Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Good for you, sounds like you made the right decision for the both of you. Onward and Upward! I can't find it in me to forgive her and start from a new slate. She's already emailed me she would have done anything to make it work again and she already was seeing us together again. It breaks my heart a little that I can't go forward with that plan. Let's just say my life is not at all what I had expected it to be at this age, and half of the blame for that lays on her shoulders. The only voice I'm able to listen to is the voice of logic, and that voice says that trying the same thing over and over again expecting it to work is just plain crazy.
wilsonx Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Have fun at dating at 37... While we are at it, where do you live? Ill give you a ride to the closest bridge to jump off of. Edited April 17, 2012 by wilsonx
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Have fun at dating at 37... idiot status... thank god you let her go Its not fun at all, it sucks. Why are you so aggressive? You dont know much about me.
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Have fun at dating at 37... While we are at it, where do you live? Ill give you a ride to the closest bridge to jump off of. Seriously, why such aggression?
wilsonx Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Do you not recognize that your actions are self destructive, meet with the ex, have sex with the ex even though she says its a bad idea, tells the ex afterwards you want nothing to do with her anymore? Do you not see you are the problem? 1
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Do you not recognize that your actions are self destructive, meet with the ex, have sex with the ex even though she says its a bad idea, tells the ex afterwards you want nothing to do with her anymore? Do you not see you are the problem? No I don't see that. I see that I barely escaped alive a breakup that was a year in the making, I kept my chin up and my hopes up and I gave it my 100%. I find it absurd that she would only comes back when I lost all hope and I also find it suspicious. She turned into a horrible person for so long that I can only see that side of her now, and it SUCKS for me and it SUCKS for her. I'm doing what I can with the tools I have. The situation is difficult for everyone involved.
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 My first post here, that's the state of mind I was in for over a year. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/240759-break-breaking-up
wilsonx Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 So in your 9 YEARS together, did you ever cheat on her?
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 So in your 9 YEARS together, did you ever cheat on her? I started dating someone when I broke up with her and moved out of our town to this town but I ended things with that person when she came and asked for another chance. I did it cleanly, met the person and explained my ex was coming back and let her tell me whatever she needed to get off her chest. My ex never quite forgave me for that. Other than that, no.
wilsonx Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I started dating someone when I broke up with her and moved out of our town to this town My ex never quite forgave me for that. Other than that, no. And how is what she did to you different? LOL Hypocrite
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Where's the happy, supportive bunch? I need them more than I need the judgemental trigger happy fellers.
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 And how is what she did to you different? LOL Hypocrite She asked for a chance, I dropped the other person, disclosed it to her and restarted the relationship. I asked for a chance, she said she was giving me one but never did and never dropped the other person. Black is not white.
wilsonx Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Shes giving you a chance now.... They arent going to support you, they see you for who you are, a hypocrite
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Shes giving you a chance now.... Still you're not answering me. Why are you so bent on being super aggressive on this? I'm not judging you, I'm sure you have your better sides but by god it seems like you're taking it personal.
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Shes giving you a chance now.... They arent going to support you, they see you for who you are, a hypocrite That is messed up ha ha.
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 For me, if i didnt want anything to do with my ex, I wouldnt answer her phone calls, meet with her, have sex with her, or talk to her ever again That's better. I'm in love with that ex but its a twisted, toxic relationship. She wants me when she can't have me, or at least, I think that's the case. Try to not judge a book by its cover next time, sorry if you had a bad day but I had nothing to do with it and I dont feel so hot myself.
wilsonx Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 That's better. I'm in love with that ex but its a twisted, toxic relationship. She wants me when she can't have me, or at least, I think that's the case. Try to not judge a book by its cover next time, sorry if you had a bad day but I had nothing to do with it and I dont feel so hot myself. Its not toxic... Its 2 kids trying to be adults in adult relationships, she grew up, you havent yet I had a great day today... you were the icing on the cake 2
LogicallyIllogical Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 I dont know that I can believe anything she says. That says it all. She doesn't stand a chance. The power switched back into your hands. When she could have you, she didn't want you. Now that some time has passed and she has come back, you can have her, but you don't want her. More often than not, at least in my experience, once an ex comes back after a lengthy period of time, you don't want them back because you don't want to give them the chance of hurting you again(if you were the dumpee). Based on what you've written, it sounds like your mind is already made up. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong.
Author dng Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 That says it all. She doesn't stand a chance. The power switched back into your hands. When she could have you, she didn't want you. Now that some time has passed and she has come back, you can have her, but you don't want her. More often than not, at least in my experience, once an ex comes back after a lengthy period of time, you don't want them back because you don't want to give them the chance of hurting you again(if you were the dumpee). Based on what you've written, it sounds like your mind is already made up. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong. Obviously not everyone agrees but that is how I feel. I wanted wanted wanted her so bad, waited, did everything she asked but she kept not coming back. I eventually built a wall around it so to protect myself and now I'm locked in and I dont believe anything she says because everything she said for the longest time was just not happening.
Exit Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) If you felt like you couldn't handle starting over with a clean slate then you did the right thing, as much as it may hurt. Edited April 17, 2012 by Exit
Million.to.1 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 dng. ..Sorry you feel like you are being attacked. That's never nice. I think you should not make any rash decisions or resolutions just yet. You aren't looking to retrospectively live. You want to look forward and heal your life (which is what she is trying to do here) you are trying to fill your life with good people and experiences. You ARE looking for love (we all are) and the only way to make things good is to be good in the moment and into the future...Your Ex and you can still have the relationship you both want but it has to be a relationship that exists now and in the future...the past really is dead and no amount of talking about it will make it better...well not if that talking doesn't lead to what you really want. Do what will make your true heart feel most appreciated...you have to act on behalf of the vulnerable part of you. Be brave and be honest so that your tender bits feel honored. If you truly wanted nothing from her, you wouldn't of met up with her. You are protecting yourself now and that ok... But don't let the negativity from the past and the hurt you have felt rule your life for any longer. She has alot to prove.. but maybe she is prepared to show you that. Love is risk. Love is not ever a guarantee, but that doesn't mean living behind a wall forever will keep you any safer from unhappiness. 1
EgoJoe Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 DNG, you followed good ettiquete with regard to BREAKING UP and THEN seeing SOMEONE ELSE.
SuperGeek Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 I think you're nuts for considering this with her again. I couldn't trust her not to leave again and I think she's feeding you a bunch of BS. Half way through your post you already don't trust her again... and for good reason. Why are you going here mate? Do you like torture? lol. She waited TWO YEARS to show back up again after dating 3 OTHER guys. That right there should tell you she doesn't have the kind of interest required to keep a relationship together. No way in hell I'd walk down the isle with a girl that said that stuff to me. Can you spell DIVORCE in 2-3 years ?? Why take the chance and spend the energy on someone that has already wronged you when you can go and meet new people. You could have a fresh slate with a new girl and not have to WORRY about her walking out again. It's been two years for me too and I have a different 'tude. My ex can KISS MY ASS for eternity. She'll never get me back. She has to live with her decision to leave for the rest of her life. Why? Because I can't trust her now... not after what she did to me by leaving. How could I have kids with a woman that could walk out the door so easily? I can't walk down that isle with her (again) after the history I have with her... No way Jose. Just my .02... (you asked what I think... ) "We may forgive someone, but we will never forget" SuperGeek 2
Phanpooh Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) For someone here talking about love! An ex asked for a " break" then left the picture mean they want to see sth better out there. That also told you that, they are deserve more than you! When they decide o BU, they prepared it for a long time and then just left you. They take a risk to lost who truly love them, and give a chance for someone else, they want to see that, r you worse or not. In other hand, they give up on your trying, no matter how awesome you are, how mature, good or sth. They dun care about your feeling, emotional. What they gave you? A fact that, you just lost someone who dun love you! Love in relationship mean that 2 persons believe each other and they dun hurt themselves at both side. But after BU, just in their is jealous, needy, guilty,.... Tell me, if you love your exes, what did you do in "break" time? About me. I knew she want to break up with me before the break, exactly there is 9m and she prepare it. I dun care about it and I just let everything come naturally. I still do my best in relationship, almost put her things in my shoulders and threw my ego, until I lost EVERYTHING, and I'm tired of that relationship. I let her go with her break. While I was fighting for my depression time, take back my job, family, friends,...... She was dating with a hipster, great shoot! And they told me, that just a friend. Okay, I show her my truth, and keep fighting with myself, she jump in that relationship with my money. I dun care about money, I just dun see her respect for me and then, NC for her. In NC, I still care about her and told all of my close friends support for her life, I promised that, I will pay for everything when I could and I just do my promise. She dun know about it and that nice for me. I'm still in healing process, but my life still goes and nobody could hold it... At least, I did all my best in time and I won't regret what did I do, then if someday, she is back, there won't be a second chance for her. Why? I dun believe that people could be a mother of my sons and daughters. If she change? What will I do ? Let see in future.... How she could follow me ^_^ I won't hold myself on for everyone! I'm too good to forgive her but I'm not that stupid to love her again! Edited April 18, 2012 by Phanpooh 2
gibson Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 (edited) If you look at the last 2 posts in this thread... Dating / Relationship = Marriage / Till death do us part. So if you are dating / in a relationship with someone, do you tell them it's till death do us part? Do you stick with someone even if your feelings have changed, you realize they aren't "the one" for you, etc? If you break up with someone or end a relationship you think, feel, believe you are wrong and committing and act of evil? I couldn't imagine being happy dating or in a relationship with either one of you. Your approach, outlook and attitude towards dating / relationships is unhealthy, controlling and manipulative. You don't actually love, care about thier wishes, hopes, dreams or their happiness. Dating / Relationships is a "courting" period where two people should have the freedom, time and space to answer a question. The question... Is this the person I will spend the rest of my life with? A break up or the end of a relationship is not a failure, its a success. It's not a reflection of you, what you have to offer, your self-worth, etc. It's just the answer to that question. How is someone answering the same question you have, wrong or evil? If you don't like their answer to the question, you wish them harm, horrible things done to them, hope they are miserable and suffer? That is not LOVE!!!!!! I had 3 wonderful years with my Ex and although I was disappointed it had to end... I loved her, let her go and wished her the best. I truly hope she is happy and finds what she is looking for. If she should come back in 3 years or so I was single and still attracted to her and her as a person... Why wouldn't / shouldn't I? She didn't do anything wrong during the relationship, during the break up and it is not evil and she didn't commit a crime for her feelings and what she wants to change. I'm 40 and many of the happy and successful marriages I am witness too... Those couples were in relationships, broke up and after a year or more sought each out, reconnected, fell in love again, etc. They valued, respected, cared about and loved their partner in the first relationship, through the break up, while they were broken up and when they got back together and still do all these years later after being married. They both had to figure out what they truly needed / wanted in their own way and own time. In the end, they chose/ choose one another. Edited April 18, 2012 by gibson 2
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