" that seems to get a lot of stick on these boards... i'd say phase 1 is well under way. Trust me when I say this! You are soo better off without this girl in your life. Shes clearly wanting to spread her wings and be wild with her friends. If you were still with her you would be stressed out all the time worrying about what she is doing. Do you really want to be with someone whos gunna stress you out like that? Just take time for yourself go complete NC even if she contacts you. My ex was like that at the end acting distant and partying with friends alot more and telling me shes going through transition bull****. I say move on from this girl and never look back!
Author EmergenC Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Yep you're right. The last few months I was stressed out all the time whenever we went out... I used to dread the weekends. I also started getting jealous which is not something i'm used to feeling, because there were guys i'd caught her flirting with on Facebook who she wouldn't shut down entirely. She's not a bad person...she's just from small town america, home schooled, just about to hit 21 and through me taking her to my city, she's just had her eyes peeled open and i'm guessing it's all hit home. If wilson/homebrews gigs guides are right...this is the stage where it's best not to know what's going on!
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I love to party, but not every weekend! HOwever, I party hard when I do, and my boyfriend happens to be just as crazy as me. We do not exclude each other or anything rude in nature. When I first met him, he loved to party and I did not. At all. Ever. He managed to go out with his mates when he first started to see me, for ONE night of the weekend, and made sure to spend the next day with me. He never treated me like cr@p about it. YOur girlfriend obvously likes to go out and have fun, and you did not. I call that growing apart, more than GIGS. GIGS is where, although everything is relatively good, no abnoxious behaviour on either side... GIGS is when the girl or guy just leaves, saying they need space, you know? What is most upsetting to hear, is how after a loving 3 years, she just found a new guy so soon!! She had obviously already checked out of the relationship and the feelings you guys had, before, and the partying just became a thing to ... live for her. I am very sorry for your pain, do not let it deter you from finding love again.
Dark Phoenix Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Nope, its GIGS... Homebrew/Gibson has posted many separate scenarios about GIGS and how its not all about just partying. Some do it for their career, others do it to travel. Ive even had friends that GIGS... and play video games all day long (not saying that people that play video games are GIGSing) but watching the 180 is a scary thing Its best not to watch it unfold and start focusing on your own life
Author EmergenC Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 I love to party, but not every weekend! HOwever, I party hard when I do, and my boyfriend happens to be just as crazy as me. We do not exclude each other or anything rude in nature. When I first met him, he loved to party and I did not. At all. Ever. He managed to go out with his mates when he first started to see me, for ONE night of the weekend, and made sure to spend the next day with me. He never treated me like cr@p about it. YOur girlfriend obvously likes to go out and have fun, and you did not. I call that growing apart, more than GIGS. GIGS is where, although everything is relatively good, no abnoxious behaviour on either side... GIGS is when the girl or guy just leaves, saying they need space, you know? What is most upsetting to hear, is how after a loving 3 years, she just found a new guy so soon!! She had obviously already checked out of the relationship and the feelings you guys had, before, and the partying just became a thing to ... live for her. I am very sorry for your pain, do not let it deter you from finding love again. I hear what you're saying. But this started out of the blue. She went from 2.5 years of being sweet and gentle, with the kindest heart you could ever wish for. She'd get upset if she squished a bug on accident. To all of a sudden, since last spring when she met a new crowd of people, to WTF crazy as. I'm 9 years older than her, and i've been through the mill a couple of times. And I know how that feels when you feel yourself drifting from someone. Growing apart. Waking up each and every day and just feeling "it" in the air...something off, something not quite right. But this was different. I realized at her age, and coming from a small town, when this started I would either have to roll with it, or just let her go by herself. It wasn't every weekend, maybe every other weekend. But I did, I started going out with her but it wasn't enough. And there's a big difference between partying and enjoying yourself and trying to absolutely destroy yourself. I've had to stop her walking out in front of traffic, scoop her up out of her vomit pools while she's convulsing. It's not really about partying, it's like she has something to prove to everyone. That she be the coolest dancer. The last to fall asleep. The quickest drinker. And all this behavior just started coming out of nowhere last spring after meeting this new crowd of crazy drug taking "good time" friends. Each as irresponsible as the last. Then when she got screwed up, i'd be the one picking up the pieces and taking care of her. But through it all you could feel the flame didn't die between us. You just take those crazy party nights out of the equation and you had 2 people that were absolutely 2 parts of a whole. I've grown apart from people in the past...and you can just feel it, I can't quite put a finger on it, but you just wake each day feeling life pulling you apart. The little nagging arguments and bits of bickering as you slowly annoy one another. This wasn't anything like that. Our sex life was still great (usually something that goes when there's stuff going on) from day one all the way up until the day she left. We were talking about the future and one day getting married just days before the end. I was totally blindsided and after the breakup, within a day of leaving she had made a personality 180. Trouble with the cops, drinking till she passed out, she was gone with the fairies. There were hints and things I should have seen over the summer. Odd comments out of nowhere like "I don't think I want to just one boyfriend for my entire life". "I don't want to be held accountable and have a boyfriend to consider when i'm out". I guess when you're in love you just don't see it. In all of my past relationships. At 5 months out I never looked back, whether it was dumping them or vice versa. I just knew they would never work out and by now i'd be thanking them for dumping me. But this one is different, there's still something in the air. Even with the calm and collected thoughts that come after time, there's still a crystal clear feeling of "we were great together". I've got my head down and my lifes going great, i'm a musician and i'm booking more gigs than ever. Meanwhile shes gone completely reckless spending her weekends in ER with alcohol poisoning.
leoc1973 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 EmergenC you describe my story exactly. I'm 9 years older my ex was the most gentle soul you would ever hope to find. We took very good care of each other. We would exchange back rubs and things like that and she would actually argue with me that she didn't get to massage me long enough. Like seriously the most giving girl ever. She never had her party years she always worked and went to school full time. We are from a small city and neither of us come from money. She got her masters and her new job sent her to NYC for a couple months. They offered her a permanent position and she asked me to come with her. Then she met this new circle of party sluts(LOL I am not bitter) Like literally a couple weeks after she hung out with these girls going to galleries and hanging out with the elite of NYC that was it. The little guy from back home was history. I don't even wanna think about how many guys she let run through her cause it sickens me. But she knows she has screwed up. I think she has caught some nasty std's just from some of the things she has said to me. She is now in stage 4 and its funny that when I first heard of this gigs stuff they said reconsiliation never happens because the dumpee usually doesn't want the dumper back. I used to laugh and say yeah right I will love her forever and always take her back but now its crazy that people were right. The thing that does hurt the most is the way they look through you like they are possessed or something and its not even the same person you once knew and they let other guys jump on them so quick(thats what was the dealbreaker to me) Then one day they just snap out of it and wanna come back. Good luck bro and trust me you do not want to know what she is doing because it will break your heart over and over to see someone you held in such high regard do such distrespectful things to themselves. Just sad don't torture yourself and go find an older girl that has her partying years well behind her. Thats what I did!
Author EmergenC Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 EmergenC you describe my story exactly. I'm 9 years older my ex was the most gentle soul you would ever hope to find. We took very good care of each other. We would exchange back rubs and things like that and she would actually argue with me that she didn't get to massage me long enough. Like seriously the most giving girl ever. She never had her party years she always worked and went to school full time. We are from a small city and neither of us come from money. She got her masters and her new job sent her to NYC for a couple months. They offered her a permanent position and she asked me to come with her. Then she met this new circle of party sluts(LOL I am not bitter) Like literally a couple weeks after she hung out with these girls going to galleries and hanging out with the elite of NYC that was it. The little guy from back home was history. I don't even wanna think about how many guys she let run through her cause it sickens me. But she knows she has screwed up. I think she has caught some nasty std's just from some of the things she has said to me. She is now in stage 4 and its funny that when I first heard of this gigs stuff they said reconsiliation never happens because the dumpee usually doesn't want the dumper back. I used to laugh and say yeah right I will love her forever and always take her back but now its crazy that people were right. The thing that does hurt the most is the way they look through you like they are possessed or something and its not even the same person you once knew and they let other guys jump on them so quick(thats what was the dealbreaker to me) Then one day they just snap out of it and wanna come back. Good luck bro and trust me you do not want to know what she is doing because it will break your heart over and over to see someone you held in such high regard do such distrespectful things to themselves. Just sad don't torture yourself and go find an older girl that has her partying years well behind her. Thats what I did! Yeah, thats definitely a big part of it. Mine was from a small quiet southern town. Home schooled, so no experiences of attention from guys, social interactions etc etc, none of it, barely even had any friends when we met. I took her travelling round parts of the world, settled in my home town for a couple of years. That was the start of the change. And I hear you man, i've been getting on and doing my own thing. I'm not paying any attention to what she's doing and trying my best to avoid any news getting back to me. Sometimes though with so many shared interests and mutual friends, stuff hits your ears before you've had chance to shut people up. It took me a couple of months to get my feet back on the ground and as far as healing goes i'm well on my way. I'm focused on me. She's not on my facebook or any such stuff. I've not contacted her, i've just let it be. What she's doing and thinking I have no idea and that's probably for the best. Actions speak louder than words & if they aren't with you, or trying to be with you then anything else is irrelevant. I just thought it would be nice to share my story here and for others to see what's been happening.
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 that is so sad. You know - ending up in the ER for being so crazy and reckless....... Obviously she has some issues she is needs to resolve. It must be hard watching from the sidelines! You love her, after all. I wonder if there is any way you can get through to her? A heartfelt talk? About how most healthy people would party hard, but safe; that walking out in front of cars is not actually cool. So many people party hard, and do crazy things like climb a pole or tree and flash their bum once or twice.. but you know? People who act out while partying, have issues that are causing them to be that way. Maybe she feels she is letting lose and no one can stop her?
Author EmergenC Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 that is so sad. You know - ending up in the ER for being so crazy and reckless....... Obviously she has some issues she is needs to resolve. It must be hard watching from the sidelines! You love her, after all. I wonder if there is any way you can get through to her? A heartfelt talk? About how most healthy people would party hard, but safe; that walking out in front of cars is not actually cool. So many people party hard, and do crazy things like climb a pole or tree and flash their bum once or twice.. but you know? People who act out while partying, have issues that are causing them to be that way. Maybe she feels she is letting lose and no one can stop her? It's out of my hands now unfortunately, she's back with her parents so they can deal with it. But you're right, it does twinge something deep down that makes you feel some kind of hurt, because of course you love them. Her new boyfriend can get through to her if that's what she needs. I don't know if he was there or not when she ended up in ER but well... great going so far. No she really is kind of "out to prove" something right now. Like I say, I should have seen it coming in retrospect... I just didn't see the little signs because I was blinded with love so to speak. Like I said earlier, this was less about actually partying and more kind of wanton destruction. She spiralling out of control and it's not my place or responsibility to step in anymore. Sad but true.
olivec Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I hear what you're saying. But this started out of the blue. She went from 2.5 years of being sweet and gentle, with the kindest heart you could ever wish for. She'd get upset if she squished a bug on accident. To all of a sudden, since last spring when she met a new crowd of people, to WTF crazy as. I'm 9 years older than her, and i've been through the mill a couple of times. And I know how that feels when you feel yourself drifting from someone. Growing apart. Waking up each and every day and just feeling "it" in the air...something off, something not quite right. But this was different. I realized at her age, and coming from a small town, when this started I would either have to roll with it, or just let her go by herself. It wasn't every weekend, maybe every other weekend. But I did, I started going out with her but it wasn't enough. And there's a big difference between partying and enjoying yourself and trying to absolutely destroy yourself. I've had to stop her walking out in front of traffic, scoop her up out of her vomit pools while she's convulsing. It's not really about partying, it's like she has something to prove to everyone. That she be the coolest dancer. The last to fall asleep. The quickest drinker. And all this behavior just started coming out of nowhere last spring after meeting this new crowd of crazy drug taking "good time" friends. Each as irresponsible as the last. Then when she got screwed up, i'd be the one picking up the pieces and taking care of her. But through it all you could feel the flame didn't die between us. You just take those crazy party nights out of the equation and you had 2 people that were absolutely 2 parts of a whole. I've grown apart from people in the past...and you can just feel it, I can't quite put a finger on it, but you just wake each day feeling life pulling you apart. The little nagging arguments and bits of bickering as you slowly annoy one another. This wasn't anything like that. Our sex life was still great (usually something that goes when there's stuff going on) from day one all the way up until the day she left. We were talking about the future and one day getting married just days before the end. I was totally blindsided and after the breakup, within a day of leaving she had made a personality 180. Trouble with the cops, drinking till she passed out, she was gone with the fairies. There were hints and things I should have seen over the summer. Odd comments out of nowhere like "I don't think I want to just one boyfriend for my entire life". "I don't want to be held accountable and have a boyfriend to consider when i'm out". I guess when you're in love you just don't see it. In all of my past relationships. At 5 months out I never looked back, whether it was dumping them or vice versa. I just knew they would never work out and by now i'd be thanking them for dumping me. But this one is different, there's still something in the air. Even with the calm and collected thoughts that come after time, there's still a crystal clear feeling of "we were great together". I've got my head down and my lifes going great, i'm a musician and i'm booking more gigs than ever. Meanwhile shes gone completely reckless spending her weekends in ER with alcohol poisoning. Your just gunna have to leave it alone man. As much as it sucks right now it'll only be worse if you try anything. Sounds like your a good guy so just focus on yourself and your career as it seems you know what direction your going in.
gibson Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) Sorry about your loss... She is 20 and no surprise G.I.G.S. is in full effect. It sucks for you because you are a lot older, know how meaningless and empty the whole pursuit of G.I.G.S. is. Not to mention, you know all about the drama, chaos, misery, heartache and the mess it creates in someones life. She is going to be "crazy" for several YEARS and burn out on that lifestyle. It will take her many YEARS to clean up the mess she will make, mature, figure out who she is, what she wants and what love is, etc. Best case, when she is around 25 or so, she will finally be ready / want to settle down. The likelihood that you will be single, that you would still want her, she will want you, etc. isn't that great. Worst case, she has G.I.G.S. for a very long time (late 20s / early 30s) or she could be one of the G.I.G.S. people that ruins their life forever (gets screwed up in the head by the "bad boy" phase, gets knocked up, addictions, marries a "bad boy", drops out of school, ruins their career, etc.). There isn't anything you can do to stop / prevent it. It's impossible to reason with them, talk some sense into her, warn her, etc. All you end up doing is pissing her off and make her behave even worse. My advice... Heal and Move on. When you are ready to date again... Date women that are 25 or older, who want what you want, has a lifestyle and friends like you do. Make sure they have already "sowed their wild oats", has a "story" to tell, has dated around, been in several relationships and has some life experience. Edited April 18, 2012 by gibson
Author EmergenC Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Sorry about your loss... She is 20 and no surprise G.I.G.S. is in full effect. It sucks for you because you are a lot older, know how meaningless and empty the whole pursuit of G.I.G.S. is. Not to mention, you know all about the drama, chaos, misery, heartache and the mess it creates in someones life. She is going to be "crazy" for several YEARS and burn out on that lifestyle. It will take her many YEARS to clean up the mess she will make, mature, figure out who she is, what she wants and what love is, etc. Best case, when she is around 25 or so, she will finally be ready / want to settle down. The likelihood that you will be single, that you would still want her, she will want you, etc. isn't that great. Worst case, she has G.I.G.S. for a very long time (late 20s / early 30s) or she could be one of the G.I.G.S. people that ruins their life forever (gets screwed up in the head by the "bad boy" phase, gets knocked up, addictions, marries a "bad boy", drops out of school, ruins their career, etc.). There isn't anything you can do to stop / prevent it. It's impossible to reason with them, talk some sense into her, warn her, etc. All you end up doing is pissing her off and make her behave even worse. My advice... Heal and Move on. When you are ready to date again... Date women that are 25 or older, who want what you want, has a lifestyle and friends like you do. Make sure they have already "sowed their wild oats", has a "story" to tell, has dated around, been in several relationships and has some life experience. Yep, I saw that over the summer when I tried to reason with her / talk sense into her / compromise etc... it ultimately just made her worse. It got to a point where it felt like i'd almost become a kind of father/authority figure trying to stop her from wrecking herself senseless...and of course, that's never good for a romantic relationship. I never actually tried to stop her from doing things, just at least to make some sort of compromise... but even that became too much for her to handle. It's weird when you get that feeling that you probably love them more than they love themselves... and believe me, that hurts, especially when they're just kicking back at you.
Author EmergenC Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 Your just gunna have to leave it alone man. As much as it sucks right now it'll only be worse if you try anything. Sounds like your a good guy so just focus on yourself and your career as it seems you know what direction your going in. No don't worry, i'm not and haven't tried a damn thing. I spent the first 2 weeks in a daze trying to figure out what the hell happened when it slowly dawned on me it was all about her. Then I backed off and left her alone completely.
gibson Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) Yep, I saw that over the summer when I tried to reason with her / talk sense into her / compromise etc... it ultimately just made her worse. It got to a point where it felt like i'd almost become a kind of father/authority figure trying to stop her from wrecking herself senseless...and of course, that's never good for a romantic relationship. I never actually tried to stop her from doing things, just at least to make some sort of compromise... but even that became too much for her to handle. It's weird when you get that feeling that you probably love them more than they love themselves... and believe me, that hurts, especially when they're just kicking back at you. I (gibson/homebrew) came to LS a couple of years ago with the sadness and disappointment I was experiencing due to a break up. I was looking for people that were going through the same thing and find people to commiserate with as I healed. I was dumbfounded that nobody here talked about or seemed to be aware of the "phenomenon", "phase", "stage of life", "growing up", "sowing their wild oats", "G.I.G.S.", etc. that a lot of 18 - 25 year olds go through. I thought it was common knowledge. I am older (40 now), had G.I.G.S., had many friends that had G.I.G.S., dated several women that had G.I.G.S., etc. so maybe that is why I assumed everyone knew about it. I spent a lot of time on here writing threads, responding to posts trying to help people understand the "phase" (I call it G.I.G.S.) that people go through. That it can / does happen, why, how, what to expect, etc. Some people on here believe me and it helps them deal with their break up... Some others don't and bash me / G.I.G.S. You are older (29) and that is probably why you understand / "get it" what happened to your Ex. Either you had G.I.G.S. yourself or you had other girlfriends and friends that went through it. If I had to bet, you too are very familiar with and aware of "Phases" a G.I.G.S. (18 - 25 year old) person typically goes through which I detailed out my G.I.G.S. thread. It shouldn't be that profound, it's not like G.I.G.S. people are blazing new trails or anything. They all generally do the same things and follow the same "patterns". There was nothing you could have done to stop / prevent your Ex from going through this "phase" (G.I.G.S.) and because of her age (20), she isn't going to be through for many, many years (probably around the age of 25 or so). So there isn't really anything you can take away or learn from your experience other than to date women that are older who have already gone through this phase or won't. For you, this break up was just an age (and everything that goes with her being 20) / timing problem. For entertainment value... You might find the following thread interesting: G.I.G.S. Explained Another Way Edited April 18, 2012 by gibson
gibson Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Gibson are you around this evening? You know how to find me.
GaelicSoul Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 (edited) hmm yeah sounds like Stage 1 Edited April 19, 2012 by GaelicSoul
Woggle Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Let it go. You don't want anybody who gets so messed up she ends up with alcohol poisoning. That kind of stuff could kill a person. She sounds like a sheltered small town girl who can't handle it when she gets a small taste of freedom.
Author EmergenC Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Let it go. You don't want anybody who gets so messed up she ends up with alcohol poisoning. That kind of stuff could kill a person. She sounds like a sheltered small town girl who can't handle it when she gets a small taste of freedom. I have believe me. After about 2 weeks at the start I just let it go, it was then I had enough clarity to realize there was nothing I could do & it wasn't really about anything i'd done. @Gibson - Yeah I had a similar experience myself of dumping someone out the blue for nothing at the end of my teens, it was my old high school sweetheart. There was no reason for the breakup, she was great, I just wanted out. I'm sure had we stayed in touch (pre social media/facebook days) i'd probably have tried to catch up further down the line. My 2 previous LTR prior to this one were both with girls older than me. I was slightly hesitant at first having never dated anyone younger before. I guess I really wasn't thinking about things going into it.
olivec Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 I (gibson/homebrew) came to LS a couple of years ago with the sadness and disappointment I was experiencing due to a break up. I was looking for people that were going through the same thing and find people to commiserate with as I healed. I was dumbfounded that nobody here talked about or seemed to be aware of the "phenomenon", "phase", "stage of life", "growing up", "sowing their wild oats", "G.I.G.S.", etc. that a lot of 18 - 25 year olds go through. I thought it was common knowledge. I am older (40 now), had G.I.G.S., had many friends that had G.I.G.S., dated several women that had G.I.G.S., etc. so maybe that is why I assumed everyone knew about it. I spent a lot of time on here writing threads, responding to posts trying to help people understand the "phase" (I call it G.I.G.S.) that people go through. That it can / does happen, why, how, what to expect, etc. Some people on here believe me and it helps them deal with their break up... Some others don't and bash me / G.I.G.S. You are older (29) and that is probably why you understand / "get it" what happened to your Ex. Either you had G.I.G.S. yourself or you had other girlfriends and friends that went through it. If I had to bet, you too are very familiar with and aware of "Phases" a G.I.G.S. (18 - 25 year old) person typically goes through which I detailed out my G.I.G.S. thread. It shouldn't be that profound, it's not like G.I.G.S. people are blazing new trails or anything. They all generally do the same things and follow the same "patterns". There was nothing you could have done to stop / prevent your Ex from going through this "phase" (G.I.G.S.) and because of her age (20), she isn't going to be through for many, many years (probably around the age of 25 or so). So there isn't really anything you can take away or learn from your experience other than to date women that are older who have already gone through this phase or won't. For you, this break up was just an age (and everything that goes with her being 20) / timing problem. For entertainment value... You might find the following thread interesting: G.I.G.S. Explained Another Way This happend to me during my last relationship. I met her when she was 29 going on 30. Thought she was stable and wanted a longterm relationship in . We dated for 6 months longdistance. as soon as she moved to my city she started hanging out with her younger friends(early 20's) and i saw less and less of her. I knew it was gigs but was soo surprised because i figured shed grown out of that. I had to wash my hands clear of the whole situation it was not a cool thing to deal with at all. Keep in mind i'm 33 so i'm long past gigs and wouldn't date anybody younger than 25 because it would be too frustrating. i hope the op learns from this experience and meets someone who wants the samething he does. You just gotta be patient.
Author EmergenC Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 This happend to me during my last relationship. I met her when she was 29 going on 30. Thought she was stable and wanted a longterm relationship in . We dated for 6 months longdistance. as soon as she moved to my city she started hanging out with her younger friends(early 20's) and i saw less and less of her. I knew it was gigs but was soo surprised because i figured shed grown out of that. I had to wash my hands clear of the whole situation it was not a cool thing to deal with at all. Keep in mind i'm 33 so i'm long past gigs and wouldn't date anybody younger than 25 because it would be too frustrating. i hope the op learns from this experience and meets someone who wants the samething he does. You just gotta be patient. I feel for you, i'm learning everyday through the heartache believe me. It is very true how they say it's like a roller coaster, and as time goes on it seems to slow down the peaks and dips are becoming more subtle. Having one of those down days again today, but I always step back and take a look at things in perspective. I've had a slow weekend which always leaves time to ponder, and yesterday I met up with a friend for dinner I haven't seen in a while so it kind of all came up through conversation... then I dreamt about her last night... so it makes sense why i'm suffering again today. It's thanks to forums like these though, and the advice given and stories read that i've reached understanding and acceptance from the situation. So it doesn't matter how much i'm grieving, i'm not in any danger of doing anything stupid like contacting her with an email. Professing undying love to her down the telephone wire or showing up on her parents doorstep with roses and a box of chocolates. I know none of that would achieve anything more than more hurt and emotional setbacks. One thing i'm not is stupid or someone that self inflicts pain on themselves. I think respect is both utmost for yourself and to earn it back (along with love) from others. Thats another thing i've learned from these boards, that for a long term healthy relationship, you can't be surviving on guilt trips or emotional blackmail. I've read too many stories on these forums where people have reconciled unhealthily and then it ends again a week, a month, a year or two later. If they're ever going to come back, it has to be by their own doing, without emotional persuasion. Whatever screwed up resentment either person has held onto has to be made history. It has to be a mutual 50/50 base to start and grow from again. Right now with what I hear, I thank my lucky stars she is not contacting me either. I'm well along the path of focusing on myself again, but I know somewhere deep inside there's a small flame burning for her still, and if she out of the blue contacted me to get back, i'm sure she could lure me in...and i'm sure i'd be back on here within 6 months to a year! Truthfully if she contacted me now, where my head is i'd be both delighted and scared rigid. Conflicted and probably upset that I could see myself walking down a long dark path. For each day she doesn't contact me right now, it's doing me and her both a great favor.
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