chrisCaps Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Hello! I really need to post this and get answers, I'm sure i'm paranoid but to what extent? Sorry in advance. Ill try to keep it to facts not opinions. I've had a few very bad breakups before, never feel worse in my life during one of these. I didn't know what was going on behind my back for a long time before we broke up.. I met my current girlfriend two years ago. She said she was a virgin before but had a few close chances (Exact same situation as me) She lives around three hours away and we generally meet up 1-2 times a week. I check her phones..I know this is terrible. But I get so worried that i'm going to be all happy and loving whilst all the time she's with someone behind my back. There is never ANYTHING on her phone..I'f i'm being honest, i can't see anything ever that will ever suggest of cheating! There are certain things that make me worried though. One happened about 6 months ago. She goes to air cadets (Shes over 18 but has stayed on) and one of the other cadets is her ex boyfriend, although it wasn't for long,and i can easily say that it never even entered into a kiss, and they were only 15 at the time. but they are in touch every now and again. one time she called me, and told me that her ex boyfriend needed to stay round as he was kicked out of house. I almost killed, screaming down the phone at the boy. She hung up, and the next morning she told me that he was ill and she had to stay by his bed all night. I then asked where he was now, to which she replied "HE HAS GONE HOME" Alarm bells! I thought he had been kicked out! I have to think though, he is a complusive liar, and taking advantage of my girlfriends kindness had spin her a story. It was a lie about him being kicked out I believe, but i don't think she was in on it. Also, if she had planned anything, would she of told me he was staying or that she stayed near the bed? If she had'nt of told me, I'd NEVER of found out. Theres also the problem of her mother. She is very mentally ill, and very frequently takes drugs. She is very "sexually-open" for want of a better word, and I know that she has always promoted casual sex. (The first night I stayed she literally handed over a condom (I'd only met her daughter a few days previous) I found that very unmotherly.. I worry unbelievably if she doesn't answer her phone for a few hours. I worry whenever she is with boys because (This is an opinion, it could be way off the mark) she is very naive. We've split up numerous times, not over infidility, but because of her mother. Shes done very bad unspeakable things to my girlfriend, and I've tried desperately to keep my girlfriend away. My girlfriend lives with her nan at the moment (who is very caring, not so much towards me but she treats her grandaughter very well) I worry all the time. all the time. Based on the above statement, whats your advice? Thanks!
january2011 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 My advice is that you need to find a way to deal with your jealousy, anger and trust issues; individual therapy may be able to help you build some strategies to mitigate these issues. I suspect that these are leading you to behave in a very paranoid and controlling manner towards your girlfriend. That's not healthy for you nor her. I also think that your girlfriend has poor boundaries. It does seem suspicious that your girlfriend's ex needed a place to stay and was so ill that he needed to be tended to all night but somehow miraculously recovered and was able (and allowed) to return home. I'd advise you to talk to your girlfriend and ask her calmly what's going on. Tell her that her continued contact with her ex makes you uncomfortable. If she refuses to limit her contact with him, then it's up to you to consider if this is too much and a dealbreaker. With regard to your girlfriend's mother, your girlfriend is no longer living with her so presumably is not in any immediate danger. However, if these "unspeakable things" are serious, I'd strongly suggest that your girlfriend considers speaking to the authorities. 2
bradc Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 Have you always been so paranoid about your previous relationships? If the answer is YES, then the problem lies with you and you need professional help. But if it's just with your current GF, then you need to talk to her on things that make you uncomfortable and paranoid and see if you can both resolve it peacefully. Bottomline, you need to trust your GF completely and unconditionally, if for any reason you can't, then I am sorry but it won't work out for long. There would be several such situations in future that would need you to trust her completely, late night at work, hanging out with friends etc. If you can't do this, then....well you know the answer So talk to her openly about it and yes be calm while you talk.
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 shes cheating on you. Do you actually think her ex "stayed the night" and "was sick" lmao, thats a load of B.S. Her mother probably gave her a condom for him, just like she did for you.
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