SGB Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Hi, Need your input on my situation as now i feel like i have met a deadend and can't think anymore about it. Let me start the story from when me and my husband met. We met when both of us were on rebound. We hit it off as friends and then developed the relationship over years by giving comfort and understanding to each other. All was well till my daughter came. She was unexpected and too soon for us to settle in new life. Anyways, we kept going but somehow the feeling of friendship and comfort evaporated over the years. My husband was a serious relationship before meeting me and his heart was trampled over by that girl. According to him that made him close his heart for too much emotions. He said and still says that if he has met me before he would have been like normal husbands romancing and everything. I understood and gave him the benefit. But as the year passes i feel like i have missed on my chance of having a normal relationship. Even after all this discussions between us we want to make it work as we do love and care for each other and can't seem to think about anyone else. The real problem started when i was not aware of my inner feeling and i became so angry with him over the years that i said pretty mean stuff to him when i lost control. I would immediately realised my mistake and everything would be ok till my next anger attack. Now i have controlled my anger to a decent limit..that is i don't just start shouting. Now about him, he is a very talented and nice person and i am lucky to have as a husband. but his history of bad relationships in family and personal life has made him to expect too much from me, as if i have to be perfect. he realises his mistake that he is putting to much pressure on me for everything. He is a acheiver and he is in different country right now to do his masters. thats make more difficult to work on this relationship.. now the situation stand that we have become so scared of being in each others company that we don't know what comes next? we are not fun anymore...but we are normal with other people. i know this have come to be a long story but i don't want to live like this thinking that he is not happy with me but he is having fun with his friends and vice-versa. Any input would be hight apprecaited at this time of darkness...:-)
january2011 Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 In my experience, most people go into a marriage with some kind of baggage. However, it's unfair on the current partner if he/she is being 'punished' because of previous hurts. There's no doubt that the change of focus and investment of energies from the couple to the child can also put a strain on a marriage, especially if the couple haven't had time to enjoy and settle into married life. And the long-distance adds yet another dimension to your already fragile relationship. If talking about it between yourselves hasn't proved fruitful, perhaps it's worth considering outside help through therapy: marriage counselling and individual counselling for your anger and his closed-heartedness. It's important if you go down this route that you are both committed to trying to make it work and are open and honest. Otherwise if one partner is left to do all the heavy lifting, resentments are likely to arise, further weakening the bond between the two of you.
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