rbitrage Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I know everyone will say stay away from these types, but it's quite common for both men and women in places like ny and london to do this and just wondering if people have experience with this and if one knows how to tell when the relationship past all these games. By games I mean being flakey, hot and cold, sweet and then indifferent. Was having a chat with a bunch of guy friends and in ny, especially the women who are in high demand all do this to weed out the weak men (clingy, needy, not . Men do the same thing but perhaps in different ways. It's like some weird alpha ritual that people do. It's not fun but once you understand it's a game and you play it in such a spirit, you can get past it and be in a normal relationship (i realize this sounds insane, but it seems to be very common here).
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 stay AWAY from them. these girls need to know and learn their stupid lesson. STAY AWAY! 1
M2155 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 IMO, it's hard to pretend to be hot/cold etc.. when you really like someone. When you are genuinely interested, I think your genuine interest will show through. If you're just dating to date, it's probably easier but I don't do that so I'm not sure. If you are in "high demand" (or you really have a life) you might really have a jam packed social schedule and not be so available, I don't see how that's a bad thing. I can see indifference surfacing when you find out something you don't like or someone else you were interested in comes around, but for me it was never fake but my genuine feeling at the time. I don't believe any man wants a woman to just walk up and hand over her heart. Maybe it's game playing in high school but after that I just think there is some reality to it. Call me when it stops working. But if she is interested, I think you will know. 1
sid3 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I know everyone will say stay away from these types, but it's quite common for both men and women in places like ny and london to do this and just wondering if people have experience with this and if one knows how to tell when the relationship past all these games. By games I mean being flakey, hot and cold, sweet and then indifferent. Was having a chat with a bunch of guy friends and in ny, especially the women who are in high demand all do this to weed out the weak men (clingy, needy, not . Men do the same thing but perhaps in different ways. It's like some weird alpha ritual that people do. It's not fun but once you understand it's a game and you play it in such a spirit, you can get past it and be in a normal relationship (i realize this sounds insane, but it seems to be very common here). You're right, it is very common here. Most play a least parts of the game. It's easier to accept it for what it is rather than whine about it. Sounds like you have already figured that out
D-Lish Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Women play games, men play games, it's NOT a gender specific mating ritual. For all the people that do play games, there are many relationship worthy people that don't. For all the men and women out there launching angry gender war threads, and all those that angrily fly in and support the blanket notions- maybe it's time to take a look at yourselves and how and whom you choose to date (and why). Does anyone stop to think that if you aren't lucky in love that you should be a little more introspective instead of blaming everything on an entire gender? I'm not that lucky in love, and I've gone out with some less than stellar men, but I am the one that has control over the men I date- or don't date. If you're always dealing with someone that is playing games, you have to ask yourself why you are constantly putting yourself in that situation and correct it. Far too many people aren't taking responsibility for their own dating choices- instead choosing to blame an entire gender for their own issues. I'm sorry, but if you're constantly finding yourself in the same situation over and over again, it really is time to look at why you gravitate towards those situations. This thread is simply about a guy that has chosen to "master" the art of dating people that are troubled- and in doing so, hasn't realized that maybe it's time to look within for some real answers. 2
TheFinalWord Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I know everyone will say stay away from these types, but it's quite common for both men and women in places like ny and london to do this and just wondering if people have experience with this and if one knows how to tell when the relationship past all these games. By games I mean being flakey, hot and cold, sweet and then indifferent. Was having a chat with a bunch of guy friends and in ny, especially the women who are in high demand all do this to weed out the weak men (clingy, needy, not . Men do the same thing but perhaps in different ways. It's like some weird alpha ritual that people do. It's not fun but once you understand it's a game and you play it in such a spirit, you can get past it and be in a normal relationship (i realize this sounds insane, but it seems to be very common here). I'm not sure exactly how you can tell. If someone is flaky like that it usually means they aren't that interested in you but they like the occasional attention, or they are dating multiple men and haven't figured out whose best for them yet. I don't agree that it's just a game that is fun to play. People who do this have delusions of grandeur IMHO. Weed out the weak men? If someone has to do that it tells me they don't know themselves that well. To me they're already starting a potential relationship off as a manipulator. Is that someone you would want to be with? Not me.
sid3 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Women play games, men play games, it's NOT a gender specific mating ritual. For all the people that do play games, there are many relationship worthy people that don't. For all the men and women out there launching angry gender war threads, and all those that angrily fly in and support the blanket notions- maybe it's time to take a look at yourselves and how and whom you choose to date (and why). Does anyone stop to think that if you aren't lucky in love that you should be a little more introspective instead of blaming everything on an entire gender? I'm not that lucky in love, and I've gone out with some less than stellar men, but I am the one that has control over the men I date- or don't date. If you're always dealing with someone that is playing games, you have to ask yourself why you are constantly putting yourself in that situation and correct it. Far too many people aren't taking responsibility for their own dating choices- instead choosing to blame an entire gender for their own issues. I'm sorry, but if you're constantly finding yourself in the same situation over and over again, it really is time to look at why you gravitate towards those situations. This thread is simply about a guy that has chosen to "master" the art of dating people that are troubled- and in doing so, hasn't realized that maybe it's time to look within for some real answers. Nice summation in general. but not relevant to this specific thread. I'll assume you have not spent a lot of time in NYC. It unlikely things are the same in Canada.
Author rbitrage Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 I don't see this is a gender war thread, as I have clearly said men and women play it. I guess the title implies only one side plays it but i said twice men are also playing it. I guess I play it a bit also. Yes i am choosing the type of women who play these games for a reason. I find them more attractive than the nice ones. I don't buy the whole notion that the best relationships are the ones that flow smoothly from beginning to end. And yes, sometimes the best prize is the one that is most difficult to get. Seems like there is a lot of angry people on this forum. I'm just asking a simple question if others experience this and how they dealt with it. As far as wanting to go after challenging women, I don't see anything wrong with that.
threebyfate Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) Women play games, men play games, it's NOT a gender specific mating ritual. For all the people that do play games, there are many relationship worthy people that don't. For all the men and women out there launching angry gender war threads, and all those that angrily fly in and support the blanket notions- maybe it's time to take a look at yourselves and how and whom you choose to date (and why). Does anyone stop to think that if you aren't lucky in love that you should be a little more introspective instead of blaming everything on an entire gender? I'm not that lucky in love, and I've gone out with some less than stellar men, but I am the one that has control over the men I date- or don't date. If you're always dealing with someone that is playing games, you have to ask yourself why you are constantly putting yourself in that situation and correct it. Far too many people aren't taking responsibility for their own dating choices- instead choosing to blame an entire gender for their own issues. I'm sorry, but if you're constantly finding yourself in the same situation over and over again, it really is time to look at why you gravitate towards those situations. This thread is simply about a guy that has chosen to "master" the art of dating people that are troubled- and in doing so, hasn't realized that maybe it's time to look within for some real answers.*harry met sally orgasmic voice* YES, YES, YES!! I could go gay for you D! Edited April 16, 2012 by threebyfate
Author rbitrage Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 sid3, you seem to have a good idea about the new york dating scene. My thought is basically a smart, educated man/woman wants to meet a like minded/accomplished person, and I suspect the games are a litmus test to make sure you don't get rattled or too attached too early if the feelings are not reciprocated in like fashion. I know for me if the girl gets too interested, I find that quite unattractive because then one thinks, how could she like me so much when she doesn't even know me yet. Same goes the other way. The thing is, it's hard to tell when the games go away (though I suspect they don't ever go away completely, esp with a very new york person).
Imported Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I've accepted that "games" are just a way to get to know, protect your own ego and be sure. I play along, it's not a big deal. I do even better, because it doesn't piss me off and I am not pouting like a dumbass thinking the girl has nothing better to do than "play games".
sid3 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 sid3, you seem to have a good idea about the new york dating scene. My thought is basically a smart, educated man/woman wants to meet a like minded/accomplished person, and I suspect the games are a litmus test to make sure you don't get rattled or too attached too early if the feelings are not reciprocated in like fashion. I know for me if the girl gets too interested, I find that quite unattractive because then one thinks, how could she like me so much when she doesn't even know me yet. Same goes the other way. The thing is, it's hard to tell when the games go away (though I suspect they don't ever go away completely, esp with a very new york person). I think its caused by the lightning fast pace of life and the general unfriendly attitude.
Author rbitrage Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Yeah that's what I have come to realize. At first I was trying to rationalize it and then after really understand the motivation behind why people do that in a city like NY, I have come to accept that it's gonna happen and try not to let it phase me. Having said that it's hard to tell when they are still interested, or just treat you like a toy they want to torture. I didn't grow up in this kind of environment so i speak with friends who are themselves and date people who are very much like this, and it's amazing how many times i misread the intentions of some of a particular woman's games. Knowing when they are not interested, undecided, and very interested is a strange subtle game in this city.
loversquarrel Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I was involved with a woman like that. The mistake she made was inviting me to play, I did and I ended up breaking her heart. In the end she told her friends the games got old and she wanted to be serious. The thing is I was serious about her in the beginning, but she failed to realize that if you play games with a mentally tough person you will lose, and lose what could have been something with an emotionally strong person.
SJC2008 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I can see a woman wanting to be sure the man is truly interested so I can understand her not initiating contact in the beginnig of the courtship. This was the case (everyone should know by now lol) with the last woman I dated. I kept initiating contact then after our 3rd date she threw me a curveball. She ignored a text, called her the next day and left a message, 2 days later still no answer. I don't expect an immediate response to a text/call but if a woman is interested she wont pull that IMO and if she was "testing" I failed big time because I texted her that I wouln't call/text anymore just be honest. You get to know people by dating them and that's the bottom line.
Author rbitrage Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 It seems to be a very elaborate mating ritual played here and it's both childish and yet somewhat fascinating. Part of it is because people are prospecting around all the time trying to find a good match and they need to some ways to filter beyond the resume and bank account. Take a successful banker/doctor in the city and see him become all clingy/needy, and the girl knows right away he's no great catch. So I understand the need for the games. I just wish I had gotten an instruction manual the day i landed here haha.
SJC2008 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 It seems to be a very elaborate mating ritual played here and it's both childish and yet somewhat fascinating. Part of it is because people are prospecting around all the time trying to find a good match and they need to some ways to filter beyond the resume and bank account. Take a successful banker/doctor in the city and see him become all clingy/needy, and the girl knows right away he's no great catch. So I understand the need for the games. I just wish I had gotten an instruction manual the day i landed here haha. In your opinion how do these games show a man being needy/cllingy?
Author rbitrage Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 No I am saying by playing the game she can weed out the clingy guys. So if she turns cold and the guy gets emotional about it too early she can see that he's too clingy. So I'm saying the games are providing a way for each person to figure out how stable, mature, able to manage pressure, etc the other person is.
SJC2008 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I see your point that they think you are emotional if you get your panties in a wad if they don't call you back. My point is that I knew all I had to do was wait a week or so for her to call me back and I would of passed. Do you want to get to know me or test me? Look where her games have got her, almost 32 never married and no kids. I wish her the best I'm just saying. Now it is possible I was blown off but I'll never know because I failed her test lol.
SJC2008 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Also it tells me when they pull this crap they are willing to lose the chance to date you over these games which means they weren't all that interested to begin with.
GetTheClou Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Everyone with self-consciousness and a certain picture of their relationship partner is playing games to filter "unworthy" people. "Unworthy" in this context simply means that he/she doesn't fit to certain criteria. "Neediness" is just one of the most common and most tested criteria (because it's so easy!) but there are many more applied by men and women on a conscious or subconscious level. Only difference between genders is the fact that women have a hole and typically more options due to biological circumstances so their criteria list is usually longer. so play the ****ing game or stick to rotten compromises
Imported Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) I see your point that they think you are emotional if you get your panties in a wad if they don't call you back. My point is that I knew all I had to do was wait a week or so for her to call me back and I would of passed. Do you want to get to know me or test me? Look where her games have got her, almost 32 never married and no kids. I wish her the best I'm just saying. Now it is possible I was blown off but I'll never know because I failed her test lol. I am sure she is blowing up the internet forums writing post after post about her experience with you. I kid. I am sure she is already sucking some guy off that had no problem dealing with her and didn't expect her to fit in to a fairy tale fantasy of how things are suppose to go. Women are to be pursued, especially when they initiate things. If you don't want to do that, cool. I am sure somewhere out there there is some hag ready to do things exactly the way you expect her to do things. Edited April 16, 2012 by Imported 1
Feelsgoodman Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Women play games because men let them get away with it. As simple as that. If every man immediately disengaged in response to game-playing behavior, there would be no game-playing. Women thrive on drama, so it's natural for them to be into this kind of sh*t. Men generally don't like game playing, but they go along with it believing they have to.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Consensus is play the game so I'm in! If consensus was to suck d!ck, would you be in too?
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