Welcome2MyLife Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Hi all, I'm new to the site as a member but have often browsed as a "guest" and noticed a lot of great advice so, here goes nothing. A bit of background to my situation. & years ago a met a man and he seemed to be a fantastic guy. We were extremely compatible and complimented each other well. He had just (weeks) gotten out of a 12 yr relationship 10 of them married to this woman. Within 2 months we moved in together within 1.5 years we bought a home and was engaged. I still had one child at home and at first he was fantastic.. but that changed. He hated my child and was almost jealous of him. Along with this he has some serious angry issues, always flying off the handle at nothing and being extremely negative. Needless to say after 4 years I asked to go our sep ways and we did. Right away he got a new GF and she left him and then he met another woman and then within 8 months he was engaged to another woman. After being engaged for 2 months they broke up and he and i starting talking and I had remained alone for the 1.5 years this took place and I thought he might of changed. I gave him that 2nd chance and he was great for 6 months then the true colours started to show. Angry all the time, thinking every man wanted me etc. don't get me wrong he has some fantastic qualities. I stuck it out because I truly loved this man and believed we had this 2nd chance for a reason. After 10 months of being back together (not living together) I found out he was on a dating site looking for women. He says he was just looking around. Needless to say, I left him and after one month he is with a new woman I haven't spoke to him but he told a friend that he loves me but likes sleeping with her and that I am the love of his life. I find I am having a hard time forgetting about him. I think of him way too much and I am sad he forced my hand to walk away. Was I wrong to walk away? he never even tried to fight for it. Any tips on "getting over it" Much thanks
Patrice Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Get over him and move on .. after the 2nd strike? Can you imagine being married to this man who is jealous of your child? He evidently is exhibiting the same qualities with other women that cause you to take pause. We've all been there .. better fish in the sea ... don't settle for someone you know isn't what you really want or need.
WildHorses Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Have you ever taken into consideration that he might be a Narcissist? Read up on that stuff online, I just dated one. The relationship hopping he does, and getting so serious with people rather quickly alerts me. Also, the act of possible cheating. Did you say he acts jealous? Did he seem like a real charmer in the beginning? Plenty of information out there online about NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I wish you the best. Stay strong. Keep writing here at LoveShack.
CaliBabe Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 He sounds like he jumps from one relationship to another. He probably uses women as an emotional crutch as there is something wrong with him inside. There must be some psycological issues if he feels the need to have someone with him at all times. I mean he was already engaged to someone else before he came back to you? That would make me feel like I am second best... Like being engaged is no big deal to him. He really needs to sort himself out or he will just continue doing this to each woman he meets. You are best to find someone else more suitable for you. I know that is alot easier said than done, but I think you will save yourself future heartache by ending this now and moving onto someone who will appreciate you and not throw you into this cycle again.
Author Welcome2MyLife Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Get over him and move on .. after the 2nd strike? Can you imagine being married to this man who is jealous of your child? He evidently is exhibiting the same qualities with other women that cause you to take pause. We've all been there .. better fish in the sea ... don't settle for someone you know isn't what you really want or need. Thanks, you are right I couldn't imagine being married to him if he loved me that means loving my children just like I did with his..
Author Welcome2MyLife Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Have you ever taken into consideration that he might be a Narcissist? Read up on that stuff online, I just dated one. The relationship hopping he does, and getting so serious with people rather quickly alerts me. Also, the act of possible cheating. Did you say he acts jealous? Did he seem like a real charmer in the beginning? Plenty of information out there online about NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I wish you the best. Stay strong. Keep writing here at LoveShack. He has no self confidence and always would say I was too good for him, ask why I loved him and when I told him he would say I was blind or lying. Re the Narcissistic Personality Disorder he does have the: React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation Relationship, work, and family problems Thanks for your reply
Author Welcome2MyLife Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 He sounds like he jumps from one relationship to another. He probably uses women as an emotional crutch as there is something wrong with him inside. There must be some psycological issues if he feels the need to have someone with him at all times. I mean he was already engaged to someone else before he came back to you? That would make me feel like I am second best... Like being engaged is no big deal to him. He really needs to sort himself out or he will just continue doing this to each woman he meets. You are best to find someone else more suitable for you. I know that is alot easier said than done, but I think you will save yourself future heartache by ending this now and moving onto someone who will appreciate you and not throw you into this cycle again. Oh yes I have ended it. It's been over three months. I agree there are a ton of issues with him and I think I've been saved a world of hurt down the line
WildHorses Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 He has no self confidence and always would say I was too good for him, ask why I loved him and when I told him he would say I was blind or lying. Re the Narcissistic Personality Disorder he does have the: React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation Relationship, work, and family problems Thanks for your reply My Narcissistic ex said the same thing. He always thought I was going to leave him. He did not believe me when I would tell him how much I cared for him. I was always there for him. NOTHING I could do was ever good enough.
Author Welcome2MyLife Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 My Narcissistic ex said the same thing. He always thought I was going to leave him. He did not believe me when I would tell him how much I cared for him. I was always there for him. NOTHING I could do was ever good enough. *sigh* and we are the ones ending up feeling bad
WildHorses Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I felt bad for a few months after the relationship ended. I felt horrible. But, then I realized, that this was not a healthy relationship. I'm soooo much happier being single, and able to do what I please. Nobody is constantly criticising everything I do. After getting through the pain of the breakup, things get better. I realize that I should have never been in that relationship. I feel amazing, and I thank God that this came to an end when it did. Just remember, if in fact, he is a narcissist, even if he is controlling, verbally abusive, don't lose your self worth. Remember, you are a good person. Nobody should ever take away how you view yourself! If you are in something that is completely unhealthy, then perhaps you should really sit down and make a decision for yourself. You are worth all of the happiness in the world. You deserve to be treated with respect.
dariusbenedict Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 There's a psychological condition called "Serial Monogamist." A serial monogamist is a person who has many sexual partners in his or her lifetime, but only ever one at a time. The serial monogamist will seemingly form what looks like a lasting commitment to one person, but the commitment is usually only superficial. Some serial monogamists are incapable of commitment for a long period of time. A serial monogamist is usually fully aware of his or her inability to fully commit to another which probably explains his angry nature. It's just a symptom of his inability to stay and commit to a relationship. Do you actually see yourself being with him for the rest of your life? Move on my dear. There's a bright big world out there and maybe someone is just waiting for you. =)
Author Welcome2MyLife Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 I felt bad for a few months after the relationship ended. I felt horrible. But, then I realized, that this was not a healthy relationship. I'm soooo much happier being single, and able to do what I please. Nobody is constantly criticising everything I do. After getting through the pain of the breakup, things get better. I realize that I should have never been in that relationship. I feel amazing, and I thank God that this came to an end when it did. Just remember, if in fact, he is a narcissist, even if he is controlling, verbally abusive, don't lose your self worth. Remember, you are a good person. Nobody should ever take away how you view yourself! If you are in something that is completely unhealthy, then perhaps you should really sit down and make a decision for yourself. You are worth all of the happiness in the world. You deserve to be treated with respect. Again WH thanks! This is my 2nd time healing from him and his actions.. last time it was 2 years however I won't put myself on the back burner that long this time. I do know I'm worthy of tons of happiness!
Author Welcome2MyLife Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 There's a psychological condition called "Serial Monogamist." A serial monogamist is a person who has many sexual partners in his or her lifetime, but only ever one at a time. The serial monogamist will seemingly form what looks like a lasting commitment to one person, but the commitment is usually only superficial. Some serial monogamists are incapable of commitment for a long period of time. A serial monogamist is usually fully aware of his or her inability to fully commit to another which probably explains his angry nature. It's just a symptom of his inability to stay and commit to a relationship. Do you actually see yourself being with him for the rest of your life? Move on my dear. There's a bright big world out there and maybe someone is just waiting for you. =) Yes, I have heard this term before.. I believe he will always be an angry angry man. He would drop his cell phone and freak out. To the point of wanting to punch a wall.. and lets not talk about self loathing it was draining.. I do feel for the other woman and her kids because he will destroy them My biggest downfall is I am so loyal I wont look to date or anything till i'm no longer "in love" with him.. Yes I'm a silly woman lol
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