the right to be picky

[somedude81]

I'm admittedly picky, but I can't say it's to a fault. If it were, I'd not have had as many involvements as I've had (and I've had many).

 

I'm gonna stay with my standards and desires. I can't bring myself to "take what I can get." If I did that, I can see myself canceling dates, not returning calls, etc. I have to be really excited and attracted to even enjoy dating a guy.

 

It's pretty normal for me to go for six months to a full year between finding a guy I'm really attracted to. In the past two years, I struck gold a bunch of times and had a barrage of attractive guys I wanted. But over my life time, it's more typical for me to go six months to a year between high-attraction occurrences.

Ugh Jane,

 

This really isn't a thread about people who have a ton of options being allowed to be picky.

 

A more obvious title could have been, "Can beggars be choosers?"

[Jane2011]

Ugh Jane,

 

This really isn't a thread about people who have a ton of options being allowed to be picky.

 

A more obvious title could have been, "Can beggars be choosers?"

 

I didn't read the whole thread.

 

At any rate, I don't have tons of options.

 

Still, didn't mean to post crazily inappropriately. Some of those happen in every thread, though. It's a given that some people are gonna chime in with loosely-related thinking based on the thread title and a skim of a post or two.

[fortyninethousand322]

It's pretty normal for me to go for six months to a full year between finding a guy I'm really attracted to. In the past two years, I struck gold a bunch of times and had a barrage of attractive guys I wanted. But over my life time, it's more typical for me to go six months to a year between high-attraction occurrences.

 

I'm actually glad you posted, I like having different perspectives. For me, it's been 14 months since my last date. And almost a year between that one and the one before that. And I've somehow managed to make it to 24 without ever even kissing a girl.

 

So, given those things does one have the luxury of being "picky" or sticking to standards?

[Jane2011]

I'm actually glad you posted, I like having different perspectives. For me, it's been 14 months since my last date. And almost a year between that one and the one before that. And I've somehow managed to make it to 24 without ever even kissing a girl.

 

I'm surprised you went 14 months without a date if you're on OLD.

 

So, given those things does one have the luxury of being "picky" or sticking to standards?

 

I think you're still young and have no reason to change your standards. Actually, I don't think one should veer from his/her (reasonable) standards no matter what age they are. That said, I really don't see mating and relating in terms of "meeting standards" anyway, but more about attraction. You shouldn't have to date anyone you're not very attracted to.

[fortyninethousand322]

I'm surprised you went 14 months without a date if you're on OLD.

 

My outgoing message boxes on POF and Okcupid are full of messages that went unreplied to.

 

Of the women who did reply, one went out with me twice and then totally disappeared (which prompted me to join Loveshack), another messaged me back and forth for a while and then when I asked her out said she only was interested in dating someone from her ethnic background, another got sick and then said she had to visit a friend and then never responded when I asked her out a final time, and the last one (which I wrote about in another one of my threads) stopped responding when I proposed we meet up (and then deleted her profile a few days later).

 

So I don't know.

[ThaWholigan]

My outgoing message boxes on POF and Okcupid are full of messages that went unreplied to.

 

Of the women who did reply, one went out with me twice and then totally disappeared (which prompted me to join Loveshack), another messaged me back and forth for a while and then when I asked her out said she only was interested in dating someone from her ethnic background, another got sick and then said she had to visit a friend and then never responded when I asked her out a final time, and the last one (which I wrote about in another one of my threads) stopped responding when I proposed we meet up (and then deleted her profile a few days later).

 

So I don't know.

Better return than me . I've met nobody from POF or OKCupid. Yet.

[fortyninethousand322]

Better return than me . I've met nobody from POF or OKCupid. Yet.

 

Yeah I suppose I'm not the worst off. But, I had hoped to be a bit more successful. I think I need to try to meet women in other avenues of life.

[Leigh 87]

.

 

Honestly is much appreciated.

 

OLD is truly a game that completely favors the women.

 

It's basically nothing more than a man catalog and I don't see any reason why I should even bother.

 

 

Exactly. You do not have to be particularly remarkable to get a ton on guys. Just some of the stero types of "hot" will get u there - i.e, blonde hair, skinny. Not sounding like a complete idiot in my profile. BOOM - lots of men.

 

I met WAY more guys interested in me online than in real life. I am not classically beautiful, and am only beautiful to some men, like most average - slightly cute/ pretty women. However, online, my blonde hair, and the fat I WAS skinny, stood out as hot, where as in real life, guys not enough guys find me attractive enough, to come up to me. Although I do get a lot of looks, like most girls with big boobs.

[Jane2011]

My outgoing message boxes on POF and Okcupid are full of messages that went unreplied to.

 

Of the women who did reply, one went out with me twice and then totally disappeared (which prompted me to join Loveshack), another messaged me back and forth for a while and then when I asked her out said she only was interested in dating someone from her ethnic background, another got sick and then said she had to visit a friend and then never responded when I asked her out a final time, and the last one (which I wrote about in another one of my threads) stopped responding when I proposed we meet up (and then deleted her profile a few days later).

 

So I don't know.

 

I think all of that is good reason to get off those dating sites. It's demoralizing for men. I'm off them, myself, just out of annoyance with them.

 

You might consider asking friends, family, acquaintances, about being set up. That's something I don't think people explore that much lately. It's all either online dating or "just meet people in real life." Set-ups might not be a bad idea. The people likely won't be as disrespectful and, furthermore, they have some endorsement from a friend or family member. I've let friends set me up occasionally. Even if I was skeptical about the guy or had the notion that I wouldn't like him that much, I often went anyway.

 

Long ago, I read something that I agree with...that one should 'practice' dating. One date in which you don't make them pay for anything but just go for coffee and talk is good dating practice and doesn't hurt anybody. Even if nothing results, it gives you socializing experience, possible networking opportunities, and a healthy sense of engagement with the world/dating.

 

I constantly want to set people up. I need to make my own matchmaker service.

[ThaWholigan]

Yeah I suppose I'm not the worst off. But, I had hoped to be a bit more successful. I think I need to try to meet women in other avenues of life.

So did I. Problem is, I do get messages from girls, just not ones I have any particular interest in meeting apart from a few. One girl I was close to meeting, but she got a boyfriend shortly after I started conversing with her.

 

Honestly, I don't take dating seriously at all at this point, I have other pressing matters, and my interpersonal skills are the only thing remotely tied to dating that I want to improve on, even though they are to a pretty good standard in general, perhaps I need to unleash the other sides of my character, which needless to say are much less reserved than I normally am.

[fortyninethousand322]

You might consider asking friends, family, acquaintances, about being set up.

 

How does that work generally? The idea seems a bit like asking your friends to lend you money. It's not exactly the same of course but it sounds awkward like that.

 

One of my friends kept telling me he had to get me to meet one of his coworkers (like I should date her). He showed me her facebook, she seemed fairly cool and cute. But nothing ever happened. Similar things have happened before with other friends.

[fortyninethousand322]

So did I. Problem is, I do get messages from girls, just not ones I have any particular interest in meeting apart from a few. One girl I was close to meeting, but she got a boyfriend shortly after I started conversing with her.

 

Honestly, I don't take dating seriously at all at this point, I have other pressing matters, and my interpersonal skills are the only thing remotely tied to dating that I want to improve on, even though they are to a pretty good standard in general, perhaps I need to unleash the other sides of my character, which needless to say are much less reserved than I normally am.

 

I think I can handle not dating if I don't have to see other people dating and doing couple-esque things. Once I see it that's when I start letting it get to me.

[jobaba]

Yeah I suppose I'm not the worst off. But, I had hoped to be a bit more successful. I think I need to try to meet women in other avenues of life.

 

Some of you guys who are having trouble, and are tall, and average build and white ... I suggest you solicit one of the females here (one of the normal ones) to give you a telephone call.

 

I have a buddy who is 6' tall and white. If you ever had a conversation with him, you could tell why he has trouble with women ... in about 3 minutes flat. Not only are his social skills deficient, he reminds you of the guy who is going to come into your workplace and start shooting the place up.

 

Either way, if you are really off, a female, or hell, even one of the dudes here will easily be able to tell.

 

I know that hasn't been my problem.

 

Of course, even if your personality were the problem, it'd be a hard thing to change, but at least you'd know it's that.

[fortyninethousand322]

Some of you guys who are having trouble, and are tall, and average build and white ... I suggest you solicit one of the females here (one of the normal ones) to give you a telephone call.

 

I have a buddy who is 6' tall and white. If you ever had a conversation with him, you could tell why he has trouble with women ... in about 3 minutes flat. Not only are his social skills deficient, he reminds you of the guy who is going to come into your workplace and start shooting the place up.

 

Either way, if you are really off, a female, or hell, even one of the dudes here will easily be able to tell.

 

I know that hasn't been my problem.

 

Of course, even if your personality were the problem, it'd be a hard thing to change, but at least you'd know it's that.

 

Do you think the same thing could be accomplished by soliciting the opinion of a woman I know not on this site?

 

And I hope I don't resemble anyone who would shoot up an office building

[ThaWholigan]

I think I can handle not dating if I don't have to see other people dating and doing couple-esque things. Once I see it that's when I start letting it get to me.

Really?? It actually uplifts me to see couples happy and going down the street. I never did get why people hated PDA so much, if excessive then yes it can be annoying but generally it appeals to the romantic in me. I guess my glass must just be half full then

[ThaWholigan]

Some of you guys who are having trouble, and are tall, and average build and white ... I suggest you solicit one of the females here (one of the normal ones) to give you a telephone call.

 

I have a buddy who is 6' tall and white. If you ever had a conversation with him, you could tell why he has trouble with women ... in about 3 minutes flat. Not only are his social skills deficient, he reminds you of the guy who is going to come into your workplace and start shooting the place up.

 

Either way, if you are really off, a female, or hell, even one of the dudes here will easily be able to tell.

 

I know that hasn't been my problem.

 

Of course, even if your personality were the problem, it'd be a hard thing to change, but at least you'd know it's that.

I'm tall, massive and black. Any takers??

[Leigh 87]

.. I just think it is easier for some people to date. it is easier for GIRLS to date, when I think about it.

 

A girl who is petite, has a cute face but not stunning/nothing special, and is not a total moron - and who is kind and has her hobbies and interest - will get loads of guys interested.

Where as an average looking guy who is cute, seams to have to have a very cool/awesome/ remarkable/very compelling personality, to get options besids horny friends wanting sex on a night out occasionally.

 

I am not that good looking, but I still have plenty of options, and men who think I am beautiful, simply because I have big boobs, long blonde hair, and a face that is not offensive to most people ( but not particularly pretty to many people either, but nice eyes and thick lips, only two nice features).

I think it is ATTITUDE.

 

For instance; I screwed up my life so far through drugs and anorexia, and have only jus turned it around by getting a great college entrance score so i CAN get into college anytime.I have also started in a career I am very passionate about, finally, and earns decent enough money.

I do not have degree, a career that is developed at all, and live in my parents flat they brought for me ( they live over seas for now), and I get around on a BIKE.

BUT - I am such a happy and positive person, and I have enough to talk about with enough people, so I have enough options in men.

 

I think positive and happy people, that like to help others, attract more people, even if they are not remarkably intelligent. I have been told I make people feel good, by being interested in them, and genuinely wanting to hear about their lives and I love helping people and giving advice.

..............I think kindness goes a long way, but u have to be social enough and put yourself out there with enough people.

You have to be social and meet people, for them to NOTICe what a kind person you are.

[Jane2011]

How does that work generally? The idea seems a bit like asking your friends to lend you money. It's not exactly the same of course but it sounds awkward like that.

 

One of my friends kept telling me he had to get me to meet one of his coworkers (like I should date her). He showed me her facebook, she seemed fairly cool and cute. But nothing ever happened. Similar things have happened before with other friends.

 

Well, you don't have to sound pathetic about it at all. You don't have to be like, "Do you think you could get me a girl?" or "Do you know anyone who might want to date me?" Just, while talking with friends/family in a casual way, say "Yeah, I'm so busy lately. And I'm tired of online dating. I do want to meet women, though. If you know anybody you think I might like, I'm open to being set up."

 

I've said that straight-up to friends before: "Yeah, set me up if you want to."

 

Usually we were already on the topic of dating. I didn't just bring it up out of the blue.

 

I'm not saying it's like "the answer" to having a woman. I'm just saying...it could get you a date or two so that you don't have a 14 month drought.

 

About Facebook, yeah, that's how one of my friends did it. She would actually have me friend the person and tell me to "just start talking to him." I went on a date with a guy in January of last year under those circumstances. He and I went on two dates, actually. I wasn't that interested. It just kind of petered out after date 2. I'm still FB friends with him; he got engaged to a woman about a month ago. So...he's doing well.

 

Some of you guys who are having trouble, and are tall, and average build and white ... I suggest you solicit one of the females here (one of the normal ones) to give you a telephone call.

 

This is something I'm surprised some of you guys haven't done already. I'm surprised you haven't even tried to get a girlfriend on this board.

[somedudegirl89]

Hi somedude:love: I hope I fit your standards.:bunny:

[fortyninethousand322]

Well, you don't have to sound pathetic about it at all. You don't have to be like, "Do you think you could get me a girl?" or "Do you know anyone who might want to date me?" Just, while talking with friends/family in a casual way, say "Yeah, I'm so busy lately. And I'm tired of online dating. I do want to meet women, though. If you know anybody you think I might like, I'm open to being set up."

 

I've said that straight-up to friends before: "Yeah, set me up if you want to."

 

Usually we were already on the topic of dating. I didn't just bring it up out of the blue.

 

I'm not saying it's like "the answer" to having a woman. I'm just saying...it could get you a date or two so that you don't have a 14 month drought.

 

About Facebook, yeah, that's how one of my friends did it. She would actually have me friend the person and tell me to "just start talking to him." I went on a date with a guy in January of last year under those circumstances. He and I went on two dates, actually. I wasn't that interested. It just kind of petered out after date 2. I'm still FB friends with him; he got engaged to a woman about a month ago. So...he's doing well.

 

I see. I suppose I can look into this idea.

[Els]

Hi somedude:love: I hope I fit your standards.:bunny:

 

What on earth...

[somedude81]

What on earth...

It's my stalker troll.

 

Don't look at it and it will go away.

[dasein]

You are a very good-natured guy, SD. Some of the kidding and lecturing you get here may be deserved, lots of it just cheezy overkill that says more about them than you. Hat's off to you for taking it in stride.

[jobaba]

Do you think the same thing could be accomplished by soliciting the opinion of a woman I know not on this site?

 

And I hope I don't resemble anyone who would shoot up an office building

 

I'll be perfectly honest with you. Being white, 6 foot tall, and with an athletic build is like being a Honda Civic. You won't get the admiration of the very best if you don't stand out, but you're going to get a lot of interest from the 'middle class' and you should never have problems finding buyers.

 

My buddy is also very heavy which I didn't mention. But even then, he'd a have more women into him if his personality weren't just ... strange. He's a good guy though.

 

I really can't recall that many white men who were 6' and in the 180-200 lb range that had too many problems with women after high school or so.

 

One of my buddies who fit that description in college was REALLY dorky and the white girls didn't really go for him and he never had a girlfriend in high school. But the little Asian girls dug him in college and he eventually had a steady GF by age 20.

 

I also worked with a guy who took the term nice guy to the extreme. I mean this guy was so nice, and proper and polite, it almost made you want to throw up. No SWAG whatsoever. He was also 6', 180 and pretty good looking. He had gotten laid since high school and had always had girlfriends.

 

I mean really being 6' tall and athletic and white is like being an average looking women. Your baseline should have options. Maybe there's something about your personality.

 

Seem like a pretty nice, normal guy from your posts though.

[somedude81]

You are a very good-natured guy, SD. Some of the kidding and lecturing you get here may be deserved, lots of it just cheezy overkill that says more about them than you. Hat's off to you for taking it in stride.

Thank dasein. There are very few things that I take seriously on here. It's the best way for me to have fun here.