Radu Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Persistence sometimes saves you in this situation, as does class ... basically what you say and how you say it. It does feel sometimes like you're Sisif though.
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Id rather be alone which ive been for 31 yaers then be with somebody i have no physical attraction to.. That doesnt mean im holding out for a model far from it but i cant be with somebody i cant picture making out with or being intimate with no matter how nice they are to me.. To me thats why you have friendships of oppsoite genders that exist..a decent connection but no physical and romantic chemistry.. Suit yourself. If you'd rather be alone than lower your standards of attractiveness, then so be it. In the meantime, there will be men out there who are more realistic, and who enjoy the benefits of having a woman, even if she doesn't fit the bill on every level.
aj22one Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I guess you can look at it this way: if you settle, you can always use that as an excuse to let yourself go right? haha
AD1980 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Suit yourself. If you'd rather be alone than lower your standards of attractiveness, then so be it. In the meantime, there will be men out there who are more realistic, and who enjoy the benefits of having a woman, even if she doesn't fit the bill on every level. Good for them i cant do it..Wouldn't be fair to me or her to be with somebody i have no physical attraction to because i feel i cant do better.. 1
grkBoy Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 At what point should someone who is perpetually dateless give up their standards? When "staying single and learning to be happy with life like that" isn't an option for the person. I'm serious. The ONLY time I tell people to rethink their standards (or drop them) is when "being alone for life" is an option they do not want to take under any circumstances. If you can be happy in life with no significant other, and "having kids" isn't an issue to you, then you can be as picky as you like. 2
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Good for them i cant do it..Wouldn't be fair to me or her to be with somebody i have no physical attraction to because i feel i cant do better.. You are probably right--if you can't find happiness with a woman who is not up to par physically to what you want, and you are not willing to allow yourself to compromise on that aspect and allow yourself to be attracted to other qualities she might have, then you would not make for a good partner to her anyway. So I guess that means you'll be alone, because that standard is not something you are willing to compromise on. Your loss.
SteveC80 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Good for them i cant do it..Wouldn't be fair to me or her to be with somebody i have no physical attraction to because i feel i cant do better.. Dont listen to her i agree with you its not fair to either party at all Having sex with somebody you're not attracted to is not pleasant Plus youre gonna have to deal with the same crazy women bs with an ugly women as you would with a cute women At least when you have those moments with a cute one you look at her and go well at least shes hot i know why i put up with this bs.. when you go through it with a unattractive women youll ook at her and think why am i putting up with **** from her im not atracted to her shes not evne cute
AD1980 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 You are probably right--if you can't find happiness with a woman who is not up to par physically to what you want, and you are not willing to allow yourself to compromise on that aspect and allow yourself to be attracted to other qualities she might have, then you would not make for a good partner to her anyway. So I guess that means you'll be alone, because that standard is not something you are willing to compromise on. Your loss. Not my loss id be happier single doing as i please then be stuck in a relationship with somebody im not attracted to,doesnt sound like too much fun to me
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Dont listen to her i agree with you its not fair to either party at all Having sex with somebody you're not attracted to is not pleasant Plus youre gonna have to deal with the same crazy women bs with an ugly women as you would with a cute women At least when you have those moments with a cute one you look at her and go well at least shes hot i know why i put up with this bs.. when you go through it with a unattractive women youll ook at her and think why am i putting up with **** from her im not atracted to her shes not evne cute So having no sex and be alone is better than having sex with someone that is not attractive? That's what the lights are for. If he could get the cute girls, he wouldn't be complaining on here.
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 What gets overlooked in these types of threads is that many men simply can't function equipment wise with women whom they find unattractive. If they can, sure that's an option, but if not, trying to force things is cruel to both sides. I don't know many women who would sit around happily "working around" the fact that we have to experiment until we figure out some way for my d-ck to get hard, and they shouldn't have to be exposed to that kind of humiliation. 1
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 someone he has no attraction for. would you sleep with another girl? unless your a homo, no you wouldn't. Let's have a more accurate scenario--if I was only able to date the overweight men because the other men turned me down, and my choice was to either date the overweight men or be alone, I would chose the overweight men, because even though they may not be my ideal person I would want, I'm sure they have other qualities that make them an enjoyable person to be with. So yeah, I'd compromise on that if I had to. Physical appearance is only one aspect of a person, and I can find other traits attractive as well.
irc333 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Funny, about the picky, then there's PICKY. I kid you not, I saw woman with a profile, early 40's....chubby, but very nice curves....booty the size of a house though, basically, a white woman with a black woman's bod. She actually gave an indepth description of how ...when her andam an are spooning That he likes the kind of 'musclular gutt" (not flab) kinda like what Hacksaw Jim Duggan or other older wreslters have" that willf it right on top of her butt, kinda like a puzzle piece. LOL I almost laugh aloud, I kid you not. That he also must have BIG hands or something. Sound like she was looking for a specific fetish than a criteria. First off, theres picky and then there's picky. A woman who prefers men to be 6'4" or taller and fluent in three languages and have a masters degree is picky. Me preferring brown women is picky. What you're looking for is not being picky. This is about online dating and how it basically is the bane of all existence. Especially if you're under 26 and a guy. So where do you go from here? Well, I suggest volunteer work, I suggest trying to expand your social circle, go to house parties, do something wild, and talk to everyone you can. Some chicks will be annoyed, but who cares? That's on them not you.
zengirl Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Wanting to only date someone you find attractive is perfectly reasonable, and I have never doubted that 49 has a perfectly reasonable view on a range of women being attractive (if anything, his desired group is quite broad). If any man or woman has a particularly narrow range of attraction, he/she might want to examine why they have such a narrow range and attempt to expand upon it---this does not mean ignore it, but sometimes what people are initially attracted to can open up and change as they become more mature. I see no reason to think that's 49's issue at all, personally. No matter what, it's not going to do anyone any good to try to have a romantic and sexual relationship with someone they find unattractive. That said, of course, one can change what they find attractive. Over time. With thought and growth. If they need to. Many people who were VERY picky (nothing like what 49 is describing, but such people exist) have evolved their attraction "bands" but it's not the same as forcing yourself to be with someone you're not attracted to and it's usually when you have some kind of "block" keeping you from having a normally broad range of attraction, such as a fetish, etc. 2
AD1980 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 What gets overlooked in these types of threads is that many men simply can't function equipment wise with women whom they find unattractive. If they can, sure that's an option, but if not, trying to force things is cruel to both sides. I don't know many women who would sit around happily "working around" the fact that we have to experiment until we figure out some way for my d-ck to get hard, and they shouldn't have to be exposed to that kind of humiliation. Yep my solider simply wouldnt function with a women im not attracted to which would be humilliating for both of us
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Everyone is focusing too much on weight here. Yes, one particular person who sent me a message was overweight and yes I did find her unattractive. She also had two kids (at 21 years old) which made her unattractive to me as well. No offense to single mothers, but I'm not in any way ready to get involved in that sort of thing. What I'm trying to say here is that there are other things that I find unattractive, like smoking and doing drugs (which women who do these things have contacted me in the past).
KathyM Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 what if he weighed five hundred pounds and had an ugly face? that'll change your tune in a hurry I hardly think the women he is turning down weigh 500 lbs.
aj22one Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I hear ya on the children thing, man. I don't think I could do it either. Then again I don't really want kids myself so there ya go. But here's the thing about online dating which I'll hammer home further. For guys your age (middle twenties) it's the most difficult age bracket to be in. Back when I did my threads about age what I noticed about women in the DC area is they pretty much preferred older men. So if you're 24, women your age are looking for men slightly older (around 28 or 30). That eats into your success right there.
somedude81 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Everything I've ever heard of online dating, tells me it's a complete waste of time for men. The only exception is if the guy is really good looking for very rich, and in that case, why is he looking online in the first place?
jobaba Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) I think when a person has had no success in finding more attractive women to date, there comes a time when he needs to ask himself what is more important to him--to have a loving relationship and companionship with a woman, or to have a standard of attractiveness that you don't want to give up on, but which is not getting you what you want. Would you rather hold onto that standard and be alone, or would you rather have a loving relationship with a person that may not fufill that standard of attractiveness you would prefer, but has many other nice qualities about her? If a person has had no success with women, it's time to be more realistic in your expectations. If you can't get the women who are more attractive, you seek out those that may be more willing to give you the chance. There's a good chance you will be attracted to other qualities about this person--her personality, her sense of humor, her kind spirit, etc., that will make her an enjoyable person to be with, even if she isn't the attractiveness level you would prefer. So you ask yourself what is more important to you--to have a loving relationship, or to be alone and hold onto a physical standard that you don't seem to be able to attain. Having that physical standard will do you no good if it's not attainable. 'Dating down' as you suggest, is not as effective as it would seem. You see ... I represent all of these guys in their mid to late 20s who can't get dates ... 10 years later. So I have tried it all, including that. First of all, I'm pretty sure none of these guys are chasing after supermodels. I have seen the pics of some of the girls these guys have been rejected from and lookswise, I could totally see them together. There was period when I was down ... and I decided to go for women I thought I had a pretty good shot at. I'm thinking of maybe three women over the course of a year. Now, mind you, I didn't care about looks that much, so I didn't think they were unattractive per se. But I am a short Asian man, and that's what these women were ... short Asian women, and not particularly notably cute. I'll reiterate that looks don't matter to me much but based on their looks and the fact that none of them were particularly interesting or exciting girls, I thought it might be easy. Rejected every time. One badly rejected me and talked down to me like she was way above me. Consider that my last two girlfriends I found attractive off the bat, and my current girlfriend is not Asian. And none of them are short. And I guarantee at least 9 out of 10 guys would find all three of them more attractive than the three women I referenced above that rejected me. Here's why dating down doesn't work (for men at least): 1) Most women care about looks and status and attitude. If they are average or below, they won't care if you are average in those areas. They'll want better. 2) Women who will look past looks come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them might be REALLY hot. But they are rare. So ... in a sense, to me, it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Trying to date down won't get you much closer to that needle. You've just got to go for what you like and keep upping the quantity. Edited April 17, 2012 by jobaba 5
AD1980 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 'Dating down' as you suggest, is not as effective as it would seem. You see ... I represent all of these guys in their mid to late 20s who can't get dates ... 10 years later. So I have tried it all, including that. First of all, I'm pretty sure none of these guys are chasing after supermodels. I have seen the pics of some of the girls these guys have been rejected from and lookswise, I could totally see them together. There was period when I was down ... and I decided to go for women I thought I had a pretty good shot at. I'm thinking of maybe three women over the course of a year. Now, mind you, I didn't care about looks that much, so I didn't think they were unattractive per se. But I am a short Asian man, and that's what these women were ... short Asian women, and not particularly notably cute. I'll reiterate that looks don't matter to me much but based on their looks and the fact that none of them were particularly interesting or exciting girls, I thought it might be easy. Rejected every time. One badly rejected me and talked down to me like she was way above me. Consider that my last two girlfriends I found attractive off the bat, and my current girlfriend is not Asian. And none of them are short. And I guarantee at least 9 out of 10 guys would find all three of them more attractive than the three women I referenced above that rejected me. Here's why dating down doesn't work (for men at least): 1) Most women care about looks and status and attitude. If they are average or below, they won't care if you are average in those areas. They'll want better. 2) Women who will look past looks come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them might be REALLY hot. But they are rare. So ... in a sense, to me, it's like finding a needle in a haystack. Trying to date down won't get you much closer to that needle. You've just got to go for what you like and keep upping the quantity. I agree ive been rejected the most harshly by women who arent even that attractive i approached because i figured id have a better shot.. Theyre's pletny of shallow plane janes or unattractive women as well..If im gonna get shot down anyway i might as well go down trying to hit a homerun then a bunt single
Els Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Honestly, most of the time I just forget to be flirtatious. That is definitely something that needs to be changed - but with caution. You don't just take up random PUA tactics and cheesy lines that you don't even agree with. You find out what style suits you and go with it. That will take practice.
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Everything I've ever heard of online dating, tells me it's a complete waste of time for men. The only exception is if the guy is really good looking for very rich, and in that case, why is he looking online in the first place? Yes, online dating is far easier for women. When I did it over a year ago ( how I met my bf), I was skinny; have long blonde hair.. and that was about all u could tell from the pic. I was also in college at the time and sounded normal enough in my profile. THAT was enough to have hundreds of men add me! And I am not that good looking! GO figure. Thin and blonde, is hot property if your online! I am not thin now, I prob would not get as many responses.
Leigh 87 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I think it really comes down to personality, in the end! The hottest girls, of course, have plenty of hot guys with great personalities, and are mostly geared that way: are taken or seeking gerat guys who are also super hot. However, average to cute girls like me, go for personality a lot of the time! Not all girls are up themelves and feel entitled! A guy that stands out and is an awesome person to be around, as long as they are not repulsive, they CAN get a lot of women! Just look in more areas, and remember you may be in a bad area, where there is a high percentage of women who are average like me, but think their soo hot and deserve a hot guy.
somedude81 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 That is definitely something that needs to be changed - but with caution. You don't just take up random PUA tactics and cheesy lines that you don't even agree with. You find out what style suits you and go with it. That will take practice. I'm not going to use any PUA tactics. A big part of it is trying to force myself to be more sexual and say things I might not be comfortable with and just hope I don't piss the girls off to much. Yes, online dating is far easier for women. When I did it over a year ago ( how I met my bf), I was skinny; have long blonde hair.. and that was about all u could tell from the pic. I was also in college at the time and sounded normal enough in my profile. THAT was enough to have hundreds of men add me! Honestly is much appreciated. OLD is truly a game that completely favors the women. It's basically nothing more than a man catalog and I don't see any reason why I should even bother.
Jane2011 Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I'm admittedly picky, but I can't say it's to a fault. If it were, I'd not have had as many involvements as I've had (and I've had many). I'm gonna stay with my standards and desires. I can't bring myself to "take what I can get." If I did that, I can see myself canceling dates, not returning calls, etc. I have to be really excited and attracted to even enjoy dating a guy. It's pretty normal for me to go for six months to a full year between finding a guy I'm really attracted to. In the past two years, I struck gold a bunch of times and had a barrage of attractive guys I wanted. But over my life time, it's more typical for me to go six months to a year between high-attraction occurrences.
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