Log1c Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I just broke it off with a girl who I was with for 4 and a half years. We had a very on and off relationship for the last 2 years that we were together and I finally got fed up with her selfish attitude and her indifference towards me. For the first 2 years that we were together she was extremely interested in me but I acted indifferent towards her because of the pain I had experienced from a previous relationship. I explained to her that I was just cold and it wasn't because of anything she was doing. I told her to just give me a little time to come around. Well, about a year and a half into it I did something really dumb because she had moved out of state and there was a huge distance factor. I cheated on her and when I went over to her place I used the computer and got up to go to the bathroom and she went through my myspace messages and found out. She was devastated and I felt horrible about it and beat myself up for along time over it. She told me we could start over about 2 months after us not talking over my unfaithfulness. That is not at all what happened and I became the one trying to please her in any way I could and also show her how nuch she meant to me. She constantly called me names and tried to belittle me every chance she could, I insisted that it wasn't constructive and that I already felt bad enough for the stupid choice I had made. Her attitude just continued to get worse and became more and more distant until finally I broke up with her because she was talking to another guy behind my back and I assumed it was a revenge move. I was really shook up afterwards because I really wanted to prove to her that id never do anything like that again but she started sleeping with some other guy and doing drugs so I just left her alone after the break. Well, needless to say she called me out of no where one night and told me that she missed me and was really sorry for everything. Like a sucker I took the bait and started talking to her again but we didn't officially get back together because she was basically playing mind games with me the whole time we were talking. I finally said screw it and quit talking to her and tried to move on. I met another girl and we started dating and right when she found out she started messaging me professing that she was still in love with me and like an idiot I went back to her because me and the other girl stopped seeing each other. Since then we have been together up until a month ago (a year and a half) when I broke up with her. She's not the person I originally got with and acts completely differrent. She claims that when I cheated on her it changed her forever and that she doesn't talk to any of her friends anymore because of me. I've become very misanthropic and cynical in the last year and I see everything she does as selfish and most people agree that her behavior is completely selfish. I let her claim me on her taxes this year and she offered to give me $500 of the money she received. After she got her tax return she started avoiding my calls and texts and ended up spending all the money she got back without giving me any of it. This made me very frustrated so I broke up with her and we haven't talked at all since. My name is still on her bank account and I have just neglected take myself off it. The worst part about all of it is that I still love her and I can't stop thinking about her. I know me and her are done for good but I keep having the urge to reconcile with her but my rationality tells me no. She claimed that we had a toxic relationship and I totally agree with that opinion but how do I move on and control these feelings I have for her? Sorry for the novel, I just wanted to explain the situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
Follower Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Firstly Welcome to LoveShack, youv found the right place to sort all this stuff out... Your relationship was very toxic for both of you by the sounds of it so ending it was the right move all round Well done on that front. If its still a fresh breakup your going to go through a whole range of issues and emotions, expect to spend days hours months and possibly years of thinkin about her the relationship who you are and who you want to finaly be. Now is a time to start growing. I would recomend the NC guide, treat it religiously.. A few questions, do you live on your own? What age are you? Do you have a support network to speak of?
Author Log1c Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 I do live by myself at the moment (which makes this harder). I'm 26 and the only support I really get is from my mom and my best friend. Both of them had been telling me to end it for awhile before I did, and to just concentrate on myself. I still love her though so its just really hard. But rationally I know that I can't try to reconcile with her, so I just need help moving on.
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