Tips for college men

[jobaba]

I have seen a few dudes post about being in college and being unable to find women. Never been on a date, etc. I have what I feel is some good advice.

 

I'm on a major college campus this semester taking classes part time and I see a lot of undergrad women walking around. Uh .. girls make that.

 

I see some of these girls and they make me smile.

 

I'm not talking about the cute ones with the perfectly conditioned hair and the Oakley sunglasses. I'm talking about the girls with the dirty, unwashed backpacks, wearing sweaters with the periodic table of elements on it, badly worn jeans, uncombed hair and untrimmed eyebrows ... never cracking a smile.

 

Some of these girls are quite cute. I want to pull them aside and tell them, "Hey. If you just bought some better clothes, used Proactiv, tweezed your eyebrows, and started smiling, you'd have guys asking you out." But of course, they'll figure it out by themselves eventually. And when they do and get to their mid to late 20s, they'll have been hit on by so many creeps, their egos will be just as inflated and they will feel every bit as entitled as their current 'cute' brethen.

 

But for now ... they are just diamonds in the rough. Just approaching them and calling them cute or beautiful. They'd probably love you for it.

 

So ... that's my suggestion for some of you college men. Try going for some of these girls who are rough around the edges. Because pretty soon you'll be in your mid 20s and the 'modest, shy, easy to impress' woman will be a myth of the past.

Edited April 16, 2012 by jobaba

[Pierre]

I have seen a few dudes post about being in college and being unable to find women. Never been on a date, etc. I have what I feel is some good advice.

 

I'm on a major college campus this semester taking classes part time and I see a lot of undergrad women walking around. Uh .. girls make that.

 

I see some of these girls and they make me smile.

 

I'm not talking about the cute ones with the perfectly conditioned hair and the Oakley sunglasses. I'm talking about the girls with the dirty, unwashed backpacks, wearing sweaters with the periodic table of elements on it, badly worn jeans, uncombed hair and untrimmed eyebrows ... never cracking a smile.

 

Some of these girls are quite cute. I want to pull them aside and tell them, "Hey. If you just bought some better clothes, used Proactiv, tweezed your eyebrows, and started smiling, you'd have guys asking you out." But of course, they'll figure it out by themselves eventually. And when they do and get to their mid to late 20s, they'll have been hit on by so many creeps, their egos will be just as inflated and they will feel every bit as entitled as their current 'cute' brethen.

 

But for now ... they are just diamonds in the rough. Just approaching them and calling them cute or beautiful. They'd probably love you for it.

 

So ... that's my suggestion for some of you college men. Try going for some of these girls who are rough around the edges. Because pretty soon you'll be in your mid 20s and the 'modest, shy, easy to impress' woman will be a myth of the past.

 

Never heard of a man that noted whether women do their eyebrows or not. You must be a metrosexual. :eek:There is nothing wrong with the intellectual non-vain look of a young woman in college.

[casanovadude81]

My tip for college aged men would be not to reject themselves. Also to enjoy the thrill of the chase where ever it takes you.

[jobaba]

There is nothing wrong with the intellectual non-vain look of a young woman in college.

 

It's not about style. It's about attitude. Based on their careless approach to their appearance, it's pretty obvious, they don't have a lot of self esteem or experience with men. You can be intellectual and still dress neat.

 

They're just asking for a geeky nice guy to sweep them off their feet.

 

But my example was extreme. Let's be honest here. There's a decent number of women in college who are still unsure of themselves, modest and really underrate their own looks.

 

Enjoy that while it lasts, because it won't last long...

[somedude81]

And do any of those geeky girls you're talking about actually want to date?

 

Frankly, you just pretty much exactly described my last crush but she had a ninja turtles backpack instead of the elements, and we all know how that turned out.

[Cypress25]

Based on their careless approach to their appearance, it's pretty obvious, they don't have a lot of self esteem or experience with men.

 

Or they had an early morning class and didn't feel like waking up an hour earlier to do their hair and makeup. When I was in college, most of us went to our morning classes in pj's and eventually changed into real clothes around lunchtime. Because our first thought upon waking was "I gotta get to class," not "I gotta look attractive for the guys." Believe it or not, impressing the guys was not our top priority.

[jobaba]

And do any of those geeky girls you're talking about actually want to date?

 

Frankly, you just pretty much exactly described my last crush but she had a ninja turtles backpack instead of the elements, and we all know how that turned out.

 

Based on your past descriptions of her, she doesn't sound like that type at all.

 

Or they had an early morning class and didn't feel like waking up an hour earlier to do their hair and makeup. When I was in college, most of us went to our morning classes in pj's and eventually changed into real clothes around lunchtime. Because our first thought upon waking was "I gotta get to class," not "I gotta look attractive for the guys." Believe it or not, impressing the guys was not our top priority.

 

There's a difference between a woman who rolls out of bed and one who doesn't know how to dress at all and it's easy to tell the difference.

 

I'm trying to give these guys a ray of hope ... that every woman at that age isn't a super confident gal who won't accept anything less than a good looking confident, funny, social adept guy.

 

What are you trying to prove?

[USMCHokie]

My tip for college aged men would be not to reject themselves.

 

I'd like to reiterate the importance of this statement. If I could go back and do college again, I'd live by this single mantra.

[Jane2011]

There may be something to this idea.

 

I know that when I was 19/20, I wore these thick-lens glasses with humongous dark brown, round frames that covered my whole face, had long bangs that covered even more of my face, was about 15 lbs overweight (about 117 lbs on a 5' tall frame), and wore the most frumpy clothes humanly possible.

 

I was in college at the time, but actually met my first boyfriend at work (I worked at a video store). For whatever crazy but commendable reason, this very cute guy from work liked me anyway (despite me looking the way I did). After he started liking me, I changed. I did a bunch of stuff with my appearance -- got the hair out of my face, started exercising like mad and slimming down to about 100 lbs, started wearing more fitted clothing, just got more good-looking in general. I never had an acne problem, so that wasn't a problem. And I continued to wear my glasses, but still...I looked a lot prettier.

 

So I say...yes, pick up an 'ugly' girl and get her feeling girly and liked, and she might just transform herself.

 

I thought I was the ugliest thing when I was between the ages of 18 and 20. I lost my virginity when I was 20 to the same guy who liked me even though I looked weird.

[Cypress25]

I'm trying to give these guys a ray of hope ... that every woman at that age isn't a super confident gal who won't accept anything less than a good looking confident, funny, social adept guy.

 

Well, of course. Most people aren't super confident at any age. It's just that many guys only notice the most beautiful, most confident girls, and fail to see everyone else. When I hear guys whining "how come women can pick any guy they want?" I always want to say "how come you only look at the few women who can pick any guy they want?"

[USMCHokie]

There may be something to this idea.

 

I know that when I was 19/20, I wore these thick-lens glasses with humongous dark brown, round frames that covered my whole face, had long bangs that covered even more of my face, was about 15 lbs overweight (about 117 lbs on a 5' tall frame), and wore the most frumpy clothes humanly possible.

 

I was in college at the time, but actually met my first boyfriend at work (I worked at a video store). For whatever crazy but commendable reason, this very cute guy from work liked me anyway (despite me looking the way I did). After he started liking me, I changed. I did a bunch of stuff with my appearance -- got the hair out of my face, started exercising like mad and slimming down to about 100 lbs, started wearing more fitted clothing, just got more good-looking in general. I never had an acne problem, so that wasn't a problem. And I continued to wear my glasses, but still...I looked a lot prettier.

 

So I say...yes, pick up an 'ugly' girl and get her feeling girly and liked, and she might just transform herself.

 

I thought I was the ugliest thing when I was between the ages of 18 and 20. I lost my virginity when I was 20 to the same guy who liked me even though I looked weird.

 

Just like we discussed in a previous SD-focused thread, it sometimes only takes one tiny bit of that external "validation" to encourage someone to realize their potential and start working towards being better (e.g., more physically attractive, better educated, more socially comfortable, etc.).

[somedude81]

Well, of course. Most people aren't super confident at any age. It's just that many guys only notice the most beautiful, most confident girls, and fail to see everyone else. When I hear guys whining "how come women can pick any guy they want?" I always want to say "how come you only look at the few women who can pick any guy they want?"

That's because the average girl, can just about get any guy she wants. The only exception are the super alpha guys, who are already swimming in girls.

[USMCHokie]

That's because the average girl, can just about get any guy she wants.

 

I used to think this way too, and the more I think about this, the more I disagree...

 

There's a remarkable difference between an average girl walking up to a random guy and asking if he wants to have sex, versus an average girl walking up to a random guy and asking if he wants to take her out a few times for a chance at having sex with the expectation that they will be in a committed relationship.

 

Of course we all have different expectations and desires...

[WhiteChocolate]

That's because the average girl, can just about get any guy she wants. The only exception are the super alpha guys, who are already swimming in girls.

 

I wish this were true.

[somedude81]

I used to think this way too, and the more I think about this, the more I disagree...

 

There's a remarkable difference between an average girl walking up to a random guy and asking if he wants to have sex, versus an average girl walking up to a random guy and asking if he wants to take her out a few times for a chance at having sex with the expectation that they will be in a committed relationship.

 

Of course we all have different expectations and desires...

I don't think it's as complicated as you make it to be.

 

All a girl has to do is flirt, drop some obvious hints and if the guy has half a brain, he'll ask her out. It's super easy for a girl.

I wish this were true.

If you only believed, it can be.

[Els]

I think it's a great idea, and a really nice thing to do.

 

However, motives are a huge issue here. Are you going to go after those girls just because you think that 'no guys are going to be after them, so you have no competition'? That is a horrible, horrible reason to ask someone out. And you may be surprised, but in some of those cases it isn't even true. And if a guy is going after a girl for that reason, it shows through in their actions, and if she has even an ounce of self-esteem, she really isn't going to be terribly impressed in the guy. Not because he's not confident, or not tall, or not rich, or not sexy, but because of his rather shady motives.

 

Broadening one's mind to being able to see past a woman's clothes and exterior appearance is generally beneficial to a man. Preying on those women because one believes that they must not have very much self esteem or anyone interested in them, is not.

[USMCHokie]

I don't think it's as complicated as you make it to be.

 

No, I actually purposely over-simplified it to make the point. There is no flirting, no innuendo, no p*ssyfooting or tiptoeing around. The girl literally walks up to the guy and straight up asks if he wants to have sex with her right then and there. Or...the girl literally walks up to the guy and straight up asks if he wants to take her out on a few dates in hopes of having sex with the expectation of a committed relationship.

 

I'm willing to bet that more often than not, women will favor the latter option, and more often than not, the guy will not be so keen on seeing it all the way out to the committed relationship...

 

Again, it's all about individual expectations and desires...which will define what "getting a guy" means...

[Els]

I don't think it's as complicated as you make it to be.

 

All a girl has to do is flirt, drop some obvious hints and if the guy has half a brain, he'll ask her out. It's super easy for a girl.

 

I know it's difficult for you to believe, but some guys really aren't interested in a particular type of girl, or not even interested in a relationship fullstop. The decent guys of this sort will do the right thing and turn the girl down. The less decent guys will lead the girl on to get sex from her. Either way, the results are less than pleasant for her.

[jobaba]

I think it's a great idea, and a really nice thing to do.

 

However, motives are a huge issue here. Are you going to go after those girls just because you think that 'no guys are going to be after them, so you have no competition'? That is a horrible, horrible reason to ask someone out. And you may be surprised, but in some of those cases it isn't even true. And if a guy is going after a girl for that reason, it shows through in their actions, and if she has even an ounce of self-esteem, she really isn't going to be terribly impressed in the guy. Not because he's not confident, or not tall, or not rich, or not sexy, but because of his rather shady motives.

 

Broadening one's mind to being able to see past a woman's clothes and exterior appearance is generally beneficial to a man. Preying on those women because one believes that they must not have very much self esteem or anyone interested in them, is not.

 

No. You're going to go after them because they haven't yet developed the typical mentality that they deserve the best of the best and they may just like you because you are a nice guy and sweet to them.

 

Of course, I don't have any motives. These girls are young enough to be my daughter. Any woman within dating range age for me is already incapable of falling for the bolded alone. But my game is good enough so that I can get one every now and then...

[Els]

Of course, I don't have any motives. These girls are young enough to be my daughter. Any woman within dating range age for me is already incapable of falling for the bolded alone. But my game is good enough so that I can get one every now and then...

 

Well, when I said 'you', I meant the general 'you', not necessarily jobaba.

 

No. You're going to go after them because they haven't yet developed the typical mentality that they deserve the best of the best and they may just like you because you are a nice guy and sweet to them.

 

I'm sorry that the above has been your experience. As I said before, I think this suggestion is a good one. However, I want to caution the guys reading this thread to not try it with a girl whom they're not genuinely interested in with the wrong motive of 'she can't possibly reject me'. This approach has a twofold danger: Firstly, they're bound to get a helluva lot more depressed when they ARE rejected for having the wrong motive (because the girl actually does have some self-worth, surprise surprise); and secondly, those girls deserve a guy who actually likes them for who they are.

[somedude81]

No, I actually purposely over-simplified it to make the point. There is no flirting, no innuendo, no p*ssyfooting or tiptoeing around. The girl literally walks up to the guy and straight up asks if he wants to have sex with her right then and there. Or...the girl literally walks up to the guy and straight up asks if he wants to take her out on a few dates in hopes of having sex with the expectation of a committed relationship.

If you want to stick to those specific examples, then yes it's not going to work that well for most women. The way I said earlier has a better chance.

However, I want to caution the guys reading this thread to not try it with a girl whom they're not genuinely interested in with the wrong motive of 'she can't possibly reject me'. This approach has a twofold danger: Firstly, they're bound to get a helluva lot more depressed when they ARE rejected for having the wrong motive (because the girl actually does have some self-worth, surprise surprise); and secondly, those girls deserve a guy who actually likes them for who they are.

I don't think that many guys are reading the advice with the mentality/motive you are talking about.

[Els]

I don't think that many guys are reading the advice with the mentality/motive you are talking about.

 

I'm really not sure of that, considering how much the OP emphasized their assumed 'low self esteem' and how good a thing that was.

[somedude81]

I'm really not sure of that, considering how much the OP emphasized their assumed 'low self esteem' and how good a thing that was.

Honestly, I have no idea how a woman's self-esteem has any relevance to dating.

[fortyninethousand322]

I don't think women like the OP describes even exist. I've met women who fit the physical description, but their confidence and sense of self worth are still pretty high. So high, in fact that they wanted nothing to do with me. At least in the romantic sense.

 

Most women seem to develop self esteem pretty early and tend to keep it.

[Els]

Honestly, I have no idea how a woman's self-esteem has any relevance to dating.

 

Well, the way the OP sounded to me was that he felt you guys should hit on those girls because they have 'low self-esteem and therefore would be happy about just any guy hitting on them'. That, I don't agree with. I do agree that women who don't prioritize looks for themselves also tend to not prioritize them in a partner though, so that makes his idea a good one in that case.