She said she lost feelings but said she still loves me...

[bmunoz23]

I have dated this girl for a year plus and we both agreed that it was some of the best times of our lives when we were together and did things. We loved each other a lot and it was easy to see. She went off to school in New York and I am in Oklahoma. We went the whole school year dating, there was only about 3 more weeks of school left and then we got into an argument and she got really heated and started telling me really hurtful things like "i dont have the same feelings for you". Id always tell her how i can see myself with her for the rest of my life because she was just special, she made me feel complete and she would agree and said she felt the same but during this fight she would say things like "the timing of finding someone maybe wasnt right" and "its kind of ridiculous to say things like that, we cant tell the future" and i agree but i knew she cared for me alot. So she wanted to take a break and we did but that same after noon she regretted it and said she loved me too much and so on. A couple of days later we got into it again and I could tell something was up, then she said again that "she doesnt know if she feels the same" she said she loves me and the possibilty of getting back together will be there but that the distance has made it hard and she doesnt feel like our connection is as strong so we broke up . I find things very weird. I was trying my hardest to make sure things were good and to make sure we could get back to being happy after the fight when she wanted to take a break but i felt like she wouldnt try as hard at times and at times i felt like i was just letting it get to my head that she isnt happy so i know that didnt help. Also, her roommate also was in a long distance relationship and a couple of weeks ago broke up with him because she didnt "feel the same for him" but based off of what my girlfriend had told me it was because her boyfriend was acting bad and partying alot and wouldnt talk to her the same. I am afraid that her roommate might have infulenced her or convinced her to let other things make her decision.

 

I know we couldve made the long distance thing work becasue we did for about 6 months. I know she still loves me too because she said she did and it was hard for her to break up and she left the possibitly of getting back together there. we had something to special to just throw away but I am worried about what the real reason may have been... could there be someone else? she said no, it was merely the distance. her roomate? she also said no to that but i find that strange.

 

I love this girl to death, so can someone just tell me how I should go about this? how should i talk to her/try to get her back? what should i do or how much room to give her to let her regain her "feelings"? I know she still does love me, i can just tell but i feel like she just needed some space most of all but i dont want to lose what we had. I know i want to be with her and want to get her back because i know im the right guy for her and that despite all of this we can make it work.

 

Thank you

[january2011]

Not only do you have the long distance but you're both experiencing a lot of change - a new environment and new friends. It can be overwhelming and is enough to set two people on very different life paths with different goals.

 

I think it's best to respect her decision. Go NC so that you can clear your head, get some perspective and focus on your studies.

[Eddie Edirol]

Theres nothing you can do. Theres no way for you to complete against college guys in NYC. They are there in her face, and if she needs physical affection (which we all do) its much easier to dump you and date someone there. Not only that, but she had 6 months of distance from you to have a chance to lose any love she had for you to prepare for this. Going to NYC is like her making a new life, starting from scratch, big city dreams, so she has to leave you behind.

 

She might still have some love left for you, but shes not in love with you anymore, and thats all that counts.

 

So all you can do now if go complete no contact. If she doesnt want a relationship with you, tell her she cant talk to you, thats it. Go no contact, let her miss you. Let her see that she made a mistake. But dont count on it. You cant go without seeing a woman in a serious relationship for 6 months straight. So youre better off finding someone locally, and for get about your ex for now.

 

She doesnt want space, she wants to forget you entirely, thats why she broke it off. She told you that you might connect later to avoid hurting you more. She couldnt be honest and tell you that she has no intention on doing that. Her friend probably convinced her to break it off with you, while she broke it off with her bf so that they can find new guys and date around in NYC. You cant compete with that, not while chasing her. So since she is willing to throw away what you "had", its obvious in her mind that you didnt have enough to keep this going, so leave her be.