Mme. Chaucer Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 TigressA, I am asking you this without judgement. I am well aware that there is a lot going on that people don't share here on LS. But I am really curious. Not long ago, you were posting that you were sure this ex of yours and you were going to be together for the rest of your lives. You accepted a lot of difficult things because of your love for him. Now it seems like you are completely over the whole thing. You are living in the apartment you shared, surrounded by his belongings, probably furnished with all of his furniture and it seems to have no impact on you. Do you have any feelings about all that? Or are you just completely done and moved on? 2
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 If I cared to talk about my ex and the situation with him, I would have made a thread about my ex. But I have not. That's all I have to say about it.
veggirl Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Maybe this guy has a small iota of professionalism and knows better than to get involved with a coworker. Or maybe he just isn't interested romantically. Who knows. I don't understand wanting to "have some fun" aka casually sleep with (?) a coworker. Doesn't that...reek of awkwardness for the future? 3
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Maybe this guy has a small iota of professionalism and knows better than to get involved with a coworker. Or maybe he just isn't interested romantically. Who knows. I don't understand wanting to "have some fun" aka casually sleep with (?) a coworker. Doesn't that...reek of awkwardness for the future? At this point I'm on the default assumption of no interest, what with the number thing, but I thought I'd get some other perspective(s) on the situation. I'm personally not concerned with awkwardness, as it'd be easy for us to avoid each other if something happened between us and then soured.
johan Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I don't think anyone here can figure out what's going on with him. You would be better off not assuming anything either way. There are lots of possibilities. The more you think about it the more invested you will get in one answer or the other. The truth for you will become whatever you fantasize it to be instead of what is reality.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Is it just me or does it seem typical that one day someone on here is crying about "their man" and being all emotional/dramatic and telling you how they can't let go, then the next day or weeks later It's a post about a new guy entirely! Like wtf! lol I'm starting to lose track...man this is crazy, women just move on way too fast..It's mind-boggling and must be exhausting to be a woman. "I'm looking to have some fun with my office crush; I see him as an ideal candidate for it. It'll be lovely to have him as a friend if he isn't interested otherwise. I'm not looking for anything remotely serious so I won't be crushed." Like really? Famous last words right there...weeks later It'll be about how emotionally attached you are feeling and whether we think he wants something serious or not. Should I just predict the next three posts and comment on them accordingly? might save some time! 4
phineas Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 He knows nothing about my situation. We haven't discussed dating and/or relationships even in a general sense. I do know he's single and looking--he was one of my 'quiver' matches on OKC. Phineas: Split from my now-ex last weekend after 6 weeks of doing an LDR, am taking over the lease on our place by next month. To be perfectly honest, I dated a woman who had a mortgage with her ex & the drama was too much. If you told me your situation i'd keep my distance until the lease was actually in your name. Until then he can just show up & boot you. right? I really wouldn't want to deal with that myself. I also shy away from women that have any connection to an ex when kids are not involved. 2
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I don't think anyone here can figure out what's going on with him. You would be better off not assuming anything either way. There are lots of possibilities. The more you think about it the more invested you will get in one answer or the other. The truth for you will become whatever you fantasize it to be instead of what is reality. Yes, that's very true. So I'll just go on my merry way and it'll play out the way it's supposed to.
jobaba Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Is it just me or does it seem typical that one day someone on here is crying about "their man" and being all emotional/dramatic and telling you how they can't let go, then the next day or weeks later It's a post about a new guy entirely! Like wtf! lol I'm starting to lose track...man this is crazy, women just move on way too fast..It's mind-boggling and must be exhausting to be a woman. "I'm looking to have some fun with my office crush; I see him as an ideal candidate for it. It'll be lovely to have him as a friend if he isn't interested otherwise. I'm not looking for anything remotely serious so I won't be crushed." Like really? Famous last words right there...weeks later It'll be about how emotionally attached you are feeling and whether we think he wants something serious or not. Should I just predict the next three posts and comment on them accordingly? might save some time! LOL man! What a hilarious post. I wish I could move on that fast. It takes me long enough to get over women I haven't even gone out with.
january2011 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Is it just me or does it seem typical that one day someone on here is crying about "their man" and being all emotional/dramatic and telling you how they can't let go, then the next day or weeks later It's a post about a new guy entirely! It's not typical of the site in general but there are a handful of posters who are high profile and post in this vein. 2
phineas Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Just because he's flirting with you doesn't mean he wants to take it further. I flirt with women at work all the time but there's no way I'd sleep with any of them. Getting involved with someone you work with is a bad idea for a number of reasons. While you appear to have a cavalier attitude towards the potential risks, other people may be more cautious. I've found avoiding dating in the workplace along with not flirting just makes them want to date you. WTF?!? Ya pretty much gotta tell them "I've had a crush on you for yrs" in order for them to give up completely.
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'm starting to lose track...man this is crazy, women just move on way too fast..It's mind-boggling and must be exhausting to be a woman. Think of emotion as the ocean and the ladies as surfers catching a wave. A skilled surfer manages the energy of the wave to propel themselves along and knows when to cut out of the wave to avoid it dying out and/or coral impact. Paddle back out, catch another wave. Some are short yet exciting; others long and fulfilling. This crush is one of the former. That's my take.
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Do men fail to notice patterns? Who ever said that men are logical? tigress has been pulling away from her ex for a long time. It's no surprise she's moving on quickly. As for this guy, I agree with johan. See how it unfolds. 1
johan Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 tigress has been pulling away from her ex for a long time. It's no surprise she's moving on quickly. It was a troubled relationship between two poorly matched people. Neither one seemed to have the maturity either to take steps to fix it or to end it in a straightforward way. On the other hand, it seems fair to expect it to have some significance. Moving on so quickly makes it seem more like they dated casually for a few weeks, instead of having lived together and been together for many months. If you're that invested, it takes time at least to regain your balance. It seems likely that her focus on this new guy motivated the split. And also that finding someone to go to bed with is a great way to slap the ex in the face. 6
threebyfate Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Finding someone new helps to break the neurochemical addiction to the ex. It's why rebound relationships are so prevalent, where some work due to inherent compatibility and others don't since they're solely a form of transference, glossing over underlying personality incompatibilities.
dasein Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Think of emotion as the ocean and the ladies as surfers catching a wave. A skilled surfer manages the energy of the wave to propel themselves along and knows when to cut out of the wave to avoid it dying out and/or coral impact. Paddle back out, catch another wave. Some are short yet exciting; others long and fulfilling. This crush is one of the former. That's my take. That pretty much works... if you add that the waves are also human beings with feelings. Sucks to be a wave.
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 It was a troubled relationship between two poorly matched people. Neither one seemed to have the maturity either to take steps to fix it or to end it in a straightforward way. On the other hand, it seems fair to expect it to have some significance. Moving on so quickly makes it seem more like they dated casually for a few weeks, instead of having lived together and been together for many months. If you're that invested, it takes time at least to regain your balance. It seems likely that her focus on this new guy motivated the split. And also that finding someone to go to bed with is a great way to slap the ex in the face. I did make clear in a previous thread that no one else motivated the split. Other things that were actually important took precedence--like my own well-being, for instance. I did post that I was extremely stressed out and making myself ill, losing weight, getting chronic headaches, being unable to sleep. I am not concerned with my ex outside of practical issues that still exist, so I couldn't care less about getting revenge on him. Why would I even want to? I broke up with him. I don't care to kick him when he's down.
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I was so stressed and worried when he was away that when I finally split from him, aside from the temporary stress of looking for a new place, I felt instantly better. I started sleeping better, the headaches went away, I was able to start eating more. I'm still working on that last part; I lost more than 10 pounds that I need to gain back. And with that, I'm not making any more comments on my ex or my relationship with him in this thread. Any other comments that are made about him or it won't be addressed by me.
FitChick Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'm personally not concerned with awkwardness, as it'd be easy for us to avoid each other if something happened between us and then soured. True, but not so easy to avoid the gossip that will linger on.
Star Gazer Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Friday he was still emailing me (he's working on the drawing I requested) and he dramatically upped our interaction outside email--eye contact, smiling, talking to me when we saw each other on breaks. That's how I engage all of my coworkers, male and female. I don't think you're getting mixed signals. I haven't read any yet that suggests he's interested (but I could have missed it).
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 I do agree the behavior you emphasized in that post isn't very remarkable on its own merits, SG. However, it's that it was there where it just wasn't at all before, in addition to the emails. Previously, it was just the emails. Also that same day, I spotted him on his lunch when I was on my last break. He asked me to sit with him but I didn't have much time left and I went back to my desk instead. I really don't have much to go on because we work different shifts (I start 2.5 hours earlier), and we sit apart from each other. At this point I'm assuming he isn't interested, based on him not having used my number.
Star Gazer Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I do agree the behavior you emphasized in that post isn't very remarkable on its own merits, SG. However, it's that it was there where it just wasn't at all before, in addition to the emails. Previously, it was just the emails. Also that same day, I spotted him on his lunch when I was on my last break. He asked me to sit with him but I didn't have much time left and I went back to my desk instead. But (as I think someone else said), this is just all "getting to know your coworker" behavior. Over time, the amount of contact increases. Honestly, it sounds the same way my coworkers and I interact, and have interacted, as we've gotten to know each other better. Two in particular that I can think of are very happily married men. *shrug*
TheBigQuestion Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 If I cared to talk about my ex and the situation with him, I would have made a thread about my ex. But I have not. That's all I have to say about it. If you post large amounts of details about your dating life on LS, you are not afforded the luxury of having people answer your dating questions without knowing your background. Be assured that everyone's posts in this thread are informed in some way or another within the greater context of your dating life regardless of whether they point it out directly like Mme Chaucher. If you don't want to be bothered with having other people call you out for what they consider inconsistent or immature behavior, there are plenty of message boards you can sign up for and post with a clean slate. Just a hint. 2
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 They have the right to ask questions; I have the right to refuse to answer them if I deem them off-topic. IMO, what they wanted to know didn't have anything to do with the topic at hand, so I didn't see it as helpful ITT. I'd be perfectly fine with answering via PM at their request.
Jane2011 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Only read the OP and some of the first few responses. I read an article maybe five days ago about how people age 18 to 25 or so are much more relaxed about having at-work romances. They don't make a big deal out of it the way older people do. I tended to agree with the article that people are paranoid about work-related situations. It's no big deal. People relate and mate at work all the time. It's pretty much like school when you're older. It's not always a disaster, and even when it is, that's life. Even non-work-related romances are disasters, often. What're ya gonna do? I venture to say that most work-related romances don't turn into the big drama that many make it out to be, where one person eventually has to quit. I worked in an office environment for five years where people were constantly dating each other, and no one ever quit. Maybe some sour feelings for pockets of time, sure, but people generally didn't quit because of it. I think people adapt to what they need to adapt to. I used to wonder how people could stand seeing their exes after a break-up, but some people I talked to said "It's not my ideal, but if you work together or go to school together, you kinda have no choice, and you adapt accordingly." I met so many guys at work when I was younger. So many people get together with someone at work and end up staying with them for a long time. My sister's been with a guy for 16 years who she met at work, married for 13. I'm not saying it's 'ideal' but I wouldn't be shaking my head in disapproval either. To the OP, I think the guy's interested. He's just being careful at this point.
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