kaylan Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) Look, Ive been seeing threads pop up lately that kind of annoy me. How to get college girls, why dont girls like this type of man?, can you be a bad boy and a nice guy?, women have changed over the years, etc. Look, when it comes down to it, networking opens a helluva lot of doors for you with women. Hey, Im a outgoing guy. Im very personable and love making friends. So if you see me at the bar, Im gonna be pal-ing it up with everyone. I made a heck of a lot of friends when I was in college, so whenever I visit my friends who are still in school, I knew quite a few people. I tend to make friends whenever I go anywhere, be it work, school, sports events, concerts, etc. Its great to try and meet people. Aside from personality, looks, and everything else we talk about, I feel people dont talk enough about networking. So Saturday night, I visited my good buddy at my former college. We pre-gamed at the house, and then went to his pals new place for a house party. Everyone was there to pregame before going to the bars. It was packed, and there were plenty of women. We end up running into the friends of my buddy's friend. Anyways one of the girls I hadnt met before, and she was eying me a couple times during the party. I was pretty sure she was feeling me and/or my friend. Either way, I go out to the front porch later and shes out there and says to me (mind you we are all pretty buzzed) "You know youre a beautiful man?" No lie...this chick said this...and I was chuckling on the inside because it was super forward. Ive never even had super drunk girls be that forward with me. Anyways I smiled and then she said it again as she slid her hand across my underside of my face. I then told her "if I wasnt so brown, Id have the most super red blush going on, but thanks" Im black for those who dont know...so you cant really tell when I blush haha. I said something else...which I dont really remember...something like she should come by my buddys house to chill with everybody in the future...and then she says id need her number to schedule that. Didnt get the digits because I was informed that she has a reputation...but Im sure ill see her around. Anyways, as she leaves the party later, she comes to say bye to me and my buddy and kisses me on the lips as if we are old friends...and then says "its kool I do that with everyone". I want to make a point of telling dudes here that Im no Adonis either (my face is average as ****), and yes there was alcohol involved in all of Saturday nights events. Either way, had I not known my buddy and share some mutual friends, I wouldnt have ran into this new chick. Im not going to pursue her because Im not that interested, but Im trying to make a point. Hell, I was in a campus club for a year. I was the PR guy for the club actually....so Id do those recruitment fairs and table for our club. That allowed me to meet many other people from various clubs. I remember one day last year, the president for one of the other campus clubs just randomly kissed me as I walk by saying hi to her. No joke, we were walking towards one another, and as I said hi, she just puts her tongue in my mouth. Granted we only had 2 conversations ever before that happened, and maybe a few hi and byes on campus. The purpose of this thread was not to toot my own horn at all. Like I said, Im a pretty average looking dude in the face. So im not pulling girls in with my model looks or anything. Im also 5'9. Average height. I could tell you a bunch of stories of me striking out with girls too. The point of this thread was just to let you know that increasing your exposure to women through networking, truly works wonders. And if youre a cool guy, the word will spread. Youll meet some cool bros, and some nice ladies. Also, always try to stay in touch with college buddies. I only graduated last summer, but Ive kept in touch with some people. Do try and visit your old schools when you can...or just catch up with people with quick texts. I actually ran into an old classmate last night and found out they are moving to my county in a few months. So I have new local buddies to hang out with now. Great huh? Edited April 16, 2012 by kaylan 1
Feelsgoodman Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 So you got hit on by a drunk girl "with a reputation". I see that made your night...congratulations. Your post started out being about the importance of networking. I was expecting to see a story about how you regularly utilize your social circle to score dates with beautiful women. But all we get is a story about some washed up slut giving you a good night kiss (which she apparently does with everybody)? What a downer... 1
Author kaylan Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 ^Lol not even dude. Nobody was drunk. Since when does a buzz = drunk? Either way I shared this story because its the most recent. I dont need to go through a list of all the women Ive met through friends. Fact of the matter is a lot of guys on this forum would love to meet chicks when they go out who will dance with them and kiss them. A lot of dudes here would love it if women outright hit on them. Im saying networking increases those chances. If people know you, youll meet more people and have fun with more women. Thats the point. Btw, my classmate whos moving to my area is female....so...another open door right there.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 ^Lol not even dude. If people know you, youll meet more people and have fun with more women. Thats the point. Btw, my classmate whos moving to my area is female....so...another open door right there. I don't disagree with the premise of your post. It's just that the story you chose to illustrate your point wasn't exactly...inspirational.
USMCHokie Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I absolutely agree that networking is vital to creating more social opportunities...but all they are are opportunities...people still have to actively take advantage of them. Ideally, the exposure to new people will help with social conditioning, but beyond that, it's up to the individual to pull the legwork. Take your past weekend's adventure for example. You are a friendly, sociable, and outgoing guy, so being placed in that situation would certainly be favorable, as you have the skills and attitude to take advantage of it. Now let's replace you with your polar opposite...a common sight we see of men on LS...socially repressed, perhaps not the most attractive guy, a little bitter at the world and at women, etc. Ideally, you'd root for the guy to turn on the switch and become Mr. Popular, meeting the ladies and practicing his social skills to get more comfortable with women. But I'm willing to bet the farm that such situations will make him more uncomfortable and exacerbate the "wallflower effect"...it's even possible that he'll become frustrated with social situations and grow in the wrong direction...seeking comfort in solace... I certainly don't disagree with you here, as I think networking is an important factor, but I don't think it's the "true answer"...
Author kaylan Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) ^You make a great point. Networking helps people get conditioned socially. It helps build social skills through experience and what not. A lot of guys here need to just do that. Go out, have fun, stop thinking so much, and just see what happens. Just get the experience under your belt. I was awkward as hell when I first started going out to bars and clubs. Now its like my second home. And I had a rough transition since I was a kid who didnt go to house parties and stuff growing up. I went to punk shows to mosh and other shows to skank to ska music I don't disagree with the premise of your post. It's just that the story you chose to illustrate your point wasn't exactly...inspirational. Oh no, I feel you on that. Its not too inspirational, but as I said, its my most recent dealings. I have better stories for sure...but I didnt feel compelled to share them. Also, the thing is, a lot of guys who complain on this forum dont even get the chance to have a girl "with a reputation" hit on them. And this girl was attractive to. If anything itd be a great confidence booster for guys here if that were to happen to them. Hell, most guys probably would have slept with her if she came on that strongly to them. Im simply telling them to go hang out and make friends. Edited April 16, 2012 by kaylan
mesmerized Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 ^Lol not even dude. Nobody was drunk. Since when does a buzz = drunk? Either way I shared this story because its the most recent. I dont need to go through a list of all the women Ive met through friends. Fact of the matter is a lot of guys on this forum would love to meet chicks when they go out who will dance with them and kiss them. A lot of dudes here would love it if women outright hit on them. Im saying networking increases those chances. If people know you, youll meet more people and have fun with more women. Thats the point. Btw, my classmate whos moving to my area is female....so...another open door right there. lol, networking has barely increased my chances..Why? My female friends, specially if single, never introduce me to any guy and even often act as a c**kblock. For them it's more about competing with me rather than cooperating with me! My male friends are even worse because if they are also single (which is usually the case), they are the ones who hit on me and don't want me hooking up with any other guy lol a year and something ago I was invited to a party through a male friend who kinda liked me. I met a guy there and exchanged numbers. This really upset my friend later and he was not happy about it.
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 And how do you network? I'm pretty far from being an outgoing guy, but I'm not a total introvert.
betterdeal Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 The thing with being friendly and sociable and the like, is it can be enjoyable in itself. It's also how we learn and put into practice interacting with other people. Good skills to have if you want to have an intimate relationship with someone, and the more you improve in this regard, the more attractive a proposition you become to potential lovers. It's all very well wanting a mother or father replacement, and you can find someone who wants that kind of relationship, but they don't tend to be party girls or bad boys (they tend to be looking for something else.) Being able to deal with being hit on is also a good skill to have. Once you engage in an intimate relationship it won't stop happening, so being able to firmly, skilfully, confidently deal with approaches by others is going to be very useful. To be able to say, "I'm charmed, but no thanks" will help you develop a long, meaningful relationship, and also put friendships back into a more healthy space. And, if you don't meet your other half, you still have human interaction, which is what a relationship is. It is what we crave.
USMCHokie Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 And how do you network? I'm pretty far from being an outgoing guy, but I'm not a total introvert. Go to Vegas with me. But seriously though, networking the predicated on your willingness to meet other people. That's all there is to it. You don't have to be super outgoing or a social butterfly. Just be willing to meet new people. And it all starts with one person. Just meet one person. They will surely know other people. Then meet those people. Each one of them will have their own network of friends. Meet all of them. Lather, rinse, repeat. Soon, people will be wanting to meet you.
TheBigQuestion Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Agree 100%. What you just said is really the only advice I've bothered to share with guys on this board. Make lots of friends and acquaintances and you will maximize the number of women you meet. Getting yourself into those situations also facilitates getting to know women fairly well without having to fork out money for dates, which as is well known on LS is my personal opinion of how it should be until the woman shows some degree of commitment. Doing this gets infinitely more difficult as you age, so if you're between the ages of 18-26 or are still in college, the best thing you can do to meet women is to make as many friends as you can. I'm not suggesting that you should merely use friends as a means of meeting eligible women. Having friends is important for your mental health and for building your social skills. 1
Radu Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Good advice, but keep in mind that some ppl are just introverts. Your advice is much harder to take for them.
Leigh 87 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I love people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A lot of them are petty and useless, but there are also some really great characters out there:) No matter how many friends I have or people I know, I ALWAYS am on the lookout for new and cool people. In relationships, I believe that they should happen when your not looking. That said, the more people you know, the more chance you have of finding great people in general.
GravityMan Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Very good advice, and I think networking can work for just about anyone, even introverts. Networking opens doors for you in many, many aspects of life. It's still up to you to walk through them.
irc333 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Women are less likely to go out, and take the dive, cold feet to meet strangers in a social setting first off. Usually, they will do it if they have another friend (usually female) join them...otherwise they'd just sit at home. Men are more than likely to go out and be more social, I suppose their motivation/drive to meet women are more than that of women I suppose. Thus why they have "Ladies Night" to these women out of the house. LOL Women need a hotter fire lite under their butts to get themselves out there more so than men. Go to Vegas with me. But seriously though, networking the predicated on your willingness to meet other people. That's all there is to it. You don't have to be super outgoing or a social butterfly. Just be willing to meet new people. And it all starts with one person. Just meet one person. They will surely know other people. Then meet those people. Each one of them will have their own network of friends. Meet all of them. Lather, rinse, repeat. Soon, people will be wanting to meet you.
ThaWholigan Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Agree. I am lucky to have amassed a pretty large network from uni, college and generally being a performer. I'm also lucky that my father also happens to be a well-known performer and also has links. Most of the women I've met and known, were through networking. It's probably as effective as cold approaching, if not more (if you use it right of course). Simply being more social and not only that but understanding social dynamics on an unconscious level will help you greatly
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