He wants a second chance of sorts, but I am not sure how to express what I feel...

[HollyHoliday]

Had a horrible breakup about 10 months ago. While I had my doubts about him, I could never of expected how horribly he handled the breakup. I was shocked by his actions, and a mess for months.

 

 

The reasons behind the breakup were that I had an issue with his attitude and how I felt he could only give affection on his own terms and not receive it from me; he felt incredibly unhappy with where he was in his life (work, school, etc) and said he needed to make his future number 1, and I didn't deserve to be number 2. While his "reasons" seem honorable, he decided to break up with me the day of my college graduation, which was also the time he was supposed to meet my family for the first time. I could go on about what he did wrong, but it is just depressing.

 

 

I believe he truly showed me who he really is: someone who holds incredibly high standards/judgements on others, but has not yet learned how to practice what he preaches. He said he knew that I was the best girl out there for him; to me, that just showed me that if he couldn't treat "the one" in the right way, he wasn't the one for me. I know now that in a romantic sense, we were absolutely incompatible.

 

 

I said I wanted NC once we broke up. Four months after the BU he contacted me, in which I said I wasn't interested in talking to him. He continued to be persistent, in which I decided that talking may give me closure.

 

We are at the point now where he has asked to see me on numerous occasions, and I either say no or that I have to think about it. I would like to put things to rest and behind me, and be able to forgive him and myself for how broken up I was after. I feel that if I am able to forge some type of...not friendship, but to at least some type of amicable relationship where I know that I can enter my next relationship saying that that book is closed.

 

But how do I express that it is too late for him to make any of the things that he did right? That he leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and that I don't feel he can really do anything to change that? I also want him to understand that he had his chance to make his apology mean something, but saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way," or "I just didn't know what to do," etc. isn't going to cut it?

 

I also had suspicious during our relationship that he was texting another girl. Would it even be worth it to bring that up now and ask if he was or not?

 

Any help is appreciated :/

[Philosoraptor]

If you don't feel like you will be able to give this another chance then just be honest. Tell him that you are unable to look past the history of the relationship which would make any attempt at a second chance a failure.

 

There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. Just because you can forgive someone doesn't mean that it doesn't change your view of them.