FearfulFuture Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Okay so its been a while since i last posted on this site but i've been checking in from time to time to see everyone's progress and pick up on all the wise advice offered. So its been 2.5 months since my break-up and i have been through some tough emotional times, i still struggle now if i am honest but things don't feel as gut wrenching as they did at the beginning. Anyway, after remaining in LC for the first 1.5 month (had no choice as we lived together and had to sort finances etc) i decided after reading peoples stories on here that i would initiate NC as soon as everything was finalized and she moved out (end of March). We had a few exchanges during this period like drunk texting, her wanting help with certain issues and family meetings, all of which i was there for but she had initiated contact every time and i felt i handled these exchanges with pride. So 3 weeks of NC since all that and she decides to send me a very short email, just asking if there was anything at the apartment for her (an excuse to talk maybe)?. I replied in a polite manner, short and to the point and we exchanged 4 maybe 5 replies, just asking how each other were, how families were etc and then i said i had to go and cut it off. I didn't give away anything about myself and didn't want any details from her but all in all it was a pleasant conversation. However, since then it has been playing on my mind and i hold my hands up, i later checked her fb and couldn't believe that at that exact moment she was taking down every picture of me and her, why they were still up on her profile i really couldn't answer, any insight? I must admit it was a bit upsetting to be witnessing all this go on in front of my eyes and then i thought why is she doing this straight after this conversation. Did i mess up by cutting it short? Does she think im no longer interested? And most importantly by following this NC/LC 'keep it short and direct' approach have i lost her forever? I know people may say it doesn't matter what she thinks and i should move on but we had a very civil break (although im the dumpee) and i have handled myself very well but what if this was her reaching out and i've just gone and totally dismissed it by being too proud. Was NC indeed the correct thing for my situation? Seems it triggered her to remove any last memory of 'us' and it hurts. I feel lost again and can't help think what if i dealt with things differently. Argh, this sucks. Just had to put this out to you wonderful folk of LS as my emotional mind cant figure this out and some outside input would really help. Any advice and answers to my many questions would be awesome and i thank you for reading.
silkfox Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Having recently done a Facebook purge myself, I hope I can help shed some light on it: If your ex is anything like me, it has less to do with how she feels about you and more to do with her own mental well being. I, for one, HATED logging on only to be bombarded with constant reminders of this person who I now had such a tumultuous relationship with. Rather than sitting there looking at all these reminders, I took them down. Does that mean I don't want any kind of reconciliation? No. On the contrary, I'd still be open to it if that's what we decided we were ready for. But the key word here is "we"; I need to have that time apart (as much as he does!) to work on myself, and rediscover who I am. I can't do that by continuously dwelling on a part of my life that not only isn't there anymore, but that brings me so much pain to think of. Be patient. I know it sucks to feel like someone you cared so much about is moving on, but it's a wholly personal experience. imo, take some serious NC time to really sort yourself out, then take it from there. 1
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