zengirl Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I don't think it's necessarily sex too soon (or think he'd necessarily be more interested if you hadn't had sex), but he does seem disinterested. Happens. Sounds like you were pushing too hard. I have found plenty of men who are fine with an assertive, direct, and clear woman, but pushy and needy. . . those vibes seem to send them a-running.
CarrieT Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 No offense, but this sounds a bit odd coming from a person who admits to having participated in orgies and sleeping with hundreds of men...In any event, sex is not supposed to be a bargaining tool. I hate when women call it "giving up"...as if they are talking about surrendering some sort of an invaluable treasure. No offense at all - it is BECAUSE I have slept around that I speak from experience in advising the OP that if she wants/wanted a relationship, she shouldn't have slept with the guy so early on. It took me sleeping around like for three decades before I learned to NOT have sex on a first date. Our sexuality is not an invaluable treasure, but I have learned that men DO value a woman more if she is willing to wait. I didn't value myself and thought that men would be more receptive to me if I was promiscuous. After HUNDREDS of sexual encounters, I can speak from experience and advise the OP - and other women - to wait a few dates before becoming intimate. By having sex so early, the OP was already becoming emotionally invested in a "relationship" (possibly a relationship in her own mind). I've been down the path that she is on and was frantic when they guy(s) wouldn't text back or see me again after we had had sex. Perhaps this will never become a full blown relationship and as she continues to date, I would advise waiting... 2
PlumPrincess Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Just wanted to post a quick update. I went 3 days with no contact and kept feeling increasingly bad about pushing him into the next date. Figuring I already had nothing to loose I went all in. I sent a message apologizing if I came of pushy. I made sure to be light hearted about it and not too intense. I said if he wanted to catch up that was great but I just didnt want him to think I was being a prat about it. He wrote back pretty much saying dont stress I really want to see you again. and that work was keeping him super busy. He had clients coming in from overseas this weekend and would let me know and was that ok? I fell a lot better now. Infact I think that text was the bet thing I could have done a that moment. thoughts? He has you and he is not going to call you back. Sorry.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You went to his place on the first date? You were way too eager and he got what he wanted. He blew you off. Be done with him.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Just wanted to post a quick update. I went 3 days with no contact and kept feeling increasingly bad about pushing him into the next date. Figuring I already had nothing to loose I went all in. I sent a message apologizing if I came of pushy. I made sure to be light hearted about it and not too intense. I said if he wanted to catch up that was great but I just didnt want him to think I was being a prat about it. He wrote back pretty much saying dont stress I really want to see you again. and that work was keeping him super busy. He had clients coming in from overseas this weekend and would let me know and was that ok? I fell a lot better now. Infact I think that text was the bet thing I could have done a that moment. thoughts? You need to realize that everything you're doing is coming off needy and clingy...even If the sole purpose of the action was to prove otherwise! You can't go back in time and take back an action...all you can do is change the next move...so by sending him a "Oh I'm so sorry for coming off pushy, please disregard!....but hey let's do this again"..It shows that you're thinking so much about this person that you're insisting on contact and you're doing everything you can to make sure you're acting out in the right balance. It's too much trying on your part, too much pressure...don't you realize most women fall for men pretty easily when they really like a guy? let him get to know you first, men don't just fall for someone that easily...women make themselves too available as it is so that's not really anything special, especially If you think this guy is a capable guy. You've got to keep a cool head and maintain the pace of these situations instead of getting lost in them...now I doubt he's going to take you very seriously even If he does seem interested or is, you're just making yourself way too available and easy...there's nothing a man finds compelling, intriguing or even sexy about that. Hopefully for you he's part of the small percentage that won't take advantage when it's right in front of his face that he can, all he has to do is reach out and take it...you'll just be swept away and you're not even letting him make any effort...quite sad indeed.
yongyong Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 This is America (still can't understand dating scene as a foreigner but had to adapt) 3 dates within a week sounds crazy even from my view. Usually they meet on weekend and meet again next weekend. I tried to see this chick after 3~4 days (just for quick lunch, not a real date) and I blew it. So just let him contact you like other people said.
Leigh 87 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 first of all: yes, you screwed up, but there is a chance to redeem yourself. I acted FAR WORSE than you did, with TWO men in the last 2 years. I acted WAYYYYY more strange than you did, for personal reasons. So, I backed off them both, and worked on myself, and saw that i acted totally mental, and changed. Fast forward a year or so, and both guys saw me about, talked to me, saw I acted totally sane and normal, and they both wanted me again. They knew I was not easy, either. They thought I was a nice girl, and wanted to see me and have sex and see where it would go. Lay off him right NOW; in a few months, he might see you about or get horny lol, and come back to you. For sex initially perhaps, but if he is that into you and thinks your a great girl to be around, he might want to be with you, for more than sex. d/w, you sound like the typical women who has the tendency to fall easily for a guy, and come off too eager - most of us have done it, myself included! Some guys fall easily, but I am not attracted to emotional types of guys who fall soo head over heals and act all lovey after one date. I prefer a more alpha male who saves the lovey doveness for a long term loving relationship. In general: girls fall more easily and come off as desperate, clingy, too overzealous, too early on. Where as guys tend to keep their cool more easily, and are less often llike you were with this guy... I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR POSITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 AND, at the time, I was super skinny with huge boobs and very attractive- the guy was very attracted, but acting off turns even the keenest guys off!!! Thank GOD I learnt. I CRINGE at my past behaviours. SERIOUSLY. Mann - I acted VERY DESPERATE, WEIRD, ... it was just awful, I had NO idea honestly!!!!!! I acted worse than you did! Luckily, your self aware and have taken it upon yourself to come on here,and learn from your mistakes by getting feedback from a varity of people:) I got help on here after my first bad encounters, and saw how embarrassing I acted... mann:o People are spot on! Listen to them all!!!! Although you do not come off as a hopeless case by any means - u seam like u could deff learn from this mistake and tone down your future encounters! Good luck! Don't put off your future encounters! No matter how caught up in the moment and nighyt you are with them, just let them ask you out for the next date! Start initiating more once they prove they are interested. Proving they are interested, means they text you and ask you more. If he was into you, he would have texted within 3 days. If you say nothing for ages, he might remember you, in which case u should just be yourself, and let him do the initiating. iti s just as likely, though, that he will not contact you again. Ever. It could go either way.
PlumPrincess Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You need to realize that everything you're doing is coming off needy and clingy...even If the sole purpose of the action was to prove otherwise! You can't go back in time and take back an action...all you can do is change the next move...so by sending him a "Oh I'm so sorry for coming off pushy, please disregard!....but hey let's do this again"..It shows that you're thinking so much about this person that you're insisting on contact and you're doing everything you can to make sure you're acting out in the right balance. It's too much trying on your part, too much pressure...don't you realize most women fall for men pretty easily when they really like a guy? let him get to know you first, men don't just fall for someone that easily...women make themselves too available as it is so that's not really anything special, especially If you think this guy is a capable guy. You've got to keep a cool head and maintain the pace of these situations instead of getting lost in them...now I doubt he's going to take you very seriously even If he does seem interested or is, you're just making yourself way too available and easy...there's nothing a man finds compelling, intriguing or even sexy about that. Hopefully for you he's part of the small percentage that won't take advantage when it's right in front of his face that he can, all he has to do is reach out and take it...you'll just be swept away and you're not even letting him make any effort...quite sad indeed. I meant the same, but I guess, I should elaborate my comments a bit more. I recognize myself so much in these words. Self-realization is great.
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