My Story - Long, but read all before posting

[argm1234]

I have been reading through these forums quite a bit the last few weeks. I am really reluctant to share my experience which I have recently went through, but I figured I might as well at this point just to get some perspectives from other people.This is my first LS post. I ended up having my heart hurt, and perhaps it is more my fault. Anyways, this might be a bit lengthy.

 

In late December, after some gentle persuasion by some friends, I decided to give the whole online dating thing a try. I was always skeptical of meeting someone and never felt that it was ‘right’. Regardless, I gave it a try, and it has been quite an interesting experience. In mid January, I had someone contact me who lives in the United States (I am Canadian). I almost decided to not reply just because there was a bit of a distance gap there which would mean it would be a long distance. Regardless, I replied, and we messaged back and forth a little. We were both online at the same time on one evening, and struck up an absolutely amazing online conversation. We both admitted that it was an amazing conversation, which lead to us exchanging FB, email, and cell phone numbers. The conversations continued the next few days over FB, email, and cell phone. It was a lot of fun, and we were both people who were in similar stages in life looking for the same thing. Just for reference, I am 32 and she is 31.

Just a bit of prior background: I had not dated anyone for the past 8 years. I had been burned pretty bad in past relationships, and to be honest, I was just waiting for the right girl. I wanted to make sure prior to getting into anything new.

 

Our communication continued, and it ended up getting to the point where we began to chat over Skype. We both liked each other, and we both looked forward to chatting in the evenings. Our Skype conversations would last from anywhere between an hour to an hour and a half. Our birthdays were pretty close to each other in February, and things seemed to be moving well. I did a little looking up and found her address for work and had a flower arrangement sent to her. She really was so thrilled to receive them, and kept telling me how happy she was and excited…how I made her birthday special. Of course, her co-workers were all involved at this point! She reciprocated 4 days later on my birthday and sent me a gift basket. Things were just falling into place; everything was so surreal and amazing. She then asked me if we could meet, which I definitely was happy to do. We were both so excited leading up to the point. We decided to meet half way and spend a weekend together at the end of February. She gave my contact information to her co-workers as her security. I suggested she did that.

 

Leading up to meeting in person, our communication increased. We texted each other nearly 2,500 times. We were emailing a lot. We were skyping daily, and we were facebooking. We were both so excited. She told me that I am the first guy who restored her faith in men, and that she could hardly wait to meet.

So now the meeting!

 

Absolutely amazing! She completely blew away all my expectations I had. We had an absolutely wonderful weekend together, and enjoyed every minute. It was fairly intense, we had amazing chemistry, we trusted each other, we could just lay together for hours and just be so thrilled and happy to be in each other’s company. During the weekend, we kissed a lot. Our clothes remained on the entire weekend, and there was never any pressure to progress the relationship to a further level. It was intense though and a lot of fun!

 

On the day when we both left, we were both sad that we had to leave. We were making plans that in the next few weeks, I would come and visit her again. Everything seemed to be so amazing, and it was looking like everything would all work, until the following evening when I got a text from her mentioning to me that she was not sure about the whole thing. The Long Distance was a huge factor for her to overcome. For myself, I was willing to work through the LD, because she was worth it, and I wasn’t going to let distance be a factor. She had been in a LD relationship some 10 years earlier where a guy she was in love with cheated on her and absolutely devastated her. I completely was mindful and understanding of how this was a huge factor for her. She still told me that she thought I was an amazing guy, she had no regrets, I restored her faith in men, and that I was the first guy to treat her in a manner where she could have fun while dating. I thought she was an amazing woman who I could connect with on many levels, and who I just wanted to be with. I respected her greatly.

We chatted a little on Skype the following day, and she told me that she was feeling that way at that point. She said she just needed to think through it a little, and perhaps in a couple of weeks she would change her mind. I backed off a little and gave her the space she wanted. I told her I was going to back off a bit, and she told me “thank-you for being so thoughtful and understanding”. We still texted once or twice a day, but nothing like before.

 

A couple weeks later, she told me that she still didn’t feel any different. She still liked me, but she couldn’t commit to anything. I felt so crushed because I was sure that this would work out. How could you have such an amazing start, have her admit I am pretty much what she is looking for, that she thought I was amazing, but not want to give it a try? I asked her “why did we meet” and she replied saying “because I thought it would work”. It was tough, but I had no choice to accept her decision and respect her thoughts. This is what I strived to do.

 

A few days later, I received a FB message from her saying that she was going through something in her life which was causing her to not feel 100% about me as a potential life partner. I replied saying I understand that the LD is a factor and I know it is a huge issue for her. I mentioned that I know that it prevents me from being there and being able to assure her that things will be alright. A little bit about me, but I am completely loyal. I would never cheat on her ever, because that sort of behaviour is not me and it goes against everything which I believe.

 

Things moved on, and we were still texting back and forth a few times a day. Things were good, and the texts were still fun to receive. They were not as flirty as they were, but we were progressing a little. We chatted on the phone also.

 

This is where things went bad:

 

This is where I got myself in trouble. I was really at a loss about the whole thing, and I was finding it difficult. I had no one to talk to about the situation who knew her. Her co-worker had been involved in the whole thing, but we never had talked. I sent her co-worker a short FB message saying how I felt and how much I liked this woman. I told her that I did not know what to do, and asked if she had any suggestions. I also asked her to not mention that I contacted her about this. She replied back an hour later saying that I should consider moving on.

 

I was feeling very guilty for contacting this woman’s co-worker that I decided to tell. I sent a message saying that I contacted to ask for some advice on the situation. I mentioned that what I did was completely inappropriate, and that it was completely unfair to her. I also mentioned I would send her the message I sent to her co-worker so she could see first-hand what I wrote. (Trust is a big thing for me, and I wanted her to know I did this, because I felt it was the right thing to do). To this, I received a reply a few hours later saying she was deeply hurt and upset that I sent the letter. I was told what I did was inappropriate, desperate, and gave a ‘creepy stalker vibe’ – something which I never intended. She mentioned that it is best that we are no longer friends, and she promptly blocked me off of FB.

 

I felt like her reaction was a complete over-reaction. Yes what I did was wrong, and I admitted it to her, and I expected her to be upset but I never expected her to react in such a way. I was the same guy who a few weeks earlier had “restored her faith in men, who was amazing, etc.” I talked to a few friends about this, and they told me that they did not think I did anything wrong (one said she would have been flattered if her BF had dome that to her). Regardless, I did send a letter mail with an apology about the whole situation a couple of weeks ago. I kept it very positive, asked for forgiveness, and mentioned that I hope we can be friends again. I did not say anything which I would regret (and I was quite upset about the whole thing…in a way I feel like my feelings were betrayed) I have felt a little better since sending this letter, but I still sit her thinking about how did this whole situation come to be…

 

It has been 4 weeks since this whole thing has happened, and I haven’t heard a word from her. I went from open to dating, to only wanting to date her, to not wanting to date anyone at this point. I feel like this situation has caused me to lose faith in women. After 8 years, I feel worse now than when that relationship ended. The funny thing is, this girl and I never really even went out…

[silkfox]

Personal opinion?

 

She didn't feel that the relationship was right. Things might have started out great-- perfect even-- but she felt it wasn't what she was looking for. She broke it off, gently.

 

I think you need to take her co-worker's advice, as hard as it is to accept, and try to move on.

[argm1234]

Just an update:

 

I found out this past Monday via a text she sent me that she had actually started 'talking' to someone about a week before we met. She ended up starting to date him exactly 2 weeks after we met. He is a doctor (which is funny because when we were together she told me that she had previously dated 2 doctors and they are/were the worst type of people to date in her opinion, and that she would never date a doctor). I am no doctor, so I can't compete on that front, but I do have a great job which pays way more than I need.

 

Anyways, all I replied back was:

"It all makes sense to me now. Don't contact me again as you will not hear from me. Just chalk me up to being another one in the long list of your casualties..."

 

I then proceeded to delete every trace of her, emailes, FB messages, text messages, pictures, cards, etc. It's been a few days now and I feel great! No looking back, and at least now I have a measure of closure to the situation. Now I know that I was not the cause of all this, and she used a lame excuse to stop contact.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude, You were a long distance fling and easy to hide so the other dude never knew about you. She kept you on the sidelines just in case things didn't work out with the Doc.

 

Not all American girls are like that... Don't lose faith!!!