jean961982 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Hi, and thank you for any advice that will follow. I met my 'friend' last November at a party. That very night, he asked me out and I agreed. We started to see each other and were officially dating; we made out lots and had fun! After a few dates, he declared he had recently been dumped by someone he was madly in love with. Unsure as to what to do, we continued the relationship. I am 29 and he is 25; we're quite different but for some reason, we just have the most fun together. One night, we took our relationship to the next level. The next day, he walked out, declaring that he wasn't ready for a relationship and was still in love with his previous girlfriend. The very next night, we ended up meeting each other coincidentally and one thing led to another, which led to him basically walking out on me AGAIN! We took a break for a bit and met up. I said I would like to be friends with him and he was reluctant at first. But... he agreed! Now, we are great friends... six months later and we see each other very often, talk everyday and share all of our feelings with each other. I have told him I still like him, but also told him I would not have a relationship with him as he is clearly messed up. He said he enjoys us just being friends as there is no pressure on him and doesn't know if we'd still have that spark between us - he has stated before he doesn't want to rule out anything happening between us. The problem is, I don't just like him, I actually love him! I'm mad about him. Not seeing him drives me crazy. I was recently in a very long term relationship *which has not been ended for about a year* and I have never felt this way before. He was so nothing like what I was looking for BUT yet everything I want. He is funny, sensitive, sweet and just makes me laugh forever. Yes, he has bad points but I wouldn't change a damn thing about him. I wish I could accept that we were just friend but I can't. We very rarely talk about dating other people or anything. We see each other about twice a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. We go running together, shopping together, out for dinner, out for drinks, to gigs, to the cinema, we laugh and flirt and play fight. We even have big bust up arguments like you would have with a partner YET we are still friends. One night we had such a big argument we both ended up crying and admitting we were terrified of losing each other! Nothing physical has happened between us since we decided to be friends. One night, we almost got too close but ended up stopping it. We literally don't fool around with each other. We sometimes hug, kiss each other on the cheeks and might brush up against each other but that's it! Problem is I know he still isn't over his ex girlfriend. I am in limbo as to whether to confess my true feelings for him, just keep him as a friend or tell him the whole friendship is over. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am going out of my mind!
january2011 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 I think that you either need to give each other time and space to grieve for your former relationships by going NC, or admit that you're already in a relationship together - you just don't have sex and neither of you will acknowledge that it's a relationship, especially him. He's getting the benefits of having a girlfriend without the sex and without the label.
Author jean961982 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 Thank you, January for your advice I am seeing him later on in the week to go to a music concert together and out for dinner. I was thinking about talking to him then about my concerns; I am just terrified I will lose him if I push this on him. I don't want to lose him - I just don't want to go through that, I can't. But I feel like he has it all. He has me to do all of his activities with, to talk to, to do sport with YET he can go out any night of the week and meet someone else, and I would have no right to get annoyed as we're 'just friends'. I'm in love with him; I don't want anyone else, I just want him. Is it possible for this guy to really just like me as a friend??? We've been physical in the past; he even pushed that so much in the past, but now... nothing physical except the odd play fight. I'm terrified in case he just doesn't fancy me anymore... simple as that! He's gone off me!
january2011 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Unfortunately, I think that's a risk you're going to have to take. I'm sure the limbo that you're in is driving you crazy and it's all going to come out sooner or later. That's why it's probably better to do it sooner so that you can prepare and talk calmly about it rather than let all the frustration build up and you end up having another big fight.
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