how is it that..

[maysj18]

Will you be staying in the community after graduation? If so, it's an excellent time to start building a non school network in the community. If moving, maybe start focusing on the area you are moving to.

 

That's a good idea. I'm moving to a big area for pharmacy school and luckily I already have some good friends there.

A lot of this could be a mix how "picky" i am coupled with the fact that I go to a school with 1500 people. Slim pickin's.

Edited April 17, 2012 by maysj18

[dasein]

I went to an even smaller school, 1100 in a town of 7000, so know exactly what you mean. It's claustrophobic, everyone knows what everyone is up to. You will do fine and get whatever you are looking for once you get out, and bet you will look back glad as I was that you got comfortable with yourself as an independent person during college as opposed to always having an SO to fall back on. I spent 1/4 of college with GFs and would have spent even less if had it to do over.

[Andy_K]

That's a good idea. I'm moving to a big area for pharmacy school and luckily I already have some good friends there.

A lot of this could be a mix how "picky" i am coupled with the fact that I go to a school with 1500 people. Slim pickin's.

 

The more picky you are and the higher your standards, the more options the guys you do like will obviously have, and the less likely they are to pick you. Or at least, to pick *only* you.

 

But really, I think all you need to do is make some effort to find out what a guy's intentions are before you start dating, or early in the dating process. Otherwise you're just going to keep seeing guys vanish on you.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I THINK you go to the top and click on "My Profile/CP". That should give you the option.

 

But I don't really. If I'm interested enough to pursue someone, I definitely don't date around.

 

Had things just not worked out with these people, okay, but more times than not the guys have played "disappearing" acts. When I see some around campus, it's like we're complete strangers. I can think of four guys that this happens with.

 

Maybe I play the avoidance card too much. I also struggle with the affection aspect of relationships. Until I'm sure someone has feelings for me, I never know how much is too much, so I play it safe and don't really initiate any overly affection things like close cuddling, hugs when we see each other, etc. I know that's bad, but seeming clingy or annoying worries me so much. I don't roll over and ignore them, I still engage in conversation and make eye contact and such, but I'm sure that this could still make them feel in the "friend-zone", right?

Any advice?

 

I really think the lack of affection I show stems from an "ex" who I was with for about a month (never official). He was very anti-cuddling once sex got involved, and if I tried to lay beside him and kiss him he would tell me I was annoying. It was basically a "either you go down on me, or leave" type of deal for the last two weeks. I bailed ASAP but it still left a nasty scar.

 

First all, realize that because your ex was anti-cuddling, unaffectionate does not mean other guys will be and If they are don't take it too much to heart. Personally I'm very affectionate and cuddly type guy, I like a lot of intimacy and not just sexually...yet that's just me, just because you date a guy that's similar to that don't get all up and arms thinking this is the holy grail and yet don't hide in your shell like a turtle because you're afraid..everything is just a balance.

 

It's also good you play the avoidance card and wait until you're sure someone feelings for you, consider that a blessing. Too many women play the other card "I'm going to give a man everything he could possibly want regardless of whether he's a douchebag and ::swoon:: he will feel the same way"....many hard lessons learned later "why are these guys just using me!"...yet those women have 3 dates a week, while a girl like you has none or maybe once a month or whatever, the number is not important...the point is just because some women lower their standards to the floor and bend to the will of men doesn't mean they're going to get anywhere with them either, and you'll have been taken through the ringer quite a bit. And then you have real problems that might not even be repairable!

 

So don't feel badly when these guys don't put in the effort or stick around, there's nothing wrong with you...don't change or settle just so a random guy will stick around that's only trying to use you up.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing and be patient, don't become vulnerable and give in to some random idiot. A lot of women don't exercise a great deal of self-respect and they give every half-promising guy a chance and are in a hurry to develop emotions to "accept" their "flaws"...so consider yourself lucky for not beating your head against a brick and leaving your ex when he treated you disrespectfully and not giving you what you needed...you should be proud of yourself for doing that. You're young, you made a mistake that's ok, you learned from it. Don't let it eat at you and don't feel like just because you're not making it easy enough for men to be with you that there is something wrong with you.

 

A good guy is going to put in the work and effort because he'll be genuinely interested in you and not looking for something easy, he's not going to just back away because you're not falling into his lap like many other women do for some attention...If you know you're being fair and not pushing men away then trust and believe in yourself and the right guy is going to come along...If it happened just like that what would make it special anyway? Be the lucky the "right" guy isn't every other guy walking down the street, you have standards...congratulations and at a young age! nice!