Poppy_J Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Hey everyone, I'm new here so hello all! I have recently started dating a man who is 8 years older than myself. I am 24 and we are completely mad about each other. We have known each other for about five to six years as friends but only recently started dating due to various reasons though there has always been a connection between us. The thing is he has two children from a previous relationship that ended about six years ago. We have been dating around two months and the age difference hasn't presented a problem as we are interested in the same things and are at similar points in our life and want the same sorts of things out of life. I have not met his two children and I know that I won't do so until he we are a sure thing and a lot more serious. The thing is I am so excited about our relationship and knowing he has children has never bothered me but I am nervous about what other people will say. I know at some point I am going to be a part of their lives if they will have me but I am worried that people will think I am too young to be jumping into a relationship like this. I have no children of my own, am I taking on something that is too much for me? I have kept our relationship quiet from my family for now, they just know I am seeing someone. However, my friends all know and haven't been judgemental at all, they have all been supportive in fact because they see how happy I am. I guess what I am asking is has anyone been in a similar situation so that they can give me any advice? I know that his children are a constant in his life and so is their mum but I have never felt any resentment or jealousy or anything like that. In fact I have only ever respected the fact he is a devoted and loving father which makes me love him more. And I also know it won't always be this easy. Sorry for the essay, if anyone has read this far I just wanted some opinions and advice! Thanks.
irin Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 my advise to you is dont worry about what people will say. you seem to be okay with the fact hes a dad. and i am sure he wont put any responsibility on you, unless you want to. i usually dont go for parents for reasons that you seems to be okay with. so dont worry about it, just tell him that your not very experienced around kids. and if it ever becomes a problem for you have to understand that they come first and you have to back away, other then that enjoy your relationship.
Author Poppy_J Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 my advise to you is dont worry about what people will say. you seem to be okay with the fact hes a dad. and i am sure he wont put any responsibility on you, unless you want to. i usually dont go for parents for reasons that you seems to be okay with. so dont worry about it, just tell him that your not very experienced around kids. and if it ever becomes a problem for you have to understand that they come first and you have to back away, other then that enjoy your relationship. Thankyou for your response! We have talked openly about it and he has always said there's no pressure on my part as long as I always understand that they come first which I totally do! I am actually sort of excited yet terrified to meet his kids but mostly because I am scared they won't like me but all that will come with time.
FitChick Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 If you want kids of your own someday, this would be a good learning experience for you. Are they male or female or one of each? Girls might see you as competition for Daddy. Does he even want to have more kids in the future or is he done?
Lobouspo Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Why get involved with someone with so much baggage? You will always play third fiddle to his kids. You are young enough where u can start fresh with someone and experience marriage and children for the 1st time together with someone. Why sell yourself short?
Author Poppy_J Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 If you want kids of your own someday, this would be a good learning experience for you. Are they male or female or one of each? Girls might see you as competition for Daddy. Does he even want to have more kids in the future or is he done? I might want kids of my own, but right now I'm not really fussed about having my own. He is quite happy for more in the future but its something for the future not any time soon! They are two girls so yes I can imagine they would see me as competition for his affection but I also get girls, I have much younger siblings so I know what having kids around at that age is like.
Author Poppy_J Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Why get involved with someone with so much baggage? You will always play third fiddle to his kids. You are young enough where u can start fresh with someone and experience marriage and children for the 1st time together with someone. Why sell yourself short? Because he is wonderful and we really are a good match when we are together. I love him and he loves me and he is very respectful and a good man. Those things are not bad traits and I don't feel he should be punished for having children, does that mean he should never love anyone else? He is single, I am single and we fit perfectly. It just so happens he has to spread his time out because he has two girls to look after some of the time and thats the way it is.
stillafool Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I don't think 8 years is that big of an age difference. Don't worry about what others say or think. If he makes you happy go for it. Also his exwife probably has her own man so I doubt if she's anything to worry about.
Author Poppy_J Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 I don't think 8 years is that big of an age difference. Don't worry about what others say or think. If he makes you happy go for it. Also his exwife probably has her own man so I doubt if she's anything to worry about. Thank you! It is nice to hear some supportive comments His ex already knows about us and has been very laid back about it to be honest. She knows we are taking it slow regarding the kids so I think she respects that boundary right now. She also has her own man she has been with for a few years and seems happy with him from what I have heard. Obviously I don't know how she will be in the future but things are great for us right now so I want to see where things take us.
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