What would you do???

[violet26]

Here's the story..

 

Please no judgements, I just want to know what people would do in this situation.

 

I have a "friend with benefits" that is actually a pretty close friend, we have been physical on and off for the past 5 years. Even during times when we aren't hooking up we still talk pretty often, and we confide in each other.

 

The other night, we met up by chance (he was in the neighborhood, and I was staying at a friends house) which led to a hookup. He said that he had to be home by a certain time because the girl he is seeing was getting off work at that time (the relationship he is in with her isn't excusive). After we hooked up, he ran out pretty quick saying he had to get some work done at his office a block away before going home (it was 2 hours before the time he said he had to be home by). Its not like him to walk out so fast, so I thought something must be up with that, especially with plenty of time to spare.

 

An hour or so later, I was sitting outside on my friends porch when I see a car with a girl park and get out, and this guy walk up to the car to meet her. This was not the girl he was seeing, and I have never seen her before. She had something on her car that would indicate that she works at the same place we do, but I didn't recognize her. I have worked at this place for a long time, I know most people there.

 

So I see this guy meeting the girl at the car and I *think* the guy was him but I'm not 100% sure. The clothing he was wearing were similar to what he was wearing when he came over, but it was common guys wear, jeans and a hoodie with a print on it, so the clothing wasn't really distinguishing. He is of average build and height also so nothing there could single him out too. It was also at night so the color of the hoodie couldn't really be distinguished either. A few hours later, I heard something outside and noticed the girl get back into the car, I didn't see his car, but I caught the top of the guys head walking towards my building.

 

Things that make me think it was him:

Clothing very similar, height and build similar

Looked nervous when he saw me watching him from the porch

Rushed out from where we were when he had plenty of time to spare

Didn't seem like an ideal time for him to be doing work in his office

 

Things that make me think it wasn't him:

While telling an earlier story, he mentioned what time this girl he was seeing was going to work, and if she did she would have gotten off at this time and would be very suspicious if he wasn't home at that time.

The time I saw him meeting that girl on the street was approx 1/2 hour before she would have to be home and he didn't get back until a few hours later, which was after midnight

I didn't recognize the girl when she clearly had something on her car that said she worked there, and I know almost everyone.

When the girl got into the car and the guy and her were parting, I didn't see his car and he walked towards the building I was staying when he doesn't live there, and I didn't see him walking on the sidewalk either. I guess its possible that he borrowed someones apartment, but its very unlikely.

 

The question is, should I call him out on it? Honestly, if I just saw him meeting up with some girl and we didn't just hook up an hour before I don't think it would have bothered me, its the fact that we just hooked up an hour before and he ran out on me that got to me. Him and I have a pretty good friendship and he tells me a lot of stuff he tells nobody else, and if he would have told me he had a date then I wouldn't have been angry.

 

My biggest dilemma is that I am not sure if it was actually him or not, and if it wasn't him then I'm accusing him of something he didn't do. If I knew for a fact it was him, I would have called him out, but I'm not really sure.

I would like to ask him about it, but how to bring it up is the issue. Make a joke out of it? Ask him seriously just to tell me the truth?

 

Thank you all for reading this and for any advice you can offer.

Edited April 16, 2012 by violet26

[FitChick]

You obviously like him as more than a friend. That is usually how these FWB scenarios play out. He will dump you when he finds someone he wants to have a serious, romantic relationship with. It's really none of your business what he does when he is not with you.

[violet26]

Its kind of hard to describe the relationship him and I have, since its pretty uncommon. We have a pretty deep friendship beyond the hooking up, and he is the one that is always saying how much he values my friendship and that he confides in me about things that he doesn't with other friends. This is not a typical FWB situation, and I would never date him because I know how he is in relationships. Him "dumping me" when he finds someone he loves isn't going to happen because he has been on and off with this girl who he calls his "soul mate" and nothing has changed. He says himself that probably the only way our physical relationship is going to end is when I start dating someone end it.

 

I don't really care who he hooks up with or dates as long as he is honest about it. We have discussed from day one that I feel if we are sleeping together that I have a right to know if he is sleeping with other people, he doesn't have to tell me who it is, just if he is, and he says he understands. If he would have told me that he was meeting some chick that night we would have laughed about it and I would not have cared. Its the lying to me that I'm not cool with, and I always told him I don't care if you are sleeping with 50 girls, as long as I know the truth, it doesn't bother me. This is the agreement we made with each other, so the fact that he didn't hold his end of the deal is the main problem, not that he may have met with another girl.

 

Because I am not certain that it was him I saw, although it looked a lot like him, I am unsure if I should say anything and if I do, how I should approach it. The only reason I feel it is my right to say anything is because of the agreement we have made in the past.