Author joemax Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 I'm honestly very torn. On the one hand, I'm pretty sure she's happy with me and has repeatedly told me that she loves being with me and our sex-life is absolutely incredible. On the other hand, I have such a hard time with her past. Is it insecurities?
yongyong Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Are you thinking about marrying this girl? I know it won't happen. Then are you upset because she is the best one you could ever find rest of your life? Enjoy your ride till the next one comes up Watch this video and think about it.
callmegee Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Whoa.... just because a girl has some PAST it doesn't make her a ho. They both have similar experiences - good match for each other :p:p Anyway, this PAST of hers that is in question is when she'd aged 14-20.... too young to think straight. Curiousity, peer pressure, playfulness, What's done is done. You can't change what has gone by.... so the deal is to decide based on who she is today with you and whether she's worth keeping. Try to imagine if she was the one in here posting about your PAST, how would you feel and what would you like this forum to reply to her? :cool::cool:
truth_seeker Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 I'm honestly very torn. On the one hand, I'm pretty sure she's happy with me and has repeatedly told me that she loves being with me and our sex-life is absolutely incredible. On the other hand, I have such a hard time with her past. Is it insecurities? You're 24 and she's 20. You're not going to marry this girl. Most likely in 6 months the both of you will be seeing other people. This girl is damaged. Have fun. That's what your 20's are for. These strong feelings you have right now will pass. Believe me.
Author joemax Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 Are you thinking about marrying this girl? I know it won't happen. Then are you upset because she is the best one you could ever find rest of your life? I don't know if I'm gona marry her, not thinking that far ahead. But I do LOVE spending time with her, so I don't know. It just kills me inside. Try to imagine if she was the one in here posting about your PAST, how would you feel and what would you like this forum to reply to her? Honestly I don't know, I'd probably want people to tell her something like "it's the past and now is what matters". And trust me, I try to think like that every day, but these feelings just will not go away. And it's a nasty double standard - the more girls a guy sleeps with, the more status he gains. The more guys a girl sleeps with, the less status she gains. You're 24 and she's 20. You're not going to marry this girl. Most likely in 6 months the both of you will be seeing other people. I hope you're right, but I don't know. I still think and strongly care about my ex-gf that I haven't been with in years. I just have such a hard time letting go.
joystickd Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 A body count of 6 isn't bad. Its sounds like you are very insecure. 1
Author joemax Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 A body count of 6 isn't bad. Its sounds like you are very insecure. Perhaps. Usually I'm not an insecure person at all, I don't know why it's coming out now. Also, I've been thinking. I don't know all the details about the circumstances in which she slept with those 3 one-night stand guys, and when I have all these questions, I fill in the blanks myself and it torments me. Would it be better to find out all the details from her hookups or leave the mystery?
manup Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 A body count of 6 isn't bad. Its sounds like you are very insecure. At 20 it's pushing it a little bit.
joystickd Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 so what is a great number for age 20 since some of you are so expert on the matter. Also what is exactly the problem with her being with a black man 1
Chicago_Guy Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 That alone would be a deal breaker for me. White girls who go for black guys more often than not have issues. It's like they hate their father and want to disrespect him by dating a black guy knowing that he would not approve. I wouldn't be surprised if the guy your GF was with is some kind of a ghetto "thug". I agree. That is a deal-breaker for most white guys I know or even if they did date her, if certainly wouldn't be seriously.
kaylan Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 lol @ you worrying about the black guy. OP youre going to either have to get over it or dump her. People have sexual experiences as they grow up. 1
joystickd Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I agree. That is a deal-breaker for most white guys I know or even if they did date her, if certainly wouldn't be seriously. Its a shame a dealbreaker would be if she dated interracially. Hell 6 isn't bad I mean look at it from 14 that is one guy a year. Its a matter of perspective and what you feel. 1
kaylan Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 That alone would be a deal breaker for me. White girls who go for black guys more often than not have issues. It's like they hate their father and want to disrespect him by dating a black guy knowing that he would not approve. I wouldn't be surprised if the guy your GF was with is some kind of a ghetto "thug". Strong racism in this post. Not surprised its by you though. Could a white girl just be into a black guy simply because she likes that guy and doesnt care about his color? Lets be real here. Most of the white women I know who like black guys dont like thug types. They like prep or hipster types. Im a sorta preppy rocker type and some white chicks love me. You mad?
HHC Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 You're 24 and she's 20. You're not going to marry this girl. Most likely in 6 months the both of you will be seeing other people. This girl is damaged. Have fun. That's what your 20's are for. These strong feelings you have right now will pass. Believe me. What a defeatist attitude. Why get into a relationship at all? Lots of people who date in their 20s marry. Lots of people you didn't give a second glance at become your spouse.
joystickd Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I can picture that thought " OMG! A black man! If I have sex with her it will be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway!":lmao: 1
kaylan Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 T/J - And men who think this feel superior to black men and can't possibly fathom that an emotionally healthy, attractive white woman would be genuinely attracted to a black man. In their closed racist minds, it is such a step down for a white woman to choose a black man over a white one, that there must be something wrong with her. Whatever gets you though the night, dude. Back to the original poster. It is normal to feel the way you do. You like this girl, and can't stand the thought of her being used. What is your "treasure", was another guys "trash". When you have pride in yourself, you generally take pride in all the things in your life, your job, your home, your car (keeping it clean & serviced), your family. It is only natural that you want to be proud of your girlfriend...but her past is making that difficult for you. In this day and age, it will probably be hard to find someone without a sexual history. Unless she is a virgin, there will always be others before you. So you need to decide what is a deal breaker for you. Is it the number or the black guy? Whatever it is, it is your problem. Not hers. If you are going to judge her negatively for this, then you should let her go. She deserves to be with someone that doesn't have these hang ups. If you stay with her, then you have to try to get over this. If you keep thinking about it, you will take it out on her in subtle ways. You will start to resent her, because you secretly feel that she does not meet your standards. You may be short with her, you may withhold affection, you may do passive agressive things to "punish her". It is not a bad thing to want a woman that has less of a sexual history. It is a valid preference. Yes, you have a double standard when it comes to your own past, but you can't wish those feelings away. I get that. Logically you know you should be okay with it, but that's just it. Your logical mind can't completely drown out those emotional and primal parts of you. What's not okay is to continue in a relationship with her while deep down feeling that you are not compatible. It's not fair to her, and it's just prolonging the inevitable. Spot on post! Some white guys have such an inferiority complex when it comes to black dudes. They get so butt hurt when white women date us. They dont act the same about any other race though. Racism at its finest. Oh wells...let em be jealous I say.
yongyong Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I am not white nor black. So I went to this club that plays hip hop. I live in 90% white state so I don't see many black people during day time. It was full of black people, some white girls and few white guys. All white girls were with black guys. I told myself 'damn, if I were one of those white boys, I would get mad' Spot on post! Some white guys have such an inferiority complex when it comes to black dudes. They get so butt hurt when white women date us. They dont act the same about any other race though. Racism at its finest. Oh wells...let em be jealous I say.
kaylan Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 (edited) I am not white nor black. So I went to this club that plays hip hop. I live in 90% white state so I don't see many black people during day time. It was full of black people, some white girls and few white guys. All white girls were with black guys. I told myself 'damn, if I were one of those white boys, I would get mad' Lmao...only insecure noobs get mad at such silly things. I bet they get mad at you when they see you with your girl too. Id just give them the trollface.jpg and laughI agree. That is a deal-breaker for most white guys I know or even if they did date her, if certainly wouldn't be seriously. Lolz their loss. Some white guys are truly pathetic when it comes to this crap. Its funny actually...but we know its all about fear. Deep down they are scared she will want a brother again somewhere down the line, so they dont even try. Its this or simply them being racist and thinking black dudes are somehow a step below them and if god forbid a white woman date a brother, shes somehow a step down herself. Guys may use the excuse that "oh she has issues" or "she likes thugs"...but thats bs. Some white girls are into the hip hop scene...but most of the ones I know want date hipster and clean cut types if they happen to fall for a black guy. The whole "she dated thugs and hates dad" line is full of crap. How do I know? Because white guys date women all the time who used to date shady dudes or dont get along with their parents. So you know its simply an insecurity about them getting bailed on for a brother, or simply them having racist thoughts that they wish others followed suit with. Edited April 21, 2012 by kaylan
Author joemax Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 It's really not so much about the black guy though, I think I would have reacted the same way whether he was black white or yellow. I think it's more the fact that he seemed to take advantage of her and she let him and the circumstances surrounding it bother me. What is there to tell me that all this 'experimenting' is out of her system? I want to take pride in my girlfriend and for some reason I have a hard time doing that. Thanks for all your input everyone.
Author joemax Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 It's also not so much the number. It's the circumstances. I'm much more comfortable with the 3 boyfriends she slept with, but it's the 3 "1 night stands" in the space of like 3-4 months that really bother me...
truth_seeker Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 It's also not so much the number. It's the circumstances. I'm much more comfortable with the 3 boyfriends she slept with, but it's the 3 "1 night stands" in the space of like 3-4 months that really bother me... I don't blame you. 20 year old girl having one-night stands is a huge red flag. I wouldn't trust her at all.
norajane Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I'm being pretty hypocritical seeing as I've slept with more people, Yes, yes you are. If you see her as damaged goods, you must see yourself that way, too - damaged. I'd suggest breaking up with her. Stop wasting her time and emotional energy.
Author joemax Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 I've been doing a lot of thinking. 4 of the 6 guys she's slept with before me were withing 3-4 months. She said she had just broken up with her bf of 3 years and was extremely hurt/confused/curious, and it was the first time she'd ever really been single. And then she started dating her other ex (whom she stayed with for 2.5 years) and never even considered cheating on him even though their relationship was horrible. I've been doing this thing where, every time a negative thought comes up (her opening her legs for some guys she met 2 hours earlier), I try to think of something that I did (ie. having sex with 2 girls on the same day). It's been helping a bit I guess...
Mack05 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Going to be honest here as I was you. I found it very hard to overcome a previous ex's past. The big problem is insecurity as other posters have mentioned. BUT some things are important to people. I am becoming more and more secure within my own skin, but how a girl has conducted herself in the past is still somewhat important to me. It's just not as important as it was and I am alot more flexible and 'grey' in my views when it comes to a woman's past. It's a slow process from ignorant, judgemental oaf to a secure, confident man. My obsessing about this in the past ruined potentially great relationships. We don't have many shots at love in ourlife time. You are young so its good but as you get older I promise you that you will re evaluate your priorities and what is important in a girl for you... For some it is a personal boundary which they won't budge on (a girls past or number of partners). I have personally conducted myself with class in the past and it's still somewhat important any future partner of mine has done the same. To me it makes it more special, when you haven't been sleeping around. The thing is this is just my opinion and to be fair the older I am getting, the more mellower I am becoming when it comes to a woman's past. Who knows maybe after more time alone and single has passed, her past might mean sweet bugger all to me. As long as she loves me and all of me and we have a happy healthy stable relationship. Honestly I would take that right now. The key thing here is NOT to judge her or other people. If you live your live being good to others, being successful in all area's then as long as you are not harming themselves and others, people should be entilted to behave as they see fit. Just because I am old fashioned in my views (dieing breed) doesn't mean everyone else in todays society is. The mistake I made is the one you are making now. It's important to have a strong sense of self. To create boundaries and enforce them as you see fit. You should never judge or try change your partner. When you start doing that the relationship is over, just a matter of when. Alot of your issues come from insecurity. When your insecure you obsess, when you obsess you eventually destroy all the good in a relationship. If you stay their is a VERY strong chance this will end very messily. Your girl does not deserve that. She deserves a man who loves ALL of her. Flaws, mistakes, regrets ALL of her. If you are not that man, let her find a man that will give her that. We all deserve that... If I were you I would leave. Trust me you will go through days when you are fine with her past, other days you will be obsessing. Focus on why you are insecure and focus on what you find important in a woman.
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