Personality change when u have a relationship?

[Leigh 87]

When you in a relationship, that you care to safeguard from possible flirtations and connections with people who you would otherwise date if you were single, how do you act?

How do your actions, attitude, and personality " change", when you talk to people of the opposite sex, when you are in a relationship?

 

I tend to act the same; I am a very positive person who always smiles and loves people. So, I am just as friendly, and when our banter ends, I do not get their numbers. Where as, I would get their numbers if I knew they were interested. I am forward and simply ask for guys numbers if I know they are keen.

 

I always make a move and ask for the number, saying that we must hang again.

I tend to know i can get a guy and feel confident in my actions.

Where as NOW, I obviously do not continue to talk to a guy in that same fashion, whereby I have the goal of getting the cute guys number.

Now, I will only get a number, if we happen to be stuck in a situation, a long line at a store, and really get along well, and I mention I have a boyfriend and he is still interested in hanging with us BOTH, as a new friend.

 

I think SOME men are looking for new friends! My boyfriend is. I am. Without intent in shagging them even if they are attractive.

We would only make friends with people who we would bring around each other.

I still would get a guys number for a friendship, if seamed to connect well on a friendship level and it was CLEAR we would have fun together. Again, I would mention my boyfriend, to see if he his legit with the friends thing.. I mentioned if he would get along well with my bf, and sometimes the guy ends up being friends with my bf!

 

So, guys and girls: how does your pesonality " differ", when you have a serious relationship? Do you sort of get meaner haha, when talking to girls or guys? I have noticed some guys are cold, perhaps it is because they are taken and do not want to come off as interested in any girl?

[veggirl]

Well I certainly wouldn't be getting a new guys # for friendship, and would be upset if my BF was doing that...just seems like asking for trouble. Exceptions exist sure, but...ehh just not my thing. In general though I'm not really in that many situations where I'm being continually exposed to new guys and stuff. I mean out groc shopping and whatnot, I already commented on that in another thread, I don't come across as approachable to strangers I don't think (but that is my MO, it doesn't change if I'm single really!). There is work where I am kinda exposed to new guys (depends) but I keep it all professional, I don't really engage in personal chat with them (not coworkers, I am in prop mgmt, so residents / prospectives) about myself...I have to make convo with them as part of my job, but I keep it general and am not flirty or anything at all. If I sense they are, I can't help but just instinctually kinda shut down and become a bit unresponsive! It makes me feel really uncomfortable when guys flirt with me TBH!

 

But see even outside of a relationship, I wouldn't be flirting at work or the grocer etc....it's just not my style in general....so I don't think I change my personality at all in a R. Not sure if my BF used to flirt with females he came across at work or whatever, but I know he doesn't now...whether that was a conscious adjustment or how it's always been, I couldn't say.

 

I'm not really sure where either of us would come across a guy / girl and randomly become "friends", unless it was work and I think work colleagues should kinda remain at an arms length. I think he agrees.

[Leigh 87]

mann, boy have I screwed up!! .. In the past haha, not currently.

 

 

I never meant any harm to my b/f, and I have NEVER had ANY inclination to cheat. However, I did put myself in a situation that was very disrecpectful; although at the time, I thought nothing of it, because I KNEW I had no intention of cheating and I was not going to do anything wrong.

 

I hooked up with this body builder model dude before my b/f as a fling, and that guy ended up calling me months later when I had met my bf.. We ended up hanging out, alone, in my bedroom, watching a DVD.

Again, I thought nothing of it - because I KNEW I had no intention of flirting, cheating, or anything. I simply saw it as a person who I wanted to watch a DVD with, and an ego boost that such a hot guy fancied my looks.

 

He went on to send me inapproriate messages, that did not mean anything, just the way he talked to some girls in general ( " hey, do u want the company of a sexy man ?"). It is just how he talkes to girls, calling them gorgeous, beautiful, etc.

Andrew, my b/f, saw one of his messages, and got very hurt. I stopped talking to other guy, and learnt that it is not appropriate to act that way in a relationship.

to be fair - it was early days with Andrew, I was not sure about him, and I knew I would never cheat, physically or emotionally. I simply enjoyed the attention of that very hot guy. I never flirted back.

 

 

 

.. I have also had some other mishaps! A guy stared at me at a footy game and then walked over to get myt number, after talking to me for a bit. I LOVE people!! I just want to make a lot of new friends, anywhere I go:(:( UNfortunately, I thought giving the guy my number when he asked, was just inocent, because my motive was simply to meet friends, who I would introduce to my boyfriend!!!!!!!!

 

Another time at a club I also gave my number to a guy that asked, twice....

One of the guys was previously interested in hooking up a year back, and even though I told him I had a bf, he asked for my number any ways just to keep in contact; of course, he messages me later that night, saying " soooo how" " aww, no answer" To which I had to tell him I could not talk to him, although I would have hung out if I was single, I am not, and therefore ....................

 

Lastly, I met this younger, much younger dude at work, and I am a funny person to a lot of people, and he liked my quirkyness. He had a g/f of over a year, and I had ZERO interest in him, sexually. except, he ended up wanting to hang out. It never happened, I could see he would make a move or act inappropriate.

On EVERy occasion, I had NO intention of cheating.. I did not even flirt, not remotely. I just love people, and absoluetly love going off with new people and having new people to have lunch with, to ang with some nights, etc. I have few friends where I moved.

It is only NOW, that I finally know; GENERALLY, you have to be CAREFUL with the guys you be friends with, when you have a boyfriend and you are attarctive enough to get some guys attention.

I am not that universally attractive at all; but still, I have learnt u have to get male friends, with caution. Seek out men who you feel will be platonic, who are not attracted to u.

[Leigh 87]

VEG - what do u think of male/female friendships, when one or both people are in relationships? Obviously, it happens a lot quiet successfully! And just as UN sucesfully, too! it can work, as many attractive women have many male friends, but I hear just as often about how girls and guys cannot be " friends".. unless both are unnattractive.

 

 

 

Andrew was on a cruise; he went with his good looking mate. They hung out with the two most attractive girls on the ship. They hung out, the 4 of them, in a group often; doing activities together, getting drunk together.... Andrews mate hooked up with one of the girls. Andrew said he had no urge to cheat; sure, if he was single he would have gone for it, but he had a great time without having to have sex....

Andrew is like me; very positive, more so than me! And VERY happy, all of the time! He LOVES meeting new people, as I do. He has a lot of fun in stuations that even seam dodgey. As do I.

 

You know....... I could not get mad at him, as I have made genune mistakes too, and he did not want to be like " hang on, I have to tell them that I cannot go out with them in a group, because I have a gf, sorry guys, go on with your day, I am not alloud to hang out with u".

 

 

Andrew does not hang out with girls one on one normally; he only hangs out with girls in a gruop setting, if they happen to be around the group he hangs out with.

[wwwjd]

One of my old GFs was wonderfully nice and friendly, but NEVER flirty with lots of people - even the opposite sex. She was a genuinely nice person with a heart in the right place, sharing it with everyone, brightening everyone's days.... trouble with that is she accidentally attracted other suiters, co workers, bosses, and propbably more I didn't know about. It was kinda sad to see someone simply being NICE getting interpretted as interest. Although, I can see how that works, she never did ANYTHING to tease or lead on or flirt to cross that line and invite them to more.

 

She sort of found out that she DID HAVE TO adjust her personality dating me so everyone would not come on to her. I was okay with everything, but she was saddened about having to be a harder person as to not lead people on... unknowningly, just by being a nice person.

 

I will on purposely avoid situations where I know "mistakes" can take place. People will say, "flirting at the water cooler at the office is harmless" Yes, it is harmless until that day, the ONE time is isn't. Then hearts break, families are ruined etc etc Can't people see that coming with that "harmless flirting"??

 

It is dangerous to trend in "volitile" situations, and I for one, believe it is our responsibility to be on the look out and not go there.

[veggirl]

VEG - what do u think of male/female friendships, when one or both people are in relationships? Obviously, it happens a lot quiet successfully! And just as UN sucesfully, too! it can work, as many attractive women have many male friends, but I hear just as often about how girls and guys cannot be " friends".. unless both are unnattractive.

 

I don't know, if a friendship develops organically via work or something, I could see it being fine. But for a guy to approach me at a bar or the park or whatever and to develop a friendship from that...nahh that wouldn't work for me, and I wouldn't be happy if my BF was doing that. Different strokes though...I'm truly not a "people person" as both you and your man seem to be! My BF is more of a people person than I am, but not to the point that we clash on the topic.

 

Andrew was on a cruise; he went with his good looking mate. They hung out with the two most attractive girls on the ship. They hung out, the 4 of them, in a group often; doing activities together, getting drunk together.... Andrews mate hooked up with one of the girls. Andrew said he had no urge to cheat; sure, if he was single he would have gone for it, but he had a great time without having to have sex....

Andrew is like me; very positive, more so than me! And VERY happy, all of the time! He LOVES meeting new people, as I do. He has a lot of fun in stuations that even seam dodgey. As do I.

 

Now that I'd not be okay with. Not judging you or your BF with that comment, please don't think so. Funny you mention this, cause just yesterday my BF told me he wants to go to Cancun with his friend (who cheats on his gf!) for a week in June and I said it makes me uncomfortable, and it does Not sure what's gonna happen with that, if he is gonna go or if they will find something else to do (I suggested camping as an alternative haha!). I don't want to be controlling and all that but it makes me feel uncomfortable and I told him all of that and said he's an adult he can make his own decisions but that's how I feel. So we'll see.

 

Anyway, I've never been a social butterfly with millions of friends, I wouldn't be compatible romantically with someone who is that person. You and I have very different perspectives on this, which is cool, because of our innate personalities.