dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I got that from your OP about her phone, just saying, as texting is a common problem in many threads here.
kofcydonia Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Wait...so you have spent MONTHS pining over a girl who you've gone on one date with? A girl who has had "phone problems" for the entire time (yeah right). Just making sure I got the facts right.
Author fal Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Wait...so you have spent MONTHS pining over a girl who you've gone on one date with? A girl who has had "phone problems" for the entire time (yeah right). Just making sure I got the facts right. Yes. Plus now I'm suicidal.
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yes. Plus now I'm suicidal. That's not a joking matter at all, but in case you are serious, LS is not the place you will want to hang out on the net. Talk to a professional.
kofcydonia Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Yes. Plus now I'm suicidal. If you're serious, then you should be seeking professional help not posting on a dating site... If you're joking, hardy har har.
Author fal Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I'm not joking. Just needed some frank talking from people who can see it more clearly than person involved - me. And I got it, thank you. I feel a bit better than before I came here. Edited April 17, 2012 by fal
fishtaco Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 but if she ditched me for someone else at last minute, then what's the point of playing these games later? Call up one of the other girls... Hey, what are you doing tonight? I was just thinking about you, want to go out and do something fun? If she's busy call up another one.
Author fal Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 But you see, I'm not interested in girls in general right now. I could have someone else, I don't have a problem with that. But... I want her, only this one. So what you're saying is off-topic.
fishtaco Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 But you see, I'm not interested in girls in general right now. I could have someone else, I don't have a problem with that. But... I want her, only this one. So what you're saying is off-topic. It's not, because when you focus only on one woman, you are setting yourself up for failure. In fact, when you feel yourself being pulled to one single woman, it's even more crucial that you find another one, or a few more, to serve as counter balance. You can't make a person want to be with you or want to spend time with you. They have their own free will. If you're already so focused on her and she's still flaking on you, I'd say you're over investing and you are in the danger zone. But if you want to go about it your own way, that's fine. I'm not posting here anymore. You do whatever magic that you think you can do to win her over. Good luck. 1
Author fal Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 But if you want to go about it your own way, that's fine. I'm not posting here anymore. You do whatever magic that you think you can do to win her over. Good luck. Thank you for your advice about calling other girls. It's wise and reasonable, but I'm personally not interested. And no, I'm not going to fight for her. I gave up.
kofcydonia Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Thank you for your advice about calling other girls. It's wise and reasonable, but I'm personally not interested. And no, I'm not going to fight for her. I gave up. You're not giving up...you're moving on to the next one. Sometimes it helps to put some spin on it.
TheFinalWord Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) The story is very complicated, but I'll try to make it short.:: I met a girl, we started texting and I asked her out. She agreed. Then we texted for a month before meeting, because she said she was very busy. Sometimes she would say that there's something wrong with the phone and doesn't get all texts. But eventually we met, I kind of spoilt the date and was very nervous. Aftrr that she wouldn't reply for a week and I texted her few times to let her know I regret some stuff and asking if she wants to see me. Finally she texted me back just asking how I am. But whenever I asked her out again, she went silent. So we texted a couple of more friendky innocent texts and then I disappeared for a week to give her some space. After a week I wrote a very nice and funny message, in which I asked her out. She replied immediately and enthusiastically and asked what time is good for me. And just after that she disappeared for... 2 months. During these 2 months I texted a little bit, not too often, just asking if everything's fine. And after like 1 month from her last text, I let her know I'd prefer rejection to false hope and futile waiting for nothing. But she never replied and I thought it's her faulty phone. But then I tried to asked about her through her friends and work and it looked like she avoided me. But then, after I asked someone she knew, she texted me, how I am and told me that she just had her phone fixed... and disappeared again. It's a month since then, she's still silent. What is it all about? I've never been so confused before. And the problem is, I have a huge feeling towards her. What should I do? Hi there bro, I had a very similar situation...VERY similar. Are you sure it's not the same girl? haha First, a bit of background. Same thing happened to me that happened to you. This girl acted interested (she's actually done this game with me twice and I still have to look at her on a weekly basis!). The girl also did this "my phone is broken" BS Bro, girls have MULTIPLE ways to communicate. They are in constant communication with their friends. If her phone broke one time and she liked you, she would give you many other means to get ahold of her to ensure it didn't happen again. For the record, I agree with the rest that she isn't being truthful about the phone breaking so much. I also think if she is limiting communication to text she isn't that interested. If a girl likes a guy she is going to love to have him call. She will make that option very available to you. As for the date itself, that had nothing to do with her not wanting to talk to you again. It was probably a last minute thing for her. Believe me you making silly nervous mistakes would not have been a big deal if she was into you. I am telling you I was in almost identical situation. It messed with me big time. Fact for you to consider: 1) This girl is a liar. Do you want to build a relationship with someone who lies continuously? We all fib, but lying about communication at the beginning is terrible. She's not only a liar, but dumb too! "my phone broke" come on bro, you aren't stupid! haha 2) Look at the emotions this girl evokes from you: insecurity, beating down on yourself. This is the exact opposite of feeling she should be stimulating when you think about her. 3) The date you classify as bad had nothing to do with it. It isn't your fault. I treated the girl I crushed on like gold. There was nothing about my character she could point to for a reason to not want me. Basically she didn't want to be in a relationship, but also liked the attention from me. Eventually I got tired of it (like you did) and said, okay I know I'm getting played here. If the girl wanted something to happen, it would happen. You put your foot down and she bolts. She might send a text once in a while to make sure she still has you on her leash. If you play that game it's going to work for her. So don't play it! Learn from me. I played this game with the girl I was into twice. I thought the same things as you, "if I can just get her to go out with me again..." Guess what? Same outcome except this time I looked like a total jacka$$ for falling for it again. There's a saying, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...":rolleyes: 4) Take a bird's eye view...this whole communication pattern is immature. You're dealing with a attention whore chick. These are girls that don't want to necessarily be tied down in a relationship, but they still have an itch for male attention. They don't care about your feelings or how they lead you on and break your heart. They care about getting a quick fix ego boost at your expense. She's a user! There are many men like this who will use women for sex and don't care how it affects the woman. It's all about their needs; notice your needs are NEVER in the equation. Well, women often do this with attention. They'll use guys for attention and not give 2 cents how it affects you. You will get better at weeding these types out though. This is probably the first time you've experienced one of these types before. I can pretty much profile this girl: Mid-20s, attractive, and has something in common with you. Right? I can also profile you: A nice guy, good looking, but not a lot of women to date. Right? You look at yourself, what is wrong with me? Well the truth is NOTHING (except maybe you come off a bit desperate; but if a woman likes you desperate takes on a different meaning ). She's the one with the problem and you can't fix it. The sooner you realize this the faster you'll get over her. 5) Keep in mind that YOUR needs and wants are never in the equation. It's all about her on a pedestal and you begging for a scrap of time, attention, what have you. That's is a terrible foundation for a relationship. It's a disaster waiting to happen. If you notice there is more effort on your end than her's, you're not in a healthy relationship. Edited April 18, 2012 by TheFinalWord 2
Emilia Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Thank you for your advice about calling other girls. It's wise and reasonable, but I'm personally not interested. And no, I'm not going to fight for her. I gave up. I think it will be good not to invest this much in a girl without some return. That's the main issue. You don't have to keep a little black book with other girls' numbers, just make sure you don't overinvest in the future. Very sorry.
Emilia Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Apparently she wanted to get caught, cause we did meet. And she wanted (briefly, but still) to meet again. I must've spoilt the date too much and my later texts must've looked desperate. When it's this much hard work it means it never had a future, regardless how hard you tried. The only mistake you made was overinvestment. Honestly I don't think you had as much control over this situation as you thought. She came out for a drink, big deal. I think I would have done that if someone kept texting me, even if I wasn't really interested. Too much investment too early.
Author fal Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 Hi there bro, I had a very similar situation...VERY similar. Thank you for your long and wise text. Some of the things you said are impressively accurate. But I think her shyness adds a different dimension to her silence and avoidance of talking. And she just has this indecisive personality. So I guess it was my job to influence her. So I still think I spoilt it big-time. Yes, she lost interest - precisely because of the date and that's why my being desperate was a killer of any interest left.
Author fal Posted April 19, 2012 Author Posted April 19, 2012 When it's this much hard work it means it never had a future, regardless how hard you tried. The only mistake you made was overinvestment. Honestly I don't think you had as much control over this situation as you thought. She came out for a drink, big deal. I think I would have done that if someone kept texting me, even if I wasn't really interested. She was very interested for someone who barely knew me. I know her and this whole situation more than you do and better than I could describe it here. So I'll stick to the "I spoilt a chance" thing. I just want to write last text to her, so I can close it and move on. Let's say I'm right that she was interested, but the date made her doubtful and then my desperate-looking texts put her off. What text would stand a chance of making some shift in her mind? What if I wrote something very light, sort of making fun of my desperate texts and with the very no-pressure style to it? I noticed she always got interested when I wrote like that and lost interest whenever my texts got heavy. Just wanna write this and if doesn't work, I can try to move on. At least I'll know I did everything I could. Any advice for this final try?
Emilia Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 She was very interested for someone who barely knew me. I know her and this whole situation more than you do and better than I could describe it here. So I'll stick to the "I spoilt a chance" thing. I doubt it. You have only had one date. All of us that commented on this thread have exprienced this. I just want to write last text to her, so I can close it and move on. Let's say I'm right that she was interested, but the date made her doubtful and then my desperate-looking texts put her off. What text would stand a chance of making some shift in her mind? What if I wrote something very light, sort of making fun of my desperate texts and with the very no-pressure style to it? I noticed she always got interested when I wrote like that and lost interest whenever my texts got heavy. Just wanna write this and if doesn't work, I can try to move on. At least I'll know I did everything I could. Any advice for this final try? Awful idea. Texting is pretty bad if you want real communication with someone anyway, you should always call, not text. But then you have to deal with the person's response of course (or lack of). You are getting a tad obsessed if you don't mind my saying so. I don't throw that word around easily but it fits. She had about a million opportunities to talk to you, she has ignored you several times. You had ONE date. You have really really no reason to pursue this any further. You invested too much too early. Don't do it again.
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 You are getting a tad obsessed if you don't mind my saying so. I don't throw that word around easily but it fits. She had about a million opportunities to talk to you, she has ignored you several times. You had ONE date. You have really really no reason to pursue this any further. You invested too much too early. Don't do it again. I have to agree with this. I've been on both of ends of this. Once I had this girl crush on me after going on one date. She called me every day begging, literally begging me, to meet her and hang out. I would tell her I couldn't make it. She called the next day, I would give her the same response. This went on for a whole week. She was a really sweet girl but wanted a relationship right away. Too much, too soon and it made me walk away. I did like her but wished she went at a slower pace. On the flip side, currently I'm crushing on a girl I really don't know too well and she's ignored a lot of my attention. Does it hurt? Yeah, it does. How am I dealing with it? Kill them with kindness and walk away I wrote the girl a nice letter, put my feelings out there and told her I wished her well. I'm sure she'll read it and one day regret not giving me a chance. Life goes on.
yongyong Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 sounds like typical attention wh ore. that's why I hit on multiple women and try to bang them at the same time. They will like you better since you don't seem aggressive and desperate. If you are just shooting for one girl, you will be likely to contact her more often so you will mess it up. I treat every girl as a potential attention wh ore. I contact them and ask them out first but I don't expect too much from it.
SJC2008 Posted April 19, 2012 Posted April 19, 2012 OP it is not YOUR job to make a woman interested in you. Be yourself and wear who you are on your sleeve. Most woman won't reject you head on, they'll flake util you get the hint, do the fade or go nc. It won't change and as much as I and many men hate it, it is what it is. My uncles 1st wife supposedly married him bc she felt sorry for him. How could you waste years of your life bc you don't have the gumption to hurt someones feelings by saying no to a proposal?
TheFinalWord Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 (edited) Thank you for your long and wise text. Some of the things you said are impressively accurate. But I think her shyness adds a different dimension to her silence and avoidance of talking. And she just has this indecisive personality. So I guess it was my job to influence her. So I still think I spoilt it big-time. Yes, she lost interest - precisely because of the date and that's why my being desperate was a killer of any interest left. You're welcome. One key thing to keep in mind, this girl is not who she presents herself to be to you. She may present herself as a shy girl, but it is not the case in reality. Look how she's playing you...is that an innocent act? No. These types are masters at getting a man to think there is something special about them and you have so much in common. It's how they hook you for constant attention. The key to remember is the fantasy of who this girl is that you have concocted in your mind is not who this woman is in real life. These types of women like to play innocent, but they are far from it. They know exactly what they are doing. She's a psychic vampire bro! Only one way to deal with a vampire; you have to put a mental stake in this image of her that you have created! It is definitely not your job to influence her. She did not have any interest to lose b/c she never had any interest in dating/relationship with you in the first place. Her interest did not line up with yours. Her only interest was getting male attention. You scratched her itch and she doesn't care how it affects you b/c she got what she wanted. Now its time to cowboy up, take your nut$ back, and be a man. I know this type of woman bro, I've had it happen to me by two women in my life (for some reason I am drawn to these chicks). And both times I let them take me on a roller coaster twice. The best thing you can do is to act like it's a break up. Delete her number, destroy any artifacts (pics) , delete and block on Fbook if you are friends on there. Treat it just like a break up. You are much better off alone than getting entangled with an immature, attention whore. All you will do is go insane and be an emotional wreck. No woman is worth that, I don't care what idol you have turned her into or how great she looks! Best of luck friend. Edited April 20, 2012 by TheFinalWord
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