My story

[Eric St. Caulfield]

Hello,*

 

I am very glad that I found this forum. I don't find that anyone around me understands my situation. This forum will hopefully provide me with a community of mutually benefitial communication. If nothing else, at least I'll get to put my story out into the world. This is very cathartic.*

 

The past: Lisa and I met 8 years ago through mutual friends. I was immediately taken, and courted her for a while. I was much more worldly than she. She had never been with anyone sexually, I had many partners up to that point. Like most relationships, it was very intense at first. Her religious beliefs at the time had her break up with me a few times, but within the first 6 months, we moved in together. I didn't know it at the time, and didn't know it until the end of last year, but I have type 2 bipolar disorder. The disorder causes me to have severe memory and concentration issues. * This, combined with my off and on jealousy/ego issues caused her to slowly fall out of love with me. Lisa and I are both well educated, the majority of our 8 years where blissful (according to both of us), and our sex life was very satisfying 90 percent of the time. We had a very good thing. About two years ago she became very depressed which caused her to stay at home most of the time, drink and become mean when drunk,*and gain a lot of weight. It was very difficult to be around her not because of the weight, but because of her severe depression. Although it would have been easy to leave her then, I didn't. This past December I agreed to let her sleep with a mutual friend because she had never had the experience of another man (we'll call him "Jake"). This was a huge mistake.*

 

Now: A month ago, after a couple therapy sessions to work on our communication, Lisa sat me down and weepingly said she was not sure if she was in love with me. *She said she wanted to start a trial separation. She would live with her mom for 2-3 weeks, and then tell me if she wanted to continue the relationship. We had a no contact rule, but we both have broken it. We even have had sex twice. I have sunken into a deep depression. Although I excercize almost daily, I am only taking in about 900 calories a day, if that. I can't usually sleep. When I do, I am plagued with nightmares. I recently got custody of my biological son (Lisa's step son) with whom I had only visitation rights before. Lisa knew about my attachments to him since day one. She feels "trapped" because she wants to travel, yet i cannot move away because of my son. I am failing in college now. I am the director of a very large festival that is only a week away. I have started a job in sales, which is very foreign and frustrating to me. Lisa just told me it will be until May before she makes up her mind. She recently applied to attend university hundreds of miles away in the same town where Jake lives.*

 

I should add that my son is 8. His biological mother, my ex-girlfriend, is going through a divorce and is all but absent. My son is depressed, moody, and very difficult to get along with. I try very hard to be a living parent. I am involved in his schooling and activities. I have him seeing a psychologist. My current relationship struggles with him is making this very hard, although I want to keep him and believe that I am a much better alternative to his mother.

 

What do I do?*

Edited April 15, 2012 by Eric St. Caulfield
Addition

[january2011]

You focus on your commitments and responsibilities: mental and physical health, Jake, new job, directorship.

 

Jenna/Lisa wants time - give her that, and the space to think about what she wants to do.

 

I must say though, if you're looking for a reconciliation, it doesn't looking hopeful given your diverging life paths and disparity in life goals.