I think this is it...

[fishtaco]

Oh man...this is painful to read. You are way too much of a nice guy. Why go dancing with her and her friends if you have already made up your mind to dump her?? Tell her you are not coming. And tomorrow, tell her that it's over.

 

Haha yeah I know, unfortunately. I'm an "ex-nice guy". I could turn that face off when I date, because well, you know what happens to nice guys, and I've been trained to do so. But ultimately, it comes out in a relationship because that's who I am.

 

I do care about her. If I cared any less I would have walked out on her last week, and this would have been a non issue.

[fishtaco]

She saw me and could tell something was wrong. I had to do it. Now I feel like a f-ing jerk.

 

That sucked. Really really bad.

[dasein]

Rip the bandaid, only stings for a second. You bent over backwards and were far more patient than many of us would have been. Don't feel bad.

[zengirl]

She saw me and could tell something was wrong. I had to do it. Now I feel like a f-ing jerk.

 

That sucked. Really really bad.

 

Breakups always suck, but you're not a jerk. You wanted to do it as kindly as possible --- that's all anyone can ask for in such situations. Putting it off doesn't really help anyone.

 

Anyway, the lesson about being assertive of your boundaries and not accepting bad behavior is a good one, IMO. If you can bring that into your next R (a ways away, I imagine), I think it will help you. I do not think that we should "train" partners, but we should assert boundaries that allow them to know how we will and won't be treated -- it will scare away some people, for good reason. Those people don't like treating others appropriately. The Jekyll and Hyde thing doesn't work -- good lesson -- but neither does smoothing over every fight by yourself and accepting poor behavior.

 

At any rate, you can only go forward.