Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Now to the douches... - first guy, we did hang out one night when I was with my boyfriend, and although we DID have things to talk about, he would have prob liked to make a move. He slept next to me ( we literally fell asleep, innoccent stuff trust me) but when I woke up, he was touching my butt in his sleep. Apparently, he is a " cuddly sleeper". Yeah right. So, since that incident, I keep my physical distance from men... I was naive before, that is for SURE ha. - The other dude I met online, I ended up wanting to just be friends, because I met Andrew my b/f, a few days prior, and do not have it in my to multi date. This guy was perfect for me, in terms of interests, physical preference, etc..... He was VERY KEEN to be my bofriend, though, and when i asked him if we could just be friends, he said no, he wanted a " soul mate". LAME. Sorry, but I love making new friends. I wish more people were like me in that respect. I find it easier to have aquaintances, like another poster said; People you hang out with in a group setting, go clubbing with or for a beer with in a group, who u enjoy talking to, but do not meet up one on one with, or divulge much about your problems and personal issues to. Although, The fist dude U used to see more, I can see myself becoming good friend with him and there being NO sexual undertone. Good friends with the opposite sex is RARE but definately possible!!!
johan Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I'm going to ask the moderators to write a guideline against opposite sex friendships. That will settle this once and for all. 1
El Brujo Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I keep seeing people on LS saying how girls having male friends is bad and ruins relationships this is so weird to me and seems like one of those middle school dances where the girls stick to one side and the boys to the other in fear of each other. I feel like mature adults can be friends with someone of the gender they are attracted to Alright then, Doctor Ruth... see if you can find me a woman who likes making things. Go ahead, I dare you.
Titania22 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 He was VERY KEEN to be my bofriend, though, and when i asked him if we could just be friends, he said no, he wanted a " soul mate". LAME. Sorry, but I love making new friends. I wish more people were like me in that respect. I don' think it's lame to know what you want and not settle for less. Also if he was attracted to you, it would no doubt be frustrating and upsetting to even try to be acquainted. Sure it's great making new friends, but not with people whom you secretly desire for more. Now that would be lame. 1
carhill Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I feel like mature adults can be friends with someone of the gender they are attracted to The key word is 'mature'. 4
El Brujo Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 The key word is 'mature'. Unfortunately, my late grandmother taught me that 80 is the new 2.
carhill Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I know exactly what you mean, right down to changing the diapers but, before that, wisdom and experience were the epitome of maturity, along with having a full life and many opposite sex friends. It's doable. 2
Professor X Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 He was VERY KEEN to be my bofriend, though, and when i asked him if we could just be friends, he said no, he wanted a " soul mate". LAME. Sorry, but I love making new friends. I wish more people were like me in that respect. It's anything but lame. He doesn't wanna torture himself in being your friends while you're banging other men. You're just being selfish.
Andy_K Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I have made a couple of male friends so far, since moving towns. - two of them had girlfriends at the time. One was attracted to me and hs an open relationship, but he knows I am NOT interested in him and never will be, therefore he honestly just enjoys my company. Like some men ( not a lot or many) he finds me attractive, and enjoys looking at me... but come on, there is more to our interaction than him looking at me. And I am not THAt pretty. - the other dude just is not my type, had a gf, and there was not the slightest bit of chemistry there! We are purely friends. I am not attracted to him. He told me I am pretty, and I HAD a great body when I hung out with him last, so he was probably aware I had a good figure and thought of me as pretty ( to him, again, I am not universally or clasically good looking). In either case, no guy has the intention of having sex with me or being my boyfriend, especially the second guy. You are being incredibly naive here. Wake up. The second guy said you are pretty and have a great body. If you were single and said you wanted to sleep with him, what do you think the chances of him saying 'No' are? As for the first guy, just because you've told him you'll never be interested doesn't mean he's not still hoping you might change your mind at some point. Again, if you were single and told him you wanted him, do you think he'd really say no? These guys may not have any intention of making a move on you, but make no mistake, they are not entirely platonic.
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 It's anything but lame. He doesn't wanna torture himself in being your friends while you're banging other men. You're just being selfish. LOL - he barly knew me!!!! I was a fitness freak, so I was tiny with huge tits and pretty at the time - he thought I was hot, he did not have feelings for me. He did not even know me man.... However, I we had the same career aspiration, same fitness interests ( runners...), and so much in common, and seamed VERy compatable, much more so than the guy I ended up with, so I thought! I guess he saw me as a great option for him. Perhaps he had enough friends, and did not want to hang out with a female who was in ridiculously good shape, who he was sexually very attracted to, and who was a sweet girl to him? I guess I don't blame him. I was Naive to think friendships work between men and women in ALL cases. I guess it was harsh to call him lame though! What I mean to say, is that I love to constantly meet new people ( albiet filter a lot out that do not catch my interest or are unkind), where as he was talking about only wanting a soulmate, and was not even OPEN to being friends. I actually wanted to hang out with him to see how it went, cos I felt incompatable with my own b/f! I had only JUST met my b/f online, and I met that guy a few days later. I thought I could multi date but it was not in me, and I could not in fact, see both men. Besides, my b/f did not want to share me. WHich I thought sucked. I would have let him, until we knew for SURE we wanted each other... THAT was the " b*tch" part. I was worse than selfish, actually, as I wanted to keep him around, get to know him, and decide which guy I was interested in. Essentially, date b/f, see how it goes, and see if the other guy was a better match. All the while, my boyfriend had absolutely no idea. Luckily, that was the old me. I did a lot of sh*tty things with my b/f that I learnt from, thankgod. I am GLAD he blocked contact with me when he wanted me, and I kept holding out, saying " lets be friends, I am not ready to leave my b/f yet, although I am unsure about him". I can readily admit that I am a **** speller, compared to educated people, and that I have done some things I am not proud of.
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 There was tihs GOD AWFUL guy in high school! He had a doting g/f for a year, and they were very close.. but he kept making lots of female friends, and not being able to control himself around them!!!!!!!!! Literally, he made ten female friends and ended up liking about 8 of them, ANY of them that were not totally repulsive pretty much!!!' He was the first guy who touched me. We went to the movies, with me and my female friend, who he also liked. He ended up fooling around with us BOTh at the movies, while he had a girlfriend!!! THERE is an example of the worst type of guy - makes female friends, lots of them, tels himself he will not cheat again, and ends up falling for all of them! LOL. I did not feel right, so I told his girlfriend EVERYTHING. Apparently, although she hated me, she said she respected me because out of all the girls he cheated on her with, I was the only one who admitted it to her. Poor girl.... We even hung out afterwards, me, her AND her b/f... when I had my ne boyfriend, a year or so after. F8ck that, if I loved a guy, I would not take him back, much less go to the movies ( the IRONY..) with a group of ppl, including the GIRL who admitted she fooled around with your B/F!!!1 Yes we all went to the movies together, my and my new b/f and her and her.. jerk boyfriend ha. Young people are stupid. F8ck.
crazylove Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 "Neither gender can successfully "be friends" with opposite sex people who they find attractive and have feelings for. " ...exactly this...
phineas Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Alright then, Doctor Ruth... see if you can find me a woman who likes making things. Go ahead, I dare you. hahaha! Yeah, my friends helped me renovate my house. I've had very few women friends help me at all & most just faded out when they realized they had to watch/help me work because I was too busy to goto a bar & listen to them complain. I don't know many single woman who actually have hobbies. Perhaps I will give meetup a try this summer. I at best have female acquaintances that i can call upon for specific things such as clothes shopping, christmas shopping, decorating my home, ect. Women do love dressing guys & decorating.
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 "Neither gender can successfully "be friends" with opposite sex people who they find attractive and have feelings for. " ...exactly this... But, how easy is it to get feelings for a girl, just because you are attracted to her looks, and she is really nice and decent? I think chemistry is the determiner. Chemistry is something that can form if you allow it, but is not there initially OR, on the other hand; it is so strong u stay away from each other if your not ssingle!
phineas Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I know exactly what you mean, right down to changing the diapers but, before that, wisdom and experience were the epitome of maturity, along with having a full life and many opposite sex friends. It's doable. It's doable from my end. But every time it's the woman who claimed they just wanted to be friends in the first place that crosses the line. I'm going as far back as college here. Best I can do is women I know & see maybe a few times a yr or when I need to go shopping for clothes.
RedRobin Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I don't know many single woman who actually have hobbies. Now you know why I like having male friends too.
Professor X Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 LOL - he barly knew me!!!! Doesn't really matter if he knew you or not, he was already infatuated by you and thus he was "all-in" at that point.
Andy_K Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 But, how easy is it to get feelings for a girl, just because you are attracted to her looks, and she is really nice and decent? I think chemistry is the determiner. Chemistry is something that can form if you allow it, but is not there initially OR, on the other hand; it is so strong u stay away from each other if your not ssingle! Most guys don't need a whole lot of what you refer to as 'chemistry'. If she's hot, nice, and reasonably fun to be around, then a guy will probably start to like her in that way if he doesn't stop himself.
irc333 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Yeah, there's this one woman that is moving into my small rural area from HI, she responded to my profile and said she saw no attraction, but....she's willing to be my friend or activity partner when she gets into town. I refused it because, well, this is a dating site, and men want something romantic, and perhaps she should find other venues to meet people both male and female alike for such things. She actually just adjusted her profile and added it by saying, "I'm just moving into the area, getting settled in, so I'm not in my space to be dating now....but willing to find activity partners/friends, which is good for now." She said she is aware her profile says she's looking for "long term" however, she's wanting friends and acquaintances for now. Wack job. Can't make up her mind.
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Most guys don't need a whole lot of what you refer to as 'chemistry'. If she's hot, nice, and reasonably fun to be around, then a guy will probably start to like her in that way if he doesn't stop himself. Great then. Not everyone will love me, but.. Basically, I am a very nice girl, who is fun to be around to a lot of guys. My strong point, is that I am really nice, and fun to be around. Does that mean most men I associate with will come to like me, if they find me to be quiet awesome? My pesonality is what stands out far more than my slightly above average looks, by the way. I HAVE AN IDEA - since I am not a skinny, super model stunner - why not hang out with guys who do not find me attractive:) EASY easy easy. I have found the solution. Happy endings for me:) Guy friends, here I come.... wait a sec, though; even though I am not their type physically, could they fall for me if I am amazing for them to be around? If I am not totally hideous, but they are not at all attracted to me at first? Hopefully not. I have a bad nose, so...
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Yeah, there's this one woman that is moving into my small rural area from HI, she responded to my profile and said she saw no attraction, but....she's willing to be my friend or activity partner when she gets into town. I refused it because, well, this is a dating site, and men want something romantic, and perhaps she should find other venues to meet people both male and female alike for such things. She actually just adjusted her profile and added it by saying, "I'm just moving into the area, getting settled in, so I'm not in my space to be dating now....but willing to find activity partners/friends, which is good for now." She said she is aware her profile says she's looking for "long term" however, she's wanting friends and acquaintances for now. Wack job. Can't make up her mind. OI! when I moved to MY new area, I did not have a job or was not working and studying at first, so I joined a dating site TO MEET FRIENDS!!!!!!!! Some guys would not even bother after a while - they thought I was nice enough to chat with, attractive enough to shag, and eventually they blocked me. Most of them. I genuinely had NO way of making friends easily!!!!!!1 I really was not after a relationship, just friends or casual sex every one and again, with a nice guy I enjoyed seeing.
Titania22 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Doesn't really matter if he knew you or not, he was already infatuated by you and thus he was "all-in" at that point. Nice use of the SC2 lingo. *thumbs up*
JEL123 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Please take a look at my thread, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/322288-dumped-my-girlfriend-1-5-years-10-days-ago Any advice will help. Thanks!
piggyoink Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 Many people these days want activity partnets, its normal.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I just saw this topic now. My experience: I have never had a true male friend. Sure, I have had acquaintances and that worked, but even there there was some kind of tension in one-on-one situations. I had a best male friend when I was 24. We hang out one on one a lot and shared our dating stories. Then we got a bit drunk and made out. And then it happened a few times. We finally realized that we were not romantically compatible and the friendship drifted apart. It's also funny how my casual male friend all wanted to catch up once my relationship ended. They all wanted to console me. I thought "how sweet" until I actually had dinner/drinks with 3 of them. I felt distinctly uncomfortable in ALL 3 situations. They sat too close, they touched me too much, they flirted and looked at my boobs/legs too much. One signal from me and they would be all over it Last week, my married male work friends bought me dinner. We were both hungry and worked late. So at the dinner, the conversation quickly turned to sex. Then 2 days later, he suggested dinner again (one on one). He is married so I felt it's not appropriate and declined. My friends have pretty similar experiences to this. So yeah, it's a NO.
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