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Taking a break from this....

Imajerk17

By Imajerk17
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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Another online date with a woman whose personality evaporated when we met up. I'm not sure whether it is she (they) or whether I'm the problem, but I need to do some soul-searching.

 

I'm definitely a believer in being positive and soldiering on, but right now I just really need to take a break from this. I'm sitting here with a headache. And my ego is having me pursue girls I'm not sure I even like.

 

Felt like sharing...

Edited by Imajerk17
SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

Posted
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Another online date with a woman whose personality evaporated when we met up. I'm not sure whether it is she (they) or whether I'm the problem, but I need to do some soul-searching.

...

 

I know that your comment is pretty self explanatory but what do you mean by that?

Cracker Jack Established Member

Cracker Jack

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Yeah, there's nothing wrong with taking a break. I'm sure the process of dating can be quite draining at a certain point. What was it about her personality that turned you off?

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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I know that your comment is pretty self explanatory but what do you mean by that?

 

Chatty in emails and even in phone conversations, but much less so in person.

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Yeah, there's nothing wrong with taking a break. I'm sure the process of dating can be quite draining at a certain point. What was it about her personality that turned you off?

 

It just kind of felt like I was on the date by myself. The conversation would stall out and after a couple of minutes I would restart it. We didn't have that easy flow we had talking on the phone. And the worse part is that I am now taking it somewhat personally.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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Maybe she expected you to look different. Maybe she was nervous. Maybe she has low self-esteem and was expecting you to reject her so created a self-fulfilling prophecy as many on this forum do.

SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

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Chatty in emails and even in phone conversations, but much less so in person.

 

It was a first date. People get nervous. I dont know I wouldn't write her off so quick.

SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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On my last date we had zero convo flow and that was after spending a couple hours together. At one point she was literally staring at her food with a sad look on her face. I felt bad because I liked her and I really tried to get it going by asking questions and things. My insecurity makes me blame myself so I thought mabye I didn't "set the tone" if you will. But it shouldn't be a blame thing, regardless who's at fault because both parties need to make an effort during a conversation. I'm a decent conversationalist but am looking at books to buy on conversation skills.

verhrzn Established Member

verhrzn

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Yeah I'm right there with you. I made all of the changes that you suggested, and still haven't gotten any responses. That, in combination with stuff I've read on this forum, has compelled me to give up.

 

Maybe you'll find that after you take a short break, you'll be re-charged and a little more clear-sighted about why you're picking these particular women. In this case, I might suggest seeing if she's back to talkative on the phone/email, and if she is, giving her a 2nd date... she might have just been really nervous/had an off day.

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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Yeah I'm right there with you. I made all of the changes that you suggested, and still haven't gotten any responses. That, in combination with stuff I've read on this forum, has compelled me to give up.

 

Maybe you'll find that after you take a short break, you'll be re-charged and a little more clear-sighted about why you're picking these particular women. In this case, I might suggest seeing if she's back to talkative on the phone/email, and if she is, giving her a 2nd date... she might have just been really nervous/had an off day.

 

Well, this woman says that she only got 6 emails in the few months she has been on there. That is surprising as she is definitely not bad-looking.

 

That said, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you to get some more responses V!

serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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It just kind of felt like I was on the date by myself. The conversation would stall out and after a couple of minutes I would restart it. We didn't have that easy flow we had talking on the phone. And the worse part is that I am now taking it somewhat personally.

 

Aw, I'm projecting onto this woman, but I bet she was just nervous. Maybe she really liked you and didn't want to blow it. Self-fulfilling prophecy, sadly.

 

Anyway, I don't think you should take it personally, it probably wasn't you at all. Meeting someone face to face can be more nerve-wracking than even a phone convo, especially for someone who's a bit introverted. Again, this is me projecting. ;)

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firehawk_1 Established Member

firehawk_1

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believe me mate, I know how you feel. you have no idea the things I go through... women make it such a bad name for online dating and relationships in general. then they blame men as its the easiest thing to do. it definately isnt you.... trust me.

 

too many unrealistic fakes out there. far too many. then they moan and complain they cant find a decent man even though you are giving it your all, on a gold platter FOR FREE :rolleyes:

 

i sympathise

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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believe me mate, I know how you feel. you have no idea the things I go through... women make it such a bad name for online dating and relationships in general. then they blame men as its the easiest thing to do. it definately isnt you.... trust me.

 

too many unrealistic fakes out there. far too many. then they moan and complain they cant find a decent man even though you are giving it your all, on a gold platter FOR FREE :rolleyes:

 

i sympathise

 

Thanks for the kind words man. I'd tell anyone though: Keep at it! People do find happiness but you have to go through a tough road to get there. Meanwhile, a break for the time being isn't a bad thing....

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daphne Established Member

daphne

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That's a good idea. It does get stale after a while. Even when you date a lot. I don't want to date a ton more people. I just want that one.

 

Are you sure she wasn't just introverted? Did you ask if she wanted to do something again soon?

 

Either way, I have taken breaks for months at a time. Dating and emailing is exhausting. I make repairs on the house, get my life in order. Complain about men. Rinse repeat. Then I go back on there. lol

 

If anything, I get a great deal of entertainment from the stories I have generated from some maladjusted guys.

 

Maybe try meetup for a while? A friend of mine does it and it seems like a good idea in theory.

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SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

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@OP: Are there any pluses to consider a second date? Common interests, attraction? If you clicked on the phone she may have been nervous so I wouldn't write her off just yet.

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Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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You know what, I will call her again tonight. What is there to lose.

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