AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I've made a big naive mistake of threatening her to tell her coworkers of her past (She slept with her boss to get a promotion) because I couldn't take her taking down my ego every day. This girl used to say I am the perfect bf.. etc.. because I really treated her like a princess. Now we have broken up because of this. But if someone asks how I was as a bf, will this mistake outweigh all the nice things I have done for her?
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Leave it as a threat - don't stoop so low. the fact you're posting to ask, just shows you know it wouldn't really be a good idea....
oldguy Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 "We tend to remember best the last thing we did". If that quote is true, & I think it is to a great extent then at least for awhile I would think it would. I guess another way to view it would be; you can either maintain or tarnish a relationship but it's the last thing you did that will have the most lasting effect. Did you actually carry out the threat?
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 (edited) Ofcourse I didnt. I loved her.. But she, however, called cops on me and that last memory she left me is somehow diminishing in my brain. EDIT: It's been a while since this happened (3 months) which might explain why im slowly losing sight. Edited April 15, 2012 by AltoidsCan
Radu Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 This girl sounds like poison. However, if you really want to get to her (though it's best you don't) know that you will make a mistake (sounds like you need to get the last word in) and you should probably send her boss's wife a letter too, besides talking with her boss's boss. PS: Is she a lawyer ?
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Now I have no intention to harm her in any way. She was the women I loved and I want it to stay that way. Despite all of negativity, I still find myself seeking for her. She still occupies my brain and what not. I thought things have gone smoothly after we apologized to each other (Well.. I apologized first) but when I tried to reconnect with her, I have received a cold response: "I do not want to have any connection with you in any way" This really made me curious if her memories are full of my last words to her during the relationship. It's quite unbelievable how she can go from telling me how I am a perfect man to this. It was a great life lesson. PS. She wouldnt need to sleep with someone to get a job if you're a lawyet I think.. No, she's not a lawyer.
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I thought things have gone smoothly after we apologized to each other (...)when I tried to reconnect with her, I have received a cold response: "I do not want to have any connection with you in any way" Cool move. Best move ever. She's initiated No Contact. trust me, she's doing you a huge favour. This really made me curious if her memories are full of my last words to her during the relationship. It's quite unbelievable how she can go from telling me how I am a perfect man to this. It was a great life lesson. People do the 180. It's partly to put you off pursuing them, and partly to protect themselves from nostalgic melancholy. go No Contact. Really, it's for the best....
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Do you mind explaining that a bit further? Why is that she's doing me a favour? You think she's doing this for my sake? What do you mean by 180? I am confused. :S
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 When a person is dumped, the best thing they could do to accelerate their own recovery, and mend a broken heart - is to go No Contact. (See Caliguy link in my signature.) You have maintained contact with her, and the only thing you've succeeded in doing is ripping out the stitches and opening the wound. Persistent contact will do that... So, the favour she has done you, is to insist on no contact. No she's not doing it for your sake - but it's the best thing she could have done...in the circumstances. She has completely turned her back on you (the 180 degrees) and is effectively turning the emotion on its head. love - 180 - indifference. (the opposite to love, isn't hate, it's indifference....)
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I forgot to include a point that she did initiate a contact from time to time to talk about the past and to apologize. This really confused me because for someone who wants to turn 180, there is no point for them to make things any better. and she dumped me. (It's obvious)
oldguy Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I forgot to include a point that she did initiate a contact from time to time to talk about the past and to apologize. This really confused me because for someone who wants to turn 180, there is no point for them to make things any better. and she dumped me. (It's obvious) She dumped you, she felt bad & broke no contact to apologize. I'm assuming she didn't mention anything about the 2 of you reconciling when she apologized. The point is, maybe she apologized for her not you. As difficult as this is I would move on.
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Yeah, when she apologized, she did not mention about reconciling. I'm confused by the way you said she apologized for herself, not me. Why would she need to apologize for herself? To make her look better? Why is that needed when she has no intention to reconcile? Even then, I don't understand why it's worth breaking the NC rule.
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I forgot to include a point that she did initiate a contact from time to time to talk about the past and to apologize. This really confused me because for someone who wants to turn 180, there is no point for them to make things any better. and she dumped me. (It's obvious) there's every point as it makes them feel better. contact of that kind is never for your benefit, it's for theirs. Read the Caliguy NC guide. ut works. He's living proof... The man worked in the same building as his ex - and in the end, it was her climbing the wall in desperation. Not him. you need to read it, then read it, and then read it again, and copy, paste, print and take it with you everywhere....
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Why would she need to apologize for herself? To make her look better? Why is that needed when she has no intention to reconcile? Even then, I don't understand why it's worth breaking the NC rule. It's worth it for her purposes.. it puts her 'in control'....
oldguy Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Yeah, when she apologized, she did not mention about reconciling. I'm confused by the way you said she apologized for herself, not me. Why would she need to apologize for herself? To make her look better? Why is that needed when she has no intention to reconcile? Even then, I don't understand why it's worth breaking the NC rule. You said things ended poorly & that she said unflattering things about you. Assuming she's a nice person she may have been feeling guilt for doing so and apologizing was intended to clear her conscience. You are left confused at her suddenly breaking NC & being nice. Thats it. I would except her apology & move on. Sorry.
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I have read it. Will give it another read once it fades. Thanks.
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Ah.. Got it. Thanks for your insight. Although my topic kind of veered off towards a wrong direction, this was a very helpful talk. It doesnt matter how she pictures me in her brain but I hope I don't remain as a bad person because thats not who I am.
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 no. Never let it fade. read it, learn it, digest it and understand it - so that you don't come back and ask dumb questions such as "she texted me, what should I do?" Or I saw her in town today what should I do?" Or I have some of her stuff here, what should I do?" it's all in there... so the questions actually never need asking... but people still ask them....
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 (edited) Although I totally agree that I should pursue with NC in my case, I am actually incline to say this strategy might change case by case. Let me start by saying that I am no expert when in comes to relationships. However, I do believe that there is someone out there that I will spend the rest of my life with. The chances are, I will still have to date this person and spend some time before I marry her. This means there will be times we will fight and ultimately break up for a short period of time. When this happens, would I use the NC tactics you recommended? It's written on the first couple paragraph that this tactic is not intended to get your girl back. It's rather a technique used to steer women away. Now, can you say to me I should use NC whenever I have trouble with a girl? My answer is no. We are living a life. **** can happen. I believe some people might actually have lost their true love by listening to other user's advice (to go NC) which is very unfortunate. People ask questions because they have hopes that their situation can be solved. Some cases might but most are impossible. But like my share of story, people hope for that little chance. Thats all. Edited April 15, 2012 by AltoidsCan
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Let me start by saying that I am no expert when in comes to relationships. However, I do believe that there is someone out there that I will spend the rest of my life with. The chances are, I will still have to date this person and spend some time before I marry her. This means there will be times we will fight and ultimately break up for a short period of time. No it doesn't! that's a ridiculous pov, if you'll pardon me saying. If you're sensible, and you're committed and your communication is up to par - there's absolutely no reason why you should break up....for any period of time.... When this happens, would I use the NC tactics you recommended? It's written on the first couple paragraph that this tactic is not intended to get your girl back. It's rather a technique used to steer women away. Now, can you say to me I should use NC whenever I have trouble with a girl? if you break up with her - or she with you - you have to question your own role and capability of being in a relationship to begin with. the whole point of a relationship is to maintain it and avoid the breaks, If breaks occur, it's because your communication skills are poor, or your ego's inflated, or you're just not compatible. And no, it's not a technique to steer women away. Read it again. NC is designed for you to heal. My answer is no. We are living a life. **** can happen. I believe some people might actually have lost their true love by listening to other user's advice (to go NC) which is very unfortunate. If they were really your true love, you'd both be eager to give it another shot. As it is, it's usually one-sided. which means you weren't that person's true love - or they weren't yours.
Author AltoidsCan Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Ah.. I guess so. Maybe it's just because I got out of an unhealthy relationship. Hopefully the next one is a lot better.
Pyro Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 And that is relevant, because.......? :laugh: I give you credit for trying to reason with one.
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I give you credit for trying to reason with one. i wasn't reasoning with it. I was confirming my suspicion.
dasein Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 OP, absent rationalization and whitewashing you will get here on LS, truth is that with a vast majority of women, take the worst thing you did to her during the relationship, exaggerate its seriousness up to the level of a crime you could either go to jail for, or something you could be sued for, and that is what she will tell both her close and extended social networks about you. She will tone it down when talking to those who are squarely in your corner, so you may never realize how bad she slandered you, but for everyone else, you are the equivalent of Sauron the Dark Lord. There is nothing you can do about this, no remedy, trying to defend yourelf just makes it worse, because in Femerica, everything women say is believed and everything men say is doubted, so just accept it as a reality. Moreover, you could be a -perfect- BF and still get the exact same treatment. Truth has no bearing at all on their likelihood to do this. In fact, it will take her less than a week to rationalize and fantasize a completely alternative bizarro reality and REALLY BELIEVE IT. She will end up believing her own lies miraculously quickly. Courts will not even seat a jury for this kind of pervasive slander that women do, so they freely do so with aplomb. They slander their "friends and family" too constantly, just not to the degree they do it to exes. In your particular case, she won't use your threat as the "kernel of truth," but will likely pick something else, exaggerating you raising your voice into physical or emotional abuse, or if you drink at all, that will be exaggerated into abusive alcoholism. It will be something that paints her as a pitiable victim and you as a monster, and threatening to tattle on her just doesn't rise to the level of monstrosity they need to suck up the maximum amount of sympathy from their support group. If you don't believe me, the next time you are dating someone new, and going forward every time you date someone new, when the talk gets around to exes, and they will always bring this up, listen very carefully to how they describe theirs. If "things just didn't work out" you have gotten extremely lucky, and are dating one of the 25%. If their exes are a string of hideous, abusive criminals, you are dating one of the 75%, and rest assured, when you stop dating, she will slander you in exactly the same way.
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