SmileFace Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Hi all! Just looking for some opinions on my approach at online dating. I have put some work into a simple detailed profile and have a couple decent tasteful pictures. I don't have a problem getting messages or getting guys to reply to my messages. I can even get contact off the site within good time. However this is where my problem starts. I can't seem get pass that. I keep ending up in text "relationships" with guys. This isn't something that only happened once but several times. I am in no way taking this serious or take it as a blow to my ego but it does get frustrating when you are trying to taking control of your own dating life. I don't know. How do people get to actual dates online? Any tips? It makes me just want to forget about OLD. [rant] I have no luck with dating in the city I currently reside in. I did not have this problem in my hometown or even when I moved to a different state for a job. I didn't need to bother with old then. Idk could it be this city.[ /rant]
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 As a man, ask a woman on a date. As a woman, ignore men who don't ask you out on a date. You decide the timeline. Mine is one week, meaning if I ask a woman on a date and she doesn't accept and schedule within a week, I move on. YMMV. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I have the opposite problem. I move to meet too quickly and women run like the wind and disappear on me.
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 That means they're incompatible. Trust me, if they find a guy hot, they won't wait nor disappear.
Author SmileFace Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 As a man, ask a woman on a date. As a woman, ignore men who don't ask you out on a date. You decide the timeline. Mine is one week, meaning if I ask a woman on a date and she doesn't accept and schedule within a week, I move on. YMMV. This was my plan intentionally. The timeline and I do my share of contacting but let guys set up the dates and I get no where. I am not sure if it is just me. I am in no way initially clingy and responsive to guys I am interested in.
Author SmileFace Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I have the opposite problem. I move to meet too quickly and women run like the wind and disappear on me. It is weird u haven't had a guy try to make contact in forever. It is the weirdest thing. I mean none of these guys are long distance.
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 date me date me *jumps up and down*. there is nothing wrong with women asking a guy on a date. infact most guys would find that appealing as guys are sick and tired of being let down and made a fool out of. sure, if a guy asks... then great but because more and more guys get shot down, they dont bother as much anymore.... also remember - communication is the key to success. especially in relationships.
Author SmileFace Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 date me date me *jumps up and down*. there is nothing wrong with women asking a guy on a date. infact most guys would find that appealing as guys are sick and tired of being let down and made a fool out of. sure, if a guy asks... then great but because more and more guys get shot down, they dont bother as much anymore.... also remember - communication is the key to success. especially in relationships. I have no problem taking charge of any situation however that only leads to how a relationship may pan out. I don't want to be the man in the relationship. I do more than enough when it comes to contacting a guy - however I don't think I will be ok with taking the lead.
Author SmileFace Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 The only guys who want to meet within 5 minutes of confirming my sex , clearly state in their profile that they are only looking for sex.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 It is weird u haven't had a guy try to make contact in forever. It is the weirdest thing. I mean none of these guys are long distance. Yeah of the few women who respond to my messages (the last one was in March) I'll message back and forth a few times (time duration varies) and I'll suggest we meet up for coffee or something casual and that's when they'll disappear.
RedRobin Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 If you are a woman and live in one of the cities with a big ORANGE bubble, then there is some possibility it IS where you live. National Geographic Magazine's 'Singles Map' I'm looking to move out West. Whenever I research a location now, I always check demographics. I did some digging in the 2010 Census and it checks out. Yep. I'm a MAN MIGRANT. And proud of it
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 If you are a woman and live in one of the cities with a big ORANGE bubble, then there is some possibility it IS where you live. National Geographic Magazine's 'Singles Map' I'm looking to move out West. Whenever I research a location now, I always check demographics. I did some digging in the 2010 Census and it checks out. Yep. I'm a MAN MIGRANT. And proud of it What if you're a man who lives in one of the orange bubbles but still has problems? 1
Author SmileFace Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 If you are a woman and live in one of the cities with a big ORANGE bubble, then there is some possibility it IS where you live. National Geographic Magazine's 'Singles Map' I'm looking to move out West. Whenever I research a location now, I always check demographics. I did some digging in the 2010 Census and it checks out. Yep. I'm a MAN MIGRANT. And proud of it I had more luck in my hometown which has one of the biggest red circles. Howerver I grew up there so if course I knew more people.
RedRobin Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 What if you're a man who lives in one of the orange bubbles but still has problems? You still might be in a poor 'micro climate'. Those big orange bubbles don't tell the whole story. They just targeted the major cities/burbs. I recently got a job offer for a spot just a few hours away from a really choice area demographically. When I did more digging, I learned that the ratio of men to women was 89 men to every 100 women. Worse than where I"m living now. So, I turned it down. While things aren't ideal for me here, I have no intentions of leaving my friends and everything I've built up here to go where the pickings are worse.
ascendotum Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 What if you're a man who lives in one of the orange bubbles but still has problems? It would be more useful for singles if that demographic map was sliced down to lower levels, like age by decade or blue vs white collar for instance. I see big red bubble on Miami, and I assume that its inflated because of women over 60. I thought someone had mentioned that NY is also inflated by older women who have outlived their husbands. I guess a lot of men have left Detroit + possibly Philly for work reasons to account for their red bubble, but don't understand why Chicago has one.
FitChick Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Any woman looking toward San Francisco needs to realize that, while there are a lot of men, most are gay. As for LA, there are a lot of rich men, but there are also a lot of hot looking women in every age group so you can't be someone who complains men are shallow. Phoenix might be better a better choice. Las Vegas is a whole 'nother kettle of fish although you can buy a large house for next to nothing these days.
PhillyDude Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Hi all! Just looking for some opinions on my approach at online dating. I have put some work into a simple detailed profile and have a couple decent tasteful pictures. I don't have a problem getting messages or getting guys to reply to my messages. I can even get contact off the site within good time. However this is where my problem starts. I can't seem get pass that. I keep ending up in text "relationships" with guys. This isn't something that only happened once but several times. I am in no way taking this serious or take it as a blow to my ego but it does get frustrating when you are trying to taking control of your own dating life. I don't know. How do people get to actual dates online? Any tips? It makes me just want to forget about OLD. [rant] I have no luck with dating in the city I currently reside in. I did not have this problem in my hometown or even when I moved to a different state for a job. I didn't need to bother with old then. Idk could it be this city.[ /rant] I know what you mean, I got a girl's number from chatting online and I sent a text first and asked what would be a good time to call? She said ANYTIME was available to text all day but as soon as I called her I got the voicemail. So her number was deleted and I now will move on. So I agree that is what I hate about online dating the most......."getting to the phone call and setting up a date'
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Just saw this thread now. I actually think that you should just ask for coffee. That's what I do when a guy is not suggesting anything within a week. I have zero patience for drawn out correspondence when we live in the same city. You meet and see if there is any chemistry in person (there usually isn't). If he hesitates, abort.
PhillyDude Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Just saw this thread now. I actually think that you should just ask for coffee. That's what I do when a guy is not suggesting anything within a week. I have zero patience for drawn out correspondence when we live in the same city. You meet and see if there is any chemistry in person (there usually isn't). If he hesitates, abort. Well i think a fair amount of time should be 2 weeks. I don't think most people are available to meet the first weekend after you start talking on the phone. I think talking for 2 weeks and a total of 4 conversations with the last one being about the dating plans sounds about right. For example, if you start talking to someone today you met online, I don't think you should ask them out this weekend, I think it's better to wait until the following weekend. You have to remember that people probably had plans already before they started talking to you. So i;m not sure about your WEEK DEADLINE
Author SmileFace Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Yeah, well I am done OLD I managed to start a month correspondence with a guy who refused to share a new pic with me but wanted to keep in contact with me daily and virgin who insulted me for giving him advice after he requested. Plus a bunch of other flakes.
Emilia Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Yeah, well I am done OLD I managed to start a month correspondence with a guy who refused to share a new pic with me but wanted to keep in contact with me daily and virgin who insulted me for giving him advice after he requested. Plus a bunch of other flakes. I've just started OLD again and in theory I have a couple of potential dates this week. I've set the following rules: - No photo, no response. Strictly - If he doesn't suggest that we take communication off the site within 2-3 days I ask. If he slows down in response and only hesitantly switches over, I move on. - I try to work out very quickly whether he is only comfortable with text or with phone calls too. Even if I don't want to call him, if he is strictly texting IME he is a time waster and only wants chit-chat. - If he wants msn/any form of IM I move on. Only time wasters want that. Or guys who need to build up to confidence. - A mention of meeting up for a drink within 24 hours of initial message exchange. So far it has worked I think but my churn rate is very high.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Well i think a fair amount of time should be 2 weeks. I don't think most people are available to meet the first weekend after you start talking on the phone. I think talking for 2 weeks and a total of 4 conversations with the last one being about the dating plans sounds about right. For example, if you start talking to someone today you met online, I don't think you should ask them out this weekend, I think it's better to wait until the following weekend. You have to remember that people probably had plans already before they started talking to you. So i;m not sure about your WEEK DEADLINE I don't write them off, I just suggest a meeting myself. It doesn't have to be set up right the next day but there should be some firm plans. I think an interested man with intention to meet will have no problem with me suggesting it. I am also giving OLD a break right now, I just don't feel enthusiastic about dating it general.
Author SmileFace Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 I've just started OLD again and in theory I have a couple of potential dates this week. I've set the following rules: - No photo, no response. Strictly - If he doesn't suggest that we take communication off the site within 2-3 days I ask. If he slows down in response and only hesitantly switches over, I move on. - I try to work out very quickly whether he is only comfortable with text or with phone calls too. Even if I don't want to call him, if he is strictly texting IME he is a time waster and only wants chit-chat. - If he wants msn/any form of IM I move on. Only time wasters want that. Or guys who need to build up to confidence. - A mention of meeting up for a drink within 24 hours of initial message exchange. So far it has worked I think but my churn rate is very high. Thanks for the advice ES. It sounds great in theory it just doesn't work for me. I dont get a decent response online to want to continue online dating. It may be the demographic that I am exposed to online. This is no way a hit against Old or myself but it doesn't work for me. I have tons to offer and take care of myself so I have just come to the conclusion it doesn't work for me.
Emilia Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Thanks for the advice ES. It sounds great in theory it just doesn't work for me. I dont get a decent response online to want to continue online dating. It may be the demographic that I am exposed to online. This is no way a hit against Old or myself but it doesn't work for me. I have tons to offer and take care of myself so I have just come to the conclusion it doesn't work for me. Possibly. I'm 39 and it was quieter until the website highlighted my profile. I only noticed that they made me more visible because guys started messaging me like crazy. They wouldn't have searched for my age group usually - those that did contacted me already I think. So maybe getting a higher profile would work before you give up?
Author SmileFace Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Possibly. I'm 39 and it was quieter until the website highlighted my profile. I only noticed that they made me more visible because guys started messaging me like crazy. They wouldn't have searched for my age group usually - those that did contacted me already I think. So maybe getting a higher profile would work before you give up? Yeah I gave it a thought but I rather not. It may work but I don't care to risk the chance that it doesn't. Glad it worked for you tho. I meant E in my earlier response to you.
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