Blackened Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 So, I posted a thread recently about my boyfriend acting all cold toward me when I got back from Europe. The thread is here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/321616-do-i-havee-right-upset But anyway, he kept telling me there was nothing wrong, and that he had to work through his own personal issues. Today I texted him and asked if he wanted me to back off and give him some space for a couple weeks. He said that was fine, and so I told him I would call him in two weeks. I came down to a local coffee shop to get online for a little bit. (I don't have internet at my house, except for on my phone.) I was on facebook, and suddenly there was a post from him saying he's in a relationship with some other woman! My heart just spilled onto the floor... I texted him and asked him why he didn't just tell me. He told me he was sorry... that we are much too different, that he met this girl while I was away and started changing his mind about things... He said he really did think I was the one until he met her. I told him I hope she's everything I failed to be, and to have a nice life. I'm just beside myself. I don't know what to do... this only happened about an hour ago, I don't even think it has really hit me yet. I'm just ... numb. But I know this is going to be really hard. I loved him... with all our history together I really thought I had a shot at happiness this time. I'm so shocked...
Author Blackened Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Here are two more threads about our relationship, just in case anyone wants more backstory... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/320059-two-people-whove-been-hurt-lot-trying-happy-together http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/317115-i-guess-incest-really-best-whoda-thunk
HollyBolly Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Honey, I am SO sorry to hear about your breakup. That is a terrible thing for him to do. How evil! Of course you would be devastated. I know it is too early for this now but there is consolation in knowing what he is now, rather than later. I'm truly sorry.
Author Blackened Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 I keep trying to tell myself it was for the best... and the woman he dumped me for knew all along that he had a girlfriend. SO that just tells me shes evil too and they deserve each other. My best friend told me to wipe him away like sh*t on the bottom of my shoe. I wish it were that wasy! God this hurts so bad...
Mcnulty Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I feel your hurt and anger. Mine announced on FB she was in a relationship and didn't even tell me...with my so called friend....I didn't seek an answer, was too hurt. They found someone else to meet the needs we couldn't meet i'm afraid, it's a harsh lesson, my thoughts are with you.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 So, I posted a thread recently about my boyfriend acting all cold toward me when I got back from Europe. The thread is here... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/321616-do-i-havee-right-upset But anyway, he kept telling me there was nothing wrong, and that he had to work through his own personal issues. Today I texted him and asked if he wanted me to back off and give him some space for a couple weeks. He said that was fine, and so I told him I would call him in two weeks. I came down to a local coffee shop to get online for a little bit. (I don't have internet at my house, except for on my phone.) I was on facebook, and suddenly there was a post from him saying he's in a relationship with some other woman! My heart just spilled onto the floor... I texted him and asked him why he didn't just tell me. He told me he was sorry... that we are much too different, that he met this girl while I was away and started changing his mind about things... He said he really did think I was the one until he met her. I told him I hope she's everything I failed to be, and to have a nice life. I'm just beside myself. I don't know what to do... this only happened about an hour ago, I don't even think it has really hit me yet. I'm just ... numb. But I know this is going to be really hard. I loved him... with all our history together I really thought I had a shot at happiness this time. I'm so shocked... Oh:( I am shocked for you:( No more contact with him, no more FB, please. He's moved on and you must try to as well. You don't know it yet, but he made room in your life for someone worthy.
silkfox Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Like any transitional period, sometimes the hardest part about it is learning that truths you thought were objective turn out to be purely subjective. In fact, what we thought to be completely impossible turns out to be the most objective, universal truth of all. In your case: your ex-boyfriend is a jerk. This is now an objective, universal fact. I'm sorry you had to go through such an awful way of realizing it. But look at it this way: now you know how much of a shifty coward he truly is. Hold onto that truth! Mourn what you lost, cherish what you had (he was a good person with you!), but recognize him for what he now is: a bum. Yes, human beings are complicated-- we all do a lot of stuff we're not proud of. Maybe he was afraid of direct confrontation. Maybe he was unsure of how to approach the topic. Or maybe he wasn't sure of his intentions himself until the very last minute. That being said, there is still a right way and a wrong way to handle that kind of situation. And he, my good friend, chose the wrong way.
Author Blackened Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 I can't stop crying... I just am speechles... thank you to everyone who replied.
silkfox Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I can't stop crying... I just am speechles... thank you to everyone who replied. Dude, I know: it's rough. Heartache is probably the worst feeling in the world. You're in the right place! I think we can all empathize with your plight. Take the time you need to mourn it. Personally, I always found it best to take a few days to do things that will distract me outright: watch movies in bed all day, read books, stuff your face with ice cream. Treat yourself like a bloody queen! Taking a shower? PFFT-- only if you absolutely have to leave your bed. Otherwise you're drawing yourself a goddamn bath, with a glass of wine, a good book and some music. For right now? You gotta do you, girl. Rediscover why it is you're awesome (and you are! I'm sure you have friends who'll agree with me on this). Be gentle with yourself.
Author Blackened Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Dude, I know: it's rough. Heartache is probably the worst feeling in the world. You're in the right place! I think we can all empathize with your plight. Take the time you need to mourn it. Personally, I always found it best to take a few days to do things that will distract me outright: watch movies in bed all day, read books, stuff your face with ice cream. Treat yourself like a bloody queen! Taking a shower? PFFT-- only if you absolutely have to leave your bed. Otherwise you're drawing yourself a goddamn bath, with a glass of wine, a good book and some music. For right now? You gotta do you, girl. Rediscover why it is you're awesome (and you are! I'm sure you have friends who'll agree with me on this). Be gentle with yourself. I wish I could just stay in bed all day... I have to work tomorrow and after that I am going out for sushi with a bunch of my friends... I just got back from working Europe and they want to hear all about it... now I think I may postpone this though, I don't know if I can sit and fake being all happy for too long. I keep trying to figure out why... what does she have that I don't? Since he posted this on facebook I saw her pics. She's actually very unattractive. And I'm not saying that to be petty. It just makes me wonder what it is about her that tripped his trigger. I probably will never know. But I doubt it will last... how will she ever trust him after how they started off? I just need to keep reminding myself that I didn't do anything wrong.
Author Blackened Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 So... long night of tossing and turning last night. I'm so tired, I wish I could stay home from work, but I would rather keep busy... I'm so damn horny too... and it doesn't help that him and I had a great sex life together and the best sex I ever had was with him. It hurts like hell to think all those good moves he used on me are now being used on someone else. I just moved into this apartment a month ago... and him and I made it a point to "break in" every room and just about every piece of furniture in here. So now this brand new place is already tainted with bad memories. And since I dated him in high school too, it sucks that those memories are tainted now too. I no longer can look back on my first love and feel all warm and fuzzy about it. Now all I can see is the asshat who left me for another woman. I'm trying so hard to remind myself it was for the best... I've. Read that Joseph Carver article about "the loser" and he had quite a few of those characteristics. Just the factg that he decided to jump ship and tell me in such a cruel cowardly way shows what kind of person he is. It still sucks admitting to myself that I fell for a facade and the person I loved was fake. Oh well though, he's her problem now. Still though, he may be her problem but it doesn't make my pain any less...
Author Blackened Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Ah, the horrors of facebook... I logged on this morning only to see a notification that he added a bunch of new photos, they were all kooshy photos of him with the new girlfriend. The same kind of pics he posted of him and I a few months ago... But, something interesting... this girl named Gayle wrote some nasty comments on his changed relationship status. She really laid into him good. So that got me wondering... was he dating this Gayle too? I wrote her a message introducing myself and asked her. I made it very clear in the message that I was not writing to put her down or start drama. I told her that if he in fact was dating her while he was dating me, then I sincerely apologize because I didn't know about her. I closed the message by saying I am better off without him and so is she. Maybe I shouldn't have written to her. I admit to not thinking it through, but if nothing else maybe she could provide some sympathy. Who know, I might make a friend out of this. You can never have too many friends. As for him posting pics of him and new girlfrined... once again, just shows what amn ass he is, to flaunt it so loudly to the one her dumped. I know I'm going to have to block him. I just can't bring myself to do it yet. I kinda want to wait and see how long it takes for the relationship staus to go back to single just so I can have my private laugh to myself.
Leigh 87 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Oh my..................... really, you now have complete confirmation that your EX, is indeed a jerk..... Unfortunately, that does not stop a nice women with a big heart from falling for them.... So.. YOU just have to be logical and rational; he is not a great guy, you deserve better. You feel for a bad guy, but after some pain from the break up, you know people bounce back, only to find a guy that DOES truly treat them well. Who knows, your ex is such a weasel that when he breaks up with his " new" gf, he might contact u... making him the worlds BIGGEST loser. I would not put this past him - because asking for you back, is the most LOW thing a guy could do, AFTER he dumps his girlfriend in the way that he did.. ( or didn't, pardon me, you found out on facebook:sick:) I am SO sorry you had to fall for a guy like THAT loser. HEY - The good news, is that you found out EARLY! BEFORE you had invested heaps of time with him!!!!!!!! Yay for you:) I KNEW someething was seriously wrong, the fact he made ecuses to see you after a week away - when most guys who are into a girl would RUSh to see them... Let us know any interesting up dates, I find it fascinating, jsut how low some people can go, I totally feel sorry for them!!!!!!!!!!
HollyBolly Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Ah, the horrors of facebook... I logged on this morning only to see a notification that he added a bunch of new photos, they were all kooshy photos of him with the new girlfriend. The same kind of pics he posted of him and I a few months ago... But, something interesting... this girl named Gayle wrote some nasty comments on his changed relationship status. She really laid into him good. So that got me wondering... was he dating this Gayle too? I wrote her a message introducing myself and asked her. I made it very clear in the message that I was not writing to put her down or start drama. I told her that if he in fact was dating her while he was dating me, then I sincerely apologize because I didn't know about her. I closed the message by saying I am better off without him and so is she. Maybe I shouldn't have written to her. I admit to not thinking it through, but if nothing else maybe she could provide some sympathy. Who know, I might make a friend out of this. You can never have too many friends. As for him posting pics of him and new girlfrined... once again, just shows what amn ass he is, to flaunt it so loudly to the one her dumped. I know I'm going to have to block him. I just can't bring myself to do it yet. I kinda want to wait and see how long it takes for the relationship staus to go back to single just so I can have my private laugh to myself. Again, I am very sorry you are going through this. You really need to unfriend him on FB and any other such social network that you are both on. Right now, do whatever you feel will help, i.e. stay in bed all day, watch soppy movies, cry, etc. After a week or so, when you're starting to feel a little better, go out there and jog or meet your friends or shop. Whatever you feel can take your mind off him. But first thing's first, unfriend and block him on FB, for your own sanity. I hope you feel better soon. This was an absolutely horrible thing that your ex did.
Author Blackened Posted April 18, 2012 Author Posted April 18, 2012 So... turns out he was dating that Gayle for almost the whole month of March... him and I were together then. As strange as it sounds I'm not that upset. Yes, it sucks finding out his lies were more then I thought... but I am almost trlived, I'm not the only one who fell for his crap. Someone else did too. Her and I talked back and forth on facebook today and she asked me a lot of the same questions I wanted to ask her. It was strange but in a way comforting. Idk... despite the person he turned out to be I still miss the person I thought he was. I miss being pampered, being told how beautiful I am all the time, what an amazing person I am, etc... reminding myself that it was all a lie and all the nice things he said and did were meaningless doesn't bring me that much comfort. I feel so lonely now... nopt to mention just really wanting sex. Still better then I felt yesterday though.
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