maxy1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 clueless 24 year old here..so i have been broken up with my previous very-long-term ex for a while now and am getting back into the dating thing so i am kinda rusty on "procedure" i guess i took this girl out to coffee that i haven't seen in years. it was somewhat awkward at first, but never silent. after 30 mins or so, the awkwardness mostly faded. we moved from coffee, to walking around the city, to grabbing a beer. we talked for a while, and she said things like "this was a good idea", "lets not make it another 8 years until we hang out again", she laughed at my jokes, and she referenced her boobs a few times lol but not in a slutty way. the "date" lasted about 3 1/2 hours, she had to be up early the next day. i bought the coffee, but she insisted on buyin the beer. i am kinda shy and have trouble makin the moves haha kinda sucks.. but i am very interested in her, she is super cute, but i don't know how to find out if she feels the same way. it's been 2 nights since our coffee date. i texted her about something arbitrary the day after and she immediately texted back and laughed at what i had said. what should i do next? lol please gimme some suggestions here. i don't want to look desperate to her but i don't want her to think i am not interested... she is single, but pretty busy with being a teacher during the week. we both just moved back to our home town here almost a year ago.
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 wait around 4 more days, but dont text or call her, then on the 5th day text her to say something like, its been a tough week. would be nice to chill out again, so how about we meet and grab a flick and just let our hair down?
SJC2008 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I wouldn't wait that long personally. CALL 3 days after the date, tell her it was good to see her and you enjoyed her company. Then suggest doing something in the near term to see how receptive she is. Then ask her out a few days later.
RovingReporter Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Did she know it was a date? From what you described it doesn't sound like she does.
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 rmember most girls are dramatic and say "too much pressure"... so leave it for 4 days, not three....
EasyHeart Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I agree with SJC. She likes you. ASK HER OUT! She's busy during the week, so the weekends are your window. Call her (do NOT text) on Tuesday and ask her out for Saturday. You never, never call later than Wednesday for a Saturday date. (In general, you ask at least 3 days ahead of time during the early stages of dating). You're asking her on a DATE, not to 'hang out', so don't do any of that stupidity of 'hanging out' and keeping it 'casual'. Have a specific plan of where you're going and when you're going to pick her up. Obviously, you need to be flexible and considerate because she might have other stuff to do, but you always call with a plan for the date. It doesn't have to be fancy. Dinner is fine. A show or some kind of party or event is better. But have something in mind and for the love of God, do NOT ask her what she wants to do. She might already have plans for the weekend, but that's okay. Don't be discouraged. Sometimes it takes some work to get a woman, especially a cute one! If she turns you down, listen to how she does it. If she really likes you, she'll offer an alternative day or she'll make an effort to tell you that she's not going on a date with someone else (eg, "Oh, that sounds like fun! But I made plans with my girlfriends to go out that night). And even if she's already got a date with someone else, that doesn't mean you don't have a shot, so don't give up! Ask her again next week.
Author maxy1 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Did she know it was a date? From what you described it doesn't sound like she does. yea i wouldn't have called it a date either. more of a catching up type thing. but after hangin out with her, i kinda like her. she also got pretty dolled up for our hang out, even though she's a rugged type chick. she does soccer, karate, marathons, etc. her boobie reference was about how one of her autistic student grabs her boobs lol she said she is not as "gifted" as the other two female teachers she teaches with, but the kid always goes for hers. she was like "guess it goes to show that guys like boobs, no matter who they are" haha sounds kinda weird typin it out but it was a pretty funny story at the time
sid3 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 yea i wouldn't have called it a date either. more of a catching up type thing. but after hangin out with her, i kinda like her. she also got pretty dolled up for our hang out, even though she's a rugged type chick. she does soccer, karate, marathons, etc. her boobie reference was about how one of her autistic student grabs her boobs lol she said she is not as "gifted" as the other two female teachers she teaches with, but the kid always goes for hers. she was like "guess it goes to show that guys like boobs, no matter who they are" haha sounds kinda weird typin it out but it was a pretty funny story at the time Hahaha, probably a good thing that you didn't grab one too when she said that. If everyone is telling you to wait 3-4 days before calling her, I'll say wait 2 days
fucpcg Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 If it were me I would have texted her that same night "i wanted to thank you for a really wonderful evening, it was great catching up with you". my next invite would be for the next weekend, and I would make the request on wednesday. "hey I was thinking (blank) would be a cool thing to do this weekend, and would be even better with your company =). care to join me?" Go for it, don't be shy about your feelings, ever. Girls always know 100% where they stand with me, cuz I won't play games. I had a great evening with someone... then my a$$ is telling them that night. It's my way of saying, I like you, I want to see you again, I don't play games, and I'm not sitting around for some other dude to come in and steal my shot. To steal a great comical line from the movie Cable Guy "he who hesitates, masturbates" 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 (edited) A lot of guys get confused by this process because they feel like If they act too soon they'll look desperate and If they wait too long then they'll appear to be more available, yet maybe lose out. But this is can depend on the situation...for example If you just met this girl that day and hung out with her for 3.5 hours farting around town by some chance then that's a helluva good date regardless...yet let's say it wasn't 3.5 hours and instead just a half hour...well in that case you could wait 3 days or what not to give it a normal cool off...also assuming you don't know how prior to that. If you establish a strong connection/chemistry with someone, chances are they are going to want to see you soon too, they'll just also not want to look too desperate or too readily available themselves...so in your situation since you spent quite a bit of time together as well as known her prior you could contact her in a few days or what not...It's not really going to be that big of a deal in this situation, it won't be a game changer. You also have to take into account It depends heavily on confidence when it comes to "rules", If you're acting out "confidently" or "desperately" is what really reflects with your attitude. IF you ever want to test this out, approach a situation feeling scared/passive and see your results...then the next time press the same situation with a lot of confidence as If you are totally comfortable with yourself. You'll get a very difference experience with just attitude and how you present yourself...people will respond to that. Bottom line is what I'm saying here is regardless of the choice you make, do it out of a confident attitude...and honestly in that spectrum there are no "rules"....It might take you three times the amount of time for example to get somewhere on a personal/genuine level than it would take myself, or even If you'd get there at all. So realize that the rules change depending on confidence, attitude and having a little bit of an indifference...after all you're not a genie and capable of manipulating the world around you....however If you get in tune with yourself you'll realize you can sometimes feel pretty damn close to it. Give her a call in a few days, tell her you had a great time and you want to know If she'd like to go out to dinner sometimes as well, maybe this Saturday or whatever it is. Then you lay low and just let it simmer like a steak, locking in the juices! Men need to learn to believe in themselves, and that's a big part of what the average man doesn't get...you accomplish a lot with women If you were just pro-active and made yourself clear and did it with confidence...women respond to that...If you follow these petty rules and what not in the end you're going to win some and lose some but you'll find you never really got a system that works until you really become confident in yourself and what you're doing, and learning what you're doing means taking risk and being bold...learning from the time that you didn't succeed. Be assertive when you need to be, don't be passive or wait it out for the sake of "rules"...you're not the woman, you're the man, you should pursue. Edited April 16, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
Author maxy1 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 thank you all so so much for the awesome responses. as i said, i am kinda fresh back into the whole dating thing so it helps hearing other people's perspectives. not at all trying to be manipulative, just rusty in the social area. I especially like the last comment and the whole genie analogy, very deep and right on spot. I feel kinda lame for not letting her know later that same night that i had a good time. Would it be kinda awkward to say something now, two nights later? So this weekend is a certain arts festival in my local downtown area. That sounds like a good opportunity to take her out right? Too much? Should I invite other friends and make it a group thing or just leave it me and her? And also like I said, I hadn't talked to her in a long time before this. So i feel kinda weird, like it was totally random and out of the blue. but she also was the one that introduced me to my previous ex, but her and my ex haven't talked in longer than we had before coffee. Thanks for all the comments.
Pierre Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 OP: Never pay attention to folks that date by the rules. They must be from Asia and have no clue. If you truly connect with a woman you let her know you are interest and set up the next date before the first date ends. Whomever told you to wait four days before calling because you don't want to sound desperate must be a multidater that lives in another planet. 1
mortensorchid Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I'd call or text asking if she'd. Like to have another get together. If you like and want to see her again that is.
EasyHeart Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I feel kinda lame for not letting her know later that same night that i had a good time. Would it be kinda awkward to say something now, two nights later?It would be weird if you just called or texted and said, "I had fun on Friday". It would not be weird if you called and said, "I had fun on Friday. Let's do it again next Saturday". So this weekend is a certain arts festival in my local downtown area. That sounds like a good opportunity to take her out right? Too much? Should I invite other friends and make it a group thing or just leave it me and her? Perfect! Do NOT, under any circumstances, invite other people. This is a date with HER. Inviting other people tells her loud and clear, "I think of you as a friend and I do not want to date you". And also like I said, I hadn't talked to her in a long time before this. So i feel kinda weird, like it was totally random and out of the blue. but she also was the one that introduced me to my previous ex, but her and my ex haven't talked in longer than we had before coffee.That's actually a good thing. It means she already knows your dating history, knows you're looking for a relationship, and knows that you're available. Call her today or tomorrow. Make small talk for a few minutes and then say something like, "Hey, I don't have a lot of time to talk, but I really had a great time the other night and wanted to see you again. There's an art festival this weekend at ______. Would you like to go with me?" That's it. She says, "Oh that sound like fun!" and you negotiate the logistics. Then you make a quick call on Thursday evening or Friday afternoon to confirm your plans and tell her that you're excited to see her again. Go get her, dude!
Author maxy1 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 word up, we had talked about the festival but i guess i dropped the ball on not asking at the time
thatone Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 don't worry about it. as for all this advice put yourself in her shoes...which sounds better? a) lets go out again sometime. (she responds) ok when? b) i'm not gonna ask you out again because people on the internet said it would make me sound needy so i'm gonna ignore you for 3 or 4 days then ask you out all the while hoping you don't meet some other dude because i really have nfi what i'm doing here. in the meantime i'll overanalyze you paying for our beer and sit around getting all nervous so if we ever meet again i'll be way more high strung on a second date than a first one. yeah....
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 First, don't ask out or even communicate via text until a pattern of dating has settled in some. Use the phone, leave VM. If no callback from her, call again in 48 hours and leave one more VM. After that move onto next. Second always ask for a specific date and time, never ever to "hang out." This lets her know it's a date, and also allows you to gather information. There's a pretty good chance she won't be able to, but if she likes you, she will almost always suggest meeting another time, "what about thursday?" Two attempts with a "no" and no alternative suggested = either not interested or high maintenance shallow, avoid either way. Third, do dates that are active, walking around, with stuff to look at and talk about. Many possibilities here. No dinner and movie. Good luck!
Author maxy1 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Yea talked to her but she's going to be out of town all weekend on a soccer tournament. So we are gonna get together, when she gets back but not having a back up plan before hand and not wanting to just say "hey let's do dinner" boring, etc., I'm gonna look and see what's goin on around town the following weekend. She said she had a great time catchin up and sounded like she would have done this weekend if it wasn't for her tournament.
rickys Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 You can several things with text. Keep on texting her. Ask her interest and what she think about you etc etc........
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 OP: Never pay attention to folks that date by the rules. They must be from Asia and have no clue. If you truly connect with a woman you let her know you are interest and set up the next date before the first date ends. Whomever told you to wait four days before calling because you don't want to sound desperate must be a multidater that lives in another planet. I agree with the ask the date after the first date ends part. Don't waste time.
Author maxy1 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 You can several things with text. Keep on texting her. Ask her interest and what she think about you etc etc........ thnx but i already know the answer to all those questions haha we have been friends for a very long time, about 8-9 years, just been out of contact and busy with life for the last few years. we left coffee sayin that we were going to try to get together the next night at a local music fest, but it was contingent on when she got home because she had to go to her little bro's college soccer game a few hours away with her family (they are very into their soccer lol) and have a family day the day after coffee. but that didn't happen. i guess scheduling is really not helping here haha, i have classes all week and work when i'm not in class and she has work all week along with other commitments like soccer, jiu jitsu, etc. but weekends are the best time, and this weekend won't work. she also said a few times at coffee that this summer she would be much more available for social fun stuff..
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