bmunoz23 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I have been dating this girl for a year plus and we had the best times of our lives with each other. We had to go to college and she went off to New York and I am in Oklahoma. We visited each other numerous times and when we did it was great being with each other. It was amazing. Over the fall we would argue and sometimes fight over her going out and drinking and I never intended for her to feel suffocated or anything like that, I just wanted to look out for her but I think I over did it and thats where our fights stemmed from but we got through everything. When spring came I noticed that our arguments got more intense a lot quicker. I feel its because we both got annoyed of arguing but we wouldn't face the issues head on so they would come back. Recently we fought again and she just got really upset and said that "she doesnt know if she feels the same" and that "her feelings and the connection isn't the same". I asked why and she said it was because of the distance, but we made it through our first year together and apart and there were three weeks left of school before summer... so I found that hard to believe. The same night we broke up she went out to a party and drank more than normal and kissed a guy twice. She felt horrible about it and cried and it was very hard for her to tell me. As i kept asking her what happened and so on about the break up and everything she said that "she needed time to figure things out about herself or what she wants" and i repsect that but i dont think its fair that if she is trying to evaluate our situation that she is out there letting guys kiss her. She isnt one to hook up randomly or do crazy things with guys but she told me that she doesnt guarantee that it wont happen again or that other things wont happen. She says she still loves me and that she did break up to have a chance of getting back together. I have been nothing but good to her but i know I shouldve gone about certain things differently. She still talks to me and I can telll she is sad... the main thing is that I just want to know, from other women or anyone, what she may be going through? DOes she just want to experience college for a while being single? did she let her friends and the party scene get to her and pressure her to do this? I have a strong feeling that we will end up getting back together once she sees that what i had to offer cant be replaced and that we cant throw away what we had just like that and I love her a lot. I just want things to workout but I am willing to give her space and time to figure it out. any help or advice will be very useful, Thank you
wilsonx Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 GIGS, click link in my signature, you see the pattern already
darkmoon Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 "I have been nothing but good to her but i know I shouldve gone about certain things differently" OP you already answered your question
Radu Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 1 - LDR relationships are harder to maintain than LTR. What makes you think as kids new to college that you had what it takes ? 2 - many kids when they go to college they cut loose ... completely 3 - you were right in not liking her going out to party 4 - you did not act right, you put your foot down an set a boundary that is respected, you don't act like a wuss 5 - it's her problem, not you 6 - you need to understand the boundary thing and enforce it in the future 7 - it's not about the distance, she is simply too immature for this and she is shifting blame, soon she will shift it from 'distance' to 'you' She either likes another guy, or she cheated. This 'getting things sorted' is her way of saying 'i want to pursue another guy, and i don't want to feel like a cheater'. Forget her, she is not worth it ... she will come back to you in the future, don't take her back if you have an ounce of self-respect.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I have been dating this girl for a year plus and we had the best times of our lives with each other. We had to go to college and she went off to New York and I am in Oklahoma. We visited each other numerous times and when we did it was great being with each other. It was amazing. Over the fall we would argue and sometimes fight over her going out and drinking and I never intended for her to feel suffocated or anything like that, I just wanted to look out for her but I think I over did it and thats where our fights stemmed from but we got through everything. When spring came I noticed that our arguments got more intense a lot quicker. I feel its because we both got annoyed of arguing but we wouldn't face the issues head on so they would come back. Recently we fought again and she just got really upset and said that "she doesnt know if she feels the same" and that "her feelings and the connection isn't the same". I asked why and she said it was because of the distance, but we made it through our first year together and apart and there were three weeks left of school before summer... so I found that hard to believe. The same night we broke up she went out to a party and drank more than normal and kissed a guy twice. She felt horrible about it and cried and it was very hard for her to tell me. As i kept asking her what happened and so on about the break up and everything she said that "she needed time to figure things out about herself or what she wants" and i repsect that but i dont think its fair that if she is trying to evaluate our situation that she is out there letting guys kiss her. She isnt one to hook up randomly or do crazy things with guys but she told me that she doesnt guarantee that it wont happen again or that other things wont happen. She says she still loves me and that she did break up to have a chance of getting back together. I have been nothing but good to her but i know I shouldve gone about certain things differently. She still talks to me and I can telll she is sad... the main thing is that I just want to know, from other women or anyone, what she may be going through? DOes she just want to experience college for a while being single? did she let her friends and the party scene get to her and pressure her to do this? I have a strong feeling that we will end up getting back together once she sees that what i had to offer cant be replaced and that we cant throw away what we had just like that and I love her a lot. I just want things to workout but I am willing to give her space and time to figure it out. any help or advice will be very useful, Thank you Where is she from originally, friend? Because you go to NY from anywhere and it is a whole, big new world with a lot of new things to experience. You are both long distance. That can weigh very heavy on some. As for her going to party; not sure why she would let strange people kiss her; maybe she wanted to experience freedom. Sounds like her heart is still with you, but it hurts her that there is distance. It truly sounds like the Grass is Greener syndrome.
Author bmunoz23 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 We are from the same town and we started dating in high school. Ive talked to my parents and other adults that have been through the same and they say that they believe that she did just want to experience freedom for a bit. Like i said, I know i shouldve gone about certain things differently to make her feel supported but not suffocated. She didnt cheat on me while we dated and came and visited me and I visited her. I have hope that we will get back together becasue I know her and I can tell she just is lost and with her friends there telling her things she is just all over the place. I know that she will realize that it will be hard to find someone else like me and that she wasn't in fact ready to give it all up but I think itll take her this "Single" time to realize that. I appreciaite all the advice
Author bmunoz23 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 oh and responding to the GIGS thing, it makes alot of sense and looking back I have been through a similar situation with her. Before we dataed she was talkin g to this guy and I wanted her to be mine, so we would hang out and stuff but she wouldnt let go of him and didnt know what she wanted. It seemed about the same thing that is going on, then something happened between them and she just got tired of him and decided that I indeed was the better option. I understand it could be the oppposite, I could be the guy that she got tired of but we never had any serious problems just small issues that came up again and again. but i feel that with the distance it made it alot easier to tell me she needed time and needed to figure herself out because i know, im very positiev, that if i were there and could be with her this wouldnt have happened. I also think her roommate and friends had something to do with it, they probably told her about these guys who talked about her and so fourth so since I couldnt be there it was easy for her to try this out. like i said, I really hope that we get back together. We have talked about it. She says she still loves me and that the main reason she did this was to have that possibility there and I know that when together, our attraction and feelings are in tip top shape. She says she can see us getting back together and that she can picture a future with me but that shes just going through a rough time.
Chi townD Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 but i dont think its fair that if she is trying to evaluate our situation that she is out there letting guys kiss her. She isnt one to hook up randomly or do crazy things with guys but she told me that she doesnt guarantee that it wont happen again or that other things wont happen. You're right. You know her best and she probably isn't the type to hook up randomly. Therefore, I believe that she was on the party scene and met up with this guy. She's attracted to him and he was putting the moves on her and she liked the attention. She fought with you a lot to ease her own guilt on how she was feeling for the situation. And then she fought with you and broke up with you to give herself permission to take things farther with this guy. I mean, she hooked up with this guy HOURS after breaking up with you. No depression or mourning the loss of the relationship at all! I mean, if I ended things with my girlfriend, I wouldn't want to go out and if my friends dragged me out, my heart wouldn't be into it. And I don't buy that it was only two kisses. Cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what it truely is. Now, she's still calling you sounding all depressed and sad. Well, here's the deal. STOP THAT! That's totally not your problem anymore. She's totally cake eating. She gets the emotional support from you and the OM gets the booty call. She's getting her physical needs met by him. How is that fair to you? You need to start NC for your own sanity. Do not answer her texts, phonecalls or e-mails. Post here instead. Do not text her, e-mail her or call her. Post here instead. She broke up with you. You have to accept the fact that your relationship with her is over. She ended it. She made the choice to have you out of her life. Now, she has to live with her decision. She needs to know that she choosen to have you gone, so you need to be gone. You can't be friends with her. I'm sure that you didn't invest all your feelings and all your love for her to ultimately become nothing more than "really good friends". Anytime that you feel like contacting her, stop yourself and put the image of her making out with some dude in a dark club somewhere in New York. Because, that's probably what's happening when you do contact her. You need to start NC heal and move on. Start working on yourself. Start fixing yourself. Remember, she made this choice you didn't. She's going to have to live with the conseqences because you don't have to.
Chi townD Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) like i said, I really hope that we get back together. We have talked about it. She says she still loves me and that the main reason she did this was to have that possibility there and I know that when together, our attraction and feelings are in tip top shape. She says she can see us getting back together and that she can picture a future with me but that shes just going through a rough time. I smell something...*sniff* *sniff* Oh yeah...the BS is thick here! DUDE!!! Is it fair that she gets to play the field and have you waiting on the sidelines like a dutiful cuckold? She's pretty much telling you "Oh I can totally see me being with you......after I party it up and sleep with every dude in New York, THEN after I get bored, I'll come back. So, put your life on hold and wait for me." Really? Dude, get a spine! She isn't the only girl in the world! Edited April 16, 2012 by Chi townD
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