Age question (dating an older man)

[RedRobin]

I've had much younger guys hit on me quite sincerely (and some not so sincerely, that's for sure).

 

I didn't date them for the same reasons I counsel young women not to date much older men.

 

It is off-balance. I'm also not interested in being a placeholder.

 

Besides, I don't buy the gotta have kids thing. Older guys who want kids should have gotten on the stick when they were younger or consider adoption. Lots of kids need good homes. Plus I don't think they are all that sincere. If they really wanted kids all that bad, they would have made it happen and picked someone. Instead, most of them chose to do other things... whatever those other things are.

 

meh... I think that is just what they tell themselves so that they can convince younger women to date them.

Edited April 17, 2012 by RedRobin

[Radu]

How did this :

You know why guys at her age don't want a much older woman ?

If we want kids with her, she might get hit with menopause ... it's not because she is 'older'.

 

Turn into this :

Besides, I don't buy the gotta have kids thing. Older guys who want kids should have gotten on the stick when they were younger or consider adoption. Lots of kids need good homes. Plus I don't think they are all that sincere. If they really wanted kids all that bad, they would have made it happen and picked someone. Instead, most of them chose to do other things... whatever those other things are.

 

My comment about kids referenced 'much older women' and 25 yr old guys, not the reverse.

Wow ... what logic, uless ... you think that men have menopause too ?

 

 

Still, taking what you say into account it should be forbidden for men after a certain age who don't have kids (or older) to have kids ?

For someone who claims to 'understand men' as you said (in another thread) your post sure seems misanthropic.

[sid3]

How did this :

You know why guys at her age don't want a much older woman ?

If we want kids with her, she might get hit with menopause ... it's not because she is 'older'.

 

Turn into this :

Besides, I don't buy the gotta have kids thing. Older guys who want kids should have gotten on the stick when they were younger or consider adoption. Lots of kids need good homes. Plus I don't think they are all that sincere. If they really wanted kids all that bad, they would have made it happen and picked someone. Instead, most of them chose to do other things... whatever those other things are.

 

My comment about kids referenced 'much older women' and 25 yr old guys, not the reverse.

Wow ... what logic, uless ... you think that men have menopause too ?

 

 

Still, taking what you say into account it should be forbidden for men after a certain age who don't have kids (or older) to have kids ?

For someone who claims to 'understand men' as you said (in another thread) your post sure seems misanthropic.

 

Are you sure ? I was thinking more along the lines of misandry myself.

[RedRobin]

... last time I checked, most women don't go through menopause at 35, or even 40.

 

... and yes... for the record, I believe men past a certain age should adopt or choose not to have children. Their aging sperm isn't doing anyone any favors either.

 

Anyway, why do YOU care so much?

 

I'm just doing my best to give her a different perspective. She can take it or leave it. So can you. It's just my opinion.

[EasyHeart]

ok, you can get more appreciation from an older man but as they are senior they can expect your obedience, i know i'm supposed to enthuse over the older man but the obedience factor was spelled out in an article (can't find it now sorry) by a popular problem page writer, she asked the girls to see the situation from his side - tbh a young radiant, young radiant, girl can have any man she wants,

I wish I could get my girlfriend to obey just once.

 

Just once. . . .

[RedRobin]

Are you sure ? I was thinking more along the lines of misandry myself.

 

Oh, waaaa! Are you another one of these cronies chasing the young'ins? Not sure why some of you men take it so personally.

 

Just giving the young lady some advice here. Some bits of wisdom I've picked up along the way, ya know.

 

(but, yea, thanks for the spell check...)

[kaylan]

... last time I checked, most women don't go through menopause at 35, or even 40.

 

... and yes... for the record, I believe men past a certain age should adopt or choose not to have children. Their aging sperm isn't doing anyone any favors either.

 

Anyway, why do YOU care so much?

 

I'm just doing my best to give her a different perspective. She can take it or leave it. So can you. It's just my opinion.

This is true. My mom didnt hit menopause till her early 50s. Thats the average age for women to start menopause actually.

[SJC2008]

I think women are jealous that men can still get women in their mid-late 20's rather easily until our mid 30's and that's the bottom line.

[RedRobin]

This is true. My mom didnt hit menopause till her early 50s. Thats the average age for women to start menopause actually.

 

My mom started going through menopause at 55. My grandmother, at 60(!)

[FitChick]

PS: You know why guys at her age don't want a much older woman ?

If we want kids with her, she might get hit with menopause ...

 

If we are speaking of menopause, youth is no guarantee, according to this article.

[sid3]

Oh, waaaa! Are you another one of these cronies chasing the young'ins? Not sure why some of you men take it so personally.

 

 

(but, yea, thanks for the spell check...)

 

No I don't chase the youngins, and it doesn't bother me personally. There's more than enough women within my age group to chase. Besides, they can't run as fast;)

 

Happy to have helped with the spell check. Let me know if I can be of further assistance with the LOS, I too have advice I learned along the way:o

[RedRobin]

No I don't chase the youngins, and it doesn't bother me personally. There's more than enough women within my age group to chase. Besides, they can't run as fast;)

 

Happy to have helped with the spell check. Let me know if I can be of further assistance with the LOS, I too have advice I learned along the way:o

 

I enjoy your sense of humor, sid.

 

I was going to ask you about what LOS meant, then just remembered. Ha ha. Long day. I'll keep you in mind, but I think you've got some local competition

 

But back to the topic... I think I've made my point with the OP. She's old enough to make her own decisions... I find that women in their 20's are an awfully optimistic bunch. I'm sure that is why some older men like them.

 

Unfortunately, these young women are 'optimistic' in the ways that can burn many of the best years of their lives if they make bad choices in men. AND, I don't necessarily feel these much older men really have their best interests at heart.

 

I hope my advice to her is taken in that vein. It's just a caution, and something for her to consider going forward.

[danny in van]

I've had much younger guys hit on me quite sincerely (and some not so sincerely, that's for sure).

 

I didn't date them for the same reasons I counsel young women not to date much older men.

 

It is off-balance. I'm also not interested in being a placeholder.

 

Besides, I don't buy the gotta have kids thing. Older guys who want kids should have gotten on the stick when they were younger or consider adoption. Lots of kids need good homes. Plus I don't think they are all that sincere. If they really wanted kids all that bad, they would have made it happen and picked someone. Instead, most of them chose to do other things... whatever those other things are.

 

meh... I think that is just what they tell themselves so that they can convince younger women to date them.

 

older guys should adopt cuz they didn't do it earlier? r u serious? and why? is that like a penalty or something? absurd. and u know older guys will have kids with girls much younger than them- and it's their prerogative if they do...

And how do you know men's intentions so well if you're not a man? I'll tell u something- if a guy hasn't had kids by 40, his desire to have them is as strong or stronger than when he was younger (it's natural see?) so his intention of finding someone who's happy hot and fertile is just valid, sincere and very commonplace- and always has been and always will be.

His reasons for not doing so by 40 could be he just didn't find the right person...how can you be so arrogant to assume his reasons- someone you don't know?

All I can think is the common theme- how lots of women resent how men date younger (because of course it's a threat to aging women)- so they try to stigmatize this oh so common trait by making it seem deviant. Keep trying if you like...but it's futile to any independent thinking person...

[RedRobin]

The bigger threat is to the young woman. Which was the point of my post to the OP.

 

Although, I should probably count myself blessed to not be bothered by the attention of men with these preferences. Let them spin their wheels going after the young'ins.

 

When I did OLD, alot of these same men would be emailing me with 'ur hawt'... but I wasn't interested. Not only is it all about looks for them, but they likely have some other relationship dynamic in mind that doesn't involve a real partnership.

 

This is something myself and another poster attempted to address on the first page. The dynamic older men are seeking are often ones of control and domination. If she is into that, then just say "I'm looking for a dominant man." Chances are though, women in their 20's don't know any better and don't know what they want. Men don't either... but young men have their own challenges. Being chased by older women isn't one of them.

 

oh, and about the starting a family thing... Just taking a look around this site (and your own posts Danny in Van) shows me what alot of men are doing in their 20's-30's. Sleeping around and then later expecting they can hit 40 and take their pick. Weeeellll, doesn't quite work that way now does it? Seems both men AND women have a realistic timetable for starting families. You can't wish that away either. And since fewer women these days need men to fill the 'provider' role, the guys will just have to start working that much harder on being decent people and making the most of their real chances while they have them.

Edited April 17, 2012 by RedRobin

[danny in van]

The bigger threat is to the young woman. Which was the point of my post to the OP.

 

Although, I should probably count myself blessed to not be bothered by the attention of men with these preferences. Let them spin their wheels going after the young'ins.

 

When I did OLD, alot of these same men would be emailing me with 'ur hawt'... but I wasn't interested. Not only is it all about looks for them, but they likely have some other relationship dynamic in mind that doesn't involve a real partnership.

 

This is something myself and another poster attempted to address on the first page. The dynamic older men are seeking are often ones of control and domination. If she is into that, then just say "I'm looking for a dominant man." Chances are though, women in their 20's don't know any better and don't know what they want. Men don't either... but young men have their own challenges. Being chased by older women isn't one of them.

 

oh, and about the starting a family thing... Just taking a look around this site (and your own posts Danny in Van) shows me what alot of men are doing in their 20's-30's. Sleeping around and then later expecting they can hit 40 and take their pick. Weeeellll, doesn't quite work that way now does it? Seems both men AND women have a realistic timetable for starting families. You can't wish that away either. And since fewer women these days need men to fill the 'provider' role, the guys will just have to start working that much harder on being decent people and making the most of their real chances while they have them.

 

well u ignored my first point that there can be valid legit reasons for not starting a family b4 40 (tho u seem to know thru esp that this is not possible...) And no one said anything about older guys having their pick of the litter...but you r judge and jury it appears and know that it is 'wrong' to have an age difference (what diff. is allowable to you btw? - I'd like to know then I'll start to adhere to it haha) and you seem to know the motives of men - yet you aren't one. Lotsa guys like younger girls cuz they're happier, more fit, not as jaded and better suited to make babies- who can fault that? And older women always like to say we go after them cuz young girls are naive to men's ways...Gee ya you're right...lemme switch to pursuing guarded suspicious distrustful jaded older ones- so much more fun- oh right- we'd have stuff 'in common' - I can discuss what tv shows we both grew up on- how stimulating!

ps and guys in their 40s will still start families btw with girls in their 20s and 30s- happens all the time! You're hoping some fantasy karma thing is working ie oh he slept with lotsa women-he doesn't deserve a good woman- let him adopt- haha...ya right. Religion based fantasy.

[RedRobin]

No offense... I find it hard to read 'text-speak' here.

 

If you'd rewrite in complete sentences, I'll be happy to address your concerns. However, I do feel this thread was about the OP's concerns... which I think I've addressed to the extent I need to at this point.

 

Have a nice evening!

[insertnamehere]

Wow, this thread spiraled downward rapidly . . . Back to the OP's issue . . .

 

Look, if you're really, really into this guy, I'd recommend being direct about it. There was some advice earlier about orbiting around him and making your presence known. FTR, this is one of the most annoying things women do: all but approach a guy and then stand there blinking wondering why he won't close the last inch of distance.

 

Women do this because they value protecting their egos over getting the right guy. They'd rather be approached by the wrong guy and soak up the ego boost than to have to approach the right guy themselves and suffer the dent to their ego. I refer to the Supreme Court case of Jerks v Nice Guys.

 

Guys are dense. We're also often suspicious that we got the signals wrong. And if there's a major age difference, we may get really skittish that we're getting the signals completely mangled.

 

If you want him bad enough, stow the BS and tell him.

[zetkin]

I just read some of your earlier posts...

 

If I read them correctly, it seems you've had your share of troubles and false starts in relationships (like most people)

 

The risk you take in dating a much older man is that he views your youth as a commodity.

 

He has established his life, and may likely looking to 'mold' the little lady to the life HE wants... not the life you want or is best for you. Or, he has missed out on certain opportunities due to poor choices, and expects you to make up for that.

 

Also, the men who specifically go for younger women or are drawn to them seem to be rather controlling and dominating. Women their own age or older tend to challenge them too much or are looking for something more equal. Younger women are more compliant. Even if they aren't... at least they look good and the man can show her off to friends and up his dating cache that way.

 

All of this might seem very heady and appealing to a younger woman with self-esteem issues.

 

I haven't personally witnessed too many relationships with large age gaps that are 'healthy' IMHO, but to each his/her own. Especially the ones when the man is much older.

 

Alot of younger women like to think they are mature, which is the hook that older men use.

 

But usually, it is specifically the womans lack of real maturity that these men are honing in on. They will look the other way on your immature ways and maybe even find them cute and appealing for awhile because they are getting something they think other men want. A young girlfriend. So it isn't about you and your wonderful qualities at all. It's just about you being young and pretty. And naive.

 

But, you are an adult. You are free to spend your time however you wish.

 

Case in point...

 

Some men who date women their own age (or a few years older)... it is called 'crazy games'.

 

Some men dating much younger women... and boy, the 'empathy' really comes out. In the latter case, it is going slow...and we both came from bad places.... etc.

 

Now, I don't know the above poster's idea of crazy games... but my experience is that any reasonable attempt for a same age woman to get to know a guy comes across as 'games'... while, if the woman is much younger, he'll put up with the exact same behavior or much worse and then spin it as something much more benign just so he can get that young tail.

 

People really are interesting...

 

I'd argue most men who make a habit of dating younger women do so as a 'commodity'... The only reason I posted to the OP (and took a chance it was for real) is to caution them about this fact. Young people are often quite oblivious to the fact they are 'young'... and to the fact that some people will take advantage of that. If she goes forward with her eyes open, then I guess she has noone to blame but herself if the guy takes her for a ride.

 

I always think it is funny when some men claim they are going older when they date a woman 5-10 years older than them. I'm sure that feels like a huge stretch to these guys.

 

When the reverse (men trying to date 10-15 years younger minimum) is viewed as 'normal'.... at least to the men.

 

I'm still a bit perplexed by topics where women seem to be having 'difficulty' finding older men to date. But hey, if they are really sincere, it isn't that hard.

 

Sign up on any OLD sight. That's pretty much all you'll find there. Easy sneezy. You'll have a date tonight, I bet.

 

Better yet... hang out at the local bars. Plenty of other threads talking about the lounge lizards trying to pick up some young action.

 

I've had much younger guys hit on me quite sincerely (and some not so sincerely, that's for sure).

 

I didn't date them for the same reasons I counsel young women not to date much older men.

 

It is off-balance. I'm also not interested in being a placeholder.

 

Besides, I don't buy the gotta have kids thing. Older guys who want kids should have gotten on the stick when they were younger or consider adoption. Lots of kids need good homes. Plus I don't think they are all that sincere. If they really wanted kids all that bad, they would have made it happen and picked someone. Instead, most of them chose to do other things... whatever those other things are.

 

meh... I think that is just what they tell themselves so that they can convince younger women to date them.

 

Ok, enough, enough, I got your point, I will watch out