JackTar Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 This is a long one, so I'll try to be as brief as possible. The people involved: R - my wife's best friend S - R's husband Y - my wife N - a girlfriend of R and Y Some background. Y and R are very close, kind of weirdly so, and have been for about ten years or so. Y has always been something of a tomboy but the last couple years it's been bordering on butch. R is married with three kids. About three years ago, they meet N through some mutual friends and the three become close. Anyway, about a year ago R's husband (S) accuses R of having an affair. Y tells me that R thinks he's been drinking again (he had a problem when he was much younger, but hadn't drank in years) and possibly abusing some pain killers he'd been given for a back injury. R and Y both think he's acting paranoid. I ask my wife later if R is having an affair, she says no, and denies any wrongdoing on the part of R. Okay, I don't particularly like R, and so I lose interest. Every once in a while I'd ask about the situation (out of curiosity) and Y would give me some update like R found an empty pill bottle in S's car, and it's not from their pharmacy etc. So far as I knew that was all that was going on. I haven't expressed much interest in R and S's affairs till the other night. What happened was, my sister was over and she was chatting with Y about something while I was in the kitchen, anyway, I overheard the conversation in the other room, the situation according to my wife had come to a head with an imminent divorce for R and S. The reason was, S had been drinking (a lot) and using all sorts of drugs (bear in mind that this is otherwise a pretty unremarkable middle class couple) and that R was having an emotional affair, with N. I pop my head in and Y starts backpeddling. I take it she didn't think I was listening. This was the first I'd heard of either R or N expressing any interest in the same sex. When I asked my wife why she'd never mentioned that before, she said she thought she'd told me, then later she said she thought I knew, she'd always known. I had never, NEVER heard that before, and that's not the sort of trivia I'd forget. It kind of gives me the impression that this was being deliberately kept from me, which maybe it was. The whole thing has got me wondering about my wife's relationships. That plus her friends (more than a few of whom are lesbian/bi), the way she acts and dresses, and the fact that she is frequently hit on by other women has really got me wondering if she's been telling me the truth about her own sexuality. Earlier I said R and Y's relationship was weird. Well, it is. Y kind of acts like she's in love with R. I've confronted her about it (in a round about sort of way) before and she always says "you just don't understand." It's possible I don't, but I've had a lot of female friends in the past and I know that they handle the whole best friend thing differently than men, but this is still weird to me. When I found out about R and N, a whole lot of things seemed to make sense. Things that I'd always just assumed were personal quirks all of a sudden started to look like very obviously lesbian behaviors, though certainly not overt ones. Now, if I apply that same model to my wife, it paints a rather disconcerting picture. I'm really at a loss. What do I do? Do I let it go? Do I confront her directly?
Author JackTar Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) I guess what I'm asking is, am I wrong for asking these kind of questions? I ask because I think I'm a bit too close to the situation to be objective. I posted on here a while back too(http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/287471-tricky-situation), when Y and I were going through a rough patch. Things did get better for a time though. To complicate matters, professionally things are really going well for me right now and it seems Y is doing everything possible to complicate life. It's like someone said in that movie The Devil Wears Prada, you really know you're successful when your personal life goes to hell. Any advice would be most appreciated. - Jack Edited April 16, 2012 by JackTar
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