tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 (edited) I'm looking to have some fun with my office crush; I see him as an ideal candidate for it. It'll be lovely to have him as a friend if he isn't interested otherwise. I'm not looking for anything remotely serious so I won't be crushed. It's fun getting to know him. We've been chatting throughout the day through work email for more than a week. He's initiated the chats half the time. We were hardly communicative at all outside of email. Thursday I asked him to draw me something for my cubicle; he agreed. I gave my number to him when I left for the day, along with my request for the drawing. I didn't tell him what it was. No phone contact. Friday he was still emailing me (he's working on the drawing I requested) and he dramatically upped our interaction outside email--eye contact, smiling, talking to me when we saw each other on breaks. He still has not put my number to any use. I'm slightly confused. I'd appreciate a little insight. I am putting a stop to the work emails, as a friend of mine is being pretty adamant in warning me away. Our supervisors/HR/etc can and do read what we send and receive and if it goes on for too much longer we could both get pulled aside. Edited April 15, 2012 by tigressA
Radu Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 And this is how it starts ... Is it at least easy to get a new job in your field of work ?
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 If I was worried about getting fired, I would've posted in the business section. I'd very much appreciate on-topic responses. 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 if you are a woman, you should know what to do. you play games all the time and get what you want.... im just sayin!
Radu Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Even animals at the Zoo know better than to **** where they eat.
EasyHeart Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'm not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for. It all sounds quite normal to me. He's getting to know you.
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Hm. Okay, I can get with that. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for when I first posted, but now I know. I'd like to know if I'm possibly underestimating his interest just because he hasn't used my number. I realized I can be really...impulsive...and it can be difficult for me to get that not everyone moves at the same pace.
EasyHeart Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Well, keep in mind, too, that you work with this guy and that means (assuming he is interested), he has to move much more cautiously. If you meet a guy at a bar or a party, it's pretty much understood that you're there to meet people to date. If you're at work, it's very different. He doesn't know if you're just being nice because you're a cool person and a good co-worker or because you want to **** his brains out. So any kind of work relationship is going to move much, much slower than it is with someone you meet socially. 1
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Well, keep in mind, too, that you work with this guy and that means (assuming he is interested), he has to move much more cautiously. If you meet a guy at a bar or a party, it's pretty much understood that you're there to meet people to date. If you're at work, it's very different. He doesn't know if you're just being nice because you're a cool person and a good co-worker or because you want to **** his brains out. So any kind of work relationship is going to move much, much slower than it is with someone you meet socially. This is what I need to remember, too. Thanks. I'm used to moving quickly, but the environment we're in is not at all conducive to that. However, I gave him a way to get to know me outside of work and he hasn't taken advantage of it. This is what is making me assume he's not interested in anything other than having a work friend.
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'd appreciate a little insight. What does he know about your former boyfriend/cohabitant? Is he aware of the current circumstances in that regard? As an example, based on long life experience, if I were to interact with such a woman and was aware of her relationship circumstances, my LTR-centric style would preclude me from initiating contact for dating simply because she's too 'fresh' from her old relationship. I don't do casual sex so perhaps another male can be helpful in that regard.
phineas Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 What does he know about your former boyfriend/cohabitant? Is he aware of the current circumstances in that regard? As an example, based on long life experience, if I were to interact with such a woman and was aware of her relationship circumstances, my LTR-centric style would preclude me from initiating contact for dating simply because she's too 'fresh' from her old relationship. I don't do casual sex so perhaps another male can be helpful in that regard. What is her situation?
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 (edited) He knows nothing about my situation. We haven't discussed dating and/or relationships even in a general sense. I do know he's single and looking--he was one of my 'quiver' matches on OKC. Phineas: Split from my now-ex last weekend after 6 weeks of doing an LDR, am taking over the lease on our place by next month. Edited April 15, 2012 by tigressA
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 So, in all your prior interactions, you've never mentioned a boyfriend or your cohabiting arrangement? Some guys, even casual sex guys, have a boundary of not getting involved with someone who isn't single. How does he know that you're single and available? Has he asked you? My apologies if I'm not up on all the details.
zengirl Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Yeah, there's really no way to know what he's interested in. I had a relationship that emerged similarly from a work situation once -- it wasn't really clear whether he was truly interested or just friendly at first. It's hard to really escalate such relationship potentials in the workplace, and they take time and openness to develop. I mean. . . you had a boyfriend like 5 minutes ago. Did he know about that? Does he know about the breakup? In the case of my R that started from work, we were both in other Rs when we first met and I knew I'd broken up -- mine happened first -- but not that he had, so it made me think his friendliness was just friendliness even when he was trying to ask me out (he asked me for drinks one time, after work -- I couldn't go -- and I said I had to get up super early and demurred, which was true, but had I realized it was a date attempt (I thought it was like drinks his whole department was having -- I was in another dept, but hung out primarily with his -- and that he was still in an R, etc), I would've said, "How about (specific date)" instead of the "wish I could, totally another time!" type thing I said (and meant, in a friendly way), for instance. I do think fixating on this now is playing with fire, T. This is not the way to heal, generally. But good luck with whatever you want to do.
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 So, in all your prior interactions, you've never mentioned a boyfriend or your cohabiting arrangement? Some guys, even casual sex guys, have a boundary of not getting involved with someone who isn't single. How does he know that you're single and available? Has he asked you? My apologies if I'm not up on all the details. The only time I mentioned my ex was as an ex, after we split--we were talking about what we had in our cubicles and I mentioned I had these little decorative charts/lesson points he made for me to have up there. We hadn't had much interaction at all before we started emailing. And just in case anyone asks, I'm not looking for a relationship. I did also make that clear in my initial post.
jobaba Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'm looking to have some fun with my office crush; I see him as an ideal candidate for it. It'll be lovely to have him as a friend if he isn't interested otherwise. I'm not looking for anything remotely serious so I won't be crushed. Like someone posted somewhere earlier, familiarity breeds attraction and feelings. You might not have feelings now, but they might develop and then having to see him every day (or him you) is not going to be fun. But if you think you can handle it, then go for it. I wouldn't ever go for a coworker again knowing what I know, but I'm more emotional than most people.
2sunny Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Maybe he's waiting for you to grow up. Wou need to get fixated on that before dating anyone new. Work on you TA. 2
carhill Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 The only time I mentioned my ex was as an ex, after we split--we were talking about what we had in our cubicles and I mentioned I had these little decorative charts/lesson points he made for me to have up there. We hadn't had much interaction at all before we started emailing. And just in case anyone asks, I'm not looking for a relationship. I did also make that clear in my initial post. If I'm reading right, he knows your current relationship is over. OK, ball in his court. He has your number. Leave it at that. If this wasn't an office situation and your primary goal remained casual sex I'd suggest pursuing him but that could be problematical at work, depending on the work culture in play and being cognizant of how this job is important to continuing to pay the rent on the new lease at the ex'es apartment. Perhaps a crush on someone outside work? Lots of attractive men out there.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 Just because he's flirting with you doesn't mean he wants to take it further. I flirt with women at work all the time but there's no way I'd sleep with any of them. Getting involved with someone you work with is a bad idea for a number of reasons. While you appear to have a cavalier attitude towards the potential risks, other people may be more cautious.
SmileFace Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I have no problems with casual sex or rebounding or whatever you are doing but why in the work place? Like someone said earlier since it is a work environment he may be trying to take things slow and that is not what you are looking for.
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 If I'm reading right, he knows your current relationship is over. OK, ball in his court. He has your number. Leave it at that. If this wasn't an office situation and your primary goal remained casual sex I'd suggest pursuing him but that could be problematical at work, depending on the work culture in play and being cognizant of how this job is important to continuing to pay the rent on the new lease at the ex'es apartment. Perhaps a crush on someone outside work? Lots of attractive men out there. Yeah, I'm leaving it where it is. I've done enough. I gave him my number primarily because I'd like to get to know him outside of work, and secondarily because of my coworker friend warning me away from the continuous correspondence using work email. She was the one who encouraged me to give it to him. I suppose I'll find out more about his interest once I quit responding to the emails.
RovingReporter Posted April 15, 2012 Posted April 15, 2012 I'd let him read every thread you've posted on LS so he understands what he's getting into 3
Author tigressA Posted April 15, 2012 Author Posted April 15, 2012 Maybe he has a girlfriend. He's single. He vaguely mentioned it once. And I saw him on OKC yesterday; he was one of my 'quiver' matches. He's actually my best match within 25 miles. I haven't visited his profile at all. I don't really want to make my presence on there known to him any more than it has to be, as I've done enough.
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