infatuation affecting me at work now YEY!!!!! >=(

[TheJiltedGeneration]

Great having to write this for the second time cause this "sit eexpired.."

 

So recently starting to have a crush with another girl…. ( NO ITS NOT A GOOD THING, GO AWAY PEOPLE who are going tosay “nice your over your ex and you like someone else” kind of comment.. not want…, which is also not true. As I still kind of have feelings for her too >=(.. I am in my “I DON’T WANT WOMEN IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW” kind of phase as I needto love myself. And being in love justmakes me feel like **** and that I haveno control over myself and happyness.) and yea basically I didn’t know how to cope, as really I am not in a mindset where I can cope. So basically the only thing I knew to do was one thing this time “ just block her out” I blocked her out, ignored her, didn’t even acknowledge her, when she walked passed, and made the effort to “sutbly “ be a dick. And I felt bad about it, I felt terrible.

 

So today I caught her on her own, and I appoligised I said “sorry if It seemed like I projected onto you, I been stressed out with uni work, hope you didn’t take it personally”… oh I loved what came next..

 

Now you know that annoying universal truth about a lot of girls where they “sence “what can only be described as….THE TENSION”… well she feels it now, that kind of sixth sense, and like what a lot of other women in my life have done ..decided to try and run the other way...

 

Her response was and I quote “ah ok, all right then”. And then she became totally dismissive. When I tried to greet her or be nice to her as she passed by, ignored. When I said please and thank you when she did stuff like pack for me she ignored me (you have to help people if ur not doing anything else, its not a curtiocy thing u have to help pack a order if u got nothing else to do, sorry sp mistake, not correcting, hyperventily mood right now) she ignored me. Oh yea she even knocked into me with a drawer she wanted toget something from said drawer, that was underneath my workstation, without saying sorry or anything, which was a nice thing to do >=(

 

I understand the fibe and how the fibe works, she uncomfortable, she doesn’t want to be exposed to this.. and she wants out.. and you know what …so do I...

 

I hate feeling like this, I don’t want my emotions to control me anymore, god u know what I wish I could rip the respective male organs off, throw them off a cinnook overlooking the congo , and be done with it. Be fine being asexual , would be a lot happier.. but no can’t as I need them and I cant help how I feel... so there we are…..

 

I hate feeling this way do u know why?

It….IS… DIS..EM…POW…ER….ING…..

 

it feels like she has control of the situation ( just like my ex) and I am totally implicit in my attraction by having to work with her.. so u know what.. I WANT OUT.. and I WANT IT NOW.. I am thinking of leaving work andnever coming back again. Its not like I am in love with her, but I am goingthrough the whole “want what u cant have “ kind of phase. I know it, she probably knows It but my emotions are working on a different tangent.. and its winding me up, she sees that, and well she probably thinks that I am f***ing nut case, and distances herself moreand more from me.. as well as lose respect and play the whole apathy game.. I don’twant to dance this waltz of death and I DON’Twant to get so wound up that I do more damage than is already done.... so I want out I cant helpit I get anxiety attacks cause I hate being in that situation and it really CULLS any self-esteem I am trying to recover. and u know what I dont really love her I desire her because shes playing hard to get.. (well how my emotions see it) so yea..

 

 

So yea basically next week gonna fake a illness (obviously) butconsidering she’s gonna be there for the long run.. I am thinking… Yea if u feel so anxious.. QUIT.. you don’t need this u need to fix yourself and getyour head straight, I ****ing see the carrot and the stick pretty same clearly, but right now my emotions are registering the carrot only…. Help guys….

Edited April 15, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration

[beyond]

Great having to write this for the second time cause this "sit eexpired.."

 

So recently starting to have a crush with another girl…. ( NO ITS NOT A GOOD THING, GO AWAY PEOPLE who are going tosay “nice your over your ex and you like someone else” kind of comment.. not want…, which is also not true. As I still kind of have feelings for her too >=(.. I am in my “I DON’T WANT WOMEN IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW” kind of phase as I needto love myself. And being in love justmakes me feel like **** and that I haveno control over myself and happyness.) and yea basically I didn’t know how to cope, as really I am not in a mindset where I can cope. So basically the only thing I knew to do was one thing this time “ just block her out” I blocked her out, ignored her, didn’t even acknowledge her, when she walked passed, and made the effort to “sutbly “ be a dick. And I felt bad about it, I felt terrible.

 

So today I caught her on her own, and I appoligised I said “sorry if It seemed like I projected onto you, I been stressed out with uni work, hope you didn’t take it personally”… oh I loved what came next..

 

Now you know that annoying universal truth about a lot of girls where they “sence “what can only be described as….THE TENSION”… well she feels it now, that kind of sixth sense, and like what a lot of other women in my life have done ..decided to try and run the other way...

 

Her response was and I quote “ah ok, all right then”. And then she became totally dismissive. When I tried to greet her or be nice to her as she passed by, ignored. When I said please and thank you when she did stuff like pack for me she ignored me (you have to help people if ur not doing anything else, its not a curtiocy thing u have to help pack a order if u got nothing else to do, sorry sp mistake, not correcting, hyperventily mood right now) she ignored me. Oh yea she even knocked into me with a drawer she wanted toget something from said drawer, that was underneath my workstation, without saying sorry or anything, which was a nice thing to do >=(

 

I understand the fibe and how the fibe works, she uncomfortable, she doesn’t want to be exposed to this.. and she wants out.. and you know what …so do I...

 

I hate feeling like this, I don’t want my emotions to control me anymore, god u know what I wish I could rip the respective male organs off, throw them off a cinnook overlooking the congo , and be done with it. Be fine being asexual , would be a lot happier.. but no can’t as I need them and I cant help how I feel... so there we are…..

 

I hate feeling this way do u know why?

It….IS… DIS..EM…POW…ER….ING…..

 

it feels like she has control of the situation ( just like my ex) and I am totally implicit in my attraction by having to work with her.. so u know what.. I WANT OUT.. and I WANT IT NOW.. I am thinking of leaving work andnever coming back again. Its not like I am in love with her, but I am goingthrough the whole “want what u cant have “ kind of phase. I know it, she probably knows It but my emotions are working on a different tangent.. and its winding me up, she sees that, and well she probably thinks that I am f***ing nut case, and distances herself moreand more from me.. as well as lose respect and play the whole apathy game.. I don’twant to dance this waltz of death and I DON’Twant to get so wound up that I do more damage than is already done.... so I want out I cant helpit I get anxiety attacks cause I hate being in that situation and it really CULLS any self-esteem I am trying to recover. and u know what I dont really love her I desire her because shes playing hard to get.. (well how my emotions see it) so yea..

 

 

So yea basically next week gonna fake a illness (obviously) butconsidering she’s gonna be there for the long run.. I am thinking… Yea if u feel so anxious.. QUIT.. you don’t need this u need to fix yourself and getyour head straight, I ****ing see the carrot and the stick pretty same clearly, but right now my emotions are registering the carrot only…. Help guys….

 

Hey, it's ok....breathe. I don't know about what has happened to you but someone obviously hurt you really badly and I'm sorry about that...but its not this girls fault.

 

If you are not ready to start something or even flirt with another woman, then don't, there is no law saying you have to and I'm sure she will get over it. I would say to try not to act like a 'dic*', as not only is it disrespectful, it will make you unhappy too.

 

If this girl is now being rude to you, firstly, she may just be really confused with your actions or hurt or whatever, but rise above that and act decently - be polite etc.

Yes, you fancy her, but tell yourself you don't have to act on it and can enjoy the feeling for what it is. It sounds like you are terrified it may turn into something else and you will get hurt again.

(((hugs))) It's ok.

[beyond]

Hey, it's ok....breathe. I don't know about what has happened to you but someone obviously hurt you really badly and I'm sorry about that...but its not this girls fault.

 

If you are not ready to start something or even flirt with another woman, then don't, there is no law saying you have to and I'm sure she will get over it. I would say to try not to act like a 'dic*', as not only is it disrespectful, it will make you unhappy too.

 

If this girl is now being rude to you, firstly, she may just be really confused with your actions or hurt or whatever, but rise above that and act decently - be polite etc.

Yes, you fancy her, but tell yourself you don't have to act on it and can enjoy the feeling for what it is. It sounds like you are terrified it may turn into something else and you will get hurt again.

(((hugs))) It's ok.

 

 

Oh, and certainly don't think quitting your job is the answer. You are going to be attracted to people whereever you are - better to face it head on and realise you need to fix whats inside you that is making you so scared.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

do u think maybe I should talk to her about this ( the girl at work I mean) and tell her that I feel abit of tension and what have you but just want to be work colleage ( worried as she probably doesnt feel anything and if Just blert that out she will think i am a freak) .

 

the thing is though her being rude now its moved to the feeling of playing hard to get.. I really want to end this right now but I feel if I talk to her about it head on she won't know what the **** I am on about and just probably lap it up with the other people at work like I am a retard... thats what I am worried about, I just want this to end...

Edited April 15, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration

[beyond]

do u think maybe I should talk to her about this ( the girl at work I mean) and tell her that I feel abit of tension and what have you but just want to be work colleage ( worried as she probably doesnt feel anything and if Just blert that out she will think i am a freak) .

 

the thing is though her being rude now its moved to the feeling of playing hard to get.. I really want to end this right now but I feel if I talk to her about it head on she won't know what the **** I am on about and just probably lap it up with the other people at work like I am a retard... thats what I am worried about, I just want this to end...

 

No, I would probably leave it now. You have said you are sorry etc and she said ok.If she is keeping her distance its probably because she feels thats for the best.

Just be a decent polite person and rise above it.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

but I havent got it out in the open that really its because I have a crush on her that I was being a dick.. and that her whole distancing is on a emotional instinctive level that shes playing hard to get ( I know she isnt really but thats what it emotionally feels like, u know what I mean?)

[beyond]

but I havent got it out in the open that really its because I have a crush on her that I was being a dick.. and that her whole distancing is on a emotional instinctive level that shes playing hard to get ( I know she isnt really but thats what it emotionally feels like, u know what I mean?)

 

Yes, but that is yur problem not hers. All she knows is that you were acting a bit strange with her and now you have apologised. I think to hit her with a big emotional speech might freak her out, especially as you do not know her well enough to judge how she may take it.

 

I think you may be reading too much into her actions - eg saying she is playing hard to get when jmore than likely she just isn't sure what to make of you. If, in weeks/months to come you get more comfortable with her, then let her know, but for now I would say keep it polite and proffessional

[beyond]

Yes, but that is yur problem not hers. All she knows is that you were acting a bit strange with her and now you have apologised. I think to hit her with a big emotional speech might freak her out, especially as you do not know her well enough to judge how she may take it.

 

I think you may be reading too much into her actions - eg saying she is playing hard to get when jmore than likely she just isn't sure what to make of you. If, in weeks/months to come you get more comfortable with her, then let her know, but for now I would say keep it polite and proffessional

 

Sorry - terrible spelling in that post!

[TheJiltedGeneration]

i guess though I dont want to follow through and say I love her I dont its a little crush, I just want to cull it early on so when I work with her it doesnt develop into anything, I am not ready for it, I know its not her fault, but.. atm theres tension and its killing me inside thats all.. if that makes sence I know she AINT litterally playing hard to get, but for me on a emotional level (subconscious level) it feels like it unless I know there really aint anything between us..

 

 

Bascially I just want to get on with my work w/o feeling anxious around her.. thats the problem

[beyond]

i guess though I dont want to follow through and say I love her I dont its a little crush, I just want to cull it early on so when I work with her it doesnt develop into anything, I am not ready for it, I know its not her fault, but.. atm theres tension and its killing me inside thats all.. if that makes sence I know she AINT litterally playing hard to get, but for me on a emotional level (subconscious level) it feels like it unless I know there really aint anything between us..

 

 

Bascially I just want to get on with my work w/o feeling anxious around her.. thats the problem

 

 

She may realise it's a crush and if she does, so what. Speaking as a woman all I can say is, that even if the feeling is not reciprocated, it's flattering, so don't worry what she thinks. Just concentrate on YOU and feeling better about your original breakup as this is where all this doubt and anquish stems from.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

thats defo tru, like I dont want her to reciprocate tbh, I dont want to feel like this as the orginal bu.. ****ing stung.. and I am not over it.. and a new relationship isnt going to repair the anguish and doupt.. it's just they way she acts around me.. well it just kicks my self esteem thats all, and I dont need that.. it just reaffirms why my ex left me, and it hurts.... I guess I only see her two times a week which is good, (no days at all would be even better) but yea its just that tension... thats all like .. I'll try to be polite, but basically because she has to act the way she does, it reaffirms nasty feelings, thats all... basically we work in KFC where we work on 5 tills yea, and today she was litterally next to my till, for EIGHT HOURS!!! those were one of the WORST eight hours I've EVER had to endure, and she could sense I was tense, w/e I did was subject to critisim and scrutiny ( I am not sure if I just heard things, but I am sure she made a passing comment to her friend deriding me on the way I served costumers. ( this was before I applogised) and yea I just dont want to work around her... and cause I find it hard to communicate with others due to low confidence, ( and sometimes cause of my attention deficit) A few people I work with (mainly my manager, this assistant manager whose doing a 6 month trial period thing to become manager at another store) see me as abit...slow.. and yea.. they have little respect for me.. I believe this to be true too.. but I just don't know how to cope, sure I can be polite I guess. but it was f**king fustrating that it felt like she was digging her heel into me u know.. I hate it.. and I know its probably cause shes distancing herself because its the "safe" option I respect that, I just still feel like ****..

 

 

I dont know if I endure that atmosphere.. this is the problem I need coping strats on how to deal with the way shes acting other than just being polite and I dont think that will work, I can be cold again, but then I think it will just escalate to something, Polite is a viable option, as then I wont be a "complete " laughing stock

but it wont help me feel less anxious.. and tbh that anxiety is also what makes me make mistakes while on shift and that will eventually catch on to others and that will affect them .... can u see the paradox and the endless cycle here... and I just dont know how to cope beside quitting that job

Edited April 15, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration

[beyond]

thats defo tru, like I dont want her to reciprocate tbh, I dont want to feel like this as the orginal bu.. ****ing stung.. and I am not over it.. and a new relationship isnt going to repair the anguish and doupt.. it's just they way she acts around me.. well it just kicks my self esteem thats all, and I dont need that.. it just reaffirms why my ex left me, and it hurts.... I guess I only see her two times a week which is good, (no days at all would be even better) but yea its just that tension... thats all like .. I'll try to be polite, but basically because she has to act the way she does, it reaffirms nasty feelings, thats all... basically we work in KFC where we work on 5 tills yea, and today she was litterally next to my till, for EIGHT HOURS!!! those were one of the WORST eight hours I've EVER had to endure, and she could sense I was tense, w/e I did was subject to critisim and scrutiny ( I am not sure if I just heard things, but I am sure she made a passing comment to her friend deriding me on the way I served costumers. ( this was before I applogised) and yea I just dont want to work around her... and cause I find it hard to communicate with others due to low confidence, ( and sometimes cause of my attention deficit) A few people I work with (mainly my manager, this assistant manager whose doing a 6 month trial period thing to become manager at another store) see me as abit...slow.. and yea.. they have little respect for me.. I believe this to be true too.. but I just don't know how to cope, sure I can be polite I guess. but it was f**king fustrating that it felt like she was digging her heel into me u know.. I hate it.. and I know its probably cause shes distancing herself because its the "safe" option I respect that, I just still feel like ****..

 

 

I dont know if I endure that atmosphere.. this is the problem I need coping strats on how to deal with the way shes acting other than just being polite and I dont think that will work, I can be cold again, but then I think it will just escalate to something, Polite is a viable option, as then I wont be a "complete " laughing stock

but it wont help me feel less anxious.. and tbh that anxiety is also what makes me make mistakes while on shift and that will eventually catch on to others and that will affect them .... can u see the paradox and the endless cycle here... and I just dont know how to come beside quitting that job

 

So, you have low confidence, are dealing with a break up and are having paranoid feelings. I really think you need to get some help. It's nothing to be ashamed of and will hopefully help you through this period in your life. Go to your dr and ask for counselling and mention about your anxiety too.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

*sigh* I know.. I am thinking of confidence classes, and the rest, I've tried councelling before.. didnt quite help.. I guess I could tyr again, just its costly, takes too long to work, and yea it still didnt quite help me cope emotionally with my suitation... F*** it I am thinking u know.. QUIT.. if theres nothing else that I can do.. then just quit ( sorry beyond I know u mean well but from what ur saying it doesn sound like I can do anything but have a stiff upper lip).. take councelling sure, eventually it might give me the tools I need, but it aint immediate, and it aint immediate enough to help me cope with the here and now.. so yea its extreme but f*** it I have to cope with the here and now.. I'll sit on the idea for a week or so but I am going to fake a illness next week as I need to have space from her, it will do me good ( also got coursework a week monday to hand in so defo gonna need time for that too). sorry it may be extreme, but I feel great when i am not there, and I dont think about her at all when I am not there, and thats what I need...

Edited April 15, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration

[esteem-jam]

Man reading this made me myself tense. I know what you talking about.

Its a bad place to be. Sometimes I ignore random females on streets, malls... I know I cant handle rejection and that look in faces that says... "uuh, swindling, weirdo"... I just turn my back before it happens.

I wish you find a way out of this.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

yea I know right... i am the same too, except for female friends, any girl i find "attractive" I completely steer away from like they have the bubonic plague.. I guess if any1 knew the answer on how to cope we all wouldnt be here right >.>...

[esteem-jam]

Also, I wanna ask you- do you feel like your personal space is bigger than anyones else? I feel like my is like 3 meters around, like its a bubble. If anyone acts somehow in "my space" I think I sub-/conciously take a stance, defensive stance, or drift out somehow.

 

It sucks that youre forced to work right next to her.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

well this is the way I see it with my personal space: if I can see said person at all.. yea their breaking my personal space... >_O.. but yea seriously though it's not like she wants to ( lord knows I dont want to) but yea I would say my personal space is fairly big >.>

 

yea the problem is working that close you feel that tension and neither me or her want to probably feel it so... yea and we have to keep interacting in a work basis ( heres the dust pan and brush, and I'll pack your order for u, ect,ect) so yea no way I can avoid her.. and while doing so u FEEL her discomfort, and that she'd rather see me drown... and it's ****ing horrible..

Edited April 15, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration

[esteem-jam]

At least in US and UK people know this term "personal space", its all over the movies. But if I told anybody to back off a little, they would re-ask: persona? personality, whats wrong with it? Its an anecdote? Whats going on... ???

 

I think its something from the theme "placing all your eggs in one basket" or "putting your happiness in other peoples hands". You are master of your own life... if someone enters your space, you can control it, control them out... so it doesnt get too complicated... like in this case.

 

Funny, when you said "my personal space: if I can see said person at all" I imagine something from National Geographic like 2 wild cats scratching and hissing at another, like enemies... or 2 hockey players that keep throwing insults even from penalty cabins... deathly enemies.

I think its something in our genes... if I would meet the problem person in jungle or savannah... only 1 would come out, alive.

Edited April 15, 2012 by esteem-jam

[TheJiltedGeneration]

At least in US and UK people know this term "personal space", its all over the movies. But if I told anybody to back off a little, they would re-ask: persona? personality, whats wrong with it? Its an anecdote? Whats going on... ???

 

I think its something from the theme "placing all your eggs in one basket" or "putting your happiness in other peoples hands". You are master of your own life... if someone enters your space, you can control it, control them out... so it doesnt get too complicated... like in this case.

 

Funny, when you said "my personal space: if I can see said person at all" I imagine something from National Geographic like 2 wild cats scratching and hissing at another, like enemies... or 2 hockey players that keep throwing insults even from penalty cabins... deathly enemies.

I think its something in our genes... if I would meet the problem person in jungle or savannah... only 1 would come out, alive.

LOL dont think I want to resort to us competing for space like the savannah but yea.. what I hate is I feel disempowered cause I have to deal with my feelings not to find a way to cope, as there were times where I would find ways to put some space ( i.e go off downstairs to the biffa bins on the pretense of throwing a few bins from our store away but also catching five to try and get myself together and keep working with her..

[davesterr]

Hi jilted, i just came back to check up on you and i am sorry to see that you're still having problems but don't feel bad since most of us all still do.

It's a learning experiance and i can see you are making progress.

 

First the good things: You have a crush on another girl.

This shows that even though you do not love her, you still have found out that there are other girls in this world that you may like.

The whole my ex was the one for me is slowly fading and the better place you will be in life where you can be happy on your own, the more you will see the negatives of your old girlfriend and realize she wasn't right for you.

She really wasn't, despite the few good times you had together.

 

Loving a girl you have never dated before as this is with the girl from work is pretty much impossible.

But the obsession or the mere thoughts of being with her can feel real and intense.

Fortunately you already know that it is nothing but a crush so don't make it a bigger deal than it is because it's not.

You're not in love, this girl at work isn't the one so stop rationalizing and analyzing and worrying, there's no need to do any of this.

 

Now to my advice: I know what you mean with feeling the same with this girl all over because like your ex she isn't giving you mutual affection, nor does she seem to care.

But what you should know is that you do not have any history with this girl.

You are not even close with this girl because you never went out on a date.

So it is not her responsibility to feel or care about you.

You are simply 2 co-workers and you happen to find her cute.

That is all. Don't think toomuch about it don't wonder what goes on in her mind or how she is feeling.

 

You acted like a jerk to her because of fear of history repeating itself.

Fear of falling for her and then getting hurt all over again.

This was a mistake to do since your past and emotions aren't her fault but then again you apologized to her so everything is solved.

People make mistakes, no need to feel guilty.

Thing is, this girl doesn't really know you...

And even though you apologized, it's not gonna turn you guys into bffs or anything like that because you weren't to begin with.

To her, you just seem like a guy she doesn't really like to work with but then again it's not like she hates you either.

The best thing to do is to just do your job and talk to her like you talk to anyone else at work.

Make small talk, some jokes here and there and basicly just try to make work less boring because truth is no one likes to go to work for fun.

 

Don't however confront her with a huge speech, talk to her about how you having sleepness nights about her and how you are crushing on her and feeling sorry or any of that which include your past and how you've been hurt and all of that.

She will not know what will hit her and will just think you are weird.

Remember, this is not your ex girlfriend and you do not have any history together.

You just can't go all serious and deep towards a person from work who's pretty much a stranger.

Remember to keep personal problems to yourself.

The work place is for working and making money only. Believe me on this.

Stay professional because people talk and you don't want to be labeled.

 

To undo your jerkish behavior mistake, just act like nothing ever happened since you already apologized and just talk about anything casual.

You already said you don't want to date her, so not worrying about it is the best thing to do.

You can't screw up a possible relationship by telling a dumb joke or saying the wrong things if you are not after a relationship so just relax, take a breathe and be yourself.

You go to work to make money, nothing more nothing less.

In the meantime do whatever you can to make it more entertaining, however if she doesn't like to casually talk back like normal people then ignore it.

Like i said: She is just a girl you have a crush on but since you don't want to date her, it's not important.

You're really making a too big of a deal about this.

 

If you really can't work with her due to not feeling any confidence then try to find a new job and only quit after you have found one.

But if you're asking me, i think you are completely fine.

You're just over reacting because you are portraying her as your ex.

She is not your ex. And all those feelings and overthinking and making a speech to apologize etc, don't do any of that.

You are just 2 people sharing work space and that is all.

 

Lastly, i would like to give you some update about myself and how i made the same mistake you are doing now.

Just like you, i met a new girl and for the longest time i was treating her like a princess.

Doing everything i can to please her, always worrying and stressing about not being good enough or all of those miserable thoughts.

Basicly i was treating her like she was the ex girlfriend who i wasn't over yet.

Projecting all my feelings of my ex over to her.

This meant affection but also fear and anxiety.

With it came the fact that my ex left my self confidence to nothing so you can tell that it was only a recipe for disaster about to happen.

Some days i felt like a nobody, like i wasn't good enough for her and i would be a jerk to this girl i've been dating.

Telling her to leave me just because i was afraid she would leave me in the future.

So in a way i was creating what i feared and only sped up the process.

I was having sleepness nights, couldn't think didn't wanna eat or go outside.

I was a mess.

 

At some point i realized: This new girl isn't my ex girlfriend.

And i do NOT love her as much as i loved my ex.

Infact it was a mere crush just like what you're having.

I was just overreacting.

Untill i realized that this was just a girl who i liked but not necessarily wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and honestly wouldn't care so much if she left me or not, things got a lot easier.

I no longer felt pressure or that feeling where you feel forced to make her happy by doing everything you can.

It was just... a girl i liked and maybe we would date and have fun, maybe we wouldn't.

It felt natural after that you know.

 

What i'm trying to say is... Don't project your ex onto this new girl.

Don't be a jerk but also don't obsess about her either.

Just be yourself, have your alone time mentally whilst working with other people.

You're at a job where you have to work together as a team so it is best to be nice to everyone and to all get along on the work floor.

This doesn't mean you have to become friends but always act friendly.

The best thing is: You don't even want to date this girl right now, so just do yourself a favor and just take it for what it is...

A girl who looks cute who's at work who you don't want to ask out.

So stop worrying like she's your ex, realize that she's just at work doing her job and right now she might not like you as a collegue but maybe along the way when you learn to be yourself and just act chill doing whatever, she might be chill with you too.

 

My last advice is: Watch 500 days of summer.

It's a great movie and i think it portrays both our situations with our exs.

Once you're in a place where you are happy in life, without needing a girl to make you happy, you will be great.

Untill you are at that place in life, you gotta work hard to get there but you are already doing that by being in university etc so keep doing that.

At a time, you will feel confident in yourself by yourself and if you look hard enough with some luck or perhaps out of no where, you will meet a girl who likes you the way you are.

Mutual feelings where it just clicks and once you experiance that, you will realize everything your ex wasn't.

 

Remember, it is better to be unhappy alone than to be unhappy with someone else.

And no friendship or relationship is worth it if it hurts you more than it does good.

I would say: Realize your crush is just a crush, don't turn her into a projectile of your ex, understand that she's just a girl you work with and nothing else, and don't quit your job.

Maybe after a while of you being your normal self all talkive etc, she will like you more as a work colleque, but for now just act like you never acted like a jerk and if it's not a big deal to you, it won't be to her.

If all the above fails, then find yourself a new job, but what doesn't kills you makes you stronger.

I feel like, even though i wasted 2 years of my life because of my ex, i now recognize signs and everything else so much better.

I may not be my old self yet, but i know i will get there and there are other girls in this world that are more right for me.

You already liking someone else is a huge step.

Now you just gotta learn not to let your fear of failure change the way you act.

When you're ready to date, you will be ready.

Untill then work hard on yourself, get in a great place in life and mostly give yourself a break by not being too hard on yourself.

The tension is only in there because you force yourself to act tensed.

Once you relax and see it's no big deal and start making small talk etc, it will light up. It's just a girl at work...

Edited April 24, 2012 by davesterr

[TheJiltedGeneration]

Wow nice to see you again Davestarr, how’ve you been? (PM me man if ya want to catch up, will be good to hear what you’ve been up too)

sorry about the l8 reply been in university and just handed in my last piece of coursework(HOPEFULLY I will do well).

 

But yea the suitation with the girl in work is pretty much open and shut and I am gonna try and treather as just a silly little crush and nothing more. Emotions are really powerful, but sometimes they can really obscure logic and common sence. To be frank a lot of what I went through that day was due to repressed feelings venting themselves in a bad way as I was stressed with coursework, and stressed that I might bump into my ex again while I hand in said coursework . It was that sence of hopelessness in a suitation and the fact that she was probably scared sh**less that she tried to avoid me, translated to me that I wasworthless and not worth her time; but the truth is I don’t know the girl, and probably have nothing on common, so why care about it =). I think it was just fortifying my self esteem issues more than anything, but hey the stressful suitaiton with uni has elapsed (and hopefully I’ve passed) , and thus should be a bit more well-receiving of such suitations in work, now that I aint as stressed overall.

 

About me; improvement is slow, but its improvement none the less. A massive stage of my life has ended, and I am now in a position where I can officially move on. The last association to her was going to the same uni but just handed in my last piece of course work and guess what I DONT HAVE TO GO BACK TO UNI ANYMORE. no more uni = no more ex =D.

Since we met last, the suitation with my ex has been bumpy, and I do have off days where I miss her, that expected, but now.. I HONESTLY can’t see any possible way for us to get back together.. and you know what I am totally fine with that.

 

We passed a major point of no return, their were a lot of factors that make the relationship fail, but the one thing that really sealed the deal for me.. is that all the time I’ve been with her.. I’d NEVER been happy. I realised that everytime I was with her, our entire arrangement was ALWAYS on her terms, whether it was what we did, how we hang out and for how long. She never pulled her weight or tried to meet me half way, or even do anything in the interest of making me feel good, it was always her her her her her.... All the effort to try to "GET" her.. to try and get close.. well it made me miserable… it felt like I wasnothing, like I could never please her or reach her level, like she was elevated about me..

 

 

But it hit me.. you know .. Love shouldn’t make me feel Lilliputian it shouldn’t make me feel like I am garbage or that I am the affliction or whatever, a truth lover a good lover, would have shown concern about what therelationship was doing to me, how it was making me self-destructive and how Inearly did some stupid things. If she really cared, if she really loved me, shewould have not only made the effort, but she would have bloody well made me feel great. A girl should accomidate the best parts of who you are, and not besuch a selfish skank that they bring out the worst in you ( works vice versa too , but u guys/girls know what I mean). We had simularties in terms of hobbies, butyou know that wasn’t enough as emotionally we were on opposite sides of the spectrum, and she had no empathy to understand or care how she made me feel andhow her actions affected me.

 

I am at fault too as really what was really happening behind the veener of it all was not love.. but desire… and that was the only reason why I wasallowing her to treat me like sh**.. "a way in which you would'nt treat your worst enemy" which was something u said a while back dave =).

 

What I need to do is (in my own time when i am ready) find a woman who I click with emotionally and interest wise. BUT ABOUT ALL! Who actually cares about who I am and how I feel.

 

We’ve been affected in a similar way dave, in that our ex’sreally curb stomped any self esteem but u know what good riddance to bad rubbish, the only way they had purchase in the relationship was that theyplayed hard to get, but besides that they were maladaptive too and couldn’t probably give anything meaningfull anyway. (the only kindness my ex returned to me EVER was atoffee crisp bar… A TOFFEE crisp bar.. that was it.. heck I know for a fact that nice hug from her would have been so much nicer than anything like that… but hey she hated any contact anyway, so maybe I should have got her a anti-static bubble get get by in the world as thats how she feels is the best way to live right now, to live in a massive bubble.. )

 

Like you, I’ve kind of learnt the signs of what to expect of a girl and how to act accordingly. It’s like maya angelou said “if someone shows you who they really are believe them” if they start ignoring you, never return your calls, or make a effort … then guess what.. they are not worth it. They are not better than you, infact sometimes in reality they are quite worse, and usually the affection u had for them or elevating them, putting them on a pedestal was because u saw something in them that you wanted, or u feel would make you feel better about ur own shortcomings. And love just can’t work like that… so you know what **** DATING and all that meaningless crap I WANT TO FEEL GREATABOUT MYSELF FIRST!!

 

I am gonna be taking up a few things now, learning Japanese lookingfor a job, drawing writing reviewsonline on a blog and alsoperfecting my akuma s3 game as well

 

Sorry if the post is abit light in terms of content and abit simple.. been abit haggard recently due to my university commitments and just finished my last dissertation today which I kind of was up all night last nighttrying to finish. Like I said maybe when I am a bit switched on , maybe have a chat pm wise to catch up..

Edited April 25, 2012 by TheJiltedGeneration