maysj18 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I am 21 years old and have never had a steady boyfriend? I have dated plenty, but the ones I've been most interested in always flake out on me within a couple of dates. I'm not going to deny that guys go go after me, because they do, they just don't stick around. I date different "types", too. From foreign-Exchange students to classmates in the science department to guys on the football team..all flakey as ****. So, that obviously means it's me. Question to you young guys who are guilty of flaking: what are the top reasons you would flake out on a girl?
USMCHokie Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Question to you young guys who are guilty of flaking: what are the top reasons you would flake out on a girl? 1. I'm young and stupid. 2. There is no #2.
jobaba Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) I am 21 years old and have never had a steady boyfriend? I have dated plenty, but the ones I've been most interested in always flake out on me within a couple of dates. I'm not going to deny that guys go go after me, because they do, they just don't stick around. I date different "types", too. From foreign-Exchange students to classmates in the science department to guys on the football team..all flakey as ****. So, that obviously means it's me. Question to you young guys who are guilty of flaking: what are the top reasons you would flake out on a girl? Maybe you're psycho or really shallow or b@tchy. I hate to pump up a woman's ego, but I've seen your pictures and you're hot. I mean, some women here think they're hot, but they're probably more like average. Your personality probably aint the best. Edited April 16, 2012 by jobaba
USMCHokie Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I hate to pump up a woman's ego, but I've seen your pictures and you're hot. Hmmm, wow. That was definitely not considered in my first post. Still, I give the same answer.
Author maysj18 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Maybe you're psycho or really shallow or b@tchy. I hate to pump up a woman's ego, but I've seen your pictures and you're hot. I mean, some women here think they're hot, but they're more average. Your personality probably aint the best. Break it down. I base my perception of myself soley on what other people tell me. I have never been told I was a bitch or shallow. I haven't even been involved in petty girl drama. I'm friends with everyone, but I feel like that's where I stay..in the "friend-zone", unless my guy friends are keeping their feelings a secret. Im a biology/chemistry double major, never slept with anyone although I'm not completely inexperienced, I don't feel like I'm clingy or needy and I'm not overly affectionate. I'm usually impulsive and if I see someone I find attractive, I go after them. Is that a bad trait to have? Should I play innocent and hard to get? It's just so boring :/ I don't want to settle down.
Author maysj18 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Maybe you're psycho or really shallow or b@tchy. I hate to pump up a woman's ego, but I've seen your pictures and you're hot. I mean, some women here think they're hot, but they're more average. Your personality probably aint the best. Break it down. I base my perception of myself soley on what other people tell me. I have never been told I was a bitch or shallow. I haven't even been involved in petty girl drama. I'm friends with everyone, but I feel like that's where I stay..in the "friend-zone", unless my guy friends are keeping their feelings a secret. Im a biology/chemistry double major, never slept with anyone although I'm not completely inexperienced, I don't feel like I'm clingy or needy and I'm not overly affectionate. I'm usually impulsive and if I see someone I find attractive, I go after them. Is that a bad trait to have? Should I play innocent and hard to get? It's just so boring :/ I don't want to settle down and get super serious or anything, but I would like company. My best girlfriend said she couldn't imagine seeing me even kiss someone because I have never had a boy the whole time she's known me. She's picking but I get those kinds of comments a lot and I don't understand what a girl like me is doing wrong for it to be like this :/
jobaba Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Break it down. I base my perception of myself soley on what other people tell me. I have never been told I was a bitch or shallow. I haven't even been involved in petty girl drama. I'm friends with everyone, but I feel like that's where I stay..in the "friend-zone", unless my guy friends are keeping their feelings a secret. Im a biology/chemistry double major, never slept with anyone although I'm not completely inexperienced, I don't feel like I'm clingy or needy and I'm not overly affectionate. I'm usually impulsive and if I see someone I find attractive, I go after them. Is that a bad trait to have? Should I play innocent and hard to get? It's just so boring :/ I don't want to settle down and get super serious or anything, but I would like company. My best girlfriend said she couldn't imagine seeing me even kiss someone because I have never had a boy the whole time she's known me. She's picking but I get those kinds of comments a lot and I don't understand what a girl like me is doing wrong for it to be like this :/ Well... 1) I don't know you so I don't know anything about what makes your personality undesirable. 2) I'm totally the wrong person for young attractive women to be asking dating advice from. You are the one on the right in the 2nd picture right?
Author maysj18 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Well... 1) I don't know you so I don't know anything about what makes your personality undesirable. 2) I'm totally the wrong person for young attractive women to be asking dating advice from. You are the one on the right in the 2nd picture right? Yes, I am. Thank you for the sweet comment by the way.
jobaba Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Yes, I am. Thank you for the sweet comment by the way. You're welcome. It wasn't meant so much as just a compliment. I'm just guessing your personality has to do with driving men away, because you are pretty good looking. But of course, I could be wrong ... I don't know you.
Jane2011 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) maysj18, I had a female friend who was also a good-looking girl and would have dates with various types of guys and it would never work out. I didn't see anything blatantly wrong with her personality, but we surmised that she must give off an "I want a relationship really badly" vibe (and she did really want one), and that must have been what turned men off. We also thought maybe she was just cursed. Edited April 16, 2012 by Jane2011
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I wouldn't take it so personal....guys your age are young and inexperienced, also easily intimidated. My first guess would be an extreme...like you're an extreme ditz or you're too difficult and the guys see too much of a challenge, also the intimidation factor. It's really difficult however not knowing your personality and not being the guy on the other side of the table so to speak, so who knows what they're thinking. But I wouldn't worry about it at your age, you're basically a beauty by the majority of guys standards and once the older guys get a look at you they'll be on you like flies on crap (although I'd advise you to stay away from the older guys since they're going to be more confident and assertive..yet more fixated on one thing than guys your age). I wouldn't worry too much though because you're going to run into someone eventually (soon) that's going be interested in dating you and pursue you for more guaranteed, so I wouldn't think or read into it much....honestly regardless of what your personality is or what flaws are most guys aren't going to care or overlook it...the real challenge is going to be finding someone who really likes you for you behind the pretty face.
Professor X Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 While it might be possible that your personality is your Achilles heel, what we do know for certain is that you are picking the wrong guys. They might be from different aspects of your schools (science, sports, etc) but they obviously have common traits that attract you. I highly doubt you are interested in some tall masculine jogger one day and the next day in some thin, short, glass wearing nerd.
Radu Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I am 21 years old and have never had a steady boyfriend? I have dated plenty, but the ones I've been most interested in always flake out on me within a couple of dates. I'm not going to deny that guys go go after me, because they do, they just don't stick around. I date different "types", too. From foreign-Exchange students to classmates in the science department to guys on the football team..all flakey as ****. So, that obviously means it's me. Question to you young guys who are guilty of flaking: what are the top reasons you would flake out on a girl? Does it really surprise you that these type of ppl : 1 - exchange students who stay for little time and have the change to get away from home 2 - popular jocks 3 - classmates in college are not interested in a serious relationship ? Really ?
Author maysj18 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 It's funny, because I really do. I went out with that football player and once that was over, I began hanging out with a golfer that is as small as me, who graduated top of his class, and was completely different than the previous in the looks/personality department.
wwwjd Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 sounds like you are looking about, which is generally good, until you find a decent match up. then it will probably stick longer. or are you CONTINUING to look while working up a friendship/realtionship? If I saw a hint of that, I'd be done. Also, insert "you haven't found a real man yet" perspective here and how did you post those ALBUM pictures anyway??? I cant see where to do that
Author maysj18 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I THINK you go to the top and click on "My Profile/CP". That should give you the option. But I don't really. If I'm interested enough to pursue someone, I definitely don't date around. Had things just not worked out with these people, okay, but more times than not the guys have played "disappearing" acts. When I see some around campus, it's like we're complete strangers. I can think of four guys that this happens with. Maybe I play the avoidance card too much. I also struggle with the affection aspect of relationships. Until I'm sure someone has feelings for me, I never know how much is too much, so I play it safe and don't really initiate any overly affection things like close cuddling, hugs when we see each other, etc. I know that's bad, but seeming clingy or annoying worries me so much. I don't roll over and ignore them, I still engage in conversation and make eye contact and such, but I'm sure that this could still make them feel in the "friend-zone", right? Any advice? I really think the lack of affection I show stems from an "ex" who I was with for about a month (never official). He was very anti-cuddling once sex got involved, and if I tried to lay beside him and kiss him he would tell me I was annoying. It was basically a "either you go down on me, or leave" type of deal for the last two weeks. I bailed ASAP but it still left a nasty scar.
Andy_K Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Does it really surprise you that these type of ppl : 1 - exchange students who stay for little time and have the change to get away from home 2 - popular jocks 3 - classmates in college are not interested in a serious relationship ? Really ? I suspect there's some truth in this. You're very likely just picking guys that don't really want a relationship. Maybe try asking them why they're single. 'Haven't met the right girl' would be a good answer, 'Don't have time for it' and 'I'm too busy enjoying being single' are bad answers as they indicate a lack of availability.
Professor X Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Than how do you pick them? Obviously your radar is way off if you're willing to go into bed with a guy who has the attitude of "blow me or blow off" and expect a RS.
wwwjd Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 campus.... THERE's where the best relationships are learned!!! ahahhaha not against you, maysj18, but that whole "try everything once in college" system is the start of many a jaded women. it's sad because there is really no alternative. except to wait until AFTER college... which no breathing human would ever do. But, it is stacked against you.... multi-dating, partying, drinking, fooling around... hard to slice through all that freedom. But I hope you keep trying, because NOT trying would make for a boring life I think. Personally, and I feel I am in the minority around here, I think you waiting on the physical part helps you weed out the users. Plus it gives you the rights to claim sex IS something special for you since you aren't giving it out like free cotton candy to anyone who asks. If you really want something longer term, it takes, well, a longer term to grow into that.
Author maysj18 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Than how do you pick them? Obviously your radar is way off if you're willing to go into bed with a guy who has the attitude of "blow me or blow off" and expect a RS. That was 4 years ago and it in no way reflects how I view relationships. I learned from it. The first half of our relationship was great, then I was blind-sided by his 180. I didn't stay with him, obviously.
Author maysj18 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 I suspect there's some truth in this. You're very likely just picking guys that don't really want a relationship. Maybe try asking them why they're single. 'Haven't met the right girl' would be a good answer, 'Don't have time for it' and 'I'm too busy enjoying being single' are bad answers as they indicate a lack of availability. That encompasses every single group at my university. aside from students, who else is there to meet on a college campus? Faculty? Lol
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Sorry you are going through this, things will change. When I think back to college, it was the exception for people to have stable relationships, mainly because it was the first taste of freedom many got and they weren't in a hurry to give that up. Are you in a hurry to give that up?
Author maysj18 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Sorry you are going through this, things will change. When I think back to college, it was the exception for people to have stable relationships, mainly because it was the first taste of freedom many got and they weren't in a hurry to give that up. Are you in a hurry to give that up? I'm not trying to get married or settle down, just someone to have fun and spend time with. I'm a senior now, so I'm pretty used to the freedom and craziness of college. If I was in a hurry to give that up, I would have settled a long ago. Edited April 17, 2012 by maysj18
RiverRunning Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 There has to be some kind of singles' group at your college campus or a dating club or something. I've yet to hear of a college campus that DOESN'T have something like that. More likely, folks who get involved in that will likely share a similar view to you on relationships. You're not looking for something serious, but at least this would give you the opportunity to get away from guys who just want a quick lay before they go home. There is a double-edged sword to being beautiful, mays, and you may be experiencing it. While there are plenty of guys who love beauty, the reality is that dating a beautiful woman can certainly carry more risks. They may perceive you - and unfairly so - as more promiscuous, more likely to cheat, more likely to run off when a 'better' option comes along, more shallow, less intelligent, etc. And really, there's little that you can do to change the perceptions of people who have that kind of outlook, especially since they run off so quickly. It is possible that after all the rejection you've faced, you do come off as clingy. And don't get me wrong - I can imagine that's a very natural reaction. You're anticipating rejection again and you resort to clinginess in a desperate bid to change your luck. Unfortunately, those same behaviors can also drive people away. I'm not entirely sure you can accurately rely on friends here to give you a portrayal of your character - but you can, and should, try to look inside of yourself and see if you can find some semblance of that happening. Get involved in school groups in general. A common hobby with a prospective guy is important. Go to concerts with friends, go to the movies, get out, is the point. Talk to your friends. Maybe they can set you up with single guys they know? And obviously, they would know the two of you well enough to hopefully pick well.
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I'm not trying to get married or settle down, just someone to have fun and spend time with. I'm a senior now, so I'm pretty used to the freedom and craziness of college. If I was in a hurry to give that up, I would have settled a long ago. Will you be staying in the community after graduation? If so, it's an excellent time to start building a non school network in the community. If moving, maybe start focusing on the area you are moving to.
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