greatguy1212 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Hi there- Thanks for taking the time to read this. I have been seperated for 2 years from my wife. We we married for 13 Yrs. We have 2 children ages 6, 9. we both have joint cussody of our kids. we both have 50/50. My ex wife wants no communation only to do with our children her choice. Just recentlywas my sons birthday. she wanted to plan it- that was fine with as i did his party last year. The day of the party she sends me an e-mail/text asking me not to attend my sons birthday party as she did not want to be in the same room with me and makes her feel unconfortable. Moving forward we will are going to have to be in the same room etc for kids events. I also coach my kids sports teams. I was just really surprized. Now, I feel that I should of attended his party. Can any body give me some advise how to deal with my ex moving forward. Thanks, Great guy
january2011 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I would speak to your lawyer so that you're clear about where you stand legally. It seems unfair that your wife prevented you from attending your son's birthday party and at such short notice. However, if it was at her home, she might be well within her rights to prevent you from entering her property without her permission - I'm not sure, you'd have to check with your lawyer. From my limited experience of how divorced/separated parents deal with celebratory events, their kids end up celebrating separately with each parent and get two parties. This ensures that neither parent gets left out in celebrating their children's milestones. And of course the children are happy because they get two celebrate twice. For future events where you can't help but be in the same room, you're going to have to come to some agreement, either between yourselves or via lawyers. It may mean that someone misses out on some events or you just limit any exchanges - both you and your wife will have to grin and bear it for the sake of your children.
jwi71 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Hi there- Thanks for taking the time to read this. I have been seperated for 2 years from my wife. We we married for 13 Yrs. We have 2 children ages 6, 9. we both have joint cussody of our kids. we both have 50/50. My ex wife wants no communation only to do with our children her choice. Just recentlywas my sons birthday. she wanted to plan it- that was fine with as i did his party last year. The day of the party she sends me an e-mail/text asking me not to attend my sons birthday party as she did not want to be in the same room with me and makes her feel unconfortable. Moving forward we will are going to have to be in the same room etc for kids events. I also coach my kids sports teams. I was just really surprized. Now, I feel that I should of attended his party. Can any body give me some advise how to deal with my ex moving forward. Thanks, Great guy Your xW has no cause to bar you from attending his birthday (or any other day that you have a reasonable right to attend). I would have told her "Sorry it makes you uncomfortable but I'm going to celebrate his special day with him Let's play nice with each other for his sake." And that's that. If your xW wants to argue it, offer to meet at your lawyer's office. Then you and your lawyers can try and mediate a solution. If that fails, litigate a solution. But it won't come to that. Lawyers ( specifically hers) aren't stupid. They know a child cannot have two birthday parties. Or two soccer games. Or two graduations. There are some events that can only happen once and both parents, regardless of how they feel about each other, have a right to attend. So play nice for those times for the sake of the kids.
Owl Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Why does your ex feel so strongly about your presence?
Steadfast Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Every one of my kids has had two parties...and two Christmas days too. Usually Christmas Eve with one parent and the next day with the other. Since she seems to agree with schedules, then use that to your advantage. Begin now to schedule these days on alternating years. By the time they're both 18, you'll be done. It'll be here before you know it. Otherwise, I can't imagine why you'd want to subject yourself to this. Respect her wishes and stay away when it is a function that'll be attended in her home, planned by her, or attended by members of her family. Do your own thing. As for public or school events she has no control or a right to demand anything. If she presses the issue, tell her it's her problem. The key I think, is to get her to come to you. When she does, don't give her a single thing to hang her rope on. Smile, be agreeable, relaxed and at ease in your own skin. In time, she'll direct her venom elsewhere. And BTW, she's not your ex if you're still married. Time to make that final I would think-
thatone Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Why does your ex feel so strongly about your presence? cause she wants her new boyfriend there, obviously.
jwi71 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Every one of my kids has had two parties...and two Christmas days too. Usually Christmas Eve with one parent and the next day with the ... Honest question as I deal with this for each of my kids' birthdays. How do you manage the invitations for your kids friends? Do they receive two invitations and attend both parties? Do they bring presents to each party? Just trying to figure out how that works - my kids' friends don't change, still the same group after my D as before. Trying to puzzle out how you manage them with two parties for those friends to attend?
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