Approachability

[Necris]

I noticed in my day to day life women seem for the most part very unapproachable in their own world and I never see any signs of attraction so it makes approaching them very difficult as I have no idea at all if they are interested or not and when I do approach they aren't interested.

 

Your thoughts and experiences?

 

Do you find women or if a woman, men usually approachable?

 

Also maybe I'm not very approachable its not like I'm smiling all the time I usually have a lack of any emotional expression unless I'm feeling an extreme of an emotion but I do automatically try to smile when I'm approaching a woman. But besides that I'm known for being kind, respectful, easy going, and friendly.

 

So also any ideas on how to become more approachable as well?

[TaraMaiden]

Women are difficult to approach because on an inherent mistrust of men, who have in the past been guilty of drugging drinks and date rape.

women, therefore are extremely mistrustful of anyone who approaches them with the line of "are you on your own?" or "may I buy you a drink?"

 

I actually don't know the solution to this other than to not change the venues you frequent, so that the staff can get to know you, call you by your first name, and vouch for your authenticity.

 

"Oh yeah, that's *name* he's a regular great guy, nice fellah, been coming here for years.... sure, he's good to go...."

 

As for being more approachable?

dress nicely, don't drink too much, and don't act like a juvenile idiot when out with the guys.

 

I'm not saying you do that.

I'm just telling you what turns women off.

[SJC2008]

I read a survey somewhere that most women would love to meet their guy out in public (bars excluded). So they are more open to approaches than you think.

[Radu]

Women are difficult to approach because on an inherent mistrust of men, who have in the past been guilty of drugging drinks and date rape.

women, therefore are extremely mistrustful of anyone who approaches them with the line of "are you on your own?" or "may I buy you a drink?"

 

I actually don't know the solution to this other than to not change the venues you frequent, so that the staff can get to know you, call you by your first name, and vouch for your authenticity.

 

"Oh yeah, that's *name* he's a regular great guy, nice fellah, been coming here for years.... sure, he's good to go...."

 

As for being more approachable?

dress nicely, don't drink too much, and don't act like a juvenile idiot when out with the guys.

 

I'm not saying you do that.

I'm just telling you what turns women off.

 

 

I'm usually a big fan of your posting, but it is hard for me to believe that ALL of the women are mistrustfull of men and damn right scared because some do these things.

 

For the OP, try to anchor a happy memory that fills you with a warm glow and makes you smile in a very nice and nonthreatening way. There's nothing worse than a fake, forced smile.

Look up anchoring on wikipedia or google for an article to how to do it, it's something that helps you immensely in day to day life as well.

[jobaba]

I noticed in my day to day life women seem for the most part very unapproachable in their own world and I never see any signs of attraction so it makes approaching them very difficult as I have no idea at all if they are interested or not and when I do approach they aren't interested.

 

Your thoughts and experiences?

 

Do you find women or if a woman, men usually approachable?

 

Also maybe I'm not very approachable its not like I'm smiling all the time I usually have a lack of any emotional expression unless I'm feeling an extreme of an emotion but I do automatically try to smile when I'm approaching a woman. But besides that I'm known for being kind, respectful, easy going, and friendly.

 

So also any ideas on how to become more approachable as well?

 

If you haven't been approached by women by now, I wouldn't count on it happening much ... if ever.

 

You do the approaching.

 

Just join activities and approach everywhere.

[firehawk_1]

OP: yes, women are VERY unapproachable. no matter which way you look at it and no matter what lame excuses they come up with, they are totally NOT approachable, then they moan and complain they cant find a decent guy...

[TaraMaiden]

yeah, great....

how does that actually help him or answer his question?

 

He's asking for advice or information, not a kick-down to confirm what he's already discovering.....

[TaraMaiden]

I'm usually a big fan of your posting, but it is hard for me to believe that ALL of the women are mistrustfull of men and damn right scared because some do these things.

OK, well, I'm in the uk, where we have a high proportion of teenage dysfunction... girls going out in groups and getting very drunk, and behaving abysmally, guys going out and getting drunk and behaving abysmally - and the highest rate of teenage pregnancies in Europe.

 

Consequently, the more mature and slightly older woman who is professional and a bit more aware, is selective about where she goes, and what she does.

so they tend to go to habitual places and keep to familiar territory, where they can be comfortable.

The Dating Game is not what it used to be, because both men and women want it all, want a good package and they want it now.

They're into speed dating and finding a mate that is on their wavelength. Consequently because they believe time is at a premium, and their time is precious, they get pretty selective and picky.

Men know what they like, women know what they like.

the problem is, often, they're different things.

and there's one fundamental difference between them.

Women hold their liquor less well than men, and are more physically vulnerable.

Men don't tend to dress well when they go out - standard fare seems to be jeans, sweatshirts, or casual shirt and jacket and sneakers.... women, in contrast, go all out and push the boat out.

pretty frocks, jewellery, hair-do's and make up.

dude-magnets.

Men gravitate towards hot chicks, whereas men rarely look the part.

so while girls like the attention, they're also alert to what guys want.

and guys give the impression that they're thinking with - and focussing on - the area below the belt....

I've worked in a pub for 12 years all in all.

I've seen it all, and how it works.

 

Girls want to have fun - but on their terms, and with low or zero risk.

and trust me, the risk is there.

 

I personally apprehended 3 guys in my time, on 3 separate occasions, trying to spike a girl's drink, (not the same girl, every time, i hasten to add!) and I don't know how many guys asking me to load a drink with an extra shot, on the quiet.....

[firehawk_1]

yeah, great....

how does that actually help him or answer his question?

 

He's asking for advice or information, not a kick-down to confirm what he's already discovering.....

 

 

just to support him and make sure he isnt alone!!!

 

nothing you can do. its all about women and what they want and how they want. nothing you can do. only to be kicked down constantly.

[Radu]

If you found a guy putting a mickey in a girl's drink i hope you called the police.

 

However, we are talking different things here.

 

I do not approach in bars/clubs (and neither does the OP).

I approach on the street, shopping, even when i do my groceries.

I find it hard to believe that a woman in my situation might not be interested because i may spike the yellow watermellon she is buying.

 

As for the selective part, all i'm going to say is that guys are less selective than girls. For us, if we approach than you can bet we are interested.

For women though, the stars must be aligned, she must have a tingling in the hairs between her buttcheeks and you must write a haiku next to your phone number.

I've found that i have more success when i dress to a role, either all leather (bad boy), or business than when i dress casual ... so you are right in this regard, maybe i do underdress. God knows what will happen if i take a guitar with me when i do my shopping. )

I know i can have more success this way, but i still prefer to dress casual and i love a girl that dresses casual or classy over a girl that invests 2hs in herself for the date. The reason is that i get a picture as near as possible to her real self.

 

Maybe i'm a freak.

[Necris]

Oh I'm not talking about the bar scene so I don't think girls think I'm going to poison them or anything. I'm more focused on everyday locations like the library, coffee shops, college campus, etc.

[TaraMaiden]

If you found a guy putting a mickey in a girl's drink i hope you called the police.

Not only, but their pictures were circulated to pubs and clubs in the region to help identification and prevent repetition.....

 

However, we are talking different things here.

 

I do not approach in bars/clubs (and neither does the OP).

I approach on the street, shopping, even when i do my groceries.

I find it hard to believe that a woman in my situation might not be interested because i may spike the yellow watermellon she is buying.

Ok. I was trying to give a lady's perspective.

Is sarcasm necessary?

 

As for the selective part, all i'm going to say is that guys are less selective than girls. For us, if we approach than you can bet we are interested.

Yes, but unfortunately to a lot of women, you could add ..."in only one thing...."

For women though, the stars must be aligned, she must have a tingling in the hairs between her buttcheeks and you must write a haiku next to your phone number.

 

Anything wrong with that? Other than if you object to that, it puts you out of the running.... if this is what you find women want - then why not give it to them?

I've found that i have more success when i dress to a role, either all leather (bad boy), or business than when i dress casual ... so you are right in this regard, maybe i do underdress.

All men under-dress. Time was when one could reliably date a guy knowing that if you were going out for the evening, he would at least make an effort. You have no idea how off-putting it is to spend a good hour trying to look delicious, and having your date turn up on your doorstep looking for all the world as if he's about to visit a scrap yard for a spare part for his moped....

I know i can have more success this way, but i still prefer to dress casual

So there you have it, in a nutshell.

you would have more success if you made more effort.

everything has its place, but if you just dress down all the time, then your strikes will be proportionately lessened.

 

and i love a girl that dresses casual or classy over a girl that invests 2hs in herself for the date. The reason is that i get a picture as near as possible to her real self.

Well put it this way - if you dress up for a date, and she dresses up for a date, and you look the part - you're more likely to get a second date, on a more casual footing and you'll so you'll get to see her looking both smart AND casual....no?

 

Maybe i'm a freak.

i would say you're so set in your ways you've gotten lazy. Pardon me.....

[Necris]

also do you think my lack of expression could be causing problems?

[TaraMaiden]

Well, pardon me for saying so, but as I don't have a single solitary clue as to what your expression normally is - I think that's pretty much impossible to say, for sure....

[Cypress25]

Oh I'm not talking about the bar scene so I don't think girls think I'm going to poison them or anything. I'm more focused on everyday locations like the library, coffee shops, college campus, etc.

 

They're probably not expecting men to approach them there. The reason they appear to be in their own little world is because they are. I'm sure I look unapproachable when I'm reading in the library or doing work on my laptop in a coffee shop, but that's only because I'm absorbed in what I'm doing. I'm not really paying attention to the people around me. Doesn't mean I would be opposed to an attractive guy striking up a conversation with me, I just wouldn't see him coming. So if you're waiting for a woman to look up from the book she's reading and give you an inviting smile, you could be waiting for a long time.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I think with the internet, people are all around less approachable. Maybe it's just me but I think men are less open to approaching women when we can all go home and spend time on Facebook or internet dating.