zetkin Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I am 25, and am used to date men slightly older than me (from 3 to 9 years). Never felt comfortable with guys of the same age or younger. Even the 9 years age difference didn't feel strange, because we still shared common views, lifestyle and likewise. But recently I started thinking that I might want to meet someone older than that (ok, I actually met someone older, who is asking me out). Like a man around 40. Not old enough to be my father but definitely from a different age group than me. So is it ok to date another age group, or it's complicated? What should I expect?
fucpcg Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I had a long history of dating women around 10 years younger than me for a while, as when you are over mid 30's where I live, most women in my age group don't do anything fun and athletic anymore, and that is the only type of woman I would date. After string of relationships that didn't go bad, but couldn't go the distance, I vowed to never date anyone that young again. After that streak, I went out with 3 women straight right around my age. One woman was great, we are still friends, but really there was that huge "I'm avid athlete, she spends most free time relaxing on couch" problem that didn't give us much time to spend together, just like I feared. The other two women.... WOW the drama with them was almost worse than with the much younger girls I went out with. One of them is a 46 year old (I'm 41) who has been playing just crazy games with me since we met. I think she thinks this is going to get her somewhere, but truth is I lost total interest the moment it started. She's definitely hot for her age, I could care less. I decided to go out with anyone from any age group again, and have a fairly great relationship with a 26 year old, that is growing slowly. We both came from bad places, we both didn't want to rush into anything, and we both respected that there is a big age difference between us. We started off as friends, for months, before a single date. We are very good about talking openly about anything and everything, and I can say her and I are doing much better than almost any girl I've dated in a long time. We are pacing ourselves, but we do well.
kaylan Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Just go for it OP. Only thing Id be concerned about is marriage and kids. A lot of guys at 40 already have kids and dont want anymore, or theyve decided they want none at all and dont want to be married again. So consider that.
fucpcg Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Just go for it OP. Only thing Id be concerned about is marriage and kids. A lot of guys at 40 already have kids and dont want anymore, or theyve decided they want none at all and dont want to be married again. So consider that. And some of us just waiting for the right woman and right time. I'd love to have kids still, and don't have any to this point.
mesmerized Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 What I would question though is why you thought with yourself that you want even older. I have a feeling that the reasons aren't good reasons...perhaps because you don't think you're attractive enough for men around your age and don't like the competition and want to go for something that's more sure and secure?
FrustratedStandards Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Usually men at that age come with baggage (ex-wife and kids, or just kids). If he doesn't have children, then I would say you should go for it.
goldengirl11 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 At least he's still not living with his mother (I assume).
darkmoon Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) ok, you can get more appreciation from an older man but as they are senior they can expect your obedience, i know i'm supposed to enthuse over the older man but the obedience factor was spelled out in an article (can't find it now sorry) by a popular problem page writer, she asked the girls to see the situation from his side - tbh a young radiant, young radiant, girl can have any man she wants, Edited April 17, 2012 by darkmoon 1
Author zetkin Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Just go for it OP. Only thing Id be concerned about is marriage and kids. A lot of guys at 40 already have kids and dont want anymore, or theyve decided they want none at all and dont want to be married again. So consider that. Usually men at that age come with baggage (ex-wife and kids, or just kids). If he doesn't have children, then I would say you should go for it. Oh, yeah, that's what I thought right away “hope, he doesn’t have a wife and 4 kids” At least he's still not living with his mother (I assume). So that’s the thing about older men. The idea often is that in his 40s he’s settled already and if not all kinds of questions pop up “why not? Is there something wrong with him? Does he still live with his mother?”, etc. Of course it can be the case that fucpcg brought up. And some of us just waiting for the right woman and right time. I'd love to have kids still, and don't have any to this point. At the same point, if he is not married and is still looking for a serious relationship and wants to have kids, I am still young and definitely don’t want to rush in these things in the next half a year or year.
RedRobin Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I just read some of your earlier posts... If I read them correctly, it seems you've had your share of troubles and false starts in relationships (like most people) The risk you take in dating a much older man is that he views your youth as a commodity. He has established his life, and may likely looking to 'mold' the little lady to the life HE wants... not the life you want or is best for you. Or, he has missed out on certain opportunities due to poor choices, and expects you to make up for that. Also, the men who specifically go for younger women or are drawn to them seem to be rather controlling and dominating. Women their own age or older tend to challenge them too much or are looking for something more equal. Younger women are more compliant. Even if they aren't... at least they look good and the man can show her off to friends and up his dating cache that way. All of this might seem very heady and appealing to a younger woman with self-esteem issues. I haven't personally witnessed too many relationships with large age gaps that are 'healthy' IMHO, but to each his/her own. Especially the ones when the man is much older. Edited April 17, 2012 by RedRobin
Author zetkin Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) What I would question though is why you thought with yourself that you want even older. I have a feeling that the reasons aren't good reasons...perhaps because you don't think you're attractive enough for men around your age and don't like the competition and want to go for something that's more sure and secure? Good question, why... Well, the reasons you mentioned are for sure not true for me. It's not like I am surrounded by men in their 40s asking me out, whereas for younger guys I have to fight. I like a bit older simply because I like maturity. I feel mature myself and would like to feel comfortable with the other person. And so far I didn't have a guy who I thought was too old for me. However, I did meet guys who in my opinion were behaving childishly and immature. Maybe also because I feel a bit older myself. I have noticed that when people ask about my age not knowing me (thus judging only by the looks), they tend to think I am younger. Although, when people first have some converations with me and then ask about my age, they usually think I am over 25. That's why I feel comfortable dating what I call "slightly older" guys, because I feel on the same page with them. However another thing is an older man. I cannot answer for sure why I got interested. I think I just want to try, to "broaden my horizons", hehe. And this is not another troll thread Edited April 17, 2012 by zetkin
RedRobin Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Alot of younger women like to think they are mature, which is the hook that older men use. But usually, it is specifically the womans lack of real maturity that these men are honing in on. They will look the other way on your immature ways and maybe even find them cute and appealing for awhile because they are getting something they think other men want. A young girlfriend. So it isn't about you and your wonderful qualities at all. It's just about you being young and pretty. And naive. But, you are an adult. You are free to spend your time however you wish.
RedRobin Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Case in point... Some men who date women their own age (or a few years older)... it is called 'crazy games'. Some men dating much younger women... and boy, the 'empathy' really comes out. In the latter case, it is going slow...and we both came from bad places.... etc. Now, I don't know the above poster's idea of crazy games... but my experience is that any reasonable attempt for a same age woman to get to know a guy comes across as 'games'... while, if the woman is much younger, he'll put up with the exact same behavior or much worse and then spin it as something much more benign just so he can get that young tail. People really are interesting...
rickys Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yeah......its common Age doesn't matter... Go and enjoy your date...
Scottdmw Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 OP, in my experience different people are attracted to different things. A lot of electrons are expended on this forum and in other places by some people trying to convince other people that what they feel attracted to is somehow not right, or that they should feel attracted to something else. For example, this site is absolutely full of “nice guys” who feel that women are morally obligated to like them. For another example there are also short men who feel that women are shallow because they don't like them. In both these cases, all kinds of arguments get made that essentially try to make people feel guilty for liking who they like, or for not liking those they don’t like. People advance various theories about why others SHOULD like a certain type of person. Basically, you feel attracted to who you feel attracted to. It's not something you can really change. I know in my life I've tried to force myself to go out with people I thought maybe I “should” like, and it didn't work very well. Another thing people often do is imply that you could find another person exactly the same as the person you like except different in one area, in your case, that you could find another person equally interesting but your own age. Older men have advantages and disadvantages. One of their advantages is that they may very well be a lot more interesting than a younger man, they have had a lot more experiences and may have done more in their lives. So, their “package” has the advantage of being more interesting along with whatever disadvantages being older might bring. I would say look at each person as a package deal. If you find the whole package attractive go for it! Scott
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I am 25, and am used to date men slightly older than me (from 3 to 9 years). Never felt comfortable with guys of the same age or younger. Even the 9 years age difference didn't feel strange, because we still shared common views, lifestyle and likewise. But recently I started thinking that I might want to meet someone older than that (ok, I actually met someone older, who is asking me out). Like a man around 40. Not old enough to be my father but definitely from a different age group than me. So is it ok to date another age group, or it's complicated? What should I expect? A dude in that age group is likely going to be a better provider and more mature than a dude in your own age group. If you want him then go for it.
FitChick Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 If you don't mind men who aren't as physically attractive as someone your own age, then go for it. I just know that when I was in my twenties and as shallow as the average girl, I thought men over 40 were flabby -- bellies, love handles, bald(ing), wrinkles, jowls and bags. I only wanted the hot, hard bodies baby! I think it's a natural phase we all go through.
RedRobin Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I happen to believe that a better use of one's youth is to acquire their own source of stability by working for it themselves... and gaining maturity the only way one can. From personal experience. Trying to use one's youth to 'barter' for either usually doesn't end well for the barterer in the long run. Because, eventually, their youth will be gone... given to someone else so that he can recapture his lost life. Only to be replaced when he needs another 'fountain of youth' to keep him going. I don't think I need to point out the abundant examples of this. Unless he is going to pony up for something substantial (paying for her education, children, etc), I don't see the value in this sort of trade for the woman. Fortunately or unfortunately, I don't see too many men ponying up for this kind of thing. They want a woman's youth, but offer little or nothing in return of much value. Edited April 17, 2012 by RedRobin
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I've dated women 5-10 years older than me, never thought they were taking something from me, my youth as a commodity. Lots of unwarranted conclusions in these threads about older men. It becomes apparent that some are dead set on painting people's preferences to date who they want in an unhealthy way because they wouldn't make the same choices themselves. That said, if you do want children one day, make sure any man you get serious with is on the same page before getting serious and spending years of time. I have two friends who didn't have kids until their late 40s, one with a much younger woman, one with a woman his age, both are doing great.
xxoo Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 If you are looking for a connection with an individual, and you really connect with this guy, I'd give it a shot.
RedRobin Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I'd argue most men who make a habit of dating younger women do so as a 'commodity'... The only reason I posted to the OP (and took a chance it was for real) is to caution them about this fact. Young people are often quite oblivious to the fact they are 'young'... and to the fact that some people will take advantage of that. If she goes forward with her eyes open, then I guess she has noone to blame but herself if the guy takes her for a ride. I always think it is funny when some men claim they are going older when they date a woman 5-10 years older than them. I'm sure that feels like a huge stretch to these guys. When the reverse (men trying to date 10-15 years younger minimum) is viewed as 'normal'.... at least to the men. I'm still a bit perplexed by topics where women seem to be having 'difficulty' finding older men to date. But hey, if they are really sincere, it isn't that hard. Sign up on any OLD sight. That's pretty much all you'll find there. Easy sneezy. You'll have a date tonight, I bet. Better yet... hang out at the local bars. Plenty of other threads talking about the lounge lizards trying to pick up some young action. Edited April 17, 2012 by RedRobin 1
Radu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I'd argue most men who make a habit of dating younger women do so as a 'commodity'... The only reason I posted to the OP (and took a chance it was for real) is to caution them about this fact. Young people are often quite oblivious to the fact they are 'young'... and to the fact that some people will take advantage of that. If she goes forward with her eyes open, then I guess she has noone to blame but herself if the guy takes her for a ride. I always think it is funny when some men claim they are going older when they date a woman 5-10 years older than them. I'm sure that feels like a huge stretch to these guys. When the reverse (men trying to date 10-15 years younger minimum) is viewed as 'normal'.... at least to the men. I'm still a bit perplexed by topics where women seem to be having 'difficulty' finding older men to date. But hey, if they are really sincere, it isn't that hard. Sign up on any OLD sight. That's pretty much all you'll find there. Easy sneezy. You'll have a date tonight, I bet. Better yet... hang out at the local bars. Plenty of other threads talking about the lounge lizards trying to pick up some young action. Don't listen to this OP, granted some men may be like this but it's not hard to weed out the bad from the good. GL with your date.
RedRobin Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Actually, since these guys are older and more experienced, it can be quite tough for younger women to weed out the bad from the good. Like I said... at least the OP can go in with her eyes open. *shrug*
BETTERFLIRT Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I must confest a serious sentimental relationship has almost nothing to see with the age itself than people having maturity to handle their emotons and feeling. Anyways you would have to make sure because people from that age are so often adventurious ones which for the better are after reliving the anterior time. If finding someone who really wants to be with you there is no big deal with this otherwise you would have to experience again and again the same pain. Though make sure.
Radu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Look, stop with the experienced crap. At the same age, men are worse at relationships than women. Women start looking into them at ages of 8-9, we still make forts at 14. What's worse is that relationships are generally not our forte and we prefer things straightforward. The OP is 25, is vaccinated and mentioned she was always attracted to men somewhat more mature than her current generation for her entire dating life. Not every older/old guy out there is a slobering pervert, i'm sorry for your bad experiences. PS: You know why guys at her age don't want a much older woman ? If we want kids with her, she might get hit with menopause ... it's not because she is 'older'. Edited April 17, 2012 by Radu
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