irc333 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I genuinely had NO way of making friends easily!!!!!!1 I really was not after a relationship, just friends or casual sex every one and again, with a nice guy I enjoyed seeing. Well, is this nice guy eventually going to want to get physical, even in a non-sexual way...like hand holding or even . *gasp* Kissing *Gasp* lol But it's cool you've started something with someone...but if he starts liking you in 'that way"...he might expect at LEAST a kiss. Fair warning and all.
irc333 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Follow up to my last post, I met a woman on POF that just wanted to do the "Friends" thing......she said she met a lot of strange perverted men online...and she said I was FINALLY a guy that wasn't like that...but even though she enjoyed my company ....she kind of...after her experience with other guys...decided to just want to be friends with me....I was kind of "well, I dunno" about it, but she was lonely, all her friends wre married and occupied with their lives.....and really was just looking for friends both male and female. Me and some friends were going out camping....and she's a BIG outdoors buff. I was bringing my own tent.....then she said, "Well,I have a nice 5 person tent, you can sleep with ME you like....but dont' try anything!" And she kinda giggled. We were going to be doing some swimming with the group, and she made some remark about an on going gag we had (before she FZ'ed me) about me wearing a speedo and her wearing a thong. But, the whole "Sleeping arrangement" remark kinda put ME off....and I said, "No, I'd be okay with using my OWN tent, thank you" She was being a tease , even after she FZ'ed me. Kind of a turn off.
RedRobin Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Follow up to my last post, I met a woman on POF that just wanted to do the "Friends" thing......she said she met a lot of strange perverted men online...and she said I was FINALLY a guy that wasn't like that...but even though she enjoyed my company ....she kind of...after her experience with other guys...decided to just want to be friends with me....I was kind of "well, I dunno" about it, but she was lonely, all her friends wre married and occupied with their lives.....and really was just looking for friends both male and female. Me and some friends were going out camping....and she's a BIG outdoors buff. I was bringing my own tent.....then she said, "Well,I have a nice 5 person tent, you can sleep with ME you like....but dont' try anything!" And she kinda giggled. We were going to be doing some swimming with the group, and she made some remark about an on going gag we had (before she FZ'ed me) about me wearing a speedo and her wearing a thong. But, the whole "Sleeping arrangement" remark kinda put ME off....and I said, "No, I'd be okay with using my OWN tent, thank you" She was being a tease , even after she FZ'ed me. Kind of a turn off. I try not to use names like 'tease'... because it means different things to different people. On one hand... she's new to the area and wants to get her feet on the ground. Wanting to be friends and have activity partners is one way to do that. I won't fault her for maybe wanting to push things in a different direction if she found herself attracted to you after knowing you a bit more. BUT (and this is a big BUT)... I completely agree with you that the hot/cold thing... friends/not friends thing is really annoying and NOT cool. I don't agree with how she is going about things. She knows what she told you. If she had a change of heart, it is up to her to tell you upfront... not dangle stupid sex carrots just to keep the attention flowing.
xxoo Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Me and some friends were going out camping....and she's a BIG outdoors buff. I was bringing my own tent.....then she said, "Well,I have a nice 5 person tent, you can sleep with ME you like....but dont' try anything!" I hope you made a joke about "pitching a tent" for her! It's ok to make her a little uncomfortable, too.
joystickd Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Follow up to my last post, I met a woman on POF that just wanted to do the "Friends" thing......she said she met a lot of strange perverted men online...and she said I was FINALLY a guy that wasn't like that...but even though she enjoyed my company ....she kind of...after her experience with other guys...decided to just want to be friends with me....I was kind of "well, I dunno" about it, but she was lonely, all her friends wre married and occupied with their lives.....and really was just looking for friends both male and female. Me and some friends were going out camping....and she's a BIG outdoors buff. I was bringing my own tent.....then she said, "Well,I have a nice 5 person tent, you can sleep with ME you like....but dont' try anything!" And she kinda giggled. We were going to be doing some swimming with the group, and she made some remark about an on going gag we had (before she FZ'ed me) about me wearing a speedo and her wearing a thong. But, the whole "Sleeping arrangement" remark kinda put ME off....and I said, "No, I'd be okay with using my OWN tent, thank you" She was being a tease , even after she FZ'ed me. Kind of a turn off. If it had been me she would have kept being lonely.
RedRobin Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 In this world of quick hookups, there has to be SOME other way to get to know someone other than f-ing by date 3. I have no problems with the go slow, lets get to know each other approach. My preference (most know) is to start out rather cautiously.... not all that differently than this lady might have. If that means the guy isn't going to bother, then I guess I have to be ok with that. I'm also very aware that I have (in the past) given some mixed signals unintentionally. However, I would not have offered to have a guy sleep in my tent after telling him I just wanted to be friends. Nope. If my feelings had changed, I'd find a spot next to him at the campfire and cuddle up. And then tell him some things I really liked about him. I still wouldn't be sharing my tent though.
xxoo Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) I'm also very aware that I have (in the past) given some mixed signals unintentionally. However, I would not have offered to have a guy sleep in my tent after telling him I just wanted to be friends. Nope. I wouldn't either. Maybe I would have when I was in my teens or early 20s and immature, but not since growing up. But then, I'd expect a man to have a strong comeback to such a strong "tease". Men I know would say something playfully crude back, such as the "pitching my own tent" comment, or insisting on sharing a sleeping bag, or something that pushes back and tells her "if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch". When a "friend" flirts with you--up the ante! Edited April 26, 2012 by xxoo
joystickd Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 In this world of quick hookups, there has to be SOME other way to get to know someone other than f-ing by date 3. I have no problems with the go slow, lets get to know each other approach. My preference (most know) is to start out rather cautiously.... not all that differently than this lady might have. If that means the guy isn't going to bother, then I guess I have to be ok with that. I'm also very aware that I have (in the past) given some mixed signals unintentionally. However, I would not have offered to have a guy sleep in my tent after telling him I just wanted to be friends. Nope. If my feelings had changed, I'd find a spot next to him at the campfire and cuddle up. And then tell him some things I really liked about him. I still wouldn't be sharing my tent though. Three date rule I always thought initially was for guys that had trouble with women. It served kind of as a time frame to know whether or not she is really attracted to you. Its not a bad thing in my opinion
sid3 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I'd find a spot next to him at the campfire and cuddle up. And then tell him some things I really liked about him.. That's sounds nice, I'd tell you a sexy story, god I love camping!
piggyoink Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 That's sounds nice, I'd tell you a sexy story, god I love camping! "This one time, at LS Camp, I _________"
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 If it had been me she would have kept being lonely. Same here. There are social groups for lonely people. I doubt irc would have done it for an ugly woman.
irc333 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Same here. There are social groups for lonely people. I doubt irc would have done it for an ugly woman. Not sure what you mean by this. Please elaborate.
xxoo Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I'm guessing he means you didn't hang out with her because you were concerned that she is lonely. You did it because you were attracted to her. And if she is that lonely, there are much better ways to make friends than to seek out men on a dating site. Men on a dating site should not feel bad about telling a woman, "sorry, I'm looking for a partner not a friend". irc, why not make a sexual comment back when a woman "teases"? Keep pushing it further until she either 1. sleeps with you, or 2. fears teasing you.
irc333 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I'm guessing he means you didn't hang out with her because you were concerned that she is lonely. You did it because you were attracted to her. And if she is that lonely, there are much better ways to make friends than to seek out men on a dating site. Men on a dating site should not feel bad about telling a woman, "sorry, I'm looking for a partner not a friend". irc, why not make a sexual comment back when a woman "teases"? Keep pushing it further until she either 1. sleeps with you, or 2. fears teasing you. Because, it turned me off, I don't like it when a woman flips flops like that....so I just blew it off and changed the subject. Past couple of phone encounters she kept pressing the "FZ" thing, and then she pulled this crap, I didn't want to "up the ante" my choice....I'm one of those rare guys that doesn't have that much tolerance for that kind of behavior.
xxoo Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 It seems to me like you have more tolerance for it than others. Many men wouldn't let it her do it at all. They'd call her bluff, and she'd either put up (date you) or shut up (stop teasing).
RedRobin Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 That's sounds nice, I'd tell you a sexy story, god I love camping! .. a sexy story, huh? Hmm... I guess it would depend on how many days we would have been camping by then Could be a scary story, ha ha
RedRobin Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Because, it turned me off, I don't like it when a woman flips flops like that....so I just blew it off and changed the subject. Past couple of phone encounters she kept pressing the "FZ" thing, and then she pulled this crap, I didn't want to "up the ante" my choice....I'm one of those rare guys that doesn't have that much tolerance for that kind of behavior. Your approach is ok. In her initial responses, it was sounding more like she was a go-slow kind of person... I agree that the back and forth/hot and cold thing is not warranted. You know what? Now that we've had a chance to hear more of the story... I probably wouldn't have agreed to go camping unless I was firmly in one 'camp' or the other. Either solidly interested or solidly friend. Camping to me is kind of like sleeping over at someone's house. Or has the potential to be. I wouldn't leave that up to chance... and I"m a woman who had male friends. TBH, I can't think of any male friends I'd go camping with alone or in a group unless it was a hiking Meetup activity group and it was planned that way. I'd go if their GF/wife were there. If he were single, and I was going, it would be because I was interested AND could trust him.
RedRobin Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Three date rule I always thought initially was for guys that had trouble with women. It served kind of as a time frame to know whether or not she is really attracted to you. Its not a bad thing in my opinion Ok, so what about women who want to develop intimacy and trust before having sex. Would you agree that there are other ways to establish interest short of intercourse? I really do understand why the 'rule' is there. I just don't imagine there is too much filtering of a-holes going on before then. If he were someone I'd gotten to know before the official 'date' then maybe that changes things. But since many people are talking about OLD, what this amounts to is f-ing strangers after knowing them, what, less time than most people spend on an average workday? Seriously.
Bob_Funk Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Only under two conditions: 1) I don't want to sleep with her. Since I want to sleep with almost every girl under 40, I guess she'd have to be old. 2) She has a very masculine psychology.
joystickd Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Ok, so what about women who want to develop intimacy and trust before having sex. Would you agree that there are other ways to establish interest short of intercourse? I really do understand why the 'rule' is there. I just don't imagine there is too much filtering of a-holes going on before then. If he were someone I'd gotten to know before the official 'date' then maybe that changes things. But since many people are talking about OLD, what this amounts to is f-ing strangers after knowing them, what, less time than most people spend on an average workday? Seriously. physical contact is the way a man know you are interested. There are women that use men based off of the idea of sex. So unless you offer some form of physical contact to a lot of guys its hard to know if a woman is into you.
PlumPrincess Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I don't know many single woman who actually have hobbies. Are you the kind of man who is attractive to interesting women? Now you know why I like having male friends too. You sound like the women who engage in bashing their own gender in order to look favorably to men.
RedRobin Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 You sound like the women who engage in bashing their own gender in order to look favorably to men. Naah, I think I 'bash' both genders rather equally. I hear you about women who suck up to men though by bashing their own. Duly noted. I don't think I do that here, but ok.
RedRobin Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 physical contact is the way a man know you are interested. There are women that use men based off of the idea of sex. So unless you offer some form of physical contact to a lot of guys its hard to know if a woman is into you. I understand the physical contact part.
Chubbi Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 This is going to sound silly but, when I read some of the older male posts on the thread, I think about how much of a better person I would be, as a 22 yr female, if I had them as friends. I would be much less naiive, more wise and understanding across differences. Unfortunately, society says no way in hell can 40 yr old men be just friends with 22 yr old women and vice versa. How many young males could learn a lot if they had a buddy system with an older woman, that was stictly platonic! The older person would be doing community service and helping the college student out with life lessons and her dating habits. 1
PlumPrincess Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Naah, I think I 'bash' both genders rather equally. I hear you about women who suck up to men though by bashing their own. Duly noted. I don't think I do that here, but ok. You support a statement like this: Originally Posted by phineas View Post I don't know many single woman who actually have hobbies. and don't think you're biased? This is a generalizing statement that is just stupid.
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