She want's to take a break, see other people than jumps right in with a co-worker.

[abe5]

She wants to take a break, see what's out there after two years and she started dating a coworker immediately upon saying. I had a feeling but she denied it when i asked, didn't admit this for 3 weeks after I saw her texting this guy. We had a complicated relationship but great compatibility even though it might not seem. Timing was a off I guess by a year. She says the pressure is on for her now that she's 40 and needs to find the right guy. . Some details: We live in two different communities, her stress level, grind of the single mom life, understandably, the job & the fact she has two kids (5 and 13) with 2 deadbeat exes ( one, a true sociopath) that would torment her, stalk me to give me messages such as she's a whore and he F'd her behind my back, also sent me graphic pics of her and him which certainly didn't help my confidence in her past decisions, hard to see those images and take his tormenting. I began building a trust issues against her after seeing guys numbers in her phone ( i know bad, but i felt i needed to confirm if shes working around me) and began pulling back my affection to her. We had a some fights where she flew off the handle big time and scared me, stuff like that. I built a wall up that I was beginning to tear down, grow more into us and I was slowly coming to appreciating us as a couple more and more, understand her craziness and mine too,seeing we could actually be something long term. I needed to do it at my pace not rushed like she wanted. Thinking we can actually make us work; I started to want to change my ways ( hanging out at the bars, being more affectionate, attentive,etc) and settle down with her. Me: beginning to truly think about how to make it work with our living arrangements and loving the foundation of our friendship and love for each other. I am ready to have a different lifestyle now, finally and really want us together despite the challenges. But than the let's take a break talk and see other people. She gave up claiming lack of affection, appreciation, I drink too much, don't prioritize her etc.... But she won't say it's over. If I say why don't you just end it she won't, still loves me and leads me on that she needs time. I'm devastated about her rushing into this other guys arms. She says she want's to keep her options open and needs time. I cant take much more of this because it's eating me up inside. She still seems interested, wants to hang out once a week but I feel I'm getting disrespected, I can't not stop holding to hope. I had the come to jesus talk, and meant it that I take the next step. I'm ready to change my life, ways and have no fear of it. ( no more cold feet) I really want to now not just to save what we have but I feel we'll really grow into a solid relationship. Soooo Maybe too late. I'm to blame for becoming distant and lacked affection but always loved her and did care for her deeply and she always claimed the same. She is very needy and I'm not great at giving attention. But I see many of these things as fixable, I deeply want to work on them because i do truly love her and we have fun for real most the time. Who has a perfect situation? They say you marry you're best friend. We really have a strong communion, We love each other and still say it to each other after a month. I feel great when we hang out than go to despair because we wont talk for a few days, we hang out once a week or so and really have a great time and it feels amazing. My hopes get up than back to the gutter. I know she's hanging out with another and I want to jump off a mountain. She used to beg me to make the marriage commitment, with the grass isn't any greener talk, which I wasn't ready. By the time I decided to change my ways and wanted to go for it 100%, she wants the break and needs to process her feelings about it to think about it. I am guilty of not showing my inside and did accelerate when the "break" talk came up. But she is my soul-mate and my true love. I'm so crushed and miss her every minute. Should i just except and consider it over? She can't seem to say it and I can't do this much longer. I booked a session with a counselor: can't eat much, struggle through work, sleep poorly. I'm a mess and need her in my life......... I'm so mad at myself for the way I was and didn't heed the warning signs and now I'm paying......Feel hopeless, heartbroken and defeated. Any comments beside you're an idiot please..

[theother]

You're not an idiot.

Your timing was just off. It happens sometimes.

While she was 'waiting' (with pressure too, I'd imagine) for you to make a decision to be hers and hers alone you appeared to her as someone able to 'play the field'. (Not that that's what you were doing.)

Since then you decided that you really do want her and her alone and she's started to look around to see if there's anyone else who might want to be with her. Frankly, she got sick of waiting.

What you can take from that is that maybe her love for you wasn't the kind of love that was going to be able to make it long term in a monogamous relationship and so it might be better for you to find that out now rather than 20 years, a mortgage and three kids later. Obviously, that happens.

The best thing you can do now is follow the path you feel most comfortable with for your life and don't allow her to control it if she's not going to give you 100% of herself.

Maybe she never was going to give that same 100% commitment, whereas you saw the great weight of such an extreme decision and were naturally anxious about making such a huge commitment. That's normal self preservation.

Sounds like your instincts steered you away from her to some extent and guarded you there, despite it being somewhat subconscious.

A 'break' from each other doesn't mean going off with others while you're on a break.

That's a break-up and nothing less.

I hope she's not expecting you to be waiting for her and you have to ask yourself, 'If she's done this to me, is she really going to be someone I want to commit myself wholly to for the rest of my life?'

She's betrayed your trust and you might have very fortunately avoided getting hitched to someone who appeared to be the right one but was in reality short of what you really deserve.